Creepypastas… I don’t like them. There was once a time when I was the biggest Creepypasta fan. I read every story, and I knew everything there was to know about them… I was a total idiot. Now, if you like Creepypasta, that’s fine. Like whatever you want. But when I hear the word “creepypasta”, I don’t think of something scary, I think of a bunch of annoying emo teenagers with emotions killing people in overly gory fashion. And that’s not scary. It’s stupid. Yet, no matter how hard I try to avoid it, these creepypastas are everywhere, and there the kind that get the most recognition. So, I want to talk about the popular creepypastas that everyone on the internet loves… And that I really, really hate. Can’t wait to hear the angry comments on this video

#10: Squidward’s Suicide/Suicidemouse.AVI





Yep, it’s a tie. I hate them both the same. Mostly because they are the same. The damn same. They are both about a beloved and famous children’s cartoon that is suddenly all evil and corrupted, using scary images (By scary images, I mean gore and violence), and hyper realism, and deaths of famous characters, and distorted sounds and music. I swear to god, these two started the whole lost episode cliches, but they're just as stupid here. Also, for some reason, they have the power to cause the person who watches them to kill themselves… FOR SOME REASON! I don’t get why this suddenly makes someone suicidal. I don’t get suicidal from watching scary stuff. And if this stuff was real, I’d probably be more annoyed than anything else. Yet these two are seen as the masters of lost episode creepypastas. That’s like saying you rule over a dumpster. I mean, good for you for being in charge of something… but it’s still a dumpster. And that’s all lost episode creepypastas are. Just a dump.

#9 Laughing Jack



Okay, so I get how clowns could be scary, but rarely is it done right. In fact, the most famous scary clowns aren’t even scary. Their just silly. And Laughing Jack is no exception. I mean, sure, it started out pretty creepy, with a kid having an imaginary friend that does scary and evil things that the mother finds wrong, which I think started very well. And then… there’s the ending. I really hate the ending to this. The ending has the child disemboweled and hung on the wall. Just shows gore right out of nowhere, with no explanation. It was just a cheap and pathetic attempt to get people scared by having a child gored in the story, thinking that would scare people… It didn’t. Yet, somehow, this story got incredibly popular. Why? Is it because clowns are scary? I mean, yes, some people are scared of clowns, but I found Tim Curry from It scarier than Laughing Jack. Heck, Tim Curry in Home Alone 2 was scarier than Laughing Jack.

#8: Cupcakes



Yes, I know, I said this creepypasta was good back then, but you’re looking at the same guy who thought that creepypastas were the definition of scary back when he first learned what Youtube was. In other words, every opinion I made that isn’t a year old is irrelevant now. Anyway, though people hate Cupcakes, I hate it for a different reason. Everyone says this creepypasta is bad because it depicts Pinkie as someone she isn’t and that it ruined her image, to which, if a creepypasta ruined an image of a character for you, that image must not have been good to begin with. But anyway, the gore is not why I hate this creepypasta. I mean, it partially is, but the real reason I hate this creepypasta is because NOTHING HAPPENS! The only thing that happens is that Pinkie brutally murders Rainbow Dash, and that’s it. That is literally it. Nothing else happens in it but that. No story, no plot, no nothing. I thought that, if you were gonna write a story, you need to have… A STORY. Yet this has nothing going for it. I know that a lot of people here (Canada) likes this creepypasta, but I just don’t like it one bit.

#7: Tails Doll Curse



This one has so much screw ups in the story, I just don’t know how it could have passed for this. So, Tails Doll comes from, as the creepypasta says, “the beloved Sonic R”. You know, that Sonic game that had bad controls and gameplay and was named one of Sonic's worst games ever? Of all the words you could use to describe it, beloved is the last word you should use. Also, it’s said that if you play as Tails Doll in Sonic R and play the song “Can You Feel the Sunshine” backwards, the Tails Doll will come out and kill you… What? Sorry, what? What, is this a Chucky and Ring crossover. No, it’s not. It’s just really stupid. Really, really stupid. I mean, a doll has the power to come out of a television and kill a person. I don’t buy that for a single second. I mean, how can I buy that? It’s a doll. A little doll. I could kick this thing like a football across the room. Also, a doll is not scary. Especially one like this. That is not scary. That is silly. At least Chucky could scare someone. This, how could anyone be scared?

#6: Eyeless Jack



Here’s one that was so crappy, even the author admitted that it wasn’t good. At least he knew what he made. So, this is a creepypasta where some random killer comes into a person's house at night while they sleep. When the person wakes up, they feel a terrible pain and go to the hospital. Once there, the doctor tells him that… Get ready for this. Seriously, sit down in a chair and prepare yourselves for this… the doctor tells him that… that his kidney was missing… Yep… His kidney was missing. Didn’t bother to ask how this happened or call the police or anything, just had a Herp and’ Derp of the brain and told him sorry. So, Eyeless Jack goes around and eats people kidneys, like some psychotic blackmarket thief… I’m sorry, is this supposed to be scary or so incredibly stupid that it’s funny? I mean, really. I’m to believe that a man can break into a house and just take someone’s kidney without them noticing? An ordinary man can just take someone’s kidney…. How? How and why?

#5: Sonic.EXE



Oh, here’s a real “classic”. Air quotes around classic, because this is a classic one. Just not a good one. So Sonic.EXE is about a cursed Sonic game where there is hyper realistic blood, character death, fourth wall breaking scares, demonic numbers and phrases, hyper realism, disturbing audio, and glitches that break the game… I’m sorry, this is what get’s people scared. This overly cliched story. I mean, I got nothing more to say. Well, actually, unlike the author of Eyeless Jack, who was mature about this and noted his mistakes, the creator of Sonic.EXE said that he wanted everyone to attack those who insult his creepypasta, and harass anyone who gives his story insults (Otherwise known as criticism). I wouldn’t be shocked if the author was in middle school when he wrote this creepypasta.

#4: Clockwork



This one… This one may have been the one that broke me with how stupid it was. Now, I may not have said this many times, but when it comes to horror, there is a difference between liking a character and feeling sympathy for a character. You can make a character experience dozens of tragic events, and yes, that’s sad, but if they have no personality, what’s the point. That is what you get with Clockwork. She is abused daily by her family and unable to make friends with anyone. You can sympathize with her all you want, but you can’t like her, because she has no personality whatsoever. She is just an emotionless character with no personality at all. Also, when she does kill her family, the next thing she does…. I can’t believe this was here… She cuts out her left eye and puts a clock in it. Why? Why do you need to do that? Is it gonna make you scary? No. It makes you look stupid. Also, for some reason, during the years of abuse and neglect, she is somehow able to dodge bullets and overpower everyone with just a knife. This is the biggest thing I hate about serial killer creepypastas. You could be a five year old with polio, as long as you're a serial killer, you can overpower anyone, no matter what. And that is one killer we will get to soon enough. Don’t you worry.

#3: Jane the Killer



You know, I already hate Jeff as a character… So why make a genderswap of him. That’s all Jane is. She’s just supposed to be a genderswap Jeff. And she sucks too. Yeah. Just like Jeff, she also sucks. When she was younger, her parents were killed by Jeff the Killer, so now, she became Batman-Er- Vowed to get revenge on Jeff the Killer, by going around killing every single person she came across except Jeff… Mmm hmm. How’s that revenge working out for you, Jane. You sure are taking your time. How does your parents dying make you a serial killer. Then again, I’m talking about a Jeff genderswap. Also, the best way for Jane to get to Jeff is to have sex with him. Trivia Time: Jeff is 13. Okay, that’s made this creepier than the actual story itself. Moving on.

#2: Slenderman



Okay, this one may be a bit hard to talk about, because back then, I used to love the Slenderman myth. I mean, a creature that could teleport across time and haunt a person throughout their life was pretty scary. Sure, his appearance looked more fancy than scary, but damn if he wasn’t scary on paper. So, why do I hate Slenderman, especially more than Sonic.EXE, Clockwork, or Jane. Because, like all good things, the internet came and ruined it. The internet didn’t treat Slenderman like some terrifying mythological creature. They treated him like a goddamn celebrity. Fan art, fan videos, fan games, pornography, and two goddamn movies based on the Slenderman mythos. Just why? Slenderman should not have been used for these sort of things. Now all the creativity and interesting ideas that Slenderman once had have forever been ruined. I wish things could have been different. But now, I just can’t stand him anymore. Tragic really. But hey, it’s better to be loved at first than to never have loved in the first place… Isn’t that right, number one entry?

#1: Jeff the Killer



You knew damn well he was going to take the number one spot. Ever since I first saw him, I hated this guy. He wasn’t scary, he wasn’t interesting, he was nothing. Jeff is just another emotional emo teenager who wants to be edgy and scary when he is just annoying. There is nothing cool about being a psychotic murderer. There’s nothing great about glorifying someone who kills people. This is just pathetic. So Jeff is a kid who gets picked on so much to the point where he just snaps. He gets set on fire by the bullies, leading to him cutting off his eyelids (FOR SOME STUPID REASON), and instead of killing the bullies, he kills his family, the people who actually supported and cared for him. In fact, the bullies are never even heard from again after this. And yet, Jeff was seen as the number one greatest creepypasta ever made. If this is number one, than that just shows how little quality creepypastas there are. Now, I know I sound harsh on Creepypastas, but there are some real good ones. Ones that could pass as actual horror stories for games and books. Annie96 Is Typing, NoEnd House, Candle Cove, 11 Miles, and Lost Episodes (Lost Episodes isn’t the genre. It’s a name of a creepypasta). All those are great creepypastas, but whenever creepypastas come up, the only thing that gets recognition is Jeff, and it just makes me sad. Also, if you wish that Jeff was real and fantasize about a 13 year old pale serial killer… Go get therapy… Please.

Well, there you have it. Creepypastas that I do not really enjoy. I know I may have been a little harsh sounding and my more What’s Your Take side seemed to have come out in this series… Sorry about that, but I guess that I had to drive the point across somehow and this was the only way. Well, with that said, I’m gonna go try to read something worth my time… Unlike.. Any of the ten mentioned. Take care.