I honestly didn't hate it, but i was dissappointed. The whole thing read like fanfiction to me: cute, but not the conclusion i wanted to hear for my beloved Bella and Edward. The wedding/honeymoon business was very cute. i really loved it. The second Carlisle said Bella was pregnant my heart just sank. How could SM do that to me?
I turned the page to see Jacob's perspective, *groan*. I like Jacob, but i didn't want to spend the final installment of the twilight saga in the mind of "what could have been". Surprisingly enough, Jacob was quite funny and i enjoyed his part a lot. I thought it was lame how he just gave up fighting for bella and his hatred for vampires in like ONE chapter. My Jacob wouldn't do that. After that, Jacob was painted as a spineless and lovesick character who inevitably loses. Also, i can't lie, i was totally rooting for a Leah/Jacob hookup. During these chapters, I felt like Bella was nothing more than a stupid, weak, little human. Her "self sacrificing" proctectivness put a strain on her and Edward's relationship (namely, deleting any edward/bella time completely except for a brief hand holding session). Rosalie was utterly obnoxious in her baby-frenzy. I am surprised Emmett didn't twist her into a pretzel.
But then, omigod, that CREATURE was born. i was completely disgusted by the whole scene (not in a BAD I-hate-this-book sort of way, but in a Ew-Bella-is-leaking-all-over-the-cullen-house sort of way) They named her, Renesmee, and i laughed, thinking that is exactly what a 12 year old fanfic writer would name the Bella/Edward lovechild. AND THEN, *triumphant trumpets sounding* Jacob imprints! I literally laughed for 10 minutes! It was weird and kinda lame, but totally unexpected, and for that, I applaud SM.
Then, Bella was changed. During this part i was brought back to last summer, reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when Harry "died". After her transformation, i truly was proud of Bella. Afterall, she'd gotten what she'd wanted. An eternity with Edward and a child for both of them to love. Not to mention intense beauty, super speed and strength, and no "newborn cravings" to control. Wasn't this what i'd expected for breaking dawn? Wasn't this what I, an obsessed Edward/Bella fan, dreamed of? It was. But it didn't feel the same. They would be happy, i knew that, but the wonder of Bella and Edward's awe-striking relationship was that all they needed to be happy was one another. But now they had a child to focus on, and i felt like i didn't get to see the happily married couple who could conquer the world as long as they had eachother.
During the period directly after Bella's transformation, i began to feel whole again. The Thing hadn't been mentioned in a while and i was home-free to enjoy some quality B/E time. The hunting chapter was very cute, and i enjoyed Bella's birthday too. Bella and Edward finally had safe (by every meaning of the word) and unyielded sex. I was happy for them because i'd feared their physical relationship would be less strong after the...."baby". Next came Emmett's sexual innuendos, which were honestly some of the funniest quotes of the twilight saga. It was good to see a more human sex-craved side of my favorite immortal (and old-fashioned) family.
Jacob and Nessie's relationship continued to blossom. It was cute to see a compassionate side of Jacob, but I always saw him as the "Smart-alecky-sex-appeal" of the series. To say the least, i was Jacob-starved.
Then the whole Volturi business began. Their return seemed inevitable, but it just added to the many reasons i despised the..."child". As soon as i'd read that Alice and Jasper (went and r-u-n-n-o-f-t) bolted, i felt betrayed. Dear Alice, the purest of the loyal, headstrong characters i'd grown to admire, left her family at the news of their death sentence. I just wanted to pull out her stupid, spiky, little hair and gag Jasper with it. But who needs 'em? certainly not me. so i read on.
The gathering of the "witnesses" was quite interesting, and i especially enjoyed the part where Renesmee referred to Edward as "Daddy" for the first time. Maybe this kid wasn't so bad afterall? The Voluri arrived and within 5 minutes automatically believed Bella and Edward's story. Then why the hell are they sticking around?! It made absolutely no sense. Sure they claimed to want "justice" and everyone knew that but honestly, we all knew how it would end. get on with it. Finally, it looked like the Cullens weren't going to win afterall. Bella's pessimistic assesment of the situation and tearful goodbye to Edward, Jacob, and Nessie had me bawling. Why? this wasn't the goodbye i was anticipating at all! Before i began the book i had prepared myself for a different one. Bella was supposed to be leaving Jacob and all of Forks to live as a vampire with edward! that was the emotion i was ready for. But no, lame as it was, SM's magical words had me emotional for a character i didn't even care for. Yeah, i was impressed too.
Just as the pressure was building up, the lovely Alice and Jasper arrive gracefully. (of course.) I was so glad. Even though Bella had been following Alice's "clues" i still couldn't get out of my brain that she up and left town! Super Alice saves all of vampire-(and 'shape-shifter') kind and everyone lives happily ever after.
Right? Bella and Edward can live at peace with their family and co exist with their human friends. Bella has perfected her talent and is now unstoppable! Edward finally finds a way to read Bella's mind, and the two (err....three) of them are free to live in a cutesy little cottage in Forks (which Bella and Edward will hopefully 'knock down' according to Emmett)
So Now, that i've ranted for ages over why i didn't care for this book, i'd figure i'd break it down nice-n-easy for those who are very err....human, as Edward would say:
Top Ten Things In 'Breaking Dawn' That Bugged Me
10. The concept of a Bella/Edward lovechild...too bizarre!
9.Jacob's entire loss of personality after Nessie was born.
8.Wtf happened to Quil and Embry? no happy ending for Jacob & his best boyfriends?!
7.Marcus' boredom.... that guy need's some "South Park" in his life!
6. Charlie is on a "need to know" basis!
5. Charlie is totally hooking up with Seth's mom!
4. Leah needs to read COSMO. she can't keep asking Jacob about her 'lady problems'
3. Renesmee's name. COME ON!
2. Two words....JAZZ & EM?!
1. The Volturi's dominance over all mythical creatures! Come on, let's just have Aro hold hand's with Hermione and Casper and we can all get along!
Top Ten Best Things In 'Breaking Dawn'
10. Jacob's Preface. Life Sucks, and then you die. "Yeah, i should be to lucky!"
9. Leah Clearwater.
8. Seth's utter adoration for the Cullens. the kid probably has a 'Cullen family' Calendar in his room.
7. Edward tears lingerie. Nice.
6. Jacob's chapter names. 'Waiting for the damn fight to start!' & 'Sure as hell didn't see that one coming'
5. The Wedding. no snide comment here. it was utterly perfect.
4. Emmett and Rosalie can knock down some houses! *wink**wink*
3. "You've been holding out on me."
2. Emmett's sports announcements, "well it's about time *someone* scored around here"
1. Edward like's it rough. he destroys headboards, pillows, and bedframes!