How do you know people don't like your friend? Oh, I don't know, how about the fact that...
1. Your mom can never remember your friend's name. She even guesses. "Oh, is your friend... uh... Tasha coming over?" Your friend's name is not Tasha. It's Kate.
2. Your Dad always seems to disappear when Kate comes over. "Well, I should go paint the garage door now." "Now?" "Yep, no time to waste. Just have to pick up a Kate of paint... I mean, a can of paint from the store."
3. Your little brother rolls his eyes at her name. "Kate's coming over? Does she have to?"
4. Your mom defends Kate to your little brother—halfheartedly. "Now, now, Kate is a perfectly... unique person."
5. Your brother continues to whine: "But she's so weird. And I think she stole the TV remote."
6. The only day Uncle Greg doesn't stop by is when Kate is over.
7. Your grandmother refers to Kate only as, "That girl." When you ask which girl, she mumbles something about a "tongue-stud" and, "Back in my day..."
8. Your guidance counselor keeps saying, "You know, you could be friends with lots of people, not just Rita." "Kate." "Right, Kate. I mean, have you considered joining a club? Meet some new folks? People who aren't Kate?"
9. Your boyfriend, who was laughing a second ago, darkens at the sight of Kate and says, "Okay, well, I should go to Calculus. I'm a hurry. I just love higher math. Higher...higher..." Then he bolts down the hall.
10. Somebody writes "Kate Sux" in Sharpie on your locker door.
11. Your history teacher asks to see you after class. He rambles about how "life is full of options" and "sometimes our friends aren't really our friends." You ask what he means. He pushes his glasses up his nose, takes a breath, and says, "Your friend Kate is a horrible, horrible person. Please, dump her."
12. Kate's own twin sister, Phoebe, has an eerily similar conversation with you.
13. At the local diner, your waitress, a woman who has never met Kate in her life, is all smiles until Kate arrives at your table. Now she looks quiet and miserable. "Coffee?" she murmurs, glaring at Kate. "Yes, please," Kate says. "I wasn't asking you," the waitress snaps.
14. At the card shop, the cashier follows Kate around the store, eying her suspiciously. Then he meanders toward you and slips you a card that says, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get better friends, if I happened to be you."
15. A panhandler asks you for change. Then he sees Kate and changes his mind. "Actually, I'm good," he says, giving Kate the side eye and staggering away.
16. People always offer to drive you home until they realize you're with Kate. Then, a suspicious number of flat tires suddenly come up.
17. Your neighbors' dogs snarl as she passes.
18. Your cat hisses and claws at her.
19. Kate goes out of town for a weekend. Suddenly, your phone starts ringing off the hook.
Do you have a Kate?
