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posted by australia-101
37 Rude & Crude Pick-up Lines
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.
2. Nice legs...what time do they open?
3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.
4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?
8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
9. Want to play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
10. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
11. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
12. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.
13. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?
14. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
15. Are those real?
16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.
17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.
18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. (Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.
20. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
21. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?
22. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Sherry Titsbottom?
23. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
24. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.
25. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
26. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
27. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
28. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
29. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.
30. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?
31. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.
32. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?
33. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.
34. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???
35. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.
36. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
37. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.
Today I sat down and took the time to really think about things. About life. About people. And you know what? Something's become a lot more clear to me. A lot of things, actually.

You know, I've always been one to root for humanity, despite being kicked in the nuts by life on more than just one, and despite being somewhat of a people's person that would go out of his way to make sure other people had a smile on their faces and could get up the next day like "Bring it the fuck on life". Naturally, I'm just that person.

But during the passed couple of months I've come to realize that even the...
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Welcome to the block, where a group of ponies that are friends live on the same block in Ponyville. And now for your hosts, Master Sword, and Tom Foolery.

Audience: *Cheering*
Master Sword & Tom: *Standing in front of a house*
Master Sword: Today is a really bad day for the fandom.
Audience: *Gasp*
Tom: What happened Master Sword?
Master Sword: It's Warner Brothers.
Tom: *Angry* Not again!
Audience: *Laughing*
Master Sword: To show you what we're talking about, let me show you four pictures. *Gets a slideshow started* Okay, so there was going to be a video with a special intro showing the...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Welcome to the block, where a group of ponies that are friends live on the same block in Ponyville. And now for your hosts, Master Sword, and Tom Foolery.

Audience: *Cheering*
Master Sword & Tom: *Standing in front of a house*
Master Sword: Warner Brothers is at it again!
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: What did they do this time?
Master Sword: They want to sue us for ripping off this TV show they created called F Troop, even though they gave us permission to do it.
Tom: What?
Master Sword: In one of our skits, The Story Of Corporal Agarn, it's based off of F Troop, and Warner Brothers created...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
Welcome to the block, where a group of ponies that are friends live on the same block in Ponyville. And now for your hosts, Master Sword, and Tom Foolery.

Audience: *Cheering*
Master Sword & Tom: *Standing in front of a house*
Master Sword: Hey everypony.
Audience: *Clapping*
Tom: Remember in the previous episode how you said we might get killed by assassins working for Warner Brothers?
Audience: *Laughing*
Master Sword: Yes.
Tom: Well that happened to me.
Master Sword: Okay. How are you still alive?
Tom: Now wait a minute. Did I say that I died? No! You have to listen man.
Audience: *Laughing*...
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