Yep, went there. Rintoo's Awesome Life welcomes Button Mash to the dysfunctional family. As YouTube-searching bronies know, somepony came up with a name for the pony that was shown mid-CMC song playing on an arcade machine. The accompanying short(touted as a deleted scene) is full of laugh, especially when Button says "6 hours... wasted!" and bitches at Sweetie Belle(and rightly so; never take a pony out of his zone.) after her ¾ second snippet of the whole Hearts and Hooves Day song the CMC did. For comparison, it took me about the same amount of time in total to beat Far Cry 3: Bood Dragon. But enough about games where you blow shit up. It's time to write this thing.
*This episode begins with me and Button co-oping Diablo 3. Hey, I gotta know my main cast.*
Me: So, Button, where in Equestria did you come from? Manehattan, Las Pegasus, Baltimare?
Button Mash: Wrong on all 3 guesses. Ponyville.
Me: Isn't that town used as a waystation for traveling ponies?
Button Mash: Yeah, it still is. But ponies also live there. I was taken aback a little when I heard Rainbow Dash actually moved to Ponyville, though.
Me: Yeah, that was-- *sound of a legendary dropping*
Button Mash: A legendary crossbow? You're the demon hunter. Go ahead, pick it up.
Me: Thanks, Button. But why can't you use it?
Button Mash: I picked the barbarian to offset your close-range deficiency. They don't even know what a slingshot is. All they care about is mashing brains with the biggest weapon they can find. Or cleaving them if what they find is a BFS(Big Fucking Sword).
Me: Nice explanation. (If you want to know, Button Mash is currently level 29 with his barbarian, and I'm level 31 with my demon hunter. Button said I needed the extra levels because ranged classes are normally squishy(squishy: dies easily). Not as squishy as spellcasters, but squishy enough. We're grinding the depths of the keep you defend in act 3. We managed to unlock the fourth act at level 26 and 27, respctively, but we both knew we were too weak for Diablo.)
Rintoo: *sitting on couch, watching the French Open Men's Final* Don't mind me, guys, just trying to get the realization I'm the father of a pegasus out of my head.
Button Mash: What's with your friend there, dude?
Me: Apparently, he knocked up my favorite pony, Rainbow Dash and had to stay by her side as she was giving birth.
Rintoo: I get the occasional letter, but so far, nothing earth-shattering happened yet.
Button Mash: Hopefully you get to stay and not have to be teleported again.
Rintoo: You said it, Button. Wanna play NBA 2K14 later? I have a good feeling about my chances.
Button Mash: Nah, I'm probably gonna be too busy saving Heaven with my new friend here.
Rintoo: Oh. Okay...
*3.5 hours later*
Me: Alright Button, let's go kill us a Prime-- *interrupted by TV*
Tennis Announcer: I cannot believe what I just saw! Novak Djokovic double-faulted on Rafael Nadal's championship point! The 2014 French Open champion is Rafael Nadal!
Rintoo: This. This is why I don't play tennis. It's so fucking predicated on luck at times, you'd be remiss in not mistaking Roland Garros for a casino where you have a 50/50 shot of getting your goddamn bet back.
Me: Wow. Never saw that before.
Button Mash: People watch tennis? I have a lot to learn about the human world.
Sweetie Belle(Yeah, she's still here. This is the only time in recorded history I want Rarity to just finish her work and take her sister back.): Well, that was exciting. *yawns* I need a nap. Wake me up in an hour, 'kay?
Me: Sure, fine, whatever.
Button Mash: I'm gonna go get a glass of apple juice. Boss fights like these command your full attention, and Celestia help us if I have to step out mid-battle just to alleviate my thirst.
Me: Good idea.
*3 minutes later*
Button Mash: Alright, I'm ready.
Me: And how did you do the last time you said that?
*I get kicked in the face*
Button Mash, right up in my hoof bruise: That was a fluke, understand? I had no idea the CMC were doing a song at the time. All tbat happened was I got thrown off and lost 6 hours of my life. And possibly lost out on my cutie mark. On second thought...
*grabs camera*
Button Mash: Alright, show me the mighty eagle that is loosed via your hand.
Me: What?!
Button Mash: Release the middle member of your hand from its prison.
Me: Not following.
Button Mash: Oh, just flip the camera off, will ya?
Me: Oh. Why?
Button Mash: I need to remind Sweetie Belle about what her song truly cost me.
Me: *shrugs, then flips off camera as Button Mash takes a good picture*
Button Mash: Great. Let me find a quiet place to print this. *finds a printer in the other room* That'll work. *shuts door*
Me: I hope he knows what he's doing.
Rintoo: I hope Sweetie Belle won't kill him for this.
Button Mash: *prints my middle finger* Come on, hurry up...
Sweetie Belle: *conjures earplugs* (What?)
*about 5 minutes later*
Button Mash: *taps Sweetie Belle's back* Hey. Remember me from Hearts and Hooves Day?
Sweetie Belle: Not particularly...
Button Mash: Your "Find a Stallion" song during it cost me my cutie mark.
Sweetie Belle: Oh, you're the pony I used for the "too young" bit!
Button Mash: Damn right I am. And the name... is Button Mash. And for ruining my chance at escping the Blank Flank zone, this human middle finger is for you.
Sweetie Belle: *shocked*
Button Mash: I was RIGHT THERE. Final boss. Over 6 hours of luck, skill, and occasional perfect timing culminated in what would be my fight for a potential cutie mark. And then you showed up. Part of your song was directed at me. My momentary loss of concentration wound up costing me all of my hard-fought progress. So fuck you for ruining my shot at earning my cutie mark. May Celestia and Luna have mercy on your immortal soul. You will be forever guilty of impeding a fellow blank flank's shot at not being one anymore.
Sweetie Belle: *crying* I-I'm sorry... I never meant to... to hurt you. I just... it was in the script, alright? Me and my friends had to... to sing this lame song about finding Cheerilee a special somepony, who turned out to be Apple Bloom's brother, Big Macintosh. *starts really breaking down in tears* If I had... had known our little obligatory YouTube mini-hit would have... *sniffle* have done this to you, I would have kicked the writers in the dicks and stomachs. I'm sorry, Button... I'm sorry... *uncontrollably sobbing, almost like Rarity*
(Boy, that escalated quickly.)
Button Mash: *walks away when...*
Rintoo: Whoa. That was harsh, and coming from me, that's saying something. I'm impressed that you had the balls to do that, but disappointed in you at the same time for making a little girl cry. Now Edvine and I will probably have to buy some ice cream for Sweetie Belle in the hopes that she'll stop crying at 110 decibels. *walks into my room, where Sweetie Belle is soaking my bed with her tears*
Sweetie Belle: What... what are you doing here, Rintoo?
Rintoo: 2 things. First, what kind of ice cream do you want to mask the emotional scars with?
Sweetie Belle: As long as it isn't... *sniffle* isn't strawberry, I don't really care.
Rintoo: And second. Sweetie Belle, I'm sorry Button Mash hurt your feelings like that. I didn't think he'd go that far. The human flip-off pic I get; he was angry about what happened. Back in my village, we learned to use our words, not our actions, however, and he had no shortage of words for you. Take it from someone who has experienced this before: nopony's feelings should be hurt because of an unfortunate event.
Sweetie Belle: You're lying. You've never... *sniffle* never experienced that before.
Rintoo: I am many things. Tigers fan, NASCAR enthusiast, gamer. But I am no liar. I even have hard video evidence in the form of my former show. Here. Let me prove that my words are true.
*one episode of Ni Hao, Kai-Lan later(the episode is Kai-Lan's Playhouse)*
Sweetie Belle: So you were telling the truth.
Rintoo: I told you. Still want that ice cream, or are you over it?
Sweetie Belle: *still crying a little bit* Maybe a pint. But no more. I'm sorta trying to watch my figure.
Rintoo: Gotcha. *walks back to the living room* C'mon Edvine. Sweetie Belle wants a pint of ice cream.
Me: Only one?
Rintoo: I really helped her calm down from her literal waterfall of tears. But before I close this episode out, because I'd like to do this between episodes, I have one more thing to say.
Button Mash: Oh Luna, here we go.
Rintoo: Button Mash, I expect you to apologize for your very mean word and pictorial choices in regards to the altercation you two had. I can't stand to see girls crying, especially young or pretty ones. I have your mom's number on my phone. (She called before Button shkwed up.) If I tell her about this, you will likely be grounded for at least a year. So what will it be: Apologize or 1-year prison sentence equivalent?
Button Mash: I can't go back. I went too far. This will be my first of many battle scars. Go ahead. Call Elaina. I deserve this.
Rintoo: Alright, but don't come bitching to me when you get 1 year sentence.
(From there, Rintoo called Button's mom and she picked up her son almost immediately. Button Mash was sentenced to 10 months and forfeiture of his upcoming birthday and Christmas presents, as well as spending ½ of his sentence without any technology. Button's mom thanked Rintoo and gave him the gifts Button was supposed to get as payment. Being a whistleblower does have its advantages. Sweetie Belle feels much better after downing a pint of Ben & Jerry's, the Chunky Monkey variety. She will continue to lean on Rintoo for emotional support. Sweetie Belle is now a temporary 3rd main cast member after Button Mash's fiasco. Rintoo and I are still the two big main cast members. I still can't believe I actually came up with some of this dialogue... Holy fuck. I really need to sleep now.)
Airdate: June 18th, 2014, 12:33 A.M.
Sponsors: None. Wasn't worth it this time(not even Kleenex?).
Creator: Me, Edvine2.
Tell other people to read my fics! I can always use more fans.
*This episode begins with me and Button co-oping Diablo 3. Hey, I gotta know my main cast.*
Me: So, Button, where in Equestria did you come from? Manehattan, Las Pegasus, Baltimare?
Button Mash: Wrong on all 3 guesses. Ponyville.
Me: Isn't that town used as a waystation for traveling ponies?
Button Mash: Yeah, it still is. But ponies also live there. I was taken aback a little when I heard Rainbow Dash actually moved to Ponyville, though.
Me: Yeah, that was-- *sound of a legendary dropping*
Button Mash: A legendary crossbow? You're the demon hunter. Go ahead, pick it up.
Me: Thanks, Button. But why can't you use it?
Button Mash: I picked the barbarian to offset your close-range deficiency. They don't even know what a slingshot is. All they care about is mashing brains with the biggest weapon they can find. Or cleaving them if what they find is a BFS(Big Fucking Sword).
Me: Nice explanation. (If you want to know, Button Mash is currently level 29 with his barbarian, and I'm level 31 with my demon hunter. Button said I needed the extra levels because ranged classes are normally squishy(squishy: dies easily). Not as squishy as spellcasters, but squishy enough. We're grinding the depths of the keep you defend in act 3. We managed to unlock the fourth act at level 26 and 27, respctively, but we both knew we were too weak for Diablo.)
Rintoo: *sitting on couch, watching the French Open Men's Final* Don't mind me, guys, just trying to get the realization I'm the father of a pegasus out of my head.
Button Mash: What's with your friend there, dude?
Me: Apparently, he knocked up my favorite pony, Rainbow Dash and had to stay by her side as she was giving birth.
Rintoo: I get the occasional letter, but so far, nothing earth-shattering happened yet.
Button Mash: Hopefully you get to stay and not have to be teleported again.
Rintoo: You said it, Button. Wanna play NBA 2K14 later? I have a good feeling about my chances.
Button Mash: Nah, I'm probably gonna be too busy saving Heaven with my new friend here.
Rintoo: Oh. Okay...
*3.5 hours later*
Me: Alright Button, let's go kill us a Prime-- *interrupted by TV*
Tennis Announcer: I cannot believe what I just saw! Novak Djokovic double-faulted on Rafael Nadal's championship point! The 2014 French Open champion is Rafael Nadal!
Rintoo: This. This is why I don't play tennis. It's so fucking predicated on luck at times, you'd be remiss in not mistaking Roland Garros for a casino where you have a 50/50 shot of getting your goddamn bet back.
Me: Wow. Never saw that before.
Button Mash: People watch tennis? I have a lot to learn about the human world.
Sweetie Belle(Yeah, she's still here. This is the only time in recorded history I want Rarity to just finish her work and take her sister back.): Well, that was exciting. *yawns* I need a nap. Wake me up in an hour, 'kay?
Me: Sure, fine, whatever.
Button Mash: I'm gonna go get a glass of apple juice. Boss fights like these command your full attention, and Celestia help us if I have to step out mid-battle just to alleviate my thirst.
Me: Good idea.
*3 minutes later*
Button Mash: Alright, I'm ready.
Me: And how did you do the last time you said that?
*I get kicked in the face*
Button Mash, right up in my hoof bruise: That was a fluke, understand? I had no idea the CMC were doing a song at the time. All tbat happened was I got thrown off and lost 6 hours of my life. And possibly lost out on my cutie mark. On second thought...
*grabs camera*
Button Mash: Alright, show me the mighty eagle that is loosed via your hand.
Me: What?!
Button Mash: Release the middle member of your hand from its prison.
Me: Not following.
Button Mash: Oh, just flip the camera off, will ya?
Me: Oh. Why?
Button Mash: I need to remind Sweetie Belle about what her song truly cost me.
Me: *shrugs, then flips off camera as Button Mash takes a good picture*
Button Mash: Great. Let me find a quiet place to print this. *finds a printer in the other room* That'll work. *shuts door*
Me: I hope he knows what he's doing.
Rintoo: I hope Sweetie Belle won't kill him for this.
Button Mash: *prints my middle finger* Come on, hurry up...
Sweetie Belle: *conjures earplugs* (What?)
*about 5 minutes later*
Button Mash: *taps Sweetie Belle's back* Hey. Remember me from Hearts and Hooves Day?
Sweetie Belle: Not particularly...
Button Mash: Your "Find a Stallion" song during it cost me my cutie mark.
Sweetie Belle: Oh, you're the pony I used for the "too young" bit!
Button Mash: Damn right I am. And the name... is Button Mash. And for ruining my chance at escping the Blank Flank zone, this human middle finger is for you.
Sweetie Belle: *shocked*
Button Mash: I was RIGHT THERE. Final boss. Over 6 hours of luck, skill, and occasional perfect timing culminated in what would be my fight for a potential cutie mark. And then you showed up. Part of your song was directed at me. My momentary loss of concentration wound up costing me all of my hard-fought progress. So fuck you for ruining my shot at earning my cutie mark. May Celestia and Luna have mercy on your immortal soul. You will be forever guilty of impeding a fellow blank flank's shot at not being one anymore.
Sweetie Belle: *crying* I-I'm sorry... I never meant to... to hurt you. I just... it was in the script, alright? Me and my friends had to... to sing this lame song about finding Cheerilee a special somepony, who turned out to be Apple Bloom's brother, Big Macintosh. *starts really breaking down in tears* If I had... had known our little obligatory YouTube mini-hit would have... *sniffle* have done this to you, I would have kicked the writers in the dicks and stomachs. I'm sorry, Button... I'm sorry... *uncontrollably sobbing, almost like Rarity*
(Boy, that escalated quickly.)
Button Mash: *walks away when...*
Rintoo: Whoa. That was harsh, and coming from me, that's saying something. I'm impressed that you had the balls to do that, but disappointed in you at the same time for making a little girl cry. Now Edvine and I will probably have to buy some ice cream for Sweetie Belle in the hopes that she'll stop crying at 110 decibels. *walks into my room, where Sweetie Belle is soaking my bed with her tears*
Sweetie Belle: What... what are you doing here, Rintoo?
Rintoo: 2 things. First, what kind of ice cream do you want to mask the emotional scars with?
Sweetie Belle: As long as it isn't... *sniffle* isn't strawberry, I don't really care.
Rintoo: And second. Sweetie Belle, I'm sorry Button Mash hurt your feelings like that. I didn't think he'd go that far. The human flip-off pic I get; he was angry about what happened. Back in my village, we learned to use our words, not our actions, however, and he had no shortage of words for you. Take it from someone who has experienced this before: nopony's feelings should be hurt because of an unfortunate event.
Sweetie Belle: You're lying. You've never... *sniffle* never experienced that before.
Rintoo: I am many things. Tigers fan, NASCAR enthusiast, gamer. But I am no liar. I even have hard video evidence in the form of my former show. Here. Let me prove that my words are true.
*one episode of Ni Hao, Kai-Lan later(the episode is Kai-Lan's Playhouse)*
Sweetie Belle: So you were telling the truth.
Rintoo: I told you. Still want that ice cream, or are you over it?
Sweetie Belle: *still crying a little bit* Maybe a pint. But no more. I'm sorta trying to watch my figure.
Rintoo: Gotcha. *walks back to the living room* C'mon Edvine. Sweetie Belle wants a pint of ice cream.
Me: Only one?
Rintoo: I really helped her calm down from her literal waterfall of tears. But before I close this episode out, because I'd like to do this between episodes, I have one more thing to say.
Button Mash: Oh Luna, here we go.
Rintoo: Button Mash, I expect you to apologize for your very mean word and pictorial choices in regards to the altercation you two had. I can't stand to see girls crying, especially young or pretty ones. I have your mom's number on my phone. (She called before Button shkwed up.) If I tell her about this, you will likely be grounded for at least a year. So what will it be: Apologize or 1-year prison sentence equivalent?
Button Mash: I can't go back. I went too far. This will be my first of many battle scars. Go ahead. Call Elaina. I deserve this.
Rintoo: Alright, but don't come bitching to me when you get 1 year sentence.
(From there, Rintoo called Button's mom and she picked up her son almost immediately. Button Mash was sentenced to 10 months and forfeiture of his upcoming birthday and Christmas presents, as well as spending ½ of his sentence without any technology. Button's mom thanked Rintoo and gave him the gifts Button was supposed to get as payment. Being a whistleblower does have its advantages. Sweetie Belle feels much better after downing a pint of Ben & Jerry's, the Chunky Monkey variety. She will continue to lean on Rintoo for emotional support. Sweetie Belle is now a temporary 3rd main cast member after Button Mash's fiasco. Rintoo and I are still the two big main cast members. I still can't believe I actually came up with some of this dialogue... Holy fuck. I really need to sleep now.)
Airdate: June 18th, 2014, 12:33 A.M.
Sponsors: None. Wasn't worth it this time(not even Kleenex?).
Creator: Me, Edvine2.
Tell other people to read my fics! I can always use more fans.