Done! Ok, so i am almost sure i know where i am going with this story now, but knowing me it will change haha.. but it should get interesting soon. Umm, so yeah. Enjoy, and if you have 2 minutes to spare i would love to hear what you think about it, i love all your comments :) I adore you all for reading this and taking your time to even look at it, thankyouu !!
And while i was writing this i was listening to Me & you - Lifehouse .. and i thought the song went well with his chapter, it's a beauiful song and a pleasure to write while playing it.. OK ENOUGH rambling.. go readdd !!
His red baseball cap. He loved it. Always wore it out, even in the rain. It never left his head until I pulled it off and ran away with it. He would pull me down to the grass and pin me to it until I gave it up. We would lay there, on the grass, watching the clouds. Hands together, entangled. But not everything’s like that, right? I should know, of all people, I should know the most.
The funeral was a waste. The almost friends, the teachers, the far away relatives. They didn’t know him, not like I knew him. Not the boy that treated me as if I was an angel, not the boy that couldn’t leave me without it hurting, not the boy that turned into a man. His parents didn’t even know him personally, as well as me. They knew when he was born and what time, but they didn’t know that he loved peanut butter sandwich’s or that he hated the yolk of an egg. They still grieved for their son. They hugged me, close. It didn’t help. Nothing could have helped that day. When his coffin went into the ground, that was it, I was never going to be close to him again. I squeezed the petals I was holding onto, the ones I was going to sprinkle on his coffin. I took my step forward and stared down. I couldn’t… he couldn’t leave me. Not now. Not ever. I loved him too much to just let him go. I flung myself at his coffin but Will caught me. I thrashed around in his arms, determined to get to the coffin but he caught both my wrists and held them together in one hand. My legs buckled and I fell to the ground, taking Will with me. He pulled me into his arms and I buried my head deep into the nape of his neck. He stroked my hair delicately and I created and wet patch on his shoulder with tears along with mascara. Will rocked me gently while I held handfuls of his shirt in the palms of my hands. I held them so tight it caused my nails to dig into my hand. He whispered soothing words to me while I sniffed and hiccupped. I settled down when my tears ran dry and I couldn’t produce anymore moisture. When I finally came up to face the world, it was just me and him. It was dim all around us, in the middle of a grave-yard. I wasn’t scared. He was under there, deep in the ground. Why should I be scared?
‘Hey there,’ he whispered softly, looking deep into my eyes. He didn’t seem impatient at all, but I knew that already. Will was always patient.
‘Sorry Will.’ I mumbled into his shoulder again. I couldn’t face him.
‘Hey you, what are you on about? Surely you know me better than that. I held you for an hour and a half in play-group when you got paint in your eye.’ He slid his hand from my hair down to my back and traced circles up and down. I relaxed into him a rested my head on his shoulder breathing in his woody smell.
‘I remember.’ I smiled faintly at the thought. He hadn’t left my side once that day. ‘How come you haven’t said it will all be ok? Everyone else seems to want to tell me the same thing.’ I nudged closer to him. Seeking more comfort. He knew what I wanted and cradled me closer.
‘Because then I would be telling a lie. You know me Ash, I don’t lie to you. When mum died it took me 8 months to fully realise she wasn’t ever coming back. I hid myself away, you know that. But you helped me get through it Ash. You pulled me through, and I couldn’t ever ask for anything more than what you have already done. And now I will help you. It is going to be hard, but in your heart’ he pulled my hand to my heart and laid his hand on mine ‘he will always be there, and you will always love him.’ I held my hand there and listened to my heart, it stuttered. I knew he could feel it too. It was still recovering.
‘What if it never gets better Will? What if I can never find someone like that again.’ This time he tilted my face up so my eyes met his. I saw pain in his eyes.
‘Don’t you ever worry about that Ash. You will find someone, no matter what. I know you will.’ I just looked down and pulled my chin away from his hand. He knew I wanted to go.
‘Lets get you back.’ He pulled me to my feet and supported me around the waist while I slumped onto him. I couldn’t even support myself.
So I sit here. Holding the picture of him wearing the red baseball cap. Framed by a simple wood border. His smile lighting up the whole picture. Hair ruffled. A splash of rose across his framed cheek bones. Eyes glistening, full of excitement. I had taken the photo. I had been behind that camera when he had come bounding back from winning a baseball game. So proud. And so, I guess the reason I’m reciting all of this again, putting myself through all this pain of remembering, is because l need to remember again. I need to. I feel as if I need to do one last thing for him. Because I’ve seen him. I’ve seen him in my room, the ribbon of gold. He’s trying to tell me something, but he can’t. He’s just there. Watching. Waiting. I’ve tried to talk to him, I’ve tired to touch him, but none of it works. He just dissolves when I come too close. So the most useful thing I can do is watch from afar. It hurts. In fact is kills me. Just to see his outline glowing and all I can do is watch. In silence. Waiting for him to come. To me.
And while i was writing this i was listening to Me & you - Lifehouse .. and i thought the song went well with his chapter, it's a beauiful song and a pleasure to write while playing it.. OK ENOUGH rambling.. go readdd !!
His red baseball cap. He loved it. Always wore it out, even in the rain. It never left his head until I pulled it off and ran away with it. He would pull me down to the grass and pin me to it until I gave it up. We would lay there, on the grass, watching the clouds. Hands together, entangled. But not everything’s like that, right? I should know, of all people, I should know the most.
The funeral was a waste. The almost friends, the teachers, the far away relatives. They didn’t know him, not like I knew him. Not the boy that treated me as if I was an angel, not the boy that couldn’t leave me without it hurting, not the boy that turned into a man. His parents didn’t even know him personally, as well as me. They knew when he was born and what time, but they didn’t know that he loved peanut butter sandwich’s or that he hated the yolk of an egg. They still grieved for their son. They hugged me, close. It didn’t help. Nothing could have helped that day. When his coffin went into the ground, that was it, I was never going to be close to him again. I squeezed the petals I was holding onto, the ones I was going to sprinkle on his coffin. I took my step forward and stared down. I couldn’t… he couldn’t leave me. Not now. Not ever. I loved him too much to just let him go. I flung myself at his coffin but Will caught me. I thrashed around in his arms, determined to get to the coffin but he caught both my wrists and held them together in one hand. My legs buckled and I fell to the ground, taking Will with me. He pulled me into his arms and I buried my head deep into the nape of his neck. He stroked my hair delicately and I created and wet patch on his shoulder with tears along with mascara. Will rocked me gently while I held handfuls of his shirt in the palms of my hands. I held them so tight it caused my nails to dig into my hand. He whispered soothing words to me while I sniffed and hiccupped. I settled down when my tears ran dry and I couldn’t produce anymore moisture. When I finally came up to face the world, it was just me and him. It was dim all around us, in the middle of a grave-yard. I wasn’t scared. He was under there, deep in the ground. Why should I be scared?
‘Hey there,’ he whispered softly, looking deep into my eyes. He didn’t seem impatient at all, but I knew that already. Will was always patient.
‘Sorry Will.’ I mumbled into his shoulder again. I couldn’t face him.
‘Hey you, what are you on about? Surely you know me better than that. I held you for an hour and a half in play-group when you got paint in your eye.’ He slid his hand from my hair down to my back and traced circles up and down. I relaxed into him a rested my head on his shoulder breathing in his woody smell.
‘I remember.’ I smiled faintly at the thought. He hadn’t left my side once that day. ‘How come you haven’t said it will all be ok? Everyone else seems to want to tell me the same thing.’ I nudged closer to him. Seeking more comfort. He knew what I wanted and cradled me closer.
‘Because then I would be telling a lie. You know me Ash, I don’t lie to you. When mum died it took me 8 months to fully realise she wasn’t ever coming back. I hid myself away, you know that. But you helped me get through it Ash. You pulled me through, and I couldn’t ever ask for anything more than what you have already done. And now I will help you. It is going to be hard, but in your heart’ he pulled my hand to my heart and laid his hand on mine ‘he will always be there, and you will always love him.’ I held my hand there and listened to my heart, it stuttered. I knew he could feel it too. It was still recovering.
‘What if it never gets better Will? What if I can never find someone like that again.’ This time he tilted my face up so my eyes met his. I saw pain in his eyes.
‘Don’t you ever worry about that Ash. You will find someone, no matter what. I know you will.’ I just looked down and pulled my chin away from his hand. He knew I wanted to go.
‘Lets get you back.’ He pulled me to my feet and supported me around the waist while I slumped onto him. I couldn’t even support myself.
So I sit here. Holding the picture of him wearing the red baseball cap. Framed by a simple wood border. His smile lighting up the whole picture. Hair ruffled. A splash of rose across his framed cheek bones. Eyes glistening, full of excitement. I had taken the photo. I had been behind that camera when he had come bounding back from winning a baseball game. So proud. And so, I guess the reason I’m reciting all of this again, putting myself through all this pain of remembering, is because l need to remember again. I need to. I feel as if I need to do one last thing for him. Because I’ve seen him. I’ve seen him in my room, the ribbon of gold. He’s trying to tell me something, but he can’t. He’s just there. Watching. Waiting. I’ve tried to talk to him, I’ve tired to touch him, but none of it works. He just dissolves when I come too close. So the most useful thing I can do is watch from afar. It hurts. In fact is kills me. Just to see his outline glowing and all I can do is watch. In silence. Waiting for him to come. To me.
Done! Ok, so i am almost sure i know where i am going with this story now, but knowing me it will change haha.. but it should get interesting soon. Umm, so yeah. Enjoy, and if you have 2 minutes to spare i would love to hear what you think about it, i love all your comments :) I adore you all for reading this and taking your time to even look at it, thankyouu !!
And while i was writing this i was listening to Me & you - Lifehouse .. and i thought the song went well with his chapter, it's a beauiful song and a pleasure to write while playing it.. OK ENOUGH rambling.. go readdd !!
His red baseball cap. He loved it. Always wore it out, even in the rain. It never left his head until I pulled it off and ran away with it. He would pull me down to the grass and pin me to it until I gave it up. We would lay there, on the grass, watching the clouds. Hands together, entangled. But not everything’s like that, right? I should know, of all people, I should know the most.
The funeral was a waste. The almost friends, the teachers, the far away relatives. They didn’t know him, not like I knew him. Not the boy that treated me as if I was an angel, not the boy that couldn’t leave me without it hurting, not the boy that turned into a man. His parents didn’t even know him personally, as well as me. They knew when he was born and what time, but they didn’t know that he loved peanut butter sandwich’s or that he hated the yolk of an egg. They still grieved for their son. They hugged me, close. It didn’t help. Nothing could have helped that day. When his coffin went into the ground, that was it, I was never going to be close to him again. I squeezed the petals I was holding onto, the ones I was going to sprinkle on his coffin. I took my step forward and stared down. I couldn’t… he couldn’t leave me. Not now. Not ever. I loved him too much to just let him go. I flung myself at his coffin but Will caught me. I thrashed around in his arms, determined to get to the coffin but he caught both my wrists and held them together in one hand. My legs buckled and I fell to the ground, taking Will with me. He pulled me into his arms and I buried my head deep into the nape of his neck. He stroked my hair delicately and I created and wet patch on his shoulder with tears along with mascara. Will rocked me gently while I held handfuls of his shirt in the palms of my hands. I held them so tight it caused my nails to dig into my hand. He whispered soothing words to me while I sniffed and hiccupped. I settled down when my tears ran dry and I couldn’t produce anymore moisture. When I finally came up to face the world, it was just me and him. It was dim all around us, in the middle of a grave-yard. I wasn’t scared. He was under there, deep in the ground. Why should I be scared?
‘Hey there,’ he whispered softly, looking deep into my eyes. He didn’t seem impatient at all, but I knew that already. Will was always patient.
‘Sorry Will.’ I mumbled into his shoulder again. I couldn’t face him.
‘Hey you, what are you on about? Surely you know me better than that. I held you for an hour and a half in play-group when you got paint in your eye.’ He slid his hand from my hair down to my back and traced circles up and down. I relaxed into him a rested my head on his shoulder breathing in his woody smell.
‘I remember.’ I smiled faintly at the thought. He hadn’t left my side once that day. ‘How come you haven’t said it will all be ok? Everyone else seems to want to tell me the same thing.’ I nudged closer to him. Seeking more comfort. He knew what I wanted and cradled me closer.
‘Because then I would be telling a lie. You know me Ash, I don’t lie to you. When mum died it took me 8 months to fully realise she wasn’t ever coming back. I hid myself away, you know that. But you helped me get through it Ash. You pulled me through, and I couldn’t ever ask for anything more than what you have already done. And now I will help you. It is going to be hard, but in your heart’ he pulled my hand to my heart and laid his hand on mine ‘he will always be there, and you will always love him.’ I held my hand there and listened to my heart, it stuttered. I knew he could feel it too. It was still recovering.
‘What if it never gets better Will? What if I can never find someone like that again.’ This time he tilted my face up so my eyes met his. I saw pain in his eyes.
‘Don’t you ever worry about that Ash. You will find someone, no matter what. I know you will.’ I just looked down and pulled my chin away from his hand. He knew I wanted to go.
‘Lets get you back.’ He pulled me to my feet and supported me around the waist while I slumped onto him. I couldn’t even support myself.
So I sit here. Holding the picture of him wearing the red baseball cap. Framed by a simple wood border. His smile lighting up the whole picture. Hair ruffled. A splash of rose across his framed cheek bones. Eyes glistening, full of excitement. I had taken the photo. I had been behind that camera when he had come bounding back from winning a baseball game. So proud. And so, I guess the reason I’m reciting all of this again, putting myself through all this pain of remembering, is because l need to remember again. I need to. I feel as if I need to do one last thing for him. Because I’ve seen him. I’ve seen him in my room, the ribbon of gold. He’s trying to tell me something, but he can’t. He’s just there. Watching. Waiting. I’ve tried to talk to him, I’ve tired to touch him, but none of it works. He just dissolves when I come too close. So the most useful thing I can do is watch from afar. It hurts. In fact is kills me. Just to see his outline glowing and all I can do is watch. In silence. Waiting for him to come. To me.
And while i was writing this i was listening to Me & you - Lifehouse .. and i thought the song went well with his chapter, it's a beauiful song and a pleasure to write while playing it.. OK ENOUGH rambling.. go readdd !!
His red baseball cap. He loved it. Always wore it out, even in the rain. It never left his head until I pulled it off and ran away with it. He would pull me down to the grass and pin me to it until I gave it up. We would lay there, on the grass, watching the clouds. Hands together, entangled. But not everything’s like that, right? I should know, of all people, I should know the most.
The funeral was a waste. The almost friends, the teachers, the far away relatives. They didn’t know him, not like I knew him. Not the boy that treated me as if I was an angel, not the boy that couldn’t leave me without it hurting, not the boy that turned into a man. His parents didn’t even know him personally, as well as me. They knew when he was born and what time, but they didn’t know that he loved peanut butter sandwich’s or that he hated the yolk of an egg. They still grieved for their son. They hugged me, close. It didn’t help. Nothing could have helped that day. When his coffin went into the ground, that was it, I was never going to be close to him again. I squeezed the petals I was holding onto, the ones I was going to sprinkle on his coffin. I took my step forward and stared down. I couldn’t… he couldn’t leave me. Not now. Not ever. I loved him too much to just let him go. I flung myself at his coffin but Will caught me. I thrashed around in his arms, determined to get to the coffin but he caught both my wrists and held them together in one hand. My legs buckled and I fell to the ground, taking Will with me. He pulled me into his arms and I buried my head deep into the nape of his neck. He stroked my hair delicately and I created and wet patch on his shoulder with tears along with mascara. Will rocked me gently while I held handfuls of his shirt in the palms of my hands. I held them so tight it caused my nails to dig into my hand. He whispered soothing words to me while I sniffed and hiccupped. I settled down when my tears ran dry and I couldn’t produce anymore moisture. When I finally came up to face the world, it was just me and him. It was dim all around us, in the middle of a grave-yard. I wasn’t scared. He was under there, deep in the ground. Why should I be scared?
‘Hey there,’ he whispered softly, looking deep into my eyes. He didn’t seem impatient at all, but I knew that already. Will was always patient.
‘Sorry Will.’ I mumbled into his shoulder again. I couldn’t face him.
‘Hey you, what are you on about? Surely you know me better than that. I held you for an hour and a half in play-group when you got paint in your eye.’ He slid his hand from my hair down to my back and traced circles up and down. I relaxed into him a rested my head on his shoulder breathing in his woody smell.
‘I remember.’ I smiled faintly at the thought. He hadn’t left my side once that day. ‘How come you haven’t said it will all be ok? Everyone else seems to want to tell me the same thing.’ I nudged closer to him. Seeking more comfort. He knew what I wanted and cradled me closer.
‘Because then I would be telling a lie. You know me Ash, I don’t lie to you. When mum died it took me 8 months to fully realise she wasn’t ever coming back. I hid myself away, you know that. But you helped me get through it Ash. You pulled me through, and I couldn’t ever ask for anything more than what you have already done. And now I will help you. It is going to be hard, but in your heart’ he pulled my hand to my heart and laid his hand on mine ‘he will always be there, and you will always love him.’ I held my hand there and listened to my heart, it stuttered. I knew he could feel it too. It was still recovering.
‘What if it never gets better Will? What if I can never find someone like that again.’ This time he tilted my face up so my eyes met his. I saw pain in his eyes.
‘Don’t you ever worry about that Ash. You will find someone, no matter what. I know you will.’ I just looked down and pulled my chin away from his hand. He knew I wanted to go.
‘Lets get you back.’ He pulled me to my feet and supported me around the waist while I slumped onto him. I couldn’t even support myself.
So I sit here. Holding the picture of him wearing the red baseball cap. Framed by a simple wood border. His smile lighting up the whole picture. Hair ruffled. A splash of rose across his framed cheek bones. Eyes glistening, full of excitement. I had taken the photo. I had been behind that camera when he had come bounding back from winning a baseball game. So proud. And so, I guess the reason I’m reciting all of this again, putting myself through all this pain of remembering, is because l need to remember again. I need to. I feel as if I need to do one last thing for him. Because I’ve seen him. I’ve seen him in my room, the ribbon of gold. He’s trying to tell me something, but he can’t. He’s just there. Watching. Waiting. I’ve tried to talk to him, I’ve tired to touch him, but none of it works. He just dissolves when I come too close. So the most useful thing I can do is watch from afar. It hurts. In fact is kills me. Just to see his outline glowing and all I can do is watch. In silence. Waiting for him to come. To me.