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#1:
POST: I don't want my baby boy to he straight, I want it gay.. If it's straight, I'll put it to adoption straight away!
ME: Don't worry little lady. If your the kids first impression of what a woman is, he'll either be gay or a serial killer..


#2:
POST: I'm bored.. Somebody fuck be.
ME: I would, but you might cough on me, and I might catch your stupid.


#3:
POST: How do Christians reproduce, if they think sex is a sin, how do they have babies!?
ME: No, no, your mistaking Christians for temblr feminists., they consider you a rapist for "having a penis"


#4:
POST: Who trying to get me pregnant? I'll abort it by summer.
ME: Good idea, don't want more of your kind running around.


#5:
POST: Having the flu ain'r gonna stop me from being a slut :)
ME: You know what also has flu symptoms? HIV. What do you get from being a slut? HIV. What do you deserve for being a slut? A shovel to the face. What you thought I was gonna say HIV? I'm not a monster.


#6:
POST: So I accidantly drank my sons pee.. Tastes even better than my husbands pee.. I love golden showers!
ME:



#7:
POST: Today my science teacher threw his dead cart in the freezer, so we had to clean it. #Gross.
ME: #NoShit!.. If your a professor.. Your cat died.. And you put in a freezer so other have to clean.. You shouldn't be a professor!.. You shouldn't even be a alive.


#8:
POST: Korn has the best songs, "I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell I wait and bleeeeed!!"
ME: That's Slipknot you, fucking, idiot!


#9:
POST: My kid is NEVER gonna watch Skrek! Disagree all you want! Beautiful people don't go with ugly people! My daughter would grow up thinking she should change cause some ugly boy likes her! Why didn't Shrek change for Fiena!? Beautiful people are strong, ugly people are not! Why couldn't he change for Fiona!? Because woman have to do everything!
ME: Try watching SHREK 2, dumbass.


#10:
POST: GTA V sucks, GTA 5 is better.
ME: Some people can't wake up in the morning without a daily dose of STUPID!!


#11:
POST: How old do you have to be to watch porn? I'm a 11 year old, who has a 16 year olf brother who always wants me to watch porn with him.
ME: All that question does is make me wanna punch your brother.


#12:
POST: So my roommate and I watch porn every night.. Now he keeps wanting to masterbate in front of me. Is this normal?
ME: Not if your gay.. And weird!
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posted by iluvsmj
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss the grass* but you my friend!! yes you!! YOU CAN KISS MY ASS*******

If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes.....then why do you wear a bra??!

mirrors don't talk but lucky for you %n they don't laugh

Poof be gone, your breath is too strong, I...
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1) Follow complete strangers around for 10 minutes, then speak into your collar and say, "Harrold, we have a situation. Subject 367 is unresponsive. Code 163!"

2) When you get onto the elevator, laugh hysterically for 5 seconds, then glare at the other passengers as if they are crazy.

3)Run up the "down" escalators, shrieking hysterically, and when you reach the top, fall silent and glare at other shoppers as if they are crazy.

4) Approach a stranger in any Wal-Mart and hand them a spatula and say, with authority, "The future of the Earth depends on it." Abruptly turn around and walk away....
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