Well, it’s that time of the year again. Halloween, the month of scares, despite the fact that the year 2020 has been a fucking nightmare more than anything Halloween could do. Last year I looked at five exploitation horror films. Some were good. Some were absolute trash. But I wanted to do that again. And this time, I wanted to up the ante. I wanted to take it a step further. Not with graphic content. God no. Nothing will ever make me sick like Nekromantik, I think. But in scale. Instead of five films, I decided to check out ten this year. Ones of differentiating quality. Will there be diamonds in the rough? Will there be some absolute piles of fucking shit? Possibly. But we won’t know until we check it out. Now for these to be exploitation films, they need a level of hard violence, disturbing content, stuff that would be way too fucked up for the general audience and for only the niche market, like myself. Stuff like slasher films of the 80s and such are the most popular examples. And we got plenty of those here. Horrid imagery, tons of blood and gore, and so much dumb shit that it’ll make a high schooler giddy with excitement. So let us turn out the lights, lock the door, and see what we’ve gotten ourselves into
~I~
~Goke: Body Snatcher from Hell~
Okay, I don’t wanna be too hard on this movie from a visual standpoint, because this did come from Japan in the late 1960s. In fact, given the effects we do had at the time, some of them are pretty impressive. That being said, hoo boy, is this movie not the hidden gem I thought I was starting out with. So Goke: Body Snatcher from Hell, or Goke the Vampire in some regions, follows a group of nine people on a plane after it crashes due to interference, only to find themselves stranded in the classic Japanese desert. As we all know, Japan is known for their deserts. Anyway, after one passenger stumbles upon a UFO and there he is taken over by a blob-like alien that controls his brain by carving a hole into his head, and there, one by one, he begins picking off the passengers by sucking their blood. So we got aliens and vampires. That is a… strange combination, but sure. I did say the special effects were neat, like how the head splits open and the blob creature enters through the head, and I also like how they used a small replica of the plane to simulate it crashing. Seeing toy models of things to simulate crashes is always fun to me. That said, this movie is some fucking cheese. A lot of the characters are always overacting, the one English speaking woman who is travelling with the Japanese passengers sometimes gets Japanese subtitles and other times doesn’t, and as they talk about aliens being seen over Hiroshima, she just breaks out into talking about how she hates war. Um, what? Oh yeah, this movie is also an anti-war film. Saying that if we keep fighting wars, we will put ourselves in danger of being invaded by aliens. Yes, I am serious. The message is very hamfisted and not subtle at all, but I do enjoy seeing it actually play out in the film, seeing the passengers throw themselves out to the alien rather than the alien just going after them one by one. It only attacks when a person is left alone after being betrayed or almost killed, like a man being thrown off a cliff by someone else or a woman being killed because she’s thrown by some selfish prick. I especially enjoy the scene where the politician and his cohort are having a conflict because the businessman let the politician walk all over him, insult him, and even slept with his wife just so he could make it, only to be told he was being used from the start, so he gets the politician drunk on whiskey with no water and then laughs at his misery as he begs for water. Showing the problems with humanity is a lot better than just saying ‘war bad’. And the movie can do it, it just chooses not to do it every time. And no spoilers, but that ending did hit like a Twilight Zone twist. I was not expecting it to take that twist. I mean, I thought it, but I didn’t think they’d go through with it, but damn, they actually did. Good for you, Body Snatcher from Hell. So the film can be creative, but is it good…. Eeeeh. It has way too many problems. Like people will just become dicks out of nowhere if they were already aside from the main character who is a little goody two shoes. Dialogue just gets ignored at certain points. And oh my god, if you thought the Stormtroopers had shit aim. Son, these fuckers can’t even aim a rifle at a fully grown man right in front of them. Oh, but when you need to shoot the main character across the room to become a dick, suddenly you got the sickest aim in the west. But five potshots right in your face, you can’t hit shit. It’s actually hilarious at a point and I found myself laughing with this movie more than I was scared. Is the movie good? Probably not. Entertaining? I’d say so. Get some friends together when you can and check this film out. As of right now, it’s free on Youtube, so you can check it out on there.
6/10. Not scary, but a pretty good comedy film.
~II~
~Alien Dead~
Would you take a look at that movie cover. This is an actual film we are dealing with. I hate to spoil it for you all, but I think you could tell from the cover, this is the lowest rated film of the bunch. This is considered a terrible movie filled with bad acting, bad visual effects and bad writing. And needless to say, I had to check it out after that. I love garbage. I would rather your film be a burning pile of something than just mediocre nothing. A 1 out of 10 is better than a 4 or 5 out of 10. And not only that, but the director of this film has some history. Fred Olen Ray is a man who has a repertoire of over a hundred and fifty different movies that range from low budget to semi decent budget and has been a big help in aiding other small indie film studios. He even loaned the camera that was used to film a short film by Quentin Tarantino. He even did some wrestling on the side. I’m genuinely more interested in the life of Fred Olen Ray than I am about the movie now. But this is about Alien Dead, so how is the movie itself? Alien Dead follows the small country town near the swamp where a meteor strikes nearby, turning the residents into zombies that drain the blood out of humans a- Hey, wait a minute! I just talked about blood sucking aliens! Well this one at least has more kills like stabbing with a pitchfork and hanging, so no more of that blood sucking stuff. And man, is this movie a goddamn mess from start to finish. Everyone in this movie talks in a way that is either underacting like they don’t want to be here or overacting in a vain attempt to sound natural. But it gets so hilariously bad that it kind of makes the dialogue interesting, like hearing these alligator hunters talking about their failed attempt at catching an escaped convict dressed as a nun. It gives the place a small town feeling despite the fact we mostly see swamps and forests and rarely are inside any buildings. Heck, the cheap feeling almost works in the movies favor. With the cheap costume and make up design, the poor acting, and the same one song that plays that starts to drill into your brain, it actually gives off this sort of found footage vibe that kind of makes it a little creepy, but then it is changed by the shift in tone with the dick head cops laughing at people while bluegrass is playing in the background. And even the murder scenes go on for a while, like this group of five zombies eating a woman for a solid minute. Even ripping off her hand as soon as she’s on the ground and just gnawing on that. And once they start hanging people for fun, it just got to a point where I felt these zombies were just doing this to fuck with people. Like come on, that’s just silly. And not just inconsistencies, but even weird hard cuts in the dialogue. Like it feels like characters have more to say and then just stop and it cuts hard to the next scene, leaving their sentence unfinished. This movie is just a mess. An entertaining mess with the right friends and maybe if you’re really bored. But there are better zombie films out there. Shit, even when the movie gets to an apocalyptic feeling, there’s only ten minutes of the movie left, and then it turns out that outbreak was really just in one backyard. What?! All that gunfire and actual fire and hangings wasn’t big news worthy? It’s an interesting movie to check out if you’re really curious, but I will say, it got to a point where, despite being a movie barely over an hour, it felt longer. Yeah, I wasn’t the biggest fan of this one. If you really want to watch it, it’s on Amazon Prime Video. And I know a lot of people make fun of Amazon Prime Video for how terrible it is, I do too. But it has the market cornered on charmingly bad horror films, which is what I’m looking for. That said, I will end this on how the movie's description on Amazon Video says that the town sheriff played by Buster Crabbe is the protagonist. One, no he is not. Not only does he not investigate the crime, but actually gets angry at the prospect of being told to investigate. And two, if you aren’t familiar, Buster Crabbe is a famous olympic swimmer and actor who played roles like Tarzan, Buck Rogers and the original Flash Gordon. If you don’t know what those movies are, ask your grandparents. That’s it, I’m done. Alien Dead: Shit
4/10: Probably better with alcohol
~III~
~Blacula~
Okay, so two things. One, I Swear there is not a blood sucker theme for this year. This all just happened by total coincidence. Second, contrary to popular belief, I am white. I have never watched much blaxploitation films. I’m familiar with the tropes of them, but only through two homages that I have seen, being the Tarantino film, Jackie Brown, which let’s be real, he’ll pay homage to any exploitation film. And Black Dynamite, the greatest human achievement ever. So when I heard of Blacula, I had to watch it. I know it’s kind of become a meme I made up last year, but I was genuinely curious to see how bad this movie would be. And boy is this movie something. I can’t say it is something genuinely good, but there’s something here. The film follows the tragic tale of an African prince named Mamuwalde as he is cursed to be a vampire by Count Dracula. Centuries later, his coffin arrives in 1970s LA where he begins wreaking havoc on the city and gains the affection of a woman who resembles his lost wife. It’s the original Dracula with black slang thrown in. Or more like Nosferatu, with the themes of a count stalking the nights while speaking with his soon to be victims, trying to gain the affection of a human woman, the usual tropes like vampires turning into bats, being weak to the sun, big capes. And this movie even takes a bit of time to crack at that. Like seeing Blacula (Yes, that’s his nickname) walking around these streets as people give him weird looks is just funny to me. And the dialogue in this film is so cheesy and so dated that I can’t help but laugh with it. It’s got this sort of charm to it. But the movie ain’t perfect. A lot of scenes of just absolutely wrong things, like investigators inspecting corpses at their wake. Not sure why that upset me so much, but it did. And there’s also very stereotypical depictions of gay people in this film. Even using the F word. And I don’t mean fuck. I mean the OTHER F word. But it was the 70s. It was a different time. And the third act has so many jumps from then on. Like you got the doctor digging up a grave for some reason, then they meet Blacula at the club the next day, then Blacula and the doctor fight at an apartment the following evening, then they hunt him down to a warehouse the next night, then they hunt him down to a different warehouse after. It’s weird to me. But the final battle between Blacula and the doctor is hilarious. Blacula is just tossing these cops like they were ragdolls, throwing barrels at them from atop a balcony with no music. Just the noise of the barrel hitting cops. This is just Three Stooges shit and I love it. Speaking of music, the soundtrack is pretty interesting, being made by Gene Page, who helped work with musicians like Lionel Richie, Whitney Houstan, and Elton John to name a few. The music in this movie is a list of blues and funk, so seeing Blacula run away from cops to this funk guitar is kind of silly, but I like it. And the special effects ain’t half bad too. The makeup is kinda bad, the vampire lackeys have green skin and look like Halloween costumes. But the fire when a zombie is hit with holy water and seeing Blacula’s flesh melt in the sun. Good practical effects. Was Blacula a good film to watch? I’d say so. Not exactly a good movie, it has problems, but I was entertained throughout. Definitely the best film so far. And it even had mild success, being one of the best blaxploitation films, or at least one of the most successful, earning a profit at the box office and winning the first horror award at the Saturn Festival, starting a full trend of Blaxploitation horror films like Blackenstein, a movie made just to cash in on Blacula’s success that apparently ended in a murder. The more I look at this bad film, the more darker it gets. Maybe I’ll review it next year. Blacula even got a sequel, Scream Blacula Scream, which wasn’t… as good, but hey, better than nothing. Would I recommend Blacula? Yeah, it’s pretty good. Maybe too much for the honkies out there, but I was entertained. You can check the movie out on Amazon Prime Video, and, assuming you actually have that service, I’d say it could be worth a look. It’s the best movie on here so far.
7/10: Probably won’t get that N-Pass, still
~IV~
~A Bay of Blood~
So here comes an interesting film. A Bay of Blood, also called Blood Bath, also called Carnage, also called Twitch of the Dead Nerve, is a movie directed by Mario Bava, an Italian director known for being a master in the sub-genre of giallo, Italian for yellow, referencing the yellow paperback books about murder mysteries that these movies were based and inspired on. And A Bay of Blood is considered Bava’s most controversial film, but still seen as a classic in the horror scene and actually started many trends that would appear in slasher films years later. Well with so much love and history behind it, I was interested. And did A Bay of Blood live up to the hype? Yes and no. Yes because A Bay of Blood is a genuinely great film that I think any horror film should experience. But no because it’s technically not a horror film. It’s graphic like one, but saying a horror film is only horror because it’s graphic is silly. By that merit, Mortal Kombat is the greatest horror game ever. This is more of a suspenseful thriller with minor slasher elements. That said, Bay of Blood is a really good film and makes the film student in me genuinely impressed. The film has a lot of interesting transitions, from the phone being put up as a gas pump is being put away, or when a woman’s head is cut off and in her place of falling to the ground is a dolls head played by children. Just neat transitions like that. Not just good editing, good cinematography too. Most of the film has camera angles from behind branches or around corners, like you’re watching the film from a stalkers point of view. It really adds to the suspense when it’s actually the killer watching. But that’s the strange thing. This film has a very blurred line between killer in victim, in the second half anyway. The first half is classic slasher film fare. Teens go to the woods and get picked off one by one by the murderer. And I can see the influences to later slasher films. In fact, I’m pretty sure the spear kill was used in Friday the 13th. But after that first half, it goes from a slasher film to a murder conspiracy, where everyone is out for something at this point and it becomes something like Hateful Eight. And for a movie in the 70s, the graphic effects are pretty good. Not the greatest gore, but it works in its favor. Seeing a face get sliced open with a hacksaw or a woman get her throat slashed, it’s all really visually uncomfortable, and I mean that in the best way. The movie really manages to do a lot with it’s suspense and effects. Should you watch A Bay of Blood? Yeah, not even for Halloween. Just in general, I think everyone should watch this movie at least once. It piqued my interest in more Italian style horror films of the giallo subgenre and you can watch it for free on Youtube. There’s like no reason not to check this film out. It’s just a genuinely good movie.
9/10. Good stuff
~V~
~Carnival of Souls~
Now this film appears to be stretching the exploitation theme a little here. I thought to myself that I had made a mistake and was watching a regular old thriller. But the more I watched the debilitating psyche of the protagonist from start to finish, I thought that it was, in it’s own way. But we’re getting a little ahead. Carnival of Souls was, despite the black and white, a 1962 film directed by Herk Harvey, known for…. Carnival of Souls. His one and only film he ever made. The movie was rarely spoken of for years before it was finally acknowledged in the early 90s, only a short time before his death. He only got to enjoy success for a while, but his legacy remains thanks to this film, considered a classic by many for it’s visual effects, sound design, and being an influence on directors like David Lynch and George A. Romero. And yeah, watching this film, I can see the influence. The movie follows a woman named Mary, who survives a car accident, but begins to see visions of a pale man everywhere she goes, and she believes that it is all related to an abandoned carnival out in the middle of nowhere in Utah. Now this film isn’t the most grotesque, most impressive effects, and even the story is pretty slow moving, but I’m telling you, this is a film for any horror enthusiast. Seeing the strange camera angles that feel like it’s straight out of a classic german expressionist film mixed with the haunting music is something to behold. Even the more calm moments have this distorted music in the background, all feeling like some sort of dream or vision. Therefore, the more haunting music during creepy moments sounds like something from a nightmare. It gives that feeling that the viewer is starting to go insane from all this alongside Mary, and I mean that in a good way. You start to question if Mary is sane or if everything she is seeing is part of her debilitating psyche. In most horror films, you get these characters that no one believes until it’s too late, but in this film, even with all the strange happenings, it’s how shocked and disturbed people get around Mary and how she starts breaking down that makes you question. Think Hereditary, the film from 2018. It has that same feeling going for it, but less hard to stomach. And no spoilers, but Carnival of Souls has an ending worth watching. I think that Carnival of Souls is a classic for anyone. It’s available on Amazon Prime, and on Youtube if you want to take the budget route. Everyone should give it a watch at some point. It’s got interesting camera work, an unsettling sense of dread, and just some unique camera work. It’s just good.
10/10: It just good
~VI~
~Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer~
Well, we had some laughs on this article so far. We had some good chuckles. All these movies have been pretty silly so far, right? We all laughed at the meme that was Blacula… well, I did, but fuck you. Remember how bad Alien Dead was? You probably don’t, but I do. Probably won’t ever forget. But now it’s time to get to the actual haunting films. The real graphic shit. The stuff that makes you question where the line is drawn. These next two films pretty much put it there. One of them being a graphic violence spectacle. And this one being a disturbing look at the mind of a fictional serial killer, though inspired by very real, tragic events. And the one I’m looking at first is Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. So the movie follows Henry, a serial killer, who take part in murdering his victims in different methods along with his accomplice while watching over his sister and just indulging in murder. The movie wastes no time, showing you a series of corpses, but no actual murders taking place. The movie holds off for that for a bit, and that’s for the best, because when it happens, it shocks you all the more, seeing these two brutalize people with stabbings, stranglings, and shootings for the fun of it. You could consider this film to be nothing more than a series of violence and just sickening imagery, but the film does manage to create this psychological feeling through the slow build up. You never know when it happens, but it makes you paranoid, wondering when it will occur. The movie isn’t just scenes of violence for some sick twisted imagery. It all makes you fear when it will happen, all from the main characters. Think about Natural Born Killers but more stomach churning, less colors, and a lot of sexual violence from Herny’s perverted friend. Hey, Henry is a murderer, not a rapist. He has standards. Even some graphic scenes can be made more haunting by the actors just telling about their fucked up histories, like Henry being abused by his mother with his vacant stare without any emotion. That’s all he has throughout the movie. While a woman is crying next to him, he’s just staring, more annoyed about the whole thing than anything else. And with Henry giving this mindset that if he didn’t kill them, they’d do the same to him. If this film came out today, it would be regarded by incels the same way Joker is as a relatable piece of media. I would say the movie is good, but very hard to watch for the common people. If you’re interested in some haunting imagery and music and the understanding of a killer's mentality, I’d say this is a good film to watch. Just be warned that it isn’t an easy film to watch. You can check it out on Amazon Prime. Just… yeah, seriously, you’ve been warned.
8/10: But my mind is now a bit more paranoid now
~VII~
~Wolf Creek~
So we’ve seen a few films from different parts of the earth before with these articles. From Japan, Italy, France, South America, the UK, but never talked about a film from Australia before. And this is one hell of a film to introduce me to the country of deadly spiders, deadly snakes, deadly jellyfish, deadly koalas with STDs, and now you got deadly humans too. Released in 2006, Wolf Creek is a film that is pretty divided. Some people consider it a realistic, taboo-breaking film about the underbelly of the horrid crimes that go on. Others consider it disgusting violent schlock that will make you sick. And I was probably going to come out thinking that as well. This is not a pleasant film to watch. I mean, neither is Henry, but that film had dialogue, characters, an idea of telling you something rather than showing violence. And does this movie do more than just show violence? Not… super really. But I can admire the film. It has a slow start. And I do mean slooow. In some ways, it does build up the atmosphere, but on other hands, it isn’t until the literal halfway point of the film does it become horror. Maybe unsettling at points, but not straight up horror until the exact halfway point. Watching this on Amazon Prime, it took until the mark 52:19 of this hour and forty four minute movie to get to the slasher elements. Not that I hate slow build up. Hateful Eight is one of my favorite movies ever and that movie is pretty slow to get started. But it works because it introduces characters, has interesting dialogue, and has this natural flow to it. The film does have that too. Characters stumble on their words and laugh a bit when they can’t speak. Some may consider that awkward, but people in real life are awkward. That’s just what people are. I love you Hateful Eight, but everyday people fumble on their words. So the first half isn’t bad, if you are patient. Once you get to the second half, the slasher portion of the film, it is… very hard to stomach. I give props to the actors here. Every scream, every cry for a chance to survive is just sickening to watch. And credit to the actor John Jarrett. I’ve never been so sickened by a fictional serial killer like I was with this guy. And the violence is pretty disturbing. Both visually and on how it just shows the characters trying in vain to escape their demise. It’s not an easy film for those squeamish, especially the part with the bowie knife. And hey, this film gets credit for having survivors that aren’t totally stupid. They don’t die from stupidity like running away from each other or tripping over themselves. And when they get a gun, they take a fucking shot and try to take another, and when that doesn’t work because of only one bullet, just beat the body. I mean, let’s be real, they could have bludgeoned him a bit more, but hey credit where credit is due. Wolf Creek is a film that I am interested in. It’s like Texas Chainsaw Massacre but less subtle and focuses on being as violent as possible without being total shit. It has elements I like, but I wouldn’t call it my favorite, or even remotely something I’d watch again on my own. But the film was good enough to get a sequel which was meh. And that may not be much, but, really, just okay? Considering even the best slasher films get terrible sequels, of all the slasher movies to get an alright sequel, it was Wolf Creek? But that’s beside the point. Should you watch Wolf Creek? Yeah, if you’re curious. Not for those with weak stomachs, but it’s decent. It’s also on Prime, but just be ready for a long fity minutes followed by an uncomfortable fifty more. Whether that’s your thing or not is up to you
6/10: Fuck you, Australia ecosystem
~VIII~
~The Toxic Avenger~
Okay, let’s get this out of the way right now. This movie is fucking awesome. But is it a horror film? Not in the sense that you would think of. It’s more like a monster movie with horror elements. But hey, if I were to judge these movies on being genuine horror, Blacula and the last film would be off the list, and fuck that. So that being said, this movie is sick. It follows the nerdy janitor of a gym named Melvin in Tromaville, a small suburb in New York who is turned into a monster by toxic waste. With his body transformed into a hulking mass, he goes around the town, killing criminals and getting revenge on the bullies that turned him into a monster. So part of the film is a vigilante story kind of like the Crow with more vulgar humor and dick jokes. The other part of the film is a revenge story, which is where I think the horror comes into play. Seeing these bullies get chased by the monster before being mauled horribly, like being burned alive on coals or driven off the edge of a cliff in an exploding car. You would feel bad, only… Yeah, these people super deserve it. The bullies in this film actually get horny when they run a kid over and smash his head. And that’s just them. You got pimps selling children, robbers shooting dogs, drug dealers, old ladies that run a slave trade. The police chief is an actual Nazi, doing Nazi salutes and calling his boss his “Fuhrer”. Oh boy, this movie has some scumfucks. I thought Hobo with a Shotgun was bad. The movie also was on a low budget of about five hundred thousand. The movie was made by Troma Entertainment, a film studio that makes films on a low budget with so much passion thanks to the work of Lloyd Kaufman. You know him better as that guy from the Angry Video Game Nerd video, but he made lots of movies on Troma, and his passion is just something I admire. So yeah, low budget. So the special effects are very much practical. You can see the corpses looking like rubber and low blood count at times. Even still, seeing the gore in this film and the action is pretty good for a low budget. Maybe it’s because that sort of stuff works in horrors favor, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the original Evil Dead. Adds to the feel. Sure, the comedy in this film kind of ruins the tone, but I felt this movie works better as an action black comedy slasher film. It’s just a fun movie. But I can’t say it’s for everyone. There’s a lot of slurs in the film, from racial to homosexual. There’s a lot of the F-word, and I don’t mean fuck. Stereotypical depictions of gays and transgenders. The start of the movie has a kid getting his head run over. I think Toxie makes a Chinese stereotype joke at one point. It’s writing is… a product of the time, to put it lightly. Now I don’t think it intends to offend. I mean, I intend to offend, I can tell you that straight up. I’ll say retard and faggot for fun because fuck your feelings, and this movie has the same, but I doubt it’s trying to push a “I hate gays” agenda. Just… part of the time. If that’s not your thing, I understand. But for the rest, yeah, The Toxic Avenger is fucking sick. It was popular enough to get four sequels with a supposed reboot coming out, and even had a children’s cartoon show, for some reason that I can’t comprehend. It was pretty good too. Go watch it. It’s on Amazon or something. Do yourself a favor and watch it.
8/10: I love you, Toxie
~VI~
~From Beyond~
I feel like this is as far from an exploitation film as one can get. But I think the gore, the awkward sex, the madness, and just the weird feeling you get from it helps make it something like that. Plus this was said to be one by the website Mubi.com, so… take from that what you will. Plus I already paid the Amazon rent fee, so, fuck it! From Beyond! From Beyond is based on the story by H.P. Lovecraft of the same name, loosely, of course, about a scientist’s assistant nearly going mad and with the help of a therapist, tries to find out the other world through the device that they had created in order to unlock their full potential. You know what’s gross? This movie. You know what else is gross? Body horror. But I love it for many reasons. Mostly because body horror films have the most disturbing but creative special effects. But also because body horror destroys the body, the one pillar of safety to you because you know it better than anyone else, and body horror comes and strips that away from people. And From Beyond is no exception. The body horror in this film is fucking creepy, disgusting, and yet so clever all at once. Seeing the scientist become more and more monstrous as he continues to appear throughout the film. Seeing the disgusting spore like brain emerge from the assistants head and control him. Heck, even seeing the shape of his skull change into something more alien as the film goes on is a nice touch. The movie also has a habit of making the music within the house the most unsettling thing ever. It makes you start wondering if you are going insane. And I mean that in a good way. And the deaths in this film are not pleasant deaths. They are graphic and horrid and kind of a step up given that most of the violence in these movies thus far has either been really tame, really goofy, or was only made worse because of the actors behavior throughout. So seeing a man being eaten down to his bones by alien creatures is uh…. Yeah, a surprise, to say the least. But I think the film really kind of goes crazy at the end, simply because they gotta destroy the machine, and instead of just setting the house on fire or something, the therapist just gets a bomb. And not even a homemade bomb. It’s fucking C4 with a timer. How did she get it? Where did she get it? Why does she have a fucking time bomb with her? It’s weird. But the film's use of seeing these characters dive further and further into madness, yeah, that’s very Lovecraftian. And unlike the other film, I was very much entertained throughout. Not just because of the body horror, I thought it was a better film overall. Is this the best film adaptation of a Lovecraft film? Maybe. I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard that the Call of Cthulhu movie was pretty good. But I’d say From Beyond is up there. Check it out if you are interested
7/10: I’m gonna puke
~X~
~Planet Terror~
Alright, one last film, and then it’s Happy Halloween and a Happy fuckin’ New Year. And I saved… maybe the best for last? Definitely my most anticipated, Planet Terror. So remember the film I reviewed last year, Death Proof? Well, no, cause you didn’t read that article. Anyway, Death Proof was a pretty good Tarantino movie and a good love letter to exploitation films of that era. But as it turns out, it was actually part of a duology. The Grindhouse feature films. Two films put together to pay homage to this genre of films, along with trailers for other movies. Trailers that would go on to have two films actually made, being Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun. And I love Hobo with a Shotgun, but I would’ve loved to see that Edgar Wright film get made, but that’s a different story. And I can give or take Machete. First was Death Proof and second was Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror. Rodriguez is best known for movies like Sin City, El Mariachi, and his magnum opus, Spy Kids. Personally, I have no strong feelings for Rodriguez like Tarantino. Neither admiration or hatred. I haven’t seen a lot of his films. I bought this special edition of Sin City years ago, and have yet to watch it because I suck at watching movies, but I hear the man is good when he is. So why not start off with one of his… other films. Planet Terror takes place at the start of a zombie apocalypse, showing the calm before it goes to a full blown outbreak in just a single night, all from the perspective of a dancer named Cherry who tries to survive with just one leg and a ragtag team of other survivors. This is a very graphic film. While the special effects do have moments of looking very much like CGI, the movie is way gorier than Death Proof and just way more nonsensical. But it keeps that charming exploitation vibe. Even having a film grain to it that adds to the charm, along with missing reels as a joke. The film just starts with insanity and doesn’t end. It keeps the madness going throughout. Unlike Death Proof which had moments of calm dialogue, this film has none of that. Insane action, lots of gun violence, lots of gore and explosions, gun tricks, zombies getting blown up, military men getting castrated, heads getting blown up. The film is total anarchy and it is just a fun time for everyone. It doesn’t take itself too seriously and that is what I come for from these kinds of films. Now is this film better than Rodriguez’s magnum opus, Sharkboy and Lavagirl? Of course not. But it’s pretty good. I’d say check it out, along with the other Grindhouse film. It’s just… good
8/10: yeh
And there we go. Ten exploitation films. Some more exploitation than others. A lot of them were good. A few mehs. Alien Dead sucked. But it was all pretty good. Better than last year, hoo boy. Will I do this again next year? Yeah, I’d say so. Even the worst films, yes, even Alien Dead, I got a joy of seeing these low budget film makers try to make something fun and crazy, or just pushing boundaries that no one else would. So yeah, I’d say look forward to part three. But no more than ten parts. Don’t want another Cultober situation. And with that said, I bring this film review collection to a close… Go the fuck home, everyone
~I~
~Goke: Body Snatcher from Hell~
Okay, I don’t wanna be too hard on this movie from a visual standpoint, because this did come from Japan in the late 1960s. In fact, given the effects we do had at the time, some of them are pretty impressive. That being said, hoo boy, is this movie not the hidden gem I thought I was starting out with. So Goke: Body Snatcher from Hell, or Goke the Vampire in some regions, follows a group of nine people on a plane after it crashes due to interference, only to find themselves stranded in the classic Japanese desert. As we all know, Japan is known for their deserts. Anyway, after one passenger stumbles upon a UFO and there he is taken over by a blob-like alien that controls his brain by carving a hole into his head, and there, one by one, he begins picking off the passengers by sucking their blood. So we got aliens and vampires. That is a… strange combination, but sure. I did say the special effects were neat, like how the head splits open and the blob creature enters through the head, and I also like how they used a small replica of the plane to simulate it crashing. Seeing toy models of things to simulate crashes is always fun to me. That said, this movie is some fucking cheese. A lot of the characters are always overacting, the one English speaking woman who is travelling with the Japanese passengers sometimes gets Japanese subtitles and other times doesn’t, and as they talk about aliens being seen over Hiroshima, she just breaks out into talking about how she hates war. Um, what? Oh yeah, this movie is also an anti-war film. Saying that if we keep fighting wars, we will put ourselves in danger of being invaded by aliens. Yes, I am serious. The message is very hamfisted and not subtle at all, but I do enjoy seeing it actually play out in the film, seeing the passengers throw themselves out to the alien rather than the alien just going after them one by one. It only attacks when a person is left alone after being betrayed or almost killed, like a man being thrown off a cliff by someone else or a woman being killed because she’s thrown by some selfish prick. I especially enjoy the scene where the politician and his cohort are having a conflict because the businessman let the politician walk all over him, insult him, and even slept with his wife just so he could make it, only to be told he was being used from the start, so he gets the politician drunk on whiskey with no water and then laughs at his misery as he begs for water. Showing the problems with humanity is a lot better than just saying ‘war bad’. And the movie can do it, it just chooses not to do it every time. And no spoilers, but that ending did hit like a Twilight Zone twist. I was not expecting it to take that twist. I mean, I thought it, but I didn’t think they’d go through with it, but damn, they actually did. Good for you, Body Snatcher from Hell. So the film can be creative, but is it good…. Eeeeh. It has way too many problems. Like people will just become dicks out of nowhere if they were already aside from the main character who is a little goody two shoes. Dialogue just gets ignored at certain points. And oh my god, if you thought the Stormtroopers had shit aim. Son, these fuckers can’t even aim a rifle at a fully grown man right in front of them. Oh, but when you need to shoot the main character across the room to become a dick, suddenly you got the sickest aim in the west. But five potshots right in your face, you can’t hit shit. It’s actually hilarious at a point and I found myself laughing with this movie more than I was scared. Is the movie good? Probably not. Entertaining? I’d say so. Get some friends together when you can and check this film out. As of right now, it’s free on Youtube, so you can check it out on there.
6/10. Not scary, but a pretty good comedy film.
~II~
~Alien Dead~
Would you take a look at that movie cover. This is an actual film we are dealing with. I hate to spoil it for you all, but I think you could tell from the cover, this is the lowest rated film of the bunch. This is considered a terrible movie filled with bad acting, bad visual effects and bad writing. And needless to say, I had to check it out after that. I love garbage. I would rather your film be a burning pile of something than just mediocre nothing. A 1 out of 10 is better than a 4 or 5 out of 10. And not only that, but the director of this film has some history. Fred Olen Ray is a man who has a repertoire of over a hundred and fifty different movies that range from low budget to semi decent budget and has been a big help in aiding other small indie film studios. He even loaned the camera that was used to film a short film by Quentin Tarantino. He even did some wrestling on the side. I’m genuinely more interested in the life of Fred Olen Ray than I am about the movie now. But this is about Alien Dead, so how is the movie itself? Alien Dead follows the small country town near the swamp where a meteor strikes nearby, turning the residents into zombies that drain the blood out of humans a- Hey, wait a minute! I just talked about blood sucking aliens! Well this one at least has more kills like stabbing with a pitchfork and hanging, so no more of that blood sucking stuff. And man, is this movie a goddamn mess from start to finish. Everyone in this movie talks in a way that is either underacting like they don’t want to be here or overacting in a vain attempt to sound natural. But it gets so hilariously bad that it kind of makes the dialogue interesting, like hearing these alligator hunters talking about their failed attempt at catching an escaped convict dressed as a nun. It gives the place a small town feeling despite the fact we mostly see swamps and forests and rarely are inside any buildings. Heck, the cheap feeling almost works in the movies favor. With the cheap costume and make up design, the poor acting, and the same one song that plays that starts to drill into your brain, it actually gives off this sort of found footage vibe that kind of makes it a little creepy, but then it is changed by the shift in tone with the dick head cops laughing at people while bluegrass is playing in the background. And even the murder scenes go on for a while, like this group of five zombies eating a woman for a solid minute. Even ripping off her hand as soon as she’s on the ground and just gnawing on that. And once they start hanging people for fun, it just got to a point where I felt these zombies were just doing this to fuck with people. Like come on, that’s just silly. And not just inconsistencies, but even weird hard cuts in the dialogue. Like it feels like characters have more to say and then just stop and it cuts hard to the next scene, leaving their sentence unfinished. This movie is just a mess. An entertaining mess with the right friends and maybe if you’re really bored. But there are better zombie films out there. Shit, even when the movie gets to an apocalyptic feeling, there’s only ten minutes of the movie left, and then it turns out that outbreak was really just in one backyard. What?! All that gunfire and actual fire and hangings wasn’t big news worthy? It’s an interesting movie to check out if you’re really curious, but I will say, it got to a point where, despite being a movie barely over an hour, it felt longer. Yeah, I wasn’t the biggest fan of this one. If you really want to watch it, it’s on Amazon Prime Video. And I know a lot of people make fun of Amazon Prime Video for how terrible it is, I do too. But it has the market cornered on charmingly bad horror films, which is what I’m looking for. That said, I will end this on how the movie's description on Amazon Video says that the town sheriff played by Buster Crabbe is the protagonist. One, no he is not. Not only does he not investigate the crime, but actually gets angry at the prospect of being told to investigate. And two, if you aren’t familiar, Buster Crabbe is a famous olympic swimmer and actor who played roles like Tarzan, Buck Rogers and the original Flash Gordon. If you don’t know what those movies are, ask your grandparents. That’s it, I’m done. Alien Dead: Shit
4/10: Probably better with alcohol
~III~
~Blacula~
Okay, so two things. One, I Swear there is not a blood sucker theme for this year. This all just happened by total coincidence. Second, contrary to popular belief, I am white. I have never watched much blaxploitation films. I’m familiar with the tropes of them, but only through two homages that I have seen, being the Tarantino film, Jackie Brown, which let’s be real, he’ll pay homage to any exploitation film. And Black Dynamite, the greatest human achievement ever. So when I heard of Blacula, I had to watch it. I know it’s kind of become a meme I made up last year, but I was genuinely curious to see how bad this movie would be. And boy is this movie something. I can’t say it is something genuinely good, but there’s something here. The film follows the tragic tale of an African prince named Mamuwalde as he is cursed to be a vampire by Count Dracula. Centuries later, his coffin arrives in 1970s LA where he begins wreaking havoc on the city and gains the affection of a woman who resembles his lost wife. It’s the original Dracula with black slang thrown in. Or more like Nosferatu, with the themes of a count stalking the nights while speaking with his soon to be victims, trying to gain the affection of a human woman, the usual tropes like vampires turning into bats, being weak to the sun, big capes. And this movie even takes a bit of time to crack at that. Like seeing Blacula (Yes, that’s his nickname) walking around these streets as people give him weird looks is just funny to me. And the dialogue in this film is so cheesy and so dated that I can’t help but laugh with it. It’s got this sort of charm to it. But the movie ain’t perfect. A lot of scenes of just absolutely wrong things, like investigators inspecting corpses at their wake. Not sure why that upset me so much, but it did. And there’s also very stereotypical depictions of gay people in this film. Even using the F word. And I don’t mean fuck. I mean the OTHER F word. But it was the 70s. It was a different time. And the third act has so many jumps from then on. Like you got the doctor digging up a grave for some reason, then they meet Blacula at the club the next day, then Blacula and the doctor fight at an apartment the following evening, then they hunt him down to a warehouse the next night, then they hunt him down to a different warehouse after. It’s weird to me. But the final battle between Blacula and the doctor is hilarious. Blacula is just tossing these cops like they were ragdolls, throwing barrels at them from atop a balcony with no music. Just the noise of the barrel hitting cops. This is just Three Stooges shit and I love it. Speaking of music, the soundtrack is pretty interesting, being made by Gene Page, who helped work with musicians like Lionel Richie, Whitney Houstan, and Elton John to name a few. The music in this movie is a list of blues and funk, so seeing Blacula run away from cops to this funk guitar is kind of silly, but I like it. And the special effects ain’t half bad too. The makeup is kinda bad, the vampire lackeys have green skin and look like Halloween costumes. But the fire when a zombie is hit with holy water and seeing Blacula’s flesh melt in the sun. Good practical effects. Was Blacula a good film to watch? I’d say so. Not exactly a good movie, it has problems, but I was entertained throughout. Definitely the best film so far. And it even had mild success, being one of the best blaxploitation films, or at least one of the most successful, earning a profit at the box office and winning the first horror award at the Saturn Festival, starting a full trend of Blaxploitation horror films like Blackenstein, a movie made just to cash in on Blacula’s success that apparently ended in a murder. The more I look at this bad film, the more darker it gets. Maybe I’ll review it next year. Blacula even got a sequel, Scream Blacula Scream, which wasn’t… as good, but hey, better than nothing. Would I recommend Blacula? Yeah, it’s pretty good. Maybe too much for the honkies out there, but I was entertained. You can check the movie out on Amazon Prime Video, and, assuming you actually have that service, I’d say it could be worth a look. It’s the best movie on here so far.
7/10: Probably won’t get that N-Pass, still
~IV~
~A Bay of Blood~
So here comes an interesting film. A Bay of Blood, also called Blood Bath, also called Carnage, also called Twitch of the Dead Nerve, is a movie directed by Mario Bava, an Italian director known for being a master in the sub-genre of giallo, Italian for yellow, referencing the yellow paperback books about murder mysteries that these movies were based and inspired on. And A Bay of Blood is considered Bava’s most controversial film, but still seen as a classic in the horror scene and actually started many trends that would appear in slasher films years later. Well with so much love and history behind it, I was interested. And did A Bay of Blood live up to the hype? Yes and no. Yes because A Bay of Blood is a genuinely great film that I think any horror film should experience. But no because it’s technically not a horror film. It’s graphic like one, but saying a horror film is only horror because it’s graphic is silly. By that merit, Mortal Kombat is the greatest horror game ever. This is more of a suspenseful thriller with minor slasher elements. That said, Bay of Blood is a really good film and makes the film student in me genuinely impressed. The film has a lot of interesting transitions, from the phone being put up as a gas pump is being put away, or when a woman’s head is cut off and in her place of falling to the ground is a dolls head played by children. Just neat transitions like that. Not just good editing, good cinematography too. Most of the film has camera angles from behind branches or around corners, like you’re watching the film from a stalkers point of view. It really adds to the suspense when it’s actually the killer watching. But that’s the strange thing. This film has a very blurred line between killer in victim, in the second half anyway. The first half is classic slasher film fare. Teens go to the woods and get picked off one by one by the murderer. And I can see the influences to later slasher films. In fact, I’m pretty sure the spear kill was used in Friday the 13th. But after that first half, it goes from a slasher film to a murder conspiracy, where everyone is out for something at this point and it becomes something like Hateful Eight. And for a movie in the 70s, the graphic effects are pretty good. Not the greatest gore, but it works in its favor. Seeing a face get sliced open with a hacksaw or a woman get her throat slashed, it’s all really visually uncomfortable, and I mean that in the best way. The movie really manages to do a lot with it’s suspense and effects. Should you watch A Bay of Blood? Yeah, not even for Halloween. Just in general, I think everyone should watch this movie at least once. It piqued my interest in more Italian style horror films of the giallo subgenre and you can watch it for free on Youtube. There’s like no reason not to check this film out. It’s just a genuinely good movie.
9/10. Good stuff
~V~
~Carnival of Souls~
Now this film appears to be stretching the exploitation theme a little here. I thought to myself that I had made a mistake and was watching a regular old thriller. But the more I watched the debilitating psyche of the protagonist from start to finish, I thought that it was, in it’s own way. But we’re getting a little ahead. Carnival of Souls was, despite the black and white, a 1962 film directed by Herk Harvey, known for…. Carnival of Souls. His one and only film he ever made. The movie was rarely spoken of for years before it was finally acknowledged in the early 90s, only a short time before his death. He only got to enjoy success for a while, but his legacy remains thanks to this film, considered a classic by many for it’s visual effects, sound design, and being an influence on directors like David Lynch and George A. Romero. And yeah, watching this film, I can see the influence. The movie follows a woman named Mary, who survives a car accident, but begins to see visions of a pale man everywhere she goes, and she believes that it is all related to an abandoned carnival out in the middle of nowhere in Utah. Now this film isn’t the most grotesque, most impressive effects, and even the story is pretty slow moving, but I’m telling you, this is a film for any horror enthusiast. Seeing the strange camera angles that feel like it’s straight out of a classic german expressionist film mixed with the haunting music is something to behold. Even the more calm moments have this distorted music in the background, all feeling like some sort of dream or vision. Therefore, the more haunting music during creepy moments sounds like something from a nightmare. It gives that feeling that the viewer is starting to go insane from all this alongside Mary, and I mean that in a good way. You start to question if Mary is sane or if everything she is seeing is part of her debilitating psyche. In most horror films, you get these characters that no one believes until it’s too late, but in this film, even with all the strange happenings, it’s how shocked and disturbed people get around Mary and how she starts breaking down that makes you question. Think Hereditary, the film from 2018. It has that same feeling going for it, but less hard to stomach. And no spoilers, but Carnival of Souls has an ending worth watching. I think that Carnival of Souls is a classic for anyone. It’s available on Amazon Prime, and on Youtube if you want to take the budget route. Everyone should give it a watch at some point. It’s got interesting camera work, an unsettling sense of dread, and just some unique camera work. It’s just good.
10/10: It just good
~VI~
~Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer~
Well, we had some laughs on this article so far. We had some good chuckles. All these movies have been pretty silly so far, right? We all laughed at the meme that was Blacula… well, I did, but fuck you. Remember how bad Alien Dead was? You probably don’t, but I do. Probably won’t ever forget. But now it’s time to get to the actual haunting films. The real graphic shit. The stuff that makes you question where the line is drawn. These next two films pretty much put it there. One of them being a graphic violence spectacle. And this one being a disturbing look at the mind of a fictional serial killer, though inspired by very real, tragic events. And the one I’m looking at first is Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. So the movie follows Henry, a serial killer, who take part in murdering his victims in different methods along with his accomplice while watching over his sister and just indulging in murder. The movie wastes no time, showing you a series of corpses, but no actual murders taking place. The movie holds off for that for a bit, and that’s for the best, because when it happens, it shocks you all the more, seeing these two brutalize people with stabbings, stranglings, and shootings for the fun of it. You could consider this film to be nothing more than a series of violence and just sickening imagery, but the film does manage to create this psychological feeling through the slow build up. You never know when it happens, but it makes you paranoid, wondering when it will occur. The movie isn’t just scenes of violence for some sick twisted imagery. It all makes you fear when it will happen, all from the main characters. Think about Natural Born Killers but more stomach churning, less colors, and a lot of sexual violence from Herny’s perverted friend. Hey, Henry is a murderer, not a rapist. He has standards. Even some graphic scenes can be made more haunting by the actors just telling about their fucked up histories, like Henry being abused by his mother with his vacant stare without any emotion. That’s all he has throughout the movie. While a woman is crying next to him, he’s just staring, more annoyed about the whole thing than anything else. And with Henry giving this mindset that if he didn’t kill them, they’d do the same to him. If this film came out today, it would be regarded by incels the same way Joker is as a relatable piece of media. I would say the movie is good, but very hard to watch for the common people. If you’re interested in some haunting imagery and music and the understanding of a killer's mentality, I’d say this is a good film to watch. Just be warned that it isn’t an easy film to watch. You can check it out on Amazon Prime. Just… yeah, seriously, you’ve been warned.
8/10: But my mind is now a bit more paranoid now
~VII~
~Wolf Creek~
So we’ve seen a few films from different parts of the earth before with these articles. From Japan, Italy, France, South America, the UK, but never talked about a film from Australia before. And this is one hell of a film to introduce me to the country of deadly spiders, deadly snakes, deadly jellyfish, deadly koalas with STDs, and now you got deadly humans too. Released in 2006, Wolf Creek is a film that is pretty divided. Some people consider it a realistic, taboo-breaking film about the underbelly of the horrid crimes that go on. Others consider it disgusting violent schlock that will make you sick. And I was probably going to come out thinking that as well. This is not a pleasant film to watch. I mean, neither is Henry, but that film had dialogue, characters, an idea of telling you something rather than showing violence. And does this movie do more than just show violence? Not… super really. But I can admire the film. It has a slow start. And I do mean slooow. In some ways, it does build up the atmosphere, but on other hands, it isn’t until the literal halfway point of the film does it become horror. Maybe unsettling at points, but not straight up horror until the exact halfway point. Watching this on Amazon Prime, it took until the mark 52:19 of this hour and forty four minute movie to get to the slasher elements. Not that I hate slow build up. Hateful Eight is one of my favorite movies ever and that movie is pretty slow to get started. But it works because it introduces characters, has interesting dialogue, and has this natural flow to it. The film does have that too. Characters stumble on their words and laugh a bit when they can’t speak. Some may consider that awkward, but people in real life are awkward. That’s just what people are. I love you Hateful Eight, but everyday people fumble on their words. So the first half isn’t bad, if you are patient. Once you get to the second half, the slasher portion of the film, it is… very hard to stomach. I give props to the actors here. Every scream, every cry for a chance to survive is just sickening to watch. And credit to the actor John Jarrett. I’ve never been so sickened by a fictional serial killer like I was with this guy. And the violence is pretty disturbing. Both visually and on how it just shows the characters trying in vain to escape their demise. It’s not an easy film for those squeamish, especially the part with the bowie knife. And hey, this film gets credit for having survivors that aren’t totally stupid. They don’t die from stupidity like running away from each other or tripping over themselves. And when they get a gun, they take a fucking shot and try to take another, and when that doesn’t work because of only one bullet, just beat the body. I mean, let’s be real, they could have bludgeoned him a bit more, but hey credit where credit is due. Wolf Creek is a film that I am interested in. It’s like Texas Chainsaw Massacre but less subtle and focuses on being as violent as possible without being total shit. It has elements I like, but I wouldn’t call it my favorite, or even remotely something I’d watch again on my own. But the film was good enough to get a sequel which was meh. And that may not be much, but, really, just okay? Considering even the best slasher films get terrible sequels, of all the slasher movies to get an alright sequel, it was Wolf Creek? But that’s beside the point. Should you watch Wolf Creek? Yeah, if you’re curious. Not for those with weak stomachs, but it’s decent. It’s also on Prime, but just be ready for a long fity minutes followed by an uncomfortable fifty more. Whether that’s your thing or not is up to you
6/10: Fuck you, Australia ecosystem
~VIII~
~The Toxic Avenger~
Okay, let’s get this out of the way right now. This movie is fucking awesome. But is it a horror film? Not in the sense that you would think of. It’s more like a monster movie with horror elements. But hey, if I were to judge these movies on being genuine horror, Blacula and the last film would be off the list, and fuck that. So that being said, this movie is sick. It follows the nerdy janitor of a gym named Melvin in Tromaville, a small suburb in New York who is turned into a monster by toxic waste. With his body transformed into a hulking mass, he goes around the town, killing criminals and getting revenge on the bullies that turned him into a monster. So part of the film is a vigilante story kind of like the Crow with more vulgar humor and dick jokes. The other part of the film is a revenge story, which is where I think the horror comes into play. Seeing these bullies get chased by the monster before being mauled horribly, like being burned alive on coals or driven off the edge of a cliff in an exploding car. You would feel bad, only… Yeah, these people super deserve it. The bullies in this film actually get horny when they run a kid over and smash his head. And that’s just them. You got pimps selling children, robbers shooting dogs, drug dealers, old ladies that run a slave trade. The police chief is an actual Nazi, doing Nazi salutes and calling his boss his “Fuhrer”. Oh boy, this movie has some scumfucks. I thought Hobo with a Shotgun was bad. The movie also was on a low budget of about five hundred thousand. The movie was made by Troma Entertainment, a film studio that makes films on a low budget with so much passion thanks to the work of Lloyd Kaufman. You know him better as that guy from the Angry Video Game Nerd video, but he made lots of movies on Troma, and his passion is just something I admire. So yeah, low budget. So the special effects are very much practical. You can see the corpses looking like rubber and low blood count at times. Even still, seeing the gore in this film and the action is pretty good for a low budget. Maybe it’s because that sort of stuff works in horrors favor, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the original Evil Dead. Adds to the feel. Sure, the comedy in this film kind of ruins the tone, but I felt this movie works better as an action black comedy slasher film. It’s just a fun movie. But I can’t say it’s for everyone. There’s a lot of slurs in the film, from racial to homosexual. There’s a lot of the F-word, and I don’t mean fuck. Stereotypical depictions of gays and transgenders. The start of the movie has a kid getting his head run over. I think Toxie makes a Chinese stereotype joke at one point. It’s writing is… a product of the time, to put it lightly. Now I don’t think it intends to offend. I mean, I intend to offend, I can tell you that straight up. I’ll say retard and faggot for fun because fuck your feelings, and this movie has the same, but I doubt it’s trying to push a “I hate gays” agenda. Just… part of the time. If that’s not your thing, I understand. But for the rest, yeah, The Toxic Avenger is fucking sick. It was popular enough to get four sequels with a supposed reboot coming out, and even had a children’s cartoon show, for some reason that I can’t comprehend. It was pretty good too. Go watch it. It’s on Amazon or something. Do yourself a favor and watch it.
8/10: I love you, Toxie
~VI~
~From Beyond~
I feel like this is as far from an exploitation film as one can get. But I think the gore, the awkward sex, the madness, and just the weird feeling you get from it helps make it something like that. Plus this was said to be one by the website Mubi.com, so… take from that what you will. Plus I already paid the Amazon rent fee, so, fuck it! From Beyond! From Beyond is based on the story by H.P. Lovecraft of the same name, loosely, of course, about a scientist’s assistant nearly going mad and with the help of a therapist, tries to find out the other world through the device that they had created in order to unlock their full potential. You know what’s gross? This movie. You know what else is gross? Body horror. But I love it for many reasons. Mostly because body horror films have the most disturbing but creative special effects. But also because body horror destroys the body, the one pillar of safety to you because you know it better than anyone else, and body horror comes and strips that away from people. And From Beyond is no exception. The body horror in this film is fucking creepy, disgusting, and yet so clever all at once. Seeing the scientist become more and more monstrous as he continues to appear throughout the film. Seeing the disgusting spore like brain emerge from the assistants head and control him. Heck, even seeing the shape of his skull change into something more alien as the film goes on is a nice touch. The movie also has a habit of making the music within the house the most unsettling thing ever. It makes you start wondering if you are going insane. And I mean that in a good way. And the deaths in this film are not pleasant deaths. They are graphic and horrid and kind of a step up given that most of the violence in these movies thus far has either been really tame, really goofy, or was only made worse because of the actors behavior throughout. So seeing a man being eaten down to his bones by alien creatures is uh…. Yeah, a surprise, to say the least. But I think the film really kind of goes crazy at the end, simply because they gotta destroy the machine, and instead of just setting the house on fire or something, the therapist just gets a bomb. And not even a homemade bomb. It’s fucking C4 with a timer. How did she get it? Where did she get it? Why does she have a fucking time bomb with her? It’s weird. But the film's use of seeing these characters dive further and further into madness, yeah, that’s very Lovecraftian. And unlike the other film, I was very much entertained throughout. Not just because of the body horror, I thought it was a better film overall. Is this the best film adaptation of a Lovecraft film? Maybe. I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard that the Call of Cthulhu movie was pretty good. But I’d say From Beyond is up there. Check it out if you are interested
7/10: I’m gonna puke
~X~
~Planet Terror~
Alright, one last film, and then it’s Happy Halloween and a Happy fuckin’ New Year. And I saved… maybe the best for last? Definitely my most anticipated, Planet Terror. So remember the film I reviewed last year, Death Proof? Well, no, cause you didn’t read that article. Anyway, Death Proof was a pretty good Tarantino movie and a good love letter to exploitation films of that era. But as it turns out, it was actually part of a duology. The Grindhouse feature films. Two films put together to pay homage to this genre of films, along with trailers for other movies. Trailers that would go on to have two films actually made, being Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun. And I love Hobo with a Shotgun, but I would’ve loved to see that Edgar Wright film get made, but that’s a different story. And I can give or take Machete. First was Death Proof and second was Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror. Rodriguez is best known for movies like Sin City, El Mariachi, and his magnum opus, Spy Kids. Personally, I have no strong feelings for Rodriguez like Tarantino. Neither admiration or hatred. I haven’t seen a lot of his films. I bought this special edition of Sin City years ago, and have yet to watch it because I suck at watching movies, but I hear the man is good when he is. So why not start off with one of his… other films. Planet Terror takes place at the start of a zombie apocalypse, showing the calm before it goes to a full blown outbreak in just a single night, all from the perspective of a dancer named Cherry who tries to survive with just one leg and a ragtag team of other survivors. This is a very graphic film. While the special effects do have moments of looking very much like CGI, the movie is way gorier than Death Proof and just way more nonsensical. But it keeps that charming exploitation vibe. Even having a film grain to it that adds to the charm, along with missing reels as a joke. The film just starts with insanity and doesn’t end. It keeps the madness going throughout. Unlike Death Proof which had moments of calm dialogue, this film has none of that. Insane action, lots of gun violence, lots of gore and explosions, gun tricks, zombies getting blown up, military men getting castrated, heads getting blown up. The film is total anarchy and it is just a fun time for everyone. It doesn’t take itself too seriously and that is what I come for from these kinds of films. Now is this film better than Rodriguez’s magnum opus, Sharkboy and Lavagirl? Of course not. But it’s pretty good. I’d say check it out, along with the other Grindhouse film. It’s just… good
8/10: yeh
And there we go. Ten exploitation films. Some more exploitation than others. A lot of them were good. A few mehs. Alien Dead sucked. But it was all pretty good. Better than last year, hoo boy. Will I do this again next year? Yeah, I’d say so. Even the worst films, yes, even Alien Dead, I got a joy of seeing these low budget film makers try to make something fun and crazy, or just pushing boundaries that no one else would. So yeah, I’d say look forward to part three. But no more than ten parts. Don’t want another Cultober situation. And with that said, I bring this film review collection to a close… Go the fuck home, everyone