SWORD:
1:
Mastersword as an interviewer: Hey princess Twilight. Good having you here.
Twilight: Sure.
Sword: First off. How dose it feel being the forth princess ever?
Twilight: (barely even lessoning) Yes. I wouldn't be here without my friends.
Sword: That's nice. But the question is, how dose it make 'you' feel. YOU!?
Twilight: (still barely lessoning) Yes. That is diffently a question being asked. And I'm confident in my friends. And getting it done.
Sword: Okay.. Have to be honest with you. I feel like this interview. Is going absolutely nowhere. You answered 'none' of my questions. You kinda sound like a broken automatic response system, that's only been tought 4 phrases.
Twilight: (not lessening) Thanks. It's been an experience.
Sword: *annoyed* Yeah it has!
Twilight: *listing stuff about friendship*
Sword: What are yo- *looks behind him* Are you reading cue cards wait now!?.. What is this!?
Twilight: *still reading off them*
Sword: (proving point to audience) What's your name lady!?
Twilight: .. Dedication.
Sword: (angrily to camera) Her name is dedication!.. You know what, (storming off) this interview is over!... *offview* WHERE'S GOD DAMN BEER!?
2:
Saten: (a year or two ago) Excuse me. I'm looking for the owner this business?
Mare: Wait though there (points at Master Swords office)
Saten: (starting going in).
Master Sword: (hiding behind wall) Come on. Come on.
Saten: (walks in) Excuse me I-
Sword: (tackles him and start violently beating him up)... (stops).. Sorry. (pants). I thought you were the mafia.
Saten: N No I'm Saten Twist.
Sword: Who?
Saten: I've been asked to interview you.
Sword: Interview!?. (eyes narrow) Well. You can't interview a dead man now CAN YOU! (jumps out the four story window, and ends up going into ambulance, and he waves evily to Saten, as Saten watches him get lifted into the ambulance).
3:
Iron will: Welcome. To Iron wills show on being assertive.. Here's how being assertive works. You take down who's bigger then you.. Example. Who's the toughest pony in the crowd?
Sword: (there with Fluttershy) Well. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I believe I hold the extinction o- (gets grabbed by Iron will and gets violently beaten up from off view).
Iron Will: Alright. Know who's the funniest?
Sword: I know my way around a jo- (starts getting beat up again).
4:
Twilight: (sleeping soundly).. (she is suddenly awaken by a loud gunshot) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? (runs done stairs, and suddenly gasps)..
Master Sword: (holding pistol, and Santa Clause is seen laying dead from a bullet though his head).. (groans). Before you start.
Twilight: Jesus christ!
Master Sword: (annoyedly) Okay! Before, you, start!
Twilight: HOLLY SHIT!
Master Sword: (annoyed) You gonna let me explain!?
Twilight: (angry) Yes Sword! I would love to know why you shot and killed, FATHER CHRISTMAS!
Master Sword: ... He startled me!
Twilight: (annoyed) HE STARTLED YOU!?
Master Sword: He! Startled me!
Twilight: (sarcastically) Oh, guess he should apologize than!
Master Sword: Well. That'll be kinda hard, cause.. I shot him..
Twilight: Great... So what now.
Master Sword: Well. Looks like I better save Christmas..
Twilight: You can't be serious!?
Master Sword: I don't see any other opinion..
Twilight: ... You planned this, didn't you!?
Master sword: Whaaaaat!? No!
Twilight: You planned this! I know you did!
Master Sword: You honestly think I wou-
Spike: (comes out, in elf costume) Hey Sword. The sled is ready, an. (sees twilight). Uh oh..
(long pause).
Master Sword: You would not believe how cheap that elf costume was.
Twilight: (starts growling)
Master Sword: (happily) I stole it.
5:
Saten finally took a train back to Ponyville.
Loud police voice: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND ASSHOLE! (Saten freaks out and hides on the ground surrendering) I'LL SHOOT YOUR LEGS OFF!
Master Sword: (comes into view, driving police car). Hahaha! Gotcha.. Naw, it's just me.
Saten: Sword? You scared th- Oh shit, did you steal cop car!?.. That's crazy!
Master Sword: No, what's crazy. Is leaving it unintended, anyone cold of stole it.. Prove.. I did!
Saten: But dude! You can't steal police cars! You know how illage that is!?
Master Sword: Pffffft, who will pull over a police car.
Saten: I- ... Wow., your actually right.
Master Sword: Have I ever NOT been right?
(shows an image of Saten about to be lite from a powerful cannon in a very dangerious and unprofessional way, and Master Sword giving him thumbs up, as it was Master Sword's idea).
Master Sword is still driving the police car, Saten is now in the passinager seat.
Saten: I still can't believe you pulled this off dude.. And now your even speeding.
Master Sword: Yeah wel-
Radio: Car 53, we're you heading in such a hurry?
Master Sword: zoh shit that's us.. Uhhh... There's uh., bank robbery.
Radio: There's a bank robbery!?
Master Sword: Yes, we're.. We're heading their now! (turns on the Sirons and starts speeding).
Saten: Dude, we're are you going!?
Master Sword: Didn't you hear! Theirs a bank robbery!
Saten: What!? No theirs not-
Master Sword: PROTECT AND SERVE MOTHER FU-
Master Sword waved a loaded pistol around the bank.
Master Sword: YOUR BEING ROBBED!
6:
Master Sword: Why'd you bring me to Cake N' Bacon for our third date, I HATE this place!
Derpy: I told Cranky I could get 'em printed for cheap, but that meant hiring somebody with no experience using a printing press... Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Sword: To prove my hatred of this place, I'm gonna leave a lousy tip...under fifteen percent!... And then I'll send my meal back, even though it's EXACTLY what I ordered!
Derpy: Is it possible we're having two different conversations?
Sword: How should I know, I'm not listening to you!
7:
Saten finds Sword at a control room, somehow allowed to smoke weed. Saten grabs a microphone. ''Sword, whatever you don't press the Destruct button!'' Saten shouts.
Transmitted into the booth: Sword (Static) Press (Static) Destruct button!
Saten (stoned): sure thing pretty lady.
Saten: Don't do it! You'll kill everyone!
Transmitted: (Static) Do it! (Static) Kill everyone!
Sword very very slowly reaches his hand/hoof to the button, even lampshading this by saying ''Sure is taking me a long ass time to reach it.''
Saten begins panicking, where suddenly Glaze walks in with a security guard outfit. ''Saten look I have a new jo-''
Saten immediately grabs the handgun she was licenced to have. ''Hey!'' she shouts.
''Must, kill, best friend!'' Saten cried, firing three shots though the glass, all three hitting Sword in the chest. But he just stands there.
''Damn it man fall backwards'' Saten groaned.
Sword dramatically paces all over the room, landing on his stomach, near the button.
''Phew.'' Saten said.
Sword suddenly flips over to his back, inches from the button.
''Phew.'' Saten said.
Sword's tongue sticks up, pressing the button.
Saten; Aw, YOU STUPID SON OF A-
The town violently explodes in a nuclear explosion,.
8:
Sword goes to turn on the TV but finds static.
Sword: (calmly) Hmm, cables out.. Maybe I'll have a beer, annnnd there's no beer in here, haha, how lovely.
Derpy: Sword, wow, your taking this very we-
Sword: I'll kill you! I'LL KILL ALL OF YO-
Derpy: Sword!
Sword: Kidding, kidding, maybe I'll check out that axe cellection.. See you later (leaves).
9:
Master Sword: I've been waiting for this all year.. (pulls out the turkey) Giving you people the bird.
Saten: Oh.. (hand goes to the turkey) Looks so go- AH! SHIT!
Sword: (stabbed the hand with large fork) Neh uh.. Not til we say grace.
SATEN: (a character I found became better over time, I don't much like most of his old roles, I find he gets better in Season 4.. Will have to remaster it if I ever publish them)
1:
Pinkie: Dash made a bet with Spike that she'll make him fall in love with her.
Saten: Annnd. Your taking advantage of your friends by going into their personal business by betting money on it.
Pinkie: I... Guess.
Saten: No fair! I was gonna do that!
2:
Saten: Fired!? Why am I fired!?
Boss pony: Cause you only been here a week, and you keep getting drunk on the samples.
Saten: Okay. Not gonna lie.. I 'might' be an alcoholic.
3:
Saten: Soo.. Ponyville is being invaded by huge vine-like plants? And the princesses have been captured?
Twi: Yes.. Except for me.
Saten: (turns to AppleJack) Hey.. Remember how you keep saying "only when hell freezes over".. Well.. I think this qualifies..
AppleJack: What are ya talking abo-
Saten: (thinking it might be some kind of "end of the world" deal, Saten suddenly kisses her on the lips, much to her complete shock).
4:
Discord: So.. Guess they're gone.
Saten; Yeah.. I can do anything I want. (takes out the weed bong again)
Discord: Umm.. I don't think they were stopping you from taking that.
Saten: Yeah. But they 'were' stopping me from robbing you bu- screw it. Give me your wallet!
Discord: Excuse me!?
Saten: You heard me I said (points knife) GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!
Discord: *(nervously hands it over)
Saten: (takes it).. This wallet sucks.. You have bad stuff.
5:
Sword: Your cousin single.
Saten: I guess wh- Oh no.. No way. Don't even think about it!
Sword: Just once.. Please.
Saten: No... You just end up hurting her.. And I'll end up killing you.. And not simple killings either. I mean like really creative killings. Like in those SAW movies.
Sword: (ends up asking her out anyway)
Saten: She'll never agre- (Derpy agrees)
Derpy: Saten. He's not even as dorky as you say he is.
Sword: Wha-
Saten: Well.. I still loved pranking him anyway.
Derpy: (laughs) you did?..
Saten: Yes.. I remember I use to put fibreglass shards in his gym shorts. Every time he had to take a pee. He'd come back crying. *Saten and Derpy laugh*
Sword: It wasn't funny. It was painful.. Wasn't so much the fiber. As it was the glass!.. I had to get a urethra transplant.. And those are COSTLY!
Sword: You should hear his more recent ones.. (to Saten) Tell her what you did a the other day.
Saten: Well.. I mailed a wild hog to house the other day.
Sword: (angrily) THERE'S GIANT PIG WITH HORNS! LIVING IN THE BASEMENT!
Saten: Plus.. The time before that. We were suppose to have a sleepover at his house., I was planning to sneak laxatives into his cereal.. But the sleep over got canceled so I couldn't get him with that one.
Derpy: Ohh... But the idea was still there.
Saten: Oh! Differently (they high five)
Sword: (arrogantly) HE DIDN'T GET ME THOUGH! He didn't get me... DidyougetmeSaten? Didyougetme!?
Satan: No-
Sword: No! You did not get me!.. Who didn't get me... Saten Twist.
Saten: You know what.. Fuck it.. Fine. You guys can go out.. But only once.
Sword: Good enough. *leaves*
Sword: Alright Derpy.. Let's go.
Derpy: Fine.
Sword: Just remember one thing tonight. One thing.. Your cousin did NOT get me with the poop thing..
6:
AJ: (sadly) Ah.. Ah think we need ta break up
Saten: (holding large wine bottle, having finally opened it) What!? Why!?
AJ: It's.. It's just not working out.
Saten: Why!?
AJ: Well.. For one thing. Ya drink WAY ta much
Saten: No I don't! (ends up chugging down the entire bottle of wine in less then five minutes, much to AJ's shock).
7:
Trixie: I'm glad your finally over AppleJack.. Who needs her anyway. She didn't understand you.. You need someone who dose understand you.. Someone who you knew your entire life..
Saten: You mean Derpy?
Trixie: Well.. Sure.. Derpy.. But I meant some else who knew you for your entire life. And she always had a thing for you.. Who knows.. She might be sitting wait in front of you.
Saten: (oblivious) I honestly have no idea what your going on about Trixie. But your voice is soothing, and strangely I feel better.. (happily) Thanks, you always such a great friend.
Trixie: (sighs) Sure... Friend.
8:
Saten: So, in conclusion, I believe the painful sensation felt after passing a meal of spicy chillies is proof that the rectum does possess the sense of taste.
Trixie: ... I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for hearts and hoove's Day?
Saten: ... Oh, you caught that, did you?
9:
Saten: Derpy I need to your opinion about something?
Derpy: I was gonna tell you the same thing.
If I don't do something about this wrong day mishap, I'm not sure if Cranky Danky will ever forgive me.
Saten: (not listening) Trixie wants me to try being a better boyfriend. I'm not sure what to do.
Derpy: (also not listening) Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Saten: Maybe I should ask AppleJack for advice. She always tried making me a better boyfriend, but I wasn't listening at the time.. Classic me.
Derpy: I offered Danky a refund but it didn't help too much.
Saten: Perhaps I should bring an notepad. List the things AppleJack will say..
Derpy: You know what? I'll probably end up making a list of ways to fix this.
Saten: I'm glad we talked.
Derpy: I'm always here for you cousin.
Saten: Me too.
10:
Saten: I even got her autograph.
Twi: That was a restraining order.
Saten: Yeah.. But she still signed it.. It goes great next to my restraining order from Lauren Faust.
11:
Saten: Can you get the pepper, please?
Pinkie: I don't know how much longer I can last.. I am gonna explode if I don't tell somebody.
Saten: It'll be fine. Now please pass the pepper!
Pinkie: Hang on. I don't feel like you're taking this dilemma seriously.
Saten: Fine sweetie. You have my undivided attention.
Pinkie: Okay, now, the Shining said I still can't tell anyone the surprise.
Saten: (sarcastically) No way!
Pinkie: Yeah, well, it's true. But I am killing myself over here!
Saten: (sarcastically) Well, we wouldn't want that!
Pinkie: No, see? Well, you absolutely would not. And furthermore, this is getting harder than ever before!
Saten: (sarcastically) You're kidding!
Pinkie: No, I am not.
Saten: (sarcastically) This is a nightmare. How will you ever make a decision?
Sheldon You see? I don't know. What should I do?
Saten: (angrily pounding table) PLEASE! PASS! THE PEPPER!
12:
Derpy: I.. I don't know about this Saten.. This place is giving me the creeps.
Saten: Relax, it'll be fine.. (knocks on the door to a old, rusty looking, trailer).
Trevor Phillips: (opens his door) Hello?
Saten: (holds contact) Hi, do you mind signing this contact to legalize wee-
Trevor: (suddenly punches Saten square in the nose, knocking him off the steps and onto the ground) I make a SHIT load of money selling that stuff! Last thing I can handle is legalism, NOW FUCK OFF!
Saten: (holding his nose as Derpy helps him up) You could of just said no!
Trevor: What's the fun in that?
Saten: Your a dick.
Trevor: WHAT!?.. (pulls out gun) SAY THAT AGAI- (Suddenly there's an explosion from inside the trailer).
Trevor: DAMN IT MICHAEL! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SMOKE IN HERE!
Michael: (off view) Eh, shut up!
Saten: Who's your friend?
Trevor: Why are you still here!? FUCK OFF!
Saten: (angrily) You fuck off.
Derpy: (nervously grabs leaves) Cousin, the guy has a gun.
Saten: Yeah, well I bet it's not real (gets nearly shot) LEAVING! (he and Derpy run off).
Derpy: Well... That was scary.
Saten: Yeah.. But we still need a lift.. Lets ask her.
Carly Jade: (walking by) Who me?
Saten: Yeah.. Mind giving us a lift to the air port?
Carly: Sure kid, just let me put my lawn trimmings in the trunk.. (puts a suspicious looking body bag into the trunk of her car).
Derpy: Saten.. I -I think that was a body.
Saten: Yeah, I thought so two, but than she said it was lawn trimmings, gotta learn to listen Derpy.
13:
Narrator: And so, using some paper and working with glee, the happy red Pegasus made a star for the tree. Smiling the whole time.
Saten: (not smiling) There, its done, can I go now?
Critters: Ohhhh!
Beary: It's the nicest star I ever saw.
Narrator: The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile...
Beavery (smiling): How would you like to sing and dance with us for a while?
Narrator: Saten Twist smiled and said...
Stan [doesn't smile] Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go. [turns around, and walks off]
14:
Narrator: "I know!" Saten Twist said with a new happy grin, "I'll go back to the forest and speak with those critters again!"
Saten: [waves the narrator away and leaves his desk]
Narrator: He ran out the living room, turned out the light, and went back to the forest to set everything right!
Saten enters the living room, hops on the sofa, and turns on the TV.
TV: In west Philadelphia, born and raised. On the playground, is where I spent most of my days.
Narrrator: (aham) And he went back to the forest to set everything right!
Angry look on his face, Saten turns the volume up to drown out the narrator.
Narrator: He tried to ignore the issue with TV, but his conscience caught up with him, and to the forest he did flee...
Saten: (turns it louder)
Narrator: He thought he could hide from his problems - not true! [Saten rolls his eyes] He knew in his heart the thing he had to do!
Saten (annoyedly): Leave me alone!
Narrator: He knew that only by going to the forest could he -
Saten: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!.. GOD! [He turns off the TV, hops off the sofa and walks out the door, leaving the remote control on the floor.]
15:
Saten (pacing and mumbling): Stupid Maggie. Non-inventing, recipe-stealing, wanna say bitch, but still friend, maybe.
Starlight: Would you calm down. Maybe you can take consolation in that something you created is making people happy.
Saten (high pitched voice): Ohhh, look at me I'm making people happy! (flapping pegasus wings) I'm a lovely little butterfly flapping my butterfly wings! (skips around) I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, Lalalala! [leaves the room, slamming the door; pokes his head back in] Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic. [closes the door again]
Starlight (annoyed): Well, duh.
16:
Pinkie: Master Sword thinks he can fly off of his roof.
BonBon: Yeah. He could die.
Trixie: Probably.
Saten: ... Do it! Do it Sword!
Sword: I'm gonna!
Trixie: I wouldn't if I were you. Those wings don't look very strong.
Saten (gets camera out): Don't listen to 'em, dude! I'm sure it'll work. Go for it!
17:
urns out the only place Saten and Trixie can afford ends up being Stab City from San Andreas, again confirming the GTA universe to exist here, except they are all ponies. Having spent most of the money on one of the trailers alone they barely have enough for a pizza to eat, and basically have to camp as all they could afford was one lone lamp, as outside the Lost MC are having a party, Carly heard there two, but sounding drunk.
Lost MC Member knocking on neighbour trailer: Charlotte! Charlotte, I know you in there, bitch!
Female Voice: Leave me alone!
Trixie whimpers fearfully, Saten holds her.
Saten: It's okay, it'll be okay. We have light. As long as we have light, we're okay.
Suddenly Johnny Klebitz pokes his head though the window, and wordlessly grabs the lamp.
Johnny: I got more for the fire! (distant cheers)
Lost MC Member knocking on neighbour trailer: Open, bitch!
Trixie: Oh, can't we just let Sword live at the house?
Saten: And encourage his freeloading lifestyle?! No way! Look, it's just one month. We'll get used to it.
(the LostMC guy bursts down the door and gunshots are heard):
LostMC Member: Haha, you dead bitch!
Poor Trixie quietly sobs.
Saten: (holds her) It's okay. She's dead. She's finally dead. (kisses her forehead) She's dead now.
1:
Mastersword as an interviewer: Hey princess Twilight. Good having you here.
Twilight: Sure.
Sword: First off. How dose it feel being the forth princess ever?
Twilight: (barely even lessoning) Yes. I wouldn't be here without my friends.
Sword: That's nice. But the question is, how dose it make 'you' feel. YOU!?
Twilight: (still barely lessoning) Yes. That is diffently a question being asked. And I'm confident in my friends. And getting it done.
Sword: Okay.. Have to be honest with you. I feel like this interview. Is going absolutely nowhere. You answered 'none' of my questions. You kinda sound like a broken automatic response system, that's only been tought 4 phrases.
Twilight: (not lessening) Thanks. It's been an experience.
Sword: *annoyed* Yeah it has!
Twilight: *listing stuff about friendship*
Sword: What are yo- *looks behind him* Are you reading cue cards wait now!?.. What is this!?
Twilight: *still reading off them*
Sword: (proving point to audience) What's your name lady!?
Twilight: .. Dedication.
Sword: (angrily to camera) Her name is dedication!.. You know what, (storming off) this interview is over!... *offview* WHERE'S GOD DAMN BEER!?
2:
Saten: (a year or two ago) Excuse me. I'm looking for the owner this business?
Mare: Wait though there (points at Master Swords office)
Saten: (starting going in).
Master Sword: (hiding behind wall) Come on. Come on.
Saten: (walks in) Excuse me I-
Sword: (tackles him and start violently beating him up)... (stops).. Sorry. (pants). I thought you were the mafia.
Saten: N No I'm Saten Twist.
Sword: Who?
Saten: I've been asked to interview you.
Sword: Interview!?. (eyes narrow) Well. You can't interview a dead man now CAN YOU! (jumps out the four story window, and ends up going into ambulance, and he waves evily to Saten, as Saten watches him get lifted into the ambulance).
3:
Iron will: Welcome. To Iron wills show on being assertive.. Here's how being assertive works. You take down who's bigger then you.. Example. Who's the toughest pony in the crowd?
Sword: (there with Fluttershy) Well. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I believe I hold the extinction o- (gets grabbed by Iron will and gets violently beaten up from off view).
Iron Will: Alright. Know who's the funniest?
Sword: I know my way around a jo- (starts getting beat up again).
4:
Twilight: (sleeping soundly).. (she is suddenly awaken by a loud gunshot) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? (runs done stairs, and suddenly gasps)..
Master Sword: (holding pistol, and Santa Clause is seen laying dead from a bullet though his head).. (groans). Before you start.
Twilight: Jesus christ!
Master Sword: (annoyedly) Okay! Before, you, start!
Twilight: HOLLY SHIT!
Master Sword: (annoyed) You gonna let me explain!?
Twilight: (angry) Yes Sword! I would love to know why you shot and killed, FATHER CHRISTMAS!
Master Sword: ... He startled me!
Twilight: (annoyed) HE STARTLED YOU!?
Master Sword: He! Startled me!
Twilight: (sarcastically) Oh, guess he should apologize than!
Master Sword: Well. That'll be kinda hard, cause.. I shot him..
Twilight: Great... So what now.
Master Sword: Well. Looks like I better save Christmas..
Twilight: You can't be serious!?
Master Sword: I don't see any other opinion..
Twilight: ... You planned this, didn't you!?
Master sword: Whaaaaat!? No!
Twilight: You planned this! I know you did!
Master Sword: You honestly think I wou-
Spike: (comes out, in elf costume) Hey Sword. The sled is ready, an. (sees twilight). Uh oh..
(long pause).
Master Sword: You would not believe how cheap that elf costume was.
Twilight: (starts growling)
Master Sword: (happily) I stole it.
5:
Saten finally took a train back to Ponyville.
Loud police voice: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND ASSHOLE! (Saten freaks out and hides on the ground surrendering) I'LL SHOOT YOUR LEGS OFF!
Master Sword: (comes into view, driving police car). Hahaha! Gotcha.. Naw, it's just me.
Saten: Sword? You scared th- Oh shit, did you steal cop car!?.. That's crazy!
Master Sword: No, what's crazy. Is leaving it unintended, anyone cold of stole it.. Prove.. I did!
Saten: But dude! You can't steal police cars! You know how illage that is!?
Master Sword: Pffffft, who will pull over a police car.
Saten: I- ... Wow., your actually right.
Master Sword: Have I ever NOT been right?
(shows an image of Saten about to be lite from a powerful cannon in a very dangerious and unprofessional way, and Master Sword giving him thumbs up, as it was Master Sword's idea).
Master Sword is still driving the police car, Saten is now in the passinager seat.
Saten: I still can't believe you pulled this off dude.. And now your even speeding.
Master Sword: Yeah wel-
Radio: Car 53, we're you heading in such a hurry?
Master Sword: zoh shit that's us.. Uhhh... There's uh., bank robbery.
Radio: There's a bank robbery!?
Master Sword: Yes, we're.. We're heading their now! (turns on the Sirons and starts speeding).
Saten: Dude, we're are you going!?
Master Sword: Didn't you hear! Theirs a bank robbery!
Saten: What!? No theirs not-
Master Sword: PROTECT AND SERVE MOTHER FU-
Master Sword waved a loaded pistol around the bank.
Master Sword: YOUR BEING ROBBED!
6:
Master Sword: Why'd you bring me to Cake N' Bacon for our third date, I HATE this place!
Derpy: I told Cranky I could get 'em printed for cheap, but that meant hiring somebody with no experience using a printing press... Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Sword: To prove my hatred of this place, I'm gonna leave a lousy tip...under fifteen percent!... And then I'll send my meal back, even though it's EXACTLY what I ordered!
Derpy: Is it possible we're having two different conversations?
Sword: How should I know, I'm not listening to you!
7:
Saten finds Sword at a control room, somehow allowed to smoke weed. Saten grabs a microphone. ''Sword, whatever you don't press the Destruct button!'' Saten shouts.
Transmitted into the booth: Sword (Static) Press (Static) Destruct button!
Saten (stoned): sure thing pretty lady.
Saten: Don't do it! You'll kill everyone!
Transmitted: (Static) Do it! (Static) Kill everyone!
Sword very very slowly reaches his hand/hoof to the button, even lampshading this by saying ''Sure is taking me a long ass time to reach it.''
Saten begins panicking, where suddenly Glaze walks in with a security guard outfit. ''Saten look I have a new jo-''
Saten immediately grabs the handgun she was licenced to have. ''Hey!'' she shouts.
''Must, kill, best friend!'' Saten cried, firing three shots though the glass, all three hitting Sword in the chest. But he just stands there.
''Damn it man fall backwards'' Saten groaned.
Sword dramatically paces all over the room, landing on his stomach, near the button.
''Phew.'' Saten said.
Sword suddenly flips over to his back, inches from the button.
''Phew.'' Saten said.
Sword's tongue sticks up, pressing the button.
Saten; Aw, YOU STUPID SON OF A-
The town violently explodes in a nuclear explosion,.
8:
Sword goes to turn on the TV but finds static.
Sword: (calmly) Hmm, cables out.. Maybe I'll have a beer, annnnd there's no beer in here, haha, how lovely.
Derpy: Sword, wow, your taking this very we-
Sword: I'll kill you! I'LL KILL ALL OF YO-
Derpy: Sword!
Sword: Kidding, kidding, maybe I'll check out that axe cellection.. See you later (leaves).
9:
Master Sword: I've been waiting for this all year.. (pulls out the turkey) Giving you people the bird.
Saten: Oh.. (hand goes to the turkey) Looks so go- AH! SHIT!
Sword: (stabbed the hand with large fork) Neh uh.. Not til we say grace.
SATEN: (a character I found became better over time, I don't much like most of his old roles, I find he gets better in Season 4.. Will have to remaster it if I ever publish them)
1:
Pinkie: Dash made a bet with Spike that she'll make him fall in love with her.
Saten: Annnd. Your taking advantage of your friends by going into their personal business by betting money on it.
Pinkie: I... Guess.
Saten: No fair! I was gonna do that!
2:
Saten: Fired!? Why am I fired!?
Boss pony: Cause you only been here a week, and you keep getting drunk on the samples.
Saten: Okay. Not gonna lie.. I 'might' be an alcoholic.
3:
Saten: Soo.. Ponyville is being invaded by huge vine-like plants? And the princesses have been captured?
Twi: Yes.. Except for me.
Saten: (turns to AppleJack) Hey.. Remember how you keep saying "only when hell freezes over".. Well.. I think this qualifies..
AppleJack: What are ya talking abo-
Saten: (thinking it might be some kind of "end of the world" deal, Saten suddenly kisses her on the lips, much to her complete shock).
4:
Discord: So.. Guess they're gone.
Saten; Yeah.. I can do anything I want. (takes out the weed bong again)
Discord: Umm.. I don't think they were stopping you from taking that.
Saten: Yeah. But they 'were' stopping me from robbing you bu- screw it. Give me your wallet!
Discord: Excuse me!?
Saten: You heard me I said (points knife) GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!
Discord: *(nervously hands it over)
Saten: (takes it).. This wallet sucks.. You have bad stuff.
5:
Sword: Your cousin single.
Saten: I guess wh- Oh no.. No way. Don't even think about it!
Sword: Just once.. Please.
Saten: No... You just end up hurting her.. And I'll end up killing you.. And not simple killings either. I mean like really creative killings. Like in those SAW movies.
Sword: (ends up asking her out anyway)
Saten: She'll never agre- (Derpy agrees)
Derpy: Saten. He's not even as dorky as you say he is.
Sword: Wha-
Saten: Well.. I still loved pranking him anyway.
Derpy: (laughs) you did?..
Saten: Yes.. I remember I use to put fibreglass shards in his gym shorts. Every time he had to take a pee. He'd come back crying. *Saten and Derpy laugh*
Sword: It wasn't funny. It was painful.. Wasn't so much the fiber. As it was the glass!.. I had to get a urethra transplant.. And those are COSTLY!
Sword: You should hear his more recent ones.. (to Saten) Tell her what you did a the other day.
Saten: Well.. I mailed a wild hog to house the other day.
Sword: (angrily) THERE'S GIANT PIG WITH HORNS! LIVING IN THE BASEMENT!
Saten: Plus.. The time before that. We were suppose to have a sleepover at his house., I was planning to sneak laxatives into his cereal.. But the sleep over got canceled so I couldn't get him with that one.
Derpy: Ohh... But the idea was still there.
Saten: Oh! Differently (they high five)
Sword: (arrogantly) HE DIDN'T GET ME THOUGH! He didn't get me... DidyougetmeSaten? Didyougetme!?
Satan: No-
Sword: No! You did not get me!.. Who didn't get me... Saten Twist.
Saten: You know what.. Fuck it.. Fine. You guys can go out.. But only once.
Sword: Good enough. *leaves*
Sword: Alright Derpy.. Let's go.
Derpy: Fine.
Sword: Just remember one thing tonight. One thing.. Your cousin did NOT get me with the poop thing..
6:
AJ: (sadly) Ah.. Ah think we need ta break up
Saten: (holding large wine bottle, having finally opened it) What!? Why!?
AJ: It's.. It's just not working out.
Saten: Why!?
AJ: Well.. For one thing. Ya drink WAY ta much
Saten: No I don't! (ends up chugging down the entire bottle of wine in less then five minutes, much to AJ's shock).
7:
Trixie: I'm glad your finally over AppleJack.. Who needs her anyway. She didn't understand you.. You need someone who dose understand you.. Someone who you knew your entire life..
Saten: You mean Derpy?
Trixie: Well.. Sure.. Derpy.. But I meant some else who knew you for your entire life. And she always had a thing for you.. Who knows.. She might be sitting wait in front of you.
Saten: (oblivious) I honestly have no idea what your going on about Trixie. But your voice is soothing, and strangely I feel better.. (happily) Thanks, you always such a great friend.
Trixie: (sighs) Sure... Friend.
8:
Saten: So, in conclusion, I believe the painful sensation felt after passing a meal of spicy chillies is proof that the rectum does possess the sense of taste.
Trixie: ... I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for hearts and hoove's Day?
Saten: ... Oh, you caught that, did you?
9:
Saten: Derpy I need to your opinion about something?
Derpy: I was gonna tell you the same thing.
If I don't do something about this wrong day mishap, I'm not sure if Cranky Danky will ever forgive me.
Saten: (not listening) Trixie wants me to try being a better boyfriend. I'm not sure what to do.
Derpy: (also not listening) Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Saten: Maybe I should ask AppleJack for advice. She always tried making me a better boyfriend, but I wasn't listening at the time.. Classic me.
Derpy: I offered Danky a refund but it didn't help too much.
Saten: Perhaps I should bring an notepad. List the things AppleJack will say..
Derpy: You know what? I'll probably end up making a list of ways to fix this.
Saten: I'm glad we talked.
Derpy: I'm always here for you cousin.
Saten: Me too.
10:
Saten: I even got her autograph.
Twi: That was a restraining order.
Saten: Yeah.. But she still signed it.. It goes great next to my restraining order from Lauren Faust.
11:
Saten: Can you get the pepper, please?
Pinkie: I don't know how much longer I can last.. I am gonna explode if I don't tell somebody.
Saten: It'll be fine. Now please pass the pepper!
Pinkie: Hang on. I don't feel like you're taking this dilemma seriously.
Saten: Fine sweetie. You have my undivided attention.
Pinkie: Okay, now, the Shining said I still can't tell anyone the surprise.
Saten: (sarcastically) No way!
Pinkie: Yeah, well, it's true. But I am killing myself over here!
Saten: (sarcastically) Well, we wouldn't want that!
Pinkie: No, see? Well, you absolutely would not. And furthermore, this is getting harder than ever before!
Saten: (sarcastically) You're kidding!
Pinkie: No, I am not.
Saten: (sarcastically) This is a nightmare. How will you ever make a decision?
Sheldon You see? I don't know. What should I do?
Saten: (angrily pounding table) PLEASE! PASS! THE PEPPER!
12:
Derpy: I.. I don't know about this Saten.. This place is giving me the creeps.
Saten: Relax, it'll be fine.. (knocks on the door to a old, rusty looking, trailer).
Trevor Phillips: (opens his door) Hello?
Saten: (holds contact) Hi, do you mind signing this contact to legalize wee-
Trevor: (suddenly punches Saten square in the nose, knocking him off the steps and onto the ground) I make a SHIT load of money selling that stuff! Last thing I can handle is legalism, NOW FUCK OFF!
Saten: (holding his nose as Derpy helps him up) You could of just said no!
Trevor: What's the fun in that?
Saten: Your a dick.
Trevor: WHAT!?.. (pulls out gun) SAY THAT AGAI- (Suddenly there's an explosion from inside the trailer).
Trevor: DAMN IT MICHAEL! I TOLD YOU NOT TO SMOKE IN HERE!
Michael: (off view) Eh, shut up!
Saten: Who's your friend?
Trevor: Why are you still here!? FUCK OFF!
Saten: (angrily) You fuck off.
Derpy: (nervously grabs leaves) Cousin, the guy has a gun.
Saten: Yeah, well I bet it's not real (gets nearly shot) LEAVING! (he and Derpy run off).
Derpy: Well... That was scary.
Saten: Yeah.. But we still need a lift.. Lets ask her.
Carly Jade: (walking by) Who me?
Saten: Yeah.. Mind giving us a lift to the air port?
Carly: Sure kid, just let me put my lawn trimmings in the trunk.. (puts a suspicious looking body bag into the trunk of her car).
Derpy: Saten.. I -I think that was a body.
Saten: Yeah, I thought so two, but than she said it was lawn trimmings, gotta learn to listen Derpy.
13:
Narrator: And so, using some paper and working with glee, the happy red Pegasus made a star for the tree. Smiling the whole time.
Saten: (not smiling) There, its done, can I go now?
Critters: Ohhhh!
Beary: It's the nicest star I ever saw.
Narrator: The little critters cheered and Beavery said with a smile...
Beavery (smiling): How would you like to sing and dance with us for a while?
Narrator: Saten Twist smiled and said...
Stan [doesn't smile] Uh, no thanks, I'm gonna go. [turns around, and walks off]
14:
Narrator: "I know!" Saten Twist said with a new happy grin, "I'll go back to the forest and speak with those critters again!"
Saten: [waves the narrator away and leaves his desk]
Narrator: He ran out the living room, turned out the light, and went back to the forest to set everything right!
Saten enters the living room, hops on the sofa, and turns on the TV.
TV: In west Philadelphia, born and raised. On the playground, is where I spent most of my days.
Narrrator: (aham) And he went back to the forest to set everything right!
Angry look on his face, Saten turns the volume up to drown out the narrator.
Narrator: He tried to ignore the issue with TV, but his conscience caught up with him, and to the forest he did flee...
Saten: (turns it louder)
Narrator: He thought he could hide from his problems - not true! [Saten rolls his eyes] He knew in his heart the thing he had to do!
Saten (annoyedly): Leave me alone!
Narrator: He knew that only by going to the forest could he -
Saten: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!.. GOD! [He turns off the TV, hops off the sofa and walks out the door, leaving the remote control on the floor.]
15:
Saten (pacing and mumbling): Stupid Maggie. Non-inventing, recipe-stealing, wanna say bitch, but still friend, maybe.
Starlight: Would you calm down. Maybe you can take consolation in that something you created is making people happy.
Saten (high pitched voice): Ohhh, look at me I'm making people happy! (flapping pegasus wings) I'm a lovely little butterfly flapping my butterfly wings! (skips around) I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, Lalalala! [leaves the room, slamming the door; pokes his head back in] Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic. [closes the door again]
Starlight (annoyed): Well, duh.
16:
Pinkie: Master Sword thinks he can fly off of his roof.
BonBon: Yeah. He could die.
Trixie: Probably.
Saten: ... Do it! Do it Sword!
Sword: I'm gonna!
Trixie: I wouldn't if I were you. Those wings don't look very strong.
Saten (gets camera out): Don't listen to 'em, dude! I'm sure it'll work. Go for it!
17:
urns out the only place Saten and Trixie can afford ends up being Stab City from San Andreas, again confirming the GTA universe to exist here, except they are all ponies. Having spent most of the money on one of the trailers alone they barely have enough for a pizza to eat, and basically have to camp as all they could afford was one lone lamp, as outside the Lost MC are having a party, Carly heard there two, but sounding drunk.
Lost MC Member knocking on neighbour trailer: Charlotte! Charlotte, I know you in there, bitch!
Female Voice: Leave me alone!
Trixie whimpers fearfully, Saten holds her.
Saten: It's okay, it'll be okay. We have light. As long as we have light, we're okay.
Suddenly Johnny Klebitz pokes his head though the window, and wordlessly grabs the lamp.
Johnny: I got more for the fire! (distant cheers)
Lost MC Member knocking on neighbour trailer: Open, bitch!
Trixie: Oh, can't we just let Sword live at the house?
Saten: And encourage his freeloading lifestyle?! No way! Look, it's just one month. We'll get used to it.
(the LostMC guy bursts down the door and gunshots are heard):
LostMC Member: Haha, you dead bitch!
Poor Trixie quietly sobs.
Saten: (holds her) It's okay. She's dead. She's finally dead. (kisses her forehead) She's dead now.
Now, video games have a lot of thieves. However, what no one told you was that video games have a lot of thieves THAT SUCK! So, today, I want to talk about the Top 5 Worst Thieves in Video Games. Note that these have to be thieves. They can’t have committed any other crimes. So, the guys from GTA are all out. Now, with that, lets start the list
#5: Team Rocket from Pokemon - Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, this is the anime. I thought we were talking about video games”. Well, Pokemon is based off a video game, plus this is my list, so I’m counting them. Team...
continue reading...
Team Rocket
#5: Team Rocket from Pokemon - Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, this is the anime. I thought we were talking about video games”. Well, Pokemon is based off a video game, plus this is my list, so I’m counting them. Team...
Man, I am just pumping these articles out today. Must be that sweatshop ambition. I don’t have a lot of arcade games that I am super fond of. Not that I hate them or anything, it’s just that most of my experiences in arcades were playing the original Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter II and Third Strike, and Tekken 3. So yeah, most of them were just fighting games. Those joysticks just work so well with fighting games. But one arcade game that caught my interest was one game by Sega, known as Crazy Taxi.
Okay, first off, I never actually got the chance to play Crazy Taxi in arcades. I...
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. Pingas
It was a wonderful day in Canterlot, until some ponies started panicking.
Con: What's going on?
P: Discord is back, and he's murdering more ponies!
Con: I'll stop him!
Discord: Keep it up! Everypony in this town must die!
Korean ponies: Affirmative! *kill each other*
Discord: Don't kill each other! Only kill the ones that live here.
Con: *shoots Discord*
Discord: You really think that pistol of yours will work?
Con: I shot you in the arm! Why aren't you bleeding?
Discord: Because, I'm invincible!
Con: *takes away invincibility* Not anymore....
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see.
Song: link
Salt Lake City, 1966
Mustache Man: *Walks into a room with a woman*
Woman: *Taking off her blue dress, and goes into bed with the man*
Bill: *Watching in disgust from his brand new Pontiac GTO with a pair of binoculars. He puts them away, and opens a can of Budweiser. He drinks the Budweiser, then throws the empty can to the right of his car, landing on the floor next to eighteen other cans. He starts his car, and drives away*
SeanTheHedgehog Presents
The Challenger
Starring SeanTheHedgehog...
Well, here we have the top ten of this fifty list. Let us see if these characters truly are the greatest, or if I have completely disappointed you throughout this entire three part article. Let’s go!
~#10~
Skullgirls has a lot of interesting characters that I grew attached to. From the rubber hose cartoon character, Peacock, to the zombified opera singer, Squigly. But, my favorite character, and the biggest character in the game, goes to the detective, Big Band
#10: Big Band from Skullgirls
Big Band, once known as Ben Birdland, was a beat cop in the city of New Meridian, and was one of...
continue reading...
~#10~
Skullgirls has a lot of interesting characters that I grew attached to. From the rubber hose cartoon character, Peacock, to the zombified opera singer, Squigly. But, my favorite character, and the biggest character in the game, goes to the detective, Big Band
#10: Big Band from Skullgirls
Big Band, once known as Ben Birdland, was a beat cop in the city of New Meridian, and was one of...
I.... Have honestly no words for this show (Well, that's a load of bull, I have an entire article here describing it). This show is just.. so baffling. I don't think that words alone can perfectly describe what kind of show that we are going to be talking about to die. But damn it, I have to at least try my hardest. So, let us talk about a little twenty episode anime series, Ghost Stories and what makes it so..... Different from your usual anime.
Ghost Stories, like I said, is an twenty episode anime that was created by Pierrot and Aniplex studios. Pierrot worked on Yu Yu Hakusho and Naruto,...
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Ghost Stories, like I said, is an twenty episode anime that was created by Pierrot and Aniplex studios. Pierrot worked on Yu Yu Hakusho and Naruto,...
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see.
Song: link
Up in the sky, a circle appears with an Umbreon inside. Then the name, CokeTheUmbreon appears.
Henry: *Laying down on a bed, writing a note*
Dad: *Turns on the TV*
Song (Start at 2:07): link
Henry: *Listens to the TV upstairs, but continues to write his letter*
Stockton, south of Henry's location.
Dale: *Wakes up* It's that time again.
* * *
Henry: *In the bathroom, brushing his teeth. He begins to have a flashback*
---
Tammy: You cannot talk to people like that.
Henry: All I said...
So, there is word going around of the creation of a new theme park called Nintendo Land… needless to say, I feel like a joyful 8-year-old again. You all know that I love Nintendo games. They are all so much fun and amazing games. And after hearing that Universal Studios is creating a Nintendo theme park, I couldn’t be happier. Now, they haven’t given out information of what it will be like and what rides it will have yet, but I’d like to give off some of my ideas for attractions that it could have. So, lets start the list.
#15: Mii Mascots - Mii’s are basically like those characters...
continue reading...
#15: Mii Mascots - Mii’s are basically like those characters...
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. Pingas
Seanthehedgehog Presents
A Hedgehog In Ponyville Story
The Grand Galloping Gala
Based off of the Grand Galloping Gala Roleplay from Applejackrocks1, now known as Jade_23.
It was one of those days in winter where all the water was freezing. I had to stop Discord from one of his crazy schemes.
Discord: *enters building*
Sean: *waits by door*
Discord: *pulls switch*
Sean: The building is going into the ground! *hops on roof*
I snuck into what seemed to be Discord's layer. It was underground.
Robotnik: Guten Tag Discord.
Discord: Dr! So good to see...
You must look at this picture for 20 seconds before continuing onto the next part of this fan fiction
Song: link
The following is an STH/AM6663 Fan Fiction
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. Pingas
Applejack was walking around Ponyville. All the ponies were having a wonderful time, and the weather was like a summer day in August. It was wonderful.
Applejack: Twilight, what's up?
Twilight: Man I still sound like a black man, but things are alright.
Applejack: do you know when Celestia will let you become a princess again?
Twilight: I have to cast a spell that can fix broken...
