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posted by slenderman777
1. The last thing i saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long rotting nails through my chest her other hand muffling my screams, i sat bolt up right glad it was just a dream but as i saw my alarm clock read 12:06 i heard the closet door creak open.

2. Growing up with pets i was used to scratching on my bedroom door, now that i live alone its much more unsettling.

3. In all the times i lived in this house, i swear to god i closed more doors then i open.

4. I thought my cat had a staring problem she always was looking at my face, until one day when i realized that she was always looking just behind me.

5. Theres nothing like the laughter of a baby, unless it's 1 am and you're home alone.

6. She went to check on her sleeping toddler, the window was open and the bed was empty
posted by catgirl140
79 Things to do in an Elevator (Soooo funny)

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. Meow occasionally.
6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.
7. Say "DING!" at each floor.
8. Say "I...
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I'm Dreaming Of A Fat Christmas

It was Christmas Eve. Selena sat yet on her head, sipping slow eggnog.

She looked at the cute boat hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, alex had hung it there, just before they looked at each other conversely and then fell into each other's arms and stood each other's hand.

If only I hadn't been so pretty, Selena thought, pouring a funny amount of rum into her eggnog. Then alex might not have got so stupid and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away a fast tear and held her head in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "BedWetter’s Camp, right?"
Add extra letters to words, ex: pizza becomes pizzzzzzzaaaaaaa
After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Answer their questions with questions.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
Ask for chips/fries with everything!
Ask for extra homo-sapien
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask how many...
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posted by Directioner3300
Once there was a ghost named Specter and he was very lonely.He had no friends or anymore family members.
He was really upset.So one day he floated outside just to have a nice look at the scenery when all of a sudden he saw another ghost.
She was floating close to Specter and Specter was very happy!
The femlae ghost introduced herself (Spirit) and Specter did the same.
They both floated around happily in the air holding hands.
Then Specter invited Spirit to his house.
After that they said goodnight to each other and became fast friends.
The next day Specter and Spirit went flaoting around at the park.When they were floating around Specter asked Spirit if she'd like to be his girlfriend.
So she yes and Specter was delighted!
So now that Specter has somebody in his life he was no longer upset or lonely.He found someone who loved him.
The End
posted by slenderman777
About five years ago I lived downtown in a major city in the US. I've always been a night person, so I would often find myself bored after my roommate, who was decidedly not a night person, went to sleep. To pass the time, I used to go for long walks and spend the time thinking.

I spent four years like that, walking alone at night, and never once had a reason to feel afraid. I always used to joke with my roommate that even the drug dealers in the city were polite. But all of that changed in just a few minutes of one evening.

It was a Wednesday, somewhere between one and two in the morning, and...
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Haaaaaiii.
So today we're talking about the little girls show that everyone loves. Even fat guys that eat nachos! Can I be your friend, fat guy?
ANYWAYZ, the fat guys call themselves brownies. I don't know why, cuz brownies are little chocolate sqaures that don't even watch little girl shows. But that's what they call themselves.
Well, not all of them are fat guys. Some are really hot guys and some are cute girls.
And anyway, it's about Twilight Fartle and her friends, Appleshit, Pinkie Piss, Flutter-oh-my, Rainbow Bitch and Rari-pee. They go on adventures and puke on Princess Barf-estia.
posted by -SkySplitter-
Disclaimer: I didn't make any of these. Credit goes to their original creators.

1. Q. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

A. Get in the car

2. A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink.

"Long day?" the bartender asks.

"No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.

3. Q. What does an Eagle and a Mole have in common?

A. They both live underground. Apart from the Eagle.

4. A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't say anything because its a duck.

5. Q. What...
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Ok, this is my first fan-fiction, no negative commments plz.

"Lock' in teh poool," Rumblfoot sadii.
"I seee it, it;s a profecy, Hollylaf sad.
"FBrumble will concour Fir and Bamble and blud will ran throug thee 4rest," Hollylaf resighted.
"Thee poo haz spoooken." Gayflyht said.
"Tall teh medisin cat! A KNEW HERU WILL BE BURN!" Rumblfuut shittad.
Add a hereo wass burned...














































































Teh thyme of Brumble haz cume.
posted by BlondLionEzel
Plot: The plot would be the same as the Madoka Magica anime series.

Director: Micheal Bay

Scriptwriter: Ehren Kruger

Music: Steve Jablonsky (Featuring "Connect" by Linkin Park)

Cinematography: Amir Mokri

Editing: Paul Rubell
Roger Barton
William Goldenberg

Production Companies: Paramount Pictures
Hasbro
Magica Quartet

Distributed By: Paramount Pictures

Release Date: June 25th, 2016

Running Time: 170 Minutes

Country: United States
Japan

Budget: $230 Million

Cast

Magical Girls:

Willow Shields as Madoka Kaname
Madison Pettis as Sayaka Miki
Bailee Madison as Homura Akemi
Peyton List as Mami Tomoe...
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posted by BlondLionEzel
Hey it's Nick here with some funny jokes :)

1. Knock Knock
Who's There?
I am the one who Knocks!

2. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show that he had guts. And boy did he have guts!

3. How do you make Mario cry?
Make him play a Luigi game!

4. What do you call a giant, clumsy, atomic ray breathing lizard?
Godspilla!

5. Why did the Annoying Orange become so popular?
Because Orange is the new Black!

6. Where did they send all of the failed Survivor people?
America's Got Talent!
posted by BlondLionEzel
Hi I'm back! And today I shall be reviewing Maleficent!

Plot: The evil Maleficent returns in this modern re-telling of Sleeping Beauty!

This movie should not have been called a "Re-Telling", it's completely different! Why did they make Maleficent the hero?! And the ending made no sense!

Score: 2/5

Music: Now I'll admit it, I thought the music was so-so. I liked "Once Upon a Dream" was pretty good.

Score: 3/5

Characters(Heroes): I thought that Elle Fanning was adorable as Aurora. And Brenton Thwaites was a pretty good Prince Phillip. The 3 Fairy Godparents were annoying.

Score: 3/5

Characters(Villains): I thought it was an odd choice picking Angelina Jolie to play Maleficent. The odd thing was I never felt sorry for her. She curses an infant for Godzilla's sake!

Score: 1/5

Final Thoughts: If you are into villains being shown as heroes, this movie is for you. For anyone else, no.

Final Score: 9/20

Would I recommend it? NO
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