There's a reason why Shovel Knight is widely regarded as the best game of 2014, and here's why.
But first, since I'm more of a buzzkill than the bees in Donkey Kong Country, a little backstory.
Shovel Knight started out as a project on the popular website Kickstarter, which kickstarts new ideas and is commonly used to make and invent new things. Then came....
*Insert cliche as hell hallelujah music*
This game, Shovel Knight.
Now since this isn't a review, I'm just going to give what I think of it, that way this doesn't turn into one of those god-forsaken 1,000 word essays you had to do in a week when you were in elementary school.
Shovel Knight in a nutshell is an NES based platformer that is easily one of the best I've ever seen.
The gameplay is as sharp as a blacksmithed needle, the music is as catchy that goddamn catchphrase YOLO, and the graphics look as beautiful as my girlfriend Cynthia, because even though the game's only 8-bit, it still looks absolutely wonderful.
Seriously, there's no way in hell that this game could've been on an actual NES. The system wasn't capable of auto-scrolling, 46 amazing songs that I could listen to all millennium, or a story mode as long as Shovel Knight's.
The story is that Shovel Knight and his extravagant buddy Shield Knight used to roam the lands, living young, wild, and free, (Don't lie, you don't get the reference.) When all of a sudden she disappears right the fuck out of nowhere and you've got to save her!
But to get to where she presumably is at the tower of fate, you must first beat up a giant intimidating group of baddies called "The Order Of No Quarter!"
YOU CAN'T HAVE MY QUARTERS ROBOT MASTER STEREOTYPES! >.<
Seriously though, the bosses each have awesome designs with funny personalities and I love each and every one of them.
Then there's the leader of the group, named the Enchantress. She's the annoying ass Blinky of the group, and easily the most powerful of the Order Of No Quarter.
Using a character that looks exactly like Boba Fett from Star Wars and Vile from Megaman X, you must use the shovel heard round the world to stop the baddies and save your girlfriend!
Seriously, the shovel in this game is so powerful it can break steel in two hits.
I WANT THAT SHOVEL.
The entire game is easy to learn, but so damn hard to master you'd have an easier time learning to twirl a conductor's baton on fire in a pool full of sharks.
Although each death is quite fair, as no time playing the game did I ever find me actually mad, and I never died because I thought the game was unfair either, so don't get the wrong idea or I'll swat you with a ski pole.
Every now and then you'll find a rare special item that you can use at any time as long as you have enough magic, including a fire rod, a giant exploding anchor, and a pair of gloves that can somehow control the boundaries of space, time, and gravity and punch through dust blocks in the air while flying until there's no more dirt bricks left to punch.
I WANT THOSE GLOVES.
In conclusion, this is a very fun game that's easily worth your money. And seeing as how there's SO much awesome DLC coming out soon you'd have an easier time counting the amount of mosquitos there are in a swarm of absolutely terrifying blood-drinking creatures, I think you'll absolutely love this game.
You probably won't love the swarm of mosquitos though, dear god.
FINAL SCORE: 9.5! This is one of the best games I've seen in decades.
But first, since I'm more of a buzzkill than the bees in Donkey Kong Country, a little backstory.
Shovel Knight started out as a project on the popular website Kickstarter, which kickstarts new ideas and is commonly used to make and invent new things. Then came....
*Insert cliche as hell hallelujah music*
This game, Shovel Knight.
Now since this isn't a review, I'm just going to give what I think of it, that way this doesn't turn into one of those god-forsaken 1,000 word essays you had to do in a week when you were in elementary school.
Shovel Knight in a nutshell is an NES based platformer that is easily one of the best I've ever seen.
The gameplay is as sharp as a blacksmithed needle, the music is as catchy that goddamn catchphrase YOLO, and the graphics look as beautiful as my girlfriend Cynthia, because even though the game's only 8-bit, it still looks absolutely wonderful.
Seriously, there's no way in hell that this game could've been on an actual NES. The system wasn't capable of auto-scrolling, 46 amazing songs that I could listen to all millennium, or a story mode as long as Shovel Knight's.
The story is that Shovel Knight and his extravagant buddy Shield Knight used to roam the lands, living young, wild, and free, (Don't lie, you don't get the reference.) When all of a sudden she disappears right the fuck out of nowhere and you've got to save her!
But to get to where she presumably is at the tower of fate, you must first beat up a giant intimidating group of baddies called "The Order Of No Quarter!"
YOU CAN'T HAVE MY QUARTERS ROBOT MASTER STEREOTYPES! >.<
Seriously though, the bosses each have awesome designs with funny personalities and I love each and every one of them.
Then there's the leader of the group, named the Enchantress. She's the annoying ass Blinky of the group, and easily the most powerful of the Order Of No Quarter.
Using a character that looks exactly like Boba Fett from Star Wars and Vile from Megaman X, you must use the shovel heard round the world to stop the baddies and save your girlfriend!
Seriously, the shovel in this game is so powerful it can break steel in two hits.
I WANT THAT SHOVEL.
The entire game is easy to learn, but so damn hard to master you'd have an easier time learning to twirl a conductor's baton on fire in a pool full of sharks.
Although each death is quite fair, as no time playing the game did I ever find me actually mad, and I never died because I thought the game was unfair either, so don't get the wrong idea or I'll swat you with a ski pole.
Every now and then you'll find a rare special item that you can use at any time as long as you have enough magic, including a fire rod, a giant exploding anchor, and a pair of gloves that can somehow control the boundaries of space, time, and gravity and punch through dust blocks in the air while flying until there's no more dirt bricks left to punch.
I WANT THOSE GLOVES.
In conclusion, this is a very fun game that's easily worth your money. And seeing as how there's SO much awesome DLC coming out soon you'd have an easier time counting the amount of mosquitos there are in a swarm of absolutely terrifying blood-drinking creatures, I think you'll absolutely love this game.
You probably won't love the swarm of mosquitos though, dear god.
FINAL SCORE: 9.5! This is one of the best games I've seen in decades.
Yeah you know
*I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
(da capo from asterisk)
Yeah it's pretty clear I ain't no kung fu (master)
I come here pretty often, I come often
Like I shouldn't do
For many reasons
Typing junk in various places
I see Internet legends
We view it and we gasp
Come on now I'm not that good
Hawaiian kindness isn't the same as genius
And every character I'm typing from the bottom to the top
This just isn't my thing
(Can somebody get a mop?)
I have writer's block and I need a little help
Separating the wheat from the chaff
And now somebody can (sure anyone can)
Bite my fhiny metal aff
'Cuz you know
*I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
(da capo from asterisk)
Oh yeah yeah yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
(da capo from asterisk)
Yeah it's pretty clear I ain't no kung fu (master)
I come here pretty often, I come often
Like I shouldn't do
For many reasons
Typing junk in various places
I see Internet legends
We view it and we gasp
Come on now I'm not that good
Hawaiian kindness isn't the same as genius
And every character I'm typing from the bottom to the top
This just isn't my thing
(Can somebody get a mop?)
I have writer's block and I need a little help
Separating the wheat from the chaff
And now somebody can (sure anyone can)
Bite my fhiny metal aff
'Cuz you know
*I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
I have procrastinate
Procrastinated
Lots of trouble
(da capo from asterisk)
Oh yeah yeah yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuvalu
Age - 18
Gender - female
Friends - Palau, Fiji, Nauru (me), Marshall Islands
Personality - bossy
Her random symbol - †
Palau
Age - 19
Gender - Female
Friends - Tuvalu, Australia NZ, Nauru (sister)
Personality - nice
Her random symbol - ♦
Nauru (me)
Age - 30's
Gender - Female
Friends - EVERYONE!!
Personality - creepy
Her Random Symbol - ♣
NZ
Age - secret
Gender - male
Friends - Australia, Kiribati (younger sister), Cook Islands
Personality - VERY NICE
His random Symbol - ‡
Tonga (Tonga66, the only user I know more than you all because she is my sister)
Age - 24
Gender - female
Friends - EVRYONE
Personality - SUPER FRIENDLY
Her random sister - ♥
I KNOW I LEFT SOME BUT DONT GET MAD AT ME, AND NO IM NOT ADDING ANYMORE COUNTRIES
Bye
Age - 18
Gender - female
Friends - Palau, Fiji, Nauru (me), Marshall Islands
Personality - bossy
Her random symbol - †
Palau
Age - 19
Gender - Female
Friends - Tuvalu, Australia NZ, Nauru (sister)
Personality - nice
Her random symbol - ♦
Nauru (me)
Age - 30's
Gender - Female
Friends - EVERYONE!!
Personality - creepy
Her Random Symbol - ♣
NZ
Age - secret
Gender - male
Friends - Australia, Kiribati (younger sister), Cook Islands
Personality - VERY NICE
His random Symbol - ‡
Tonga (Tonga66, the only user I know more than you all because she is my sister)
Age - 24
Gender - female
Friends - EVRYONE
Personality - SUPER FRIENDLY
Her random sister - ♥
I KNOW I LEFT SOME BUT DONT GET MAD AT ME, AND NO IM NOT ADDING ANYMORE COUNTRIES
Bye
Hey everybody there''s a contest on here that the kings of parodies The Nyackers are doing it's about that song All about that bass by Meghan Trainor. If u do this they will make a fan club about u and make the article their own. But their are rules no copying their articles, no insulting people like someone else did and It needs to be Original. so if u have funny lyrics to this song then by all means come par take in this contest but hurry up it ends Halloween eve. Or U can make a spoof about it either way if u par take in this u MUST start It Immediately to have a chance to win so work fast if ur in. I was first so U have to try and top me.
1. Your grandpa's horse's dandruff is in the shower.
2. The raisins on the counter are crunchy.
3. You can stuff a pillow with the rat fur on the couch alone.
4. Your nightstand is jammed with garbage from middle school.
5. Clay dust from your old arts-and-crafts project is in your AC.
6. There are a hundred roach-sized headstones littering your cabinets.
7. Your cleaning supplies are only in your closet for show.
8. People hit the gas every time they drive down your street.
9. There's a dust bunny colony in your sheet.
10. You don't even have much of a sheet anymore.
(At least five of these are from personal experience. Pictures would be appalling here.)
2. The raisins on the counter are crunchy.
3. You can stuff a pillow with the rat fur on the couch alone.
4. Your nightstand is jammed with garbage from middle school.
5. Clay dust from your old arts-and-crafts project is in your AC.
6. There are a hundred roach-sized headstones littering your cabinets.
7. Your cleaning supplies are only in your closet for show.
8. People hit the gas every time they drive down your street.
9. There's a dust bunny colony in your sheet.
10. You don't even have much of a sheet anymore.
(At least five of these are from personal experience. Pictures would be appalling here.)