This is my first ff in english EVER,and i'm not native tongue,so please,forgive the mistakes,i did my best with it,but please do me a favour,let me know wich mistakes i made.This FF is based on a beautiful song by Trading Yesterday,Love song requiem, wich gives the title to the story,and the lyrics is inside the FF. A HUGE thank you to Colette and Sophie that helped me with some words/sentences I love you!Let me know what you think!
...
Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be
The future haunts with memories that I will never have
And hope Is just a stranger wandering how it's got so bad
SSA Hotchner watched his team leaving the building from his window, his attention was caught by the white car waiting for Emily Prentiss to jump in.
He sighed, his eyes following the car until it disappeared away from his sight, he came back to his desk and, finally free to relax, slouched in his chair, another sigh slipping through his lips.
The situation was getting really frustrating.
Hotch untied the knot of his tie and took off his jacket, before pulling up the phone and call the nightwatch at the first floor.
"Agent Groban"
"Hello, It's SSA Hotchner, from the BAU, I'm going to stay here til late tonight, so don't worry if you see the lights on"
"Yes Sir. Do you need something?"
"No, thank you. Goodbye"
He hung up the phone and sighed...again.
"Ok Aaron, you're getting pathetic!"
But yet another sigh escaped his lips. He got up angrily and started pacing the room.
Three weeks had passed, and he could still feel the pain.
Three weeks, since JJ told him with a bright smile on her face that Prentiss had a boyfriend, and he could still feel the never-ending sensation of falling into the emptiness, inside him.
He was feeling detached from everything, the work, the house, his own family, his team... everything was just so far away from him, he felt his heart had no hope anymore.
He wasn't even sure he still knew the meaning of that word... "hope", it felt like a stranger to him.
But that was unfair, he had decided 3 months before that it was better to keep the feelings he felt for her a secret; after all he didn't deserve her, she belonged to a world he left for so much time, it was impossibile to him to step in it again, but from keeping his love a secret to see her in the arms of another... there was a whole damn ocean in between!
Hotch fell on the couch and covered his head with his hands, he didn't even know how he got to this point, he loved his job, and thank to God, even with the whole chaos burning inside him, he was still able to do it at his best, but seeing her every day was hurting him more than he'd ever tought it would be.
Hotch was a fighter, but somehow he felt he never fought for himself, his struggles were for all the innocent people out there, who needed help and protection, not for his very own life.
He thought of his existance, the emptiness that filled it, and he knew he had nothing to offer her, he lived for his job, he had nothing else.
Aaron Hotchner was the BAU unit chief, he took some of the hardest decision a man could take and was the rock everyone in the unit could hold onto but Aaron Hotchner was also father who saw his son twice a month, if he was lucky.
Aaron Hotchner was a man that drove home alone every night, cooked frozen food and ate it alone, hoping every minute his cellphone would ring to call him back to work, because his work was the only thing that he got left.
"You have nothing to offer her, she is better with that guy, get over her, now"
I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me
He couldn't even remeber when he finally realized his true feelings for her, it was something that grew slowly inside him, day by day, case by case...and from one day to another he found himself looking at her everytime he was sure no one was seeing him.
Hotch learned to wait the leap his heart took everytime she looked back at him, smiling warmingly and he hated the moment she looked away from him, breaking the magic.
The simply truth was that she made him feel alive again with one look of her gorgeous dark eyes.
He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, his mind filled with her, with all the moments they spent together, all the things they said to each other.
"Just a moment" he tought "I want to be with her one more time"
And he let his immagination alive, dreaming of all the emotions that being with her would gave him, he would have died to touch her like a lover, kiss her with all his burning desire, hold her against his chest and feel the beating of her heart against hiw own.
It felt so real, so good...so human.
Suddenly he opened his eyes, breaking the dream, and looked at the ceiling.
"I can't do this anymore...i can't get over her"
Aaron Hotchner made a promise to himself that moment, he promised that he would never try again to change his feelings, 'cause even if he was unreciprocated, the love he felt for that woman made him feel human, and he didn't want to be just a working machine.
He wanted to be, he wanted to feel, again.
***
"Hotch?"
Her voice sounded distant, he smiled, knowing he was still dreaming.
"Hotch!"
A gentle hand shoke him and Hotch realized he was fully awake.
"Prentiss?" he called back, unsure while turning on the other side of the couch to see her standing in front of it, looking down worried.
A bunch of whispers from behind her, told him the whole team was there.
It took few minutes, before the night just passed came back to his mind.
"Hotch are you ok?"
He blinked twice before nodding "Yes, of course...I was tired, and laid here for a while, but I guess I fell deeply asleep"
Rossi stepped in the room, glancing at his boss.
"I think you should take a day off, Aaron"
He said.
Hotch nodded and brushed his hand over his face, before looking Prentiss in the eyes.
She was still standing there, watching him with the worry on her beautiful face, the pain that look gave him, almost made he groan. Hotch had to bite his tongue hard to stop it, while he placed his eyes on the others.
"You're sure?" she asked "You're ok?"
He looked back at her, and stood up adjusting his shirt "Yes, I'm fine...i'll just go home for a while, change my clothes, and I'll be back here in two hours"
Emily Prentiss and David Rossi's jaws fell wide open.
"You should really take a day off...Hotch"
Rossi said again "He's right...you don't look so good" she said making the pain and the emptiness in him grow a bit more.
"I'm fine, Thank you"
He couldn't prevent the harshness in that sentence, he went to his desk took his tie and his jacket and walked away.
JJ followed him.
"Ehi, Hotch!"
She called reaching him in front of the elevator.
"What?"
He asked hoping she won't give him the "mommy lecture" he didn't want to hurt her feelings and he was sure he couldn't stop himself from being rude.
She smiled and handed him a cup of coffee.
"Go home, take a shower and get back your butt here before 10, we have a case"
JJ almost made him smile.
Hotch nodded, took the coffe and got into the elevator.
"Thanks" he said before pushing the ground level button.
You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth
Ever-waiting airports full of the love that you deserve
Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past
Knowing that my heart will break, but at least the pain will last
Hotch tried not to think to anything while the hot water flowed down his body, he kept all the feelings chained into his heart, because now it was time to work.
He came out from the shower and got into his black bathrobe wiping the drops of water that were still lingering on him, then he slowly walked to his room and got dressed.
By the time he walked away from his home and stepped back into the BAU office he was again into the "working mode"
The whole crew flew to Minneapolis to track down a serial killer who was strangling old ladies.
They worked the profile, followed the leads, and time 3 days, they catched the unsub, and were on their way back home.
The Unit Chief, that hoped the mission would last longer thought that or the unsubs were getting very predictable or the BAU was just too good at
its job, but anyway it was time to get back home, where his problems were waiting.
Hotch was sitting near the window, Reid and JJ were fast asleep on the little couches, Morgan was totally into his music and Rossi was at his laptop revisioning the draft of his latest book.
"Ehi"
Hotch turned his back facing Emily's smile "Ehi" he said back.
"You wanna play?" she asked showing the playing cards in her hand.
He just nodded and gestured her to sit in front of him.
Emily started to shuffle the cards, Hotch was staring at her hands moving, they were so beautiful.
"Prentiss...i'm sorry for this morning, i was really rude"
She giggled a little and looked him in the eyes "Don't worry Hotch, it's ok...i'm used to your moments of rushness, it's kinda part of the game"
He frowned "the game?" he asked.
She smiled and he thought she was gorgeous "Yeah, the game, working with you, you're like an unsolved mystery, your reaction are never the same, you're unpredictable and it's never boring around you"
"Really? I thought i was quite boring instead"
She laughed "Nope Hotch, you're not! Your turn" she told him while she was adjusting her cards
Hotch smiled behind his cards, before putting one of them on the table.
"I'll take that as a compliment"
Emily smiled and nodded "That's exactly how I meant it, what are you going to do tonight?" she asked while putting her card down.
He looked curious "What do you mean?"
"I tried" she said shrugging he shoulders "nevermind!"
"Prentiss...i think i lost you" he said with a confused stare.
His heart took another leap while her eyes lingered in his for a while.
"I was just hoping you knew the meaning of Saturday night, but i can see you're still a lone wolf"
"Oh..that's what you meant"
"Yeah, that's what i meant"
"I'll be in the office finishing..."
"Paperwork, yeah I know..." she ended his sentence.
"I thought you said i was unpredictable"
Emily laughed again "Well, you're an unpredictable man that loves his routine"
"What are you going to do tonight?" he asked knowing that the answer was going to make his heart bleed.
"Daniel and I are going to this new wine bar, to have some glasses of wine, nothing really special"
So, Daniel was the man who stole her away from him.
Hotch looked at his cards trying to concentrate "It sounds good" he said simply.
"Yeah, it does".
When they landed, Hotch looked his one last hope to get back to life jump in the car of another man, he entered the SUV and headed back to his office.
On the plane he felt so alive, he wished the flight would never end, he had a glimpse of what being close to her meant, and now he felt miserable.
He walked into his office and threw his bag on the couch determined to put all his efforts into the paperwork.
Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
Maybe she will save me in the oceans of her dream
And maybe someday love
Maybe someday love
Three hours later a knock on his door made him jump, it was half past eleven.
He took his gun and opened the door, finding a crying Prentiss in front of him.
Fear took over his soul.
"Emily...what happened?" he asked placing a hand on her shoulder and letting her in, moving her gently to the couch.
"I've done something really stupid, Hotch...."
She said wiping her tears, and sat down, he sat close to her.
"What happened?" he asked again gently "Come on, talk to me"
"I think you will fire me" she said sighing
"Why should I?"
"I shot my now ex-boyfriend"
"Daniel?" he asked surprised before darkening "He did something to you?"
She looked at him and shook her head "No, but he tried, and I shot him...I didn't..." Emily took a deep breath to calm her soul down "I didn't hit him, he just got scratched by the bullet, but he's going to sue me..."
Hotch felt relieved and took her hand in his "What did he tried to do?" he had to know, not only because he needed the information to protect her from the sue, but also 'cause he needed to know why he was going to kill that Daniel guy.
"I thought he was a good man!" she said while tears began to fill her eyes again.
"We all thought he was" he said raising his hand to wipe a tear away from her cheek "Tell me what he tried to do, and i can assure you he's going to pay for just have even thought of it"
Emily started sobbing hard and wrapped her arms around Hotch's neck, hugging him tightly, he felt the room around him crumble and just held on to her, rubbing her back.
"He wanted to hit me, he said that it was fun, 'cause i'm an FBI agent and it made him feel powerful, I told him i didn't want to but he hit me anyway, i reacted and he tried to hit me more...I panicked and i ran to my bag, grabbed my gun and fired i just wanted to scare him, but the bullet scratched him"
She was still holding him, and it looked like she didn't want to let him go.
After the hell she wen through with Cyrus, he knew perfectly why she panicked that way.
"You're ok now, that bastard can't reach you here" he said gently his face buried into her hair.
"I don't want to lose this job, i don't wanna lose you, and the others..."
He smiled and pulled her so that she could see his face.
"You are not going to lose the job, you will never lose the others and you will never, ever lose me"
She smiled.
"You're smiling"
He laughed "Yes Emily, i'm smiling"
She looked surprised "and you laughed! It's unbelievable!"
"I'm going to shoot you if you tell anyone, clear?"
She hugged him again.
"Thank you, Hotch"
"You're welcome" he said "Come on I'm gonna take you home"
She stood up and looked at him.
"Hotch..." she called, he turned back "for what is worth...you're the best man i've ever met in my life"
He lost three heartbeats, then he smiled again.
"It's worth much more than you can imagine, Emily, Thank you"
The smile she gave him, made him understand that maybe, she was starting to feel like he felt, maybe someday Emily Prentiss will love him as much as he, Aaron Hotchner loved her.
Maybe someday, Love.
...
Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
She belongs to fairy tales that I could never be
The future haunts with memories that I will never have
And hope Is just a stranger wandering how it's got so bad
SSA Hotchner watched his team leaving the building from his window, his attention was caught by the white car waiting for Emily Prentiss to jump in.
He sighed, his eyes following the car until it disappeared away from his sight, he came back to his desk and, finally free to relax, slouched in his chair, another sigh slipping through his lips.
The situation was getting really frustrating.
Hotch untied the knot of his tie and took off his jacket, before pulling up the phone and call the nightwatch at the first floor.
"Agent Groban"
"Hello, It's SSA Hotchner, from the BAU, I'm going to stay here til late tonight, so don't worry if you see the lights on"
"Yes Sir. Do you need something?"
"No, thank you. Goodbye"
He hung up the phone and sighed...again.
"Ok Aaron, you're getting pathetic!"
But yet another sigh escaped his lips. He got up angrily and started pacing the room.
Three weeks had passed, and he could still feel the pain.
Three weeks, since JJ told him with a bright smile on her face that Prentiss had a boyfriend, and he could still feel the never-ending sensation of falling into the emptiness, inside him.
He was feeling detached from everything, the work, the house, his own family, his team... everything was just so far away from him, he felt his heart had no hope anymore.
He wasn't even sure he still knew the meaning of that word... "hope", it felt like a stranger to him.
But that was unfair, he had decided 3 months before that it was better to keep the feelings he felt for her a secret; after all he didn't deserve her, she belonged to a world he left for so much time, it was impossibile to him to step in it again, but from keeping his love a secret to see her in the arms of another... there was a whole damn ocean in between!
Hotch fell on the couch and covered his head with his hands, he didn't even know how he got to this point, he loved his job, and thank to God, even with the whole chaos burning inside him, he was still able to do it at his best, but seeing her every day was hurting him more than he'd ever tought it would be.
Hotch was a fighter, but somehow he felt he never fought for himself, his struggles were for all the innocent people out there, who needed help and protection, not for his very own life.
He thought of his existance, the emptiness that filled it, and he knew he had nothing to offer her, he lived for his job, he had nothing else.
Aaron Hotchner was the BAU unit chief, he took some of the hardest decision a man could take and was the rock everyone in the unit could hold onto but Aaron Hotchner was also father who saw his son twice a month, if he was lucky.
Aaron Hotchner was a man that drove home alone every night, cooked frozen food and ate it alone, hoping every minute his cellphone would ring to call him back to work, because his work was the only thing that he got left.
"You have nothing to offer her, she is better with that guy, get over her, now"
I die each time you look away
My heart, my life will never be the same
This love will take my everything
One breath, one touch will be the end of me
He couldn't even remeber when he finally realized his true feelings for her, it was something that grew slowly inside him, day by day, case by case...and from one day to another he found himself looking at her everytime he was sure no one was seeing him.
Hotch learned to wait the leap his heart took everytime she looked back at him, smiling warmingly and he hated the moment she looked away from him, breaking the magic.
The simply truth was that she made him feel alive again with one look of her gorgeous dark eyes.
He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, his mind filled with her, with all the moments they spent together, all the things they said to each other.
"Just a moment" he tought "I want to be with her one more time"
And he let his immagination alive, dreaming of all the emotions that being with her would gave him, he would have died to touch her like a lover, kiss her with all his burning desire, hold her against his chest and feel the beating of her heart against hiw own.
It felt so real, so good...so human.
Suddenly he opened his eyes, breaking the dream, and looked at the ceiling.
"I can't do this anymore...i can't get over her"
Aaron Hotchner made a promise to himself that moment, he promised that he would never try again to change his feelings, 'cause even if he was unreciprocated, the love he felt for that woman made him feel human, and he didn't want to be just a working machine.
He wanted to be, he wanted to feel, again.
***
"Hotch?"
Her voice sounded distant, he smiled, knowing he was still dreaming.
"Hotch!"
A gentle hand shoke him and Hotch realized he was fully awake.
"Prentiss?" he called back, unsure while turning on the other side of the couch to see her standing in front of it, looking down worried.
A bunch of whispers from behind her, told him the whole team was there.
It took few minutes, before the night just passed came back to his mind.
"Hotch are you ok?"
He blinked twice before nodding "Yes, of course...I was tired, and laid here for a while, but I guess I fell deeply asleep"
Rossi stepped in the room, glancing at his boss.
"I think you should take a day off, Aaron"
He said.
Hotch nodded and brushed his hand over his face, before looking Prentiss in the eyes.
She was still standing there, watching him with the worry on her beautiful face, the pain that look gave him, almost made he groan. Hotch had to bite his tongue hard to stop it, while he placed his eyes on the others.
"You're sure?" she asked "You're ok?"
He looked back at her, and stood up adjusting his shirt "Yes, I'm fine...i'll just go home for a while, change my clothes, and I'll be back here in two hours"
Emily Prentiss and David Rossi's jaws fell wide open.
"You should really take a day off...Hotch"
Rossi said again "He's right...you don't look so good" she said making the pain and the emptiness in him grow a bit more.
"I'm fine, Thank you"
He couldn't prevent the harshness in that sentence, he went to his desk took his tie and his jacket and walked away.
JJ followed him.
"Ehi, Hotch!"
She called reaching him in front of the elevator.
"What?"
He asked hoping she won't give him the "mommy lecture" he didn't want to hurt her feelings and he was sure he couldn't stop himself from being rude.
She smiled and handed him a cup of coffee.
"Go home, take a shower and get back your butt here before 10, we have a case"
JJ almost made him smile.
Hotch nodded, took the coffe and got into the elevator.
"Thanks" he said before pushing the ground level button.
You could be the final straw that brings me back to earth
Ever-waiting airports full of the love that you deserve
Wishing I could find a way to wash away the past
Knowing that my heart will break, but at least the pain will last
Hotch tried not to think to anything while the hot water flowed down his body, he kept all the feelings chained into his heart, because now it was time to work.
He came out from the shower and got into his black bathrobe wiping the drops of water that were still lingering on him, then he slowly walked to his room and got dressed.
By the time he walked away from his home and stepped back into the BAU office he was again into the "working mode"
The whole crew flew to Minneapolis to track down a serial killer who was strangling old ladies.
They worked the profile, followed the leads, and time 3 days, they catched the unsub, and were on their way back home.
The Unit Chief, that hoped the mission would last longer thought that or the unsubs were getting very predictable or the BAU was just too good at
its job, but anyway it was time to get back home, where his problems were waiting.
Hotch was sitting near the window, Reid and JJ were fast asleep on the little couches, Morgan was totally into his music and Rossi was at his laptop revisioning the draft of his latest book.
"Ehi"
Hotch turned his back facing Emily's smile "Ehi" he said back.
"You wanna play?" she asked showing the playing cards in her hand.
He just nodded and gestured her to sit in front of him.
Emily started to shuffle the cards, Hotch was staring at her hands moving, they were so beautiful.
"Prentiss...i'm sorry for this morning, i was really rude"
She giggled a little and looked him in the eyes "Don't worry Hotch, it's ok...i'm used to your moments of rushness, it's kinda part of the game"
He frowned "the game?" he asked.
She smiled and he thought she was gorgeous "Yeah, the game, working with you, you're like an unsolved mystery, your reaction are never the same, you're unpredictable and it's never boring around you"
"Really? I thought i was quite boring instead"
She laughed "Nope Hotch, you're not! Your turn" she told him while she was adjusting her cards
Hotch smiled behind his cards, before putting one of them on the table.
"I'll take that as a compliment"
Emily smiled and nodded "That's exactly how I meant it, what are you going to do tonight?" she asked while putting her card down.
He looked curious "What do you mean?"
"I tried" she said shrugging he shoulders "nevermind!"
"Prentiss...i think i lost you" he said with a confused stare.
His heart took another leap while her eyes lingered in his for a while.
"I was just hoping you knew the meaning of Saturday night, but i can see you're still a lone wolf"
"Oh..that's what you meant"
"Yeah, that's what i meant"
"I'll be in the office finishing..."
"Paperwork, yeah I know..." she ended his sentence.
"I thought you said i was unpredictable"
Emily laughed again "Well, you're an unpredictable man that loves his routine"
"What are you going to do tonight?" he asked knowing that the answer was going to make his heart bleed.
"Daniel and I are going to this new wine bar, to have some glasses of wine, nothing really special"
So, Daniel was the man who stole her away from him.
Hotch looked at his cards trying to concentrate "It sounds good" he said simply.
"Yeah, it does".
When they landed, Hotch looked his one last hope to get back to life jump in the car of another man, he entered the SUV and headed back to his office.
On the plane he felt so alive, he wished the flight would never end, he had a glimpse of what being close to her meant, and now he felt miserable.
He walked into his office and threw his bag on the couch determined to put all his efforts into the paperwork.
Emily will find a better place to fall asleep
Maybe she will save me in the oceans of her dream
And maybe someday love
Maybe someday love
Three hours later a knock on his door made him jump, it was half past eleven.
He took his gun and opened the door, finding a crying Prentiss in front of him.
Fear took over his soul.
"Emily...what happened?" he asked placing a hand on her shoulder and letting her in, moving her gently to the couch.
"I've done something really stupid, Hotch...."
She said wiping her tears, and sat down, he sat close to her.
"What happened?" he asked again gently "Come on, talk to me"
"I think you will fire me" she said sighing
"Why should I?"
"I shot my now ex-boyfriend"
"Daniel?" he asked surprised before darkening "He did something to you?"
She looked at him and shook her head "No, but he tried, and I shot him...I didn't..." Emily took a deep breath to calm her soul down "I didn't hit him, he just got scratched by the bullet, but he's going to sue me..."
Hotch felt relieved and took her hand in his "What did he tried to do?" he had to know, not only because he needed the information to protect her from the sue, but also 'cause he needed to know why he was going to kill that Daniel guy.
"I thought he was a good man!" she said while tears began to fill her eyes again.
"We all thought he was" he said raising his hand to wipe a tear away from her cheek "Tell me what he tried to do, and i can assure you he's going to pay for just have even thought of it"
Emily started sobbing hard and wrapped her arms around Hotch's neck, hugging him tightly, he felt the room around him crumble and just held on to her, rubbing her back.
"He wanted to hit me, he said that it was fun, 'cause i'm an FBI agent and it made him feel powerful, I told him i didn't want to but he hit me anyway, i reacted and he tried to hit me more...I panicked and i ran to my bag, grabbed my gun and fired i just wanted to scare him, but the bullet scratched him"
She was still holding him, and it looked like she didn't want to let him go.
After the hell she wen through with Cyrus, he knew perfectly why she panicked that way.
"You're ok now, that bastard can't reach you here" he said gently his face buried into her hair.
"I don't want to lose this job, i don't wanna lose you, and the others..."
He smiled and pulled her so that she could see his face.
"You are not going to lose the job, you will never lose the others and you will never, ever lose me"
She smiled.
"You're smiling"
He laughed "Yes Emily, i'm smiling"
She looked surprised "and you laughed! It's unbelievable!"
"I'm going to shoot you if you tell anyone, clear?"
She hugged him again.
"Thank you, Hotch"
"You're welcome" he said "Come on I'm gonna take you home"
She stood up and looked at him.
"Hotch..." she called, he turned back "for what is worth...you're the best man i've ever met in my life"
He lost three heartbeats, then he smiled again.
"It's worth much more than you can imagine, Emily, Thank you"
The smile she gave him, made him understand that maybe, she was starting to feel like he felt, maybe someday Emily Prentiss will love him as much as he, Aaron Hotchner loved her.
Maybe someday, Love.
