Chapter 4: Sit in the corner and think about what you did.
Renesmee was having a dreadfully bad day. Jacob was out on patrol, Alice and Jasper were off on another pointless shopping spree with Esme. None of her usual pastimes could hold her attention for more than a few minutes. She thought about working on the watercolour painting she started last week, but was afraid in her present mood she would only ruin it. Jacob, I need you!
“Hey Little Spider, where are you?”
Crap! Emmett. Why can't he just leave me alone?
“Come out, come out where ever you are,” he called in an annoying singsong voice.
“I wanna see how long I can tickle you before you pee your pants.”
Renesmee snarled at him and yelled, “Bite me!” before ducking into her room and slamming the door behind her. She ground her teeth and slid down the wall. It hurt when her butt hit the floor and jarred every joint in her body.
The growing pains were terrible. Worse than the day all her permanent teeth came through. When would it end? When would she be done growing? The pain, the freedom, Jake’s absence, Emmett’s idiotic teasing: all of it was just too much to bear!
Renesmee felt her frustration take on a life of its own in the space around her. The air was heavy and harsh making it hard to breathe. She could feel the room closing in on her as she started to hyperventilate.
When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she climbed out her window and jumped, the balls of her feet hitting the ground. As she dropped to the ground from the window, Emmett appeared out of nowhere, grabbing her around the waist and started tickling her.
“Ha! I got you at last, Little Spider!” She could feel her self-control slipping.
“You wanna know why I call you little spider?”
She was going to lose her temper big time if he didn’t stop it.
“Not really,” she growled through clenched teeth, feeling the rage build as he continued to tickle her.
“it‘s because you’re like a spider, you climb just like......”
That’s all it took. She lost control completely. She actually saw red, snarled at him from deep in her belly and bit him.
If Emmett didn’t have such amazing reflexes it would have been a lot worse. Emmett’s howl of surprise and pain was still ringing in her ears as the red haze began to fade. His face was pure white; his eyes wide in shocked disbelief and pain.
“Nessie? Why did you…? Oh, man….Ness, are you okay?”
You’re asking if I’m okay. I attacked you and you want to know if I’m okay? What have I done! Renesmee was shaking from head to toe, too stunned to speak. The fiery rage was instantly replaced with shame and fear.
Emmett was cradling his hand, his face twisted in distress when Jacob came crashing into view and yelled,
“What happened? Nessie are you okay?”
Oh no, Jacobs back. Did he see what I did? Oh please, I just want to die!
“I said WHAT HAPPENED?” Jake was glaring at Emmett as he roared out his question.
Renesmee hung her head in shame.
“I bit off Emmett’s finger.” It was barely a whisper.
Jacob’s face suddenly looked as shocked as Emmett’s and almost as pale.
“What? What was that?”
“I said...I bit off Emmett’s finger!” Quite a bit louder, that time.
“Why?” Jacob’s eyes were darting back and forth between Renesmee’s face and Emmett’s.
Emmett grimaced and answered through clenched teeth.
“It was my fault, I was teasing her and I guess I just went too far with it.”
“Nessie?” The disappointment in Jake’s voice crushed her. She felt her stomach yank and had to swallow back the anger in her throat. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. She wanted the house to fall down upon her and bury her along with her shame.
“Where are your parents, Renesmee? We need to talk to them.” Jacob sounded tired as well as extremely sad.
“Jake, man, it’s alright. Just hand me my finger will ya? I can reattach it.” Emmett was sitting on the ground, panting in pain.
“Edward and Bella left a while ago with Rose. They’re helping Carlisle with something. They should've been back by now.”
Jacob didn’t even flinch when he retrieved the disconnected figure out of the dirt and handed it to Emmett. Renesmee felt her knees buckle and saw the ground rush towards her face but Jacob caught her before she could hit the ground.
*Later that day*
Renesmee could hear the hushed sounds of worried voices, but she couldn't understand the words. They sounded so distant and distorted, as though she was underwater. What happened?
The first thing she was fully aware of was Jacob’s warm, comforting scent. He was cradling her against him with her head directly over his heart. The sound of his heartbeat always soothed her. What she felt now was something more. It felt as though Jacob’s strong powerful heart was pumping courage and strength directly into her body.
“Nessie baby, open your eyes.” She tried, but her eyelids were so heavy. Renesmee was pretty sure she didn’t want to open them anyway. Ever.
“Come on Ness, wake up sweetheart.” She could hear the concern in his voice. Feel his palm tenderly patting her face. She slowly opened her eyes and saw a look of relief spread across Jacob’s face.
The other voices became clearer and more distinct. She heard Emmett arguing with her dad.
“Oh come on Edward, no blood no foul, right?”
“Joking about your lack of a useful circulatory system is not helpful, Emmett. This is serious!” Edward was obviously distressed.
“I don’t understand Carlisle,” Bella whispered.
“Why would she attack him for such a small thing? That is so out of character! Even if he had been hurting her, she never would have bitten him. Do you think something is seriously wrong with her?” Bella’s voice was full of panic.
“Don’t worry Bella; I’ll give her a complete physical. I’m sure she is going to be fine. A lot of human girls go through harsh mood swings right before puberty, maybe that’s all this is.”
“Come on Carlisle, don’t you think she’s a little young for that!”
“Why don’t we discuss it a little later, Bella, I think our girl is awake now.”
Oh man, this is going to be bad!
It was just as bad as she thought it was going to be. Without the excuse of an undiagnosed mental illness, the full force of her parent’s rage was unleashed upon her. They never raised their voices, but somehow that made it even worse.
Emmett and Jacob were waiting outside of her parents’ room when they finally let her out.
“I’m so sorry Ness…”
“Please don’t apologize. I don’t think I can take it. I just want to say... I mean... I... Oh Uncle Em! I’m so sorry!” Renesmee flew into Emmett’s arms and sobbed.
He patted her back awkwardly with his uninjured hand, repeating.
“There, there, it’s okay. Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”
*When she had returned to her room*
Renesmee was so ashamed of herself that she didn’t mind the loneliness of her room one bit. She dove into her bed face first and cried into her pillow for the first hour. She knew Jacob was waiting silently just outside her room and he would stay there until she came out. His scent, musical breathing and heartbeat helped soothe her. Finally exhausted, she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling trying to figure out just what the heck was wrong with her. Renesmee wasn’t sure just how long she had been in her room when Jacob knocked on her door. She pulled her pillow over her head and mumbled,
“Go away, Jake.”
“Not likely, sweetie. Come on Nessie, you can’t hide in there forever. Please? I miss you.” He sounded so sad. Why do I have to make everyone so miserable? What is wrong with me!
She pressed her pillow firmly into her face to hold back the tears that threatened to return.
“Okay, come in.”
As Jacob opened her door, Renesmee peeked out from behind her pillow. He leaned against the wall just inside the door and slid to the floor. Jacob rested his elbows on his bent knees and held his head in his hands.
Renesmee flipped over onto her tummy. She just looked at him without saying a word. She couldn't remember Jacob looking so tired.
Renesmee got up from her bed and crossed the room to Jacob. She knelt in front of him and placed her palm on his cheek. She projected an image of him asleep, his arms and legs hanging over the edges of her too small bed, while she sat on the floor and wrote letters.
Jacob smiled and laughed quietly.
"That sounds great, kiddo." Renesmee grabbed his hand and pulled him up on to her bed. He lay down. His head resting on her pillow. She grabbed her blanket from the end of her bed and covered him with it but it didn’t cover his whole body
*After Jacob fell asleep*
Renesmee wrote formal apologies, not only to Emmett, but also to each member of the family. Jacob's letter was surprisingly the most difficult to write. She folded it into an origami heart and slipped it into his hip pocket as he slept. She was afraid he might wake up, but he was so tired he wasn't even snoring.
It was almost dark before Jacob woke up, yawning and stretching.
"How long was I asleep, Nessie?"
"Just a couple of hours."
"Why didn't you wake me up? I'm not much company when I'm asleep."
"You were just so tired, Jake. I needed to write those apologies anyway so it worked out fine.”
"So, what are the terms of your sentence?” Jake looked at her seriously.
"I'm grounded to the house except for hunting and going to school until further notice. I had to write formal letters of apology to everyone and I have to spend an hour everyday in my room completely alone.” Renesmee knew the punishment wasn't too harsh, but her eyes started to water anyway as she thought of all the long boring days ahead of her.
“I can’t have any company at all, not even you.”
"Come here, sweetie.” Renesmee jumped into Jacob's open arms, clinging to him as she squeezed her eyes shut trying not to cry. Jacob patted her back and said,
"It's gonna be hard on me too, but I guess we'll both have to find something to do for an hour a day by ourselves. It will give you a chance to get caught-up on your schoolwork. How far behind are you now?” Jacob asked with a chuckle.
"Very funny Jake. Ha. Ha. I just need a couple more classes in every subject. Maybe it will give you a chance to catch up on your schoolwork." Jacob was studying with her grandfather to become an Emergency Medical Technician and Renesmee knew he was behind in his reading assignments, only because he had been patrolling a lot lately.
"Sorry I mentioned it. Well, I'm off to bed... Hey, what's this?” Jacob started to pull Renesmee's note out of his back pocket.
"Wait ‘till you get to your house to read it, please.” Renesmee blushed.
"It's just your apology note."
Jacob tucked the note deeper into his pocket and patted it twice. He yawned as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"Sure, sure. Love ya kid, Goodnight, Nessie."
"Love you too, Jake. Good night."
Renesmee was having a dreadfully bad day. Jacob was out on patrol, Alice and Jasper were off on another pointless shopping spree with Esme. None of her usual pastimes could hold her attention for more than a few minutes. She thought about working on the watercolour painting she started last week, but was afraid in her present mood she would only ruin it. Jacob, I need you!
“Hey Little Spider, where are you?”
Crap! Emmett. Why can't he just leave me alone?
“Come out, come out where ever you are,” he called in an annoying singsong voice.
“I wanna see how long I can tickle you before you pee your pants.”
Renesmee snarled at him and yelled, “Bite me!” before ducking into her room and slamming the door behind her. She ground her teeth and slid down the wall. It hurt when her butt hit the floor and jarred every joint in her body.
The growing pains were terrible. Worse than the day all her permanent teeth came through. When would it end? When would she be done growing? The pain, the freedom, Jake’s absence, Emmett’s idiotic teasing: all of it was just too much to bear!
Renesmee felt her frustration take on a life of its own in the space around her. The air was heavy and harsh making it hard to breathe. She could feel the room closing in on her as she started to hyperventilate.
When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she climbed out her window and jumped, the balls of her feet hitting the ground. As she dropped to the ground from the window, Emmett appeared out of nowhere, grabbing her around the waist and started tickling her.
“Ha! I got you at last, Little Spider!” She could feel her self-control slipping.
“You wanna know why I call you little spider?”
She was going to lose her temper big time if he didn’t stop it.
“Not really,” she growled through clenched teeth, feeling the rage build as he continued to tickle her.
“it‘s because you’re like a spider, you climb just like......”
That’s all it took. She lost control completely. She actually saw red, snarled at him from deep in her belly and bit him.
If Emmett didn’t have such amazing reflexes it would have been a lot worse. Emmett’s howl of surprise and pain was still ringing in her ears as the red haze began to fade. His face was pure white; his eyes wide in shocked disbelief and pain.
“Nessie? Why did you…? Oh, man….Ness, are you okay?”
You’re asking if I’m okay. I attacked you and you want to know if I’m okay? What have I done! Renesmee was shaking from head to toe, too stunned to speak. The fiery rage was instantly replaced with shame and fear.
Emmett was cradling his hand, his face twisted in distress when Jacob came crashing into view and yelled,
“What happened? Nessie are you okay?”
Oh no, Jacobs back. Did he see what I did? Oh please, I just want to die!
“I said WHAT HAPPENED?” Jake was glaring at Emmett as he roared out his question.
Renesmee hung her head in shame.
“I bit off Emmett’s finger.” It was barely a whisper.
Jacob’s face suddenly looked as shocked as Emmett’s and almost as pale.
“What? What was that?”
“I said...I bit off Emmett’s finger!” Quite a bit louder, that time.
“Why?” Jacob’s eyes were darting back and forth between Renesmee’s face and Emmett’s.
Emmett grimaced and answered through clenched teeth.
“It was my fault, I was teasing her and I guess I just went too far with it.”
“Nessie?” The disappointment in Jake’s voice crushed her. She felt her stomach yank and had to swallow back the anger in her throat. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. She wanted the house to fall down upon her and bury her along with her shame.
“Where are your parents, Renesmee? We need to talk to them.” Jacob sounded tired as well as extremely sad.
“Jake, man, it’s alright. Just hand me my finger will ya? I can reattach it.” Emmett was sitting on the ground, panting in pain.
“Edward and Bella left a while ago with Rose. They’re helping Carlisle with something. They should've been back by now.”
Jacob didn’t even flinch when he retrieved the disconnected figure out of the dirt and handed it to Emmett. Renesmee felt her knees buckle and saw the ground rush towards her face but Jacob caught her before she could hit the ground.
*Later that day*
Renesmee could hear the hushed sounds of worried voices, but she couldn't understand the words. They sounded so distant and distorted, as though she was underwater. What happened?
The first thing she was fully aware of was Jacob’s warm, comforting scent. He was cradling her against him with her head directly over his heart. The sound of his heartbeat always soothed her. What she felt now was something more. It felt as though Jacob’s strong powerful heart was pumping courage and strength directly into her body.
“Nessie baby, open your eyes.” She tried, but her eyelids were so heavy. Renesmee was pretty sure she didn’t want to open them anyway. Ever.
“Come on Ness, wake up sweetheart.” She could hear the concern in his voice. Feel his palm tenderly patting her face. She slowly opened her eyes and saw a look of relief spread across Jacob’s face.
The other voices became clearer and more distinct. She heard Emmett arguing with her dad.
“Oh come on Edward, no blood no foul, right?”
“Joking about your lack of a useful circulatory system is not helpful, Emmett. This is serious!” Edward was obviously distressed.
“I don’t understand Carlisle,” Bella whispered.
“Why would she attack him for such a small thing? That is so out of character! Even if he had been hurting her, she never would have bitten him. Do you think something is seriously wrong with her?” Bella’s voice was full of panic.
“Don’t worry Bella; I’ll give her a complete physical. I’m sure she is going to be fine. A lot of human girls go through harsh mood swings right before puberty, maybe that’s all this is.”
“Come on Carlisle, don’t you think she’s a little young for that!”
“Why don’t we discuss it a little later, Bella, I think our girl is awake now.”
Oh man, this is going to be bad!
It was just as bad as she thought it was going to be. Without the excuse of an undiagnosed mental illness, the full force of her parent’s rage was unleashed upon her. They never raised their voices, but somehow that made it even worse.
Emmett and Jacob were waiting outside of her parents’ room when they finally let her out.
“I’m so sorry Ness…”
“Please don’t apologize. I don’t think I can take it. I just want to say... I mean... I... Oh Uncle Em! I’m so sorry!” Renesmee flew into Emmett’s arms and sobbed.
He patted her back awkwardly with his uninjured hand, repeating.
“There, there, it’s okay. Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”
*When she had returned to her room*
Renesmee was so ashamed of herself that she didn’t mind the loneliness of her room one bit. She dove into her bed face first and cried into her pillow for the first hour. She knew Jacob was waiting silently just outside her room and he would stay there until she came out. His scent, musical breathing and heartbeat helped soothe her. Finally exhausted, she rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling trying to figure out just what the heck was wrong with her. Renesmee wasn’t sure just how long she had been in her room when Jacob knocked on her door. She pulled her pillow over her head and mumbled,
“Go away, Jake.”
“Not likely, sweetie. Come on Nessie, you can’t hide in there forever. Please? I miss you.” He sounded so sad. Why do I have to make everyone so miserable? What is wrong with me!
She pressed her pillow firmly into her face to hold back the tears that threatened to return.
“Okay, come in.”
As Jacob opened her door, Renesmee peeked out from behind her pillow. He leaned against the wall just inside the door and slid to the floor. Jacob rested his elbows on his bent knees and held his head in his hands.
Renesmee flipped over onto her tummy. She just looked at him without saying a word. She couldn't remember Jacob looking so tired.
Renesmee got up from her bed and crossed the room to Jacob. She knelt in front of him and placed her palm on his cheek. She projected an image of him asleep, his arms and legs hanging over the edges of her too small bed, while she sat on the floor and wrote letters.
Jacob smiled and laughed quietly.
"That sounds great, kiddo." Renesmee grabbed his hand and pulled him up on to her bed. He lay down. His head resting on her pillow. She grabbed her blanket from the end of her bed and covered him with it but it didn’t cover his whole body
*After Jacob fell asleep*
Renesmee wrote formal apologies, not only to Emmett, but also to each member of the family. Jacob's letter was surprisingly the most difficult to write. She folded it into an origami heart and slipped it into his hip pocket as he slept. She was afraid he might wake up, but he was so tired he wasn't even snoring.
It was almost dark before Jacob woke up, yawning and stretching.
"How long was I asleep, Nessie?"
"Just a couple of hours."
"Why didn't you wake me up? I'm not much company when I'm asleep."
"You were just so tired, Jake. I needed to write those apologies anyway so it worked out fine.”
"So, what are the terms of your sentence?” Jake looked at her seriously.
"I'm grounded to the house except for hunting and going to school until further notice. I had to write formal letters of apology to everyone and I have to spend an hour everyday in my room completely alone.” Renesmee knew the punishment wasn't too harsh, but her eyes started to water anyway as she thought of all the long boring days ahead of her.
“I can’t have any company at all, not even you.”
"Come here, sweetie.” Renesmee jumped into Jacob's open arms, clinging to him as she squeezed her eyes shut trying not to cry. Jacob patted her back and said,
"It's gonna be hard on me too, but I guess we'll both have to find something to do for an hour a day by ourselves. It will give you a chance to get caught-up on your schoolwork. How far behind are you now?” Jacob asked with a chuckle.
"Very funny Jake. Ha. Ha. I just need a couple more classes in every subject. Maybe it will give you a chance to catch up on your schoolwork." Jacob was studying with her grandfather to become an Emergency Medical Technician and Renesmee knew he was behind in his reading assignments, only because he had been patrolling a lot lately.
"Sorry I mentioned it. Well, I'm off to bed... Hey, what's this?” Jacob started to pull Renesmee's note out of his back pocket.
"Wait ‘till you get to your house to read it, please.” Renesmee blushed.
"It's just your apology note."
Jacob tucked the note deeper into his pocket and patted it twice. He yawned as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"Sure, sure. Love ya kid, Goodnight, Nessie."
"Love you too, Jake. Good night."
