Now, while Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 wasn’t really a good movie, it at least had SOMETHING worth salvaging. But, I’m sure there’s something good to be found in this movie, right- No…. No, nothing at all. This movie has nothing to salvage. Everything is bad. So the movie follows a young girl named Nancy, who starts to have dreams of a man with a burnt face, a fedora, and a striped sweater…. It’s obviously Freddy Kruger. I could talk about Freddy but, don’t worry. I’ll get to him in a bit. Anyway, people start dying, and Nancy and the gang have to go on a mystery hunt to stop the evil Freddy and tell him “Stop it”. That sounds pretty silly the way I described it. The remake doesn’t do it any better. The reason why I think the characters in the first movie were more believable than the ones in this one, is probably because (Besides the fact that back then, they had this thing called acting talent), is because they were more believable than the ones here. And why… Well…
Alright, so I would put “Spoilers” here, but since I don’t want anyone to watch this movie. So, the characters in this movie all went to the same preschool, like some sort of Tiny Toons bullshit. Oh, and not only did they all go to the same preschool together, but they all went to the same preschool that had a gardner, who just so happened to be Freddy Krueger… I am not making this up, people. This is what they put into the movie. And guess what… It gets SO much worse. So, Nancy was always Kruger’s favorite child, which is why she was the only one who didn’t die. Maybe if she was killed, it would save us this movie. As it turns out, Freddy has killed the entire population of children in Springwood. And I mean every last child. Freddy just so happened to kill every last kid in the entire town of Springwood, and yet, no one noticed unless preschooler Nancy just told them. Yeah, that makes sense. The movie also tries to describe how Freddy was killed with no evidence, making you think he was just murdered like some wild animal because of this, to make you feel sorry for him. Yeah, feel sorry for a crazy child killer slash possibly molester. Why not?
Okay, let’s talk about Freddy in this movie. For the beginning of the movie, they tried to keep Freddy’s face hidden… Keyword is “tried”. But, when they gave us a full, easy-to-see reveal… Oh my god… How do I describe it… Well, pretty easily. It’s stupid… awful… a complete disappointment (Not that this movie wasn’t disappointing already), and just a complete waste of time. Freddy’s face reveal is just… awful. This is what you wanted a burn victim serial killer to look like? This!? He looks like a kindergartner trying to make one of the Close Encounters of the Third Kind aliens with Playdough. This just looks awful. Also, they tried WAY too hard to make Freddy serious, when that isn’t his character at all. Freddy was a villain who was scary because of the enjoyment he got out of killing. That is what made him scary, but also gave him a sense of black humor. Here, there is no humor… or effort into his character.
Lastly, there’s the special effects. You either have gallons and gallons of blood that look like they aren’t actually part of the human body, or you have a bunch of poorly done CGI that just looks bad. Like the scene where Freddy appears through the wall. In the original, they used velcro to make Freddy move through the wall. It looked more realistic, more effective, and was probably way more cheaper to make. Here, they just use CGI that looks like it was rejected even by 1970’s B movie standards. It just looks so bad. But the blood isn’t any better. Just like Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003, this movie tries to make there be so much blood, in an attempt to make it scary. I’ve said before that blood and gore isn’t scary. Mortal Kombat has blood and gore, and that game is actually kinda silly when you look at it. Here, the movie is just trying to be bloodier than Sunday. I’ve heard that there was going to be some neat effects on Freddy though. They wanted him to look like a real burn victim instead of…. A blind mind’s recreation of the Cloverfield monster. However, the thing is, the creator’s of the film thought that Freddy would look too scary, so they just scrapped it…. It was too scary for… a horror film…. I want to just swear up a storm right now but… This movie is just so bad, I don’t even have the energy to do so.
What more can do you want from me? This movie sucks! It sucks so bad! It gets nothing right from the original, and the things that could have been done right, they completely scrapped it and just made a worse decision. There is nothing redeemable about this movie. It’s all just bad. It’s safe to say that I think we may have found the worst movie of October Movie Marathon, and it’s just a badly done remake. There are good horror movie remakes. There are many good remakes. The Fly, The Thing, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Nosferatu, The Crazies, Evil Dead. There can be effort put into a remake… This is not one of them. Take care
Up next on October Movie Marathon: The Greatest Movie EVER!... To me
Narrator: Are you looking for a dark, edgy, and serious anime. Well than get the hell out of here, because Death Note: The Re-Bridged is not for you. This time, we got more suspense.
L: Should I add one sugar cube, or two…. oh, fuck it. I’ll use all of it
Narrator: We’ve got more action
Security Guard: Hey, a bus… The wheels on the bus go ‘round and ‘round-
(Bus crashes into a building)
Narrator: And we got a motherfucking AFRO
Aizawa: ……. I don’t even know how to respond to that?
Narrator: Watch as Light eats all your fucking potato chips! Don’t miss it, or you’re ass is going down in the Death Note. Watch Light eat your fucking mother
link
Narrator: Oh, shit. Wrong show… Uh… Here’s Matsuda
Matsuda: Hey, I’m Ma-
Narrator: FUCK OFF, MATSUDA! Death Note: The Re-Bridged! Watch it! Or don’t! Fuck you! Rated PG.
L: Should I add one sugar cube, or two…. oh, fuck it. I’ll use all of it
Narrator: We’ve got more action
Security Guard: Hey, a bus… The wheels on the bus go ‘round and ‘round-
(Bus crashes into a building)
Narrator: And we got a motherfucking AFRO
Aizawa: ……. I don’t even know how to respond to that?
Narrator: Watch as Light eats all your fucking potato chips! Don’t miss it, or you’re ass is going down in the Death Note. Watch Light eat your fucking mother
link
Narrator: Oh, shit. Wrong show… Uh… Here’s Matsuda
Matsuda: Hey, I’m Ma-
Narrator: FUCK OFF, MATSUDA! Death Note: The Re-Bridged! Watch it! Or don’t! Fuck you! Rated PG.
When I said I was going to review No More Heroes 2, I meant it. When I discussed the previous game, I did mention that I may or may not review it. I said that because, wow, I have to pay double the price of the original game for NMH2. But, in the end, I did it anyway. Because I’m a sad person. But, regardless, here it is. This is a game no one expected would be made. No More Heroes seemed like such a niche game that was fun, but nothing to warrant a sequel. But, low and behold, here it is: No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle.
~Story~
Now, you all know that I love the first No More Heroes...
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~Story~
Now, you all know that I love the first No More Heroes...
Art by Alinah_09
Now, there are a lot of enemies in video games. And I means a LOT! However, there are also the ones that are… terrifying. Now, before I start, some rules. These are only games that I played and only one per franchise. Also, I AM including enemies from horror games, as long as they are scary. Also, they need to have originated from video games, so that means that Slender Man, SCPs, and the Aliens from the Alien games are all out. Now, lets start the list.
#20: Big Sisters from Bioshock 2 - Now, these enemies aren’t all that scary themselves. Its more of the backstory of them...
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Big Sister
#20: Big Sisters from Bioshock 2 - Now, these enemies aren’t all that scary themselves. Its more of the backstory of them...
So, Final Fantasy VI was a good RPG on the SNES. I hear a lot of people say that it is the best. But that can’t be true. Undertale was based on Earthbound, not Final Fantasy VI, so how can it possibly be the best when the best game ever wasn’t inspired by it. Okay, but seriously, this joke is terrible. Here’s Chrono Trigger.
Chrono Trigger takes place in the modern day… of 1999, following Crono, a bright eyed little Akira Toriyama drawn boy who, along with his friends, are send through an adventure across time to stop a space parasite known as Lavos from destroying the world in...
So I was never too big into sports, and in short, I was never too big into sports games. I have minor understanding of basketball, but only cause my brothers are fans, I never understood the appeal of football, and I think I won’t offend anyone when I say soccer is boring. But I was really interested in the art of skateboarding… until it died and no one cared anymore… The game is Tony Hawk’s Underground.
Tony Hawk’s Underground starts in good ol’ Shithole, New Jersey, where you play as a skater with huge ambitions to be a pro skater, not for money, not for fame, but for the...
I like Bayonetta better than Devil May Cry… Fuck you, fight me. Let’s not waste another second and let’s talk about it.
Bayonetta follows, well, Bayonetta, an Umbra Witch who was sealed in a coffin five hundred years ago before she resurfaced, with no memory of her passed and a legion of Heaven’s angels hunting her down. So, with the help of bar tender and badass Rodin, scumbag Enzo, and totally not Yuri Lowenthal, Luca, she travels to a far off city in hopes of getting answers, while also killing as many angels as she can. So like I said before, Bayonetta is fucking awesome. You...
So when it comes to talking about the best Zelda game out there, two of them usually come to mind. The majority think of Ocarina of Time, and while that is a usual pick, some would say that Link to the Past is the best. And while I like both games, but also like other Zelda games more, it’s clear which one I prefer over the two
Link to the Past follows, who else, Link, as he is called upon by Zelda to go on a quest to save Hyrule from being turned into the Dark World where Ganon rules, and must gain the help of the Seven Sages to do so. Being one of the few SNES games that I have played,...
So Devil May Cry 3. Yeah, I bet you all were expecting it to be high on the list. After the disappointment that was 2, we needed a real good one. And a damn good one we got, so let's talk about it right no-
Smooth Criminal has already stolen this review
Today I'm taking over to review what is probably my favorite Devil May Cry game, Devil May Cry 3 Dante's Awakening.
For those not aware, Devil May Cry is a character action series developed by Capcom, created by the director of Resident Evil 2 and who would later go on to create the Bayonetta series, Hideki Kamiya. The original title,...
Okay, I’m gonna stop talking about the stupid sock puppet, I swear to god… Okay, I lied, but not right now. So Tim Schaffer, a well respected game designer (At the time), who made may games like the Monkey Island franchise, Day of the Tentacle, and Grim Fandango. But it was clear he had the ambition to do more than just that. And more, he did do. An open world game with a-list actors and a huge soundtrack of licensed music. And that game was Brutal Legend.
The game follows Not-Jack Black, Eddie Riggs as he enters a mythical world of heavy metal torn by war, and now joins a resistance...
In 2014, I decided to sink into many different fandoms that I thought were pretty neat at the time. I found myself in many of them
Anime
Creepypasta
And, as shameful as it is to admit, MLP
Each and every time, I crawled my way out and managed to find myself out of the cringe pit that was some of those things. It was a hard struggle to find my way out of the cancer, I was able to find the light of reality and bask in the sweet release. And while I don’t blame the creations themselves, I could never return to those things. I left, never to return to them, never to find myself...
continue reading...
Anime
Creepypasta
And, as shameful as it is to admit, MLP
Each and every time, I crawled my way out and managed to find myself out of the cringe pit that was some of those things. It was a hard struggle to find my way out of the cancer, I was able to find the light of reality and bask in the sweet release. And while I don’t blame the creations themselves, I could never return to those things. I left, never to return to them, never to find myself...
