BREAD IS DANGEROUS
Why? Judge for yourself:
Research on bread indicates that
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Why? Judge for yourself:
Research on bread indicates that
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
Kate: then she she was all like OH NO you did NOT! then she did the worst thing ever!
Liz: What's that? Kiss your boy friend?
Kate: No not that bad!
Liz: Did she mess up your hair?!
Kate: Wores.
Liz: Break your leg?
Kate: no.
Liz: Tell ya mom about that night with daved?
Kate: I told you not to remind me of that!
Liz: sorry. What?
Kate: SHE BROKE MY NAIL!
LIZ: NO!
Kate: Yes!
Liz: Ooooooo! When I get to school tomorrow she is gonna GET IT! All that other stuff was NOT as bad as this! mostly breaking your leg. How dumb is that!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope ya guys liked it! I just came up with it just a second ago. well tell me what you think!I am planing on making more short storys so keep an eye out. bye. I LIKE PIE! GOOD NIGHT NEW YORK!
Liz: What's that? Kiss your boy friend?
Kate: No not that bad!
Liz: Did she mess up your hair?!
Kate: Wores.
Liz: Break your leg?
Kate: no.
Liz: Tell ya mom about that night with daved?
Kate: I told you not to remind me of that!
Liz: sorry. What?
Kate: SHE BROKE MY NAIL!
LIZ: NO!
Kate: Yes!
Liz: Ooooooo! When I get to school tomorrow she is gonna GET IT! All that other stuff was NOT as bad as this! mostly breaking your leg. How dumb is that!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope ya guys liked it! I just came up with it just a second ago. well tell me what you think!I am planing on making more short storys so keep an eye out. bye. I LIKE PIE! GOOD NIGHT NEW YORK!
1. The coffee-flavored donut.
2. The ShamWOW!
3. Middle school or any school in particular
4. Baseball cards
5. Jell-o with fruit/vegetable bits in it
6. Misquitoes
7. Bees!!!!!!!!
8. Wasps!!!!
9. People who think they have ESP
10. Math
11. The popcorn ball
12. A singing basketball (yes they're real)
13. Hippopttomonstrousequippedillaphopia (fear of long words.)
14. Antelopes
15. automatic soap dispensers
2. The ShamWOW!
3. Middle school or any school in particular
4. Baseball cards
5. Jell-o with fruit/vegetable bits in it
6. Misquitoes
7. Bees!!!!!!!!
8. Wasps!!!!
9. People who think they have ESP
10. Math
11. The popcorn ball
12. A singing basketball (yes they're real)
13. Hippopttomonstrousequippedillaphopia (fear of long words.)
14. Antelopes
15. automatic soap dispensers
You held it all in
I should’ve put the fire out
You were in pain and it’s all my fault
The days I fought with you
It stuck to me like glue
Baby I just kept hurting you
And it’s all my fault
You bled but no one heard
You were screaming, no one bothered to hear
I should’ve wiped away all your tears
This is my fault
So just forget about me
Babe I know this isn’t what you wanted it to be
You were bleeding, crying, drowning, dying
I’m telling the truth this time, this time it’s my fault
Everything I ever did was my fault
I should’ve put the fire out
You were in pain and it’s all my fault
The days I fought with you
It stuck to me like glue
Baby I just kept hurting you
And it’s all my fault
You bled but no one heard
You were screaming, no one bothered to hear
I should’ve wiped away all your tears
This is my fault
So just forget about me
Babe I know this isn’t what you wanted it to be
You were bleeding, crying, drowning, dying
I’m telling the truth this time, this time it’s my fault
Everything I ever did was my fault
You guys having a good time?
I had the most unforgettable trip of my life, man it was amazing.
I know I took long to come back still not done yet one more week probably xD
The most tiring trip of my life because it was with my family,so stressful 🥱 neverending action XD on road,camping,shopping,sightseeing, also got sick but it was just for three days^^ then there was some difficulties dealing with my grandpa because he was the slowest person when he gets out to go to the toilet it literally takes him 15 minutes to come back to the car XD wasted so much time of my life almso lost my temper but things went great :)
I got a new look too! sliver/black hair kinda look like Kakashi now lol xD jk I dont.
Sorry I can't reply to anyone right now^^
Have some of my breathtaking photography shots, enjoy!
I will make sure to continue the icon contest when I have free time soon.
I had the most unforgettable trip of my life, man it was amazing.
I know I took long to come back still not done yet one more week probably xD
The most tiring trip of my life because it was with my family,so stressful 🥱 neverending action XD on road,camping,shopping,sightseeing, also got sick but it was just for three days^^ then there was some difficulties dealing with my grandpa because he was the slowest person when he gets out to go to the toilet it literally takes him 15 minutes to come back to the car XD wasted so much time of my life almso lost my temper but things went great :)
I got a new look too! sliver/black hair kinda look like Kakashi now lol xD jk I dont.
Sorry I can't reply to anyone right now^^
Have some of my breathtaking photography shots, enjoy!
I will make sure to continue the icon contest when I have free time soon.