Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see.
It was a wonderful, and sunny day when a pony with a sniper rifle was looking at a mare swimming. The pony with the rifle was named Scorpio, and he was an assassin. The mare swimming was at the top of a huge building, and Scorpio was going to do whatever he could to kill this mare. Why? Because he's evil.
With one shot, the mare was killed. Blood came out of her body, and into the swimming pool looking like red paint being washed off a brush.
Half an hour later, a pony was walking. This pony was known as Harry Calahan, but most ponies refer to him as, Dirty Harry. He was good at his job, which was being a detective. The way he does things make him loose cannon, which is how he likes it.
After walking up 20 flights of stairs, Harry got to where he was, the roof where the mare was killed. He examined the crime scene, and saw the bullet in the body. He took it out carefully, and put it in a plastic bag marked evidence. Then he walked back downstairs.
A few hours later
Police Captain: Take a seat Harry
Harry: *sits down*
Police Captain: I'm going to brief you on a pony that has been wanted for a while. They call him Scorpio, and he sent us a letter.
Harry: What does it say?
Police Captain: The letter says, I want $150,000. If I don't get it in a few days, more ponies will die.
Harry: Only loser would do something like that.
Police Captain: Why the fuck do you call every criminal a loser?
Harry: They're too poor to do anything good, so they cause crime.
Police Captain: Yep, sure. That's all I need you for Harry, I'll call you if I need anything else.
Harry: *walks out of office*
Half an hour later, Harry went to grab some lunch. There was place he always enjoyed going to called Dou Chebag's.
Harry: *enters restaurant*
Dou: Harry, how's it going?
Harry: Hello Mr. Chebag, how are you?
Dou: Wonderful. Would you like your usual?
Harry: I think I'll surprise you this time. Only chili today.
Dou: You got it. *looks out window* A lot of polution out there, it's not good.
Harry: No it isn't. Why can't we have clean streets for once?
Dou: We live in a town of crime.
Harry: Yeah *sees bank* I need you to make a call.
Dou: What for?
Harry: Tell the police that there's a bank robbery on 7th Avenue.
Dou: Ok, here's your hotdog.
Harry: Thanks. *eats hotdog* Now, just wait for the calvary to arrive.
But when Harry finished his hotdog, the alarm at the bank went off.
Harry: Oh damnit.
robbers: *exit bank*
Harry: *walks down street with gun*
robbers: *pull out shotgun*
robbers: *shoot gun*
Harry: *shoots shotgun carrying burglar*
burglars: *get in car*
Harry: *shoot driver*
driver: *crashes into firehydrant*
burglars: *get out*
Harry: *shoots both burglars*
civilians: *scream, and run*
Harry: *notices leg* They shot me
shotgun carrying burglar: *lays on ground*
Harry: *goes toward burglar*
burglar: *reaches for gun*
Harry: Uh uh. I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots, or only five? To tell you the truth I lost track myself after all this excitement. *shows gun* Being this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in all of Equestria, and will blow your head clean off. You gotta ask yourself a question. Do I feel lucky?
Harry: Well do you punk?
Burglar: *does nothing*
Harry: *takes shotgun*
Burglar: Hey. I got's to know.
Harry: *pulls trigger*
Nothing happened. And as Harry walked from the dying criminal, the police arrived.
The next morning Scorpio was on top of another building with his sniper rifle. He was aiming it at some ponies, but didn't know who to shoot.
Meanwhile in the police station.
Harry: *walking to office*
filly: Hey. You're the one that stopped the bank robbery!
Harry: Yeah, I am.
Cop: Sorry, she's with me. When are you going to cut your hair?
Harry: The same day you get your's cut.
Russian cop: Excellent work yesterday.
Harry: Thanks foreign cop of Equestria.
Henry: Duh, great job yesterday.
Harry: Thanks dummy.
Henry: You could be nice for once.
Harry: I could, but I prefer not to.
Captain: Harry? In my office.
Henry: See? Be nice. *puts cup upside down* Now to pour in my coffee.
Captain: We heard that one of the robbers shot you.
Harry: Yeah, I'm past that, so?
Captain: We found you a new partner.
Peter: *walks in*
Captain: This pony is your new partner.
Harry: Would've been nice if I chose someone more reliable.
Peter: Is he always like this?
Captain: Yeah, he pretty much hates everyone. Ask him what he hates the most.
Peter: What do you hate the most?
And with that we return to the sniper. He found his target, and was getting ready to shoot when a helicopter was flying close to him.
Scorpio: *gets ready*
Pilot: You with the gun. Yes you, lay on the ground.
Scorpio: *runs inside*
Peter: Do you always go on patrol in the night?
Harry: We're not on patrol, we have to go to where the assassin is.
Peter: Did they tell you where?
Harry: It was at a house on Riverside drive. We're almost there.
pedestrian: *gets in way*
Harry: Get the fuck outta the way asshole. *continues driving*
Harry: It's his fault.
When they got to the house they had their guns. Was the sniper really there though?
They reached the house, but it seemed vacant.
Harry: Let's check in the alley. *goes in*
Harry: *looks in house*
Peter: You see anyone?
Harry: Yeah *looks at mare* And she's naked.
hobos: *hit Harry* What do you think you're doing perv? We oughta call the cops on you!
Harry: I am the cops
hobos: *beat up Harry*
Peter: That's enough! San Franciscolt Police Department!
hobos: *stand near wall*
Harry: Let them go. We gotta check somewhere else.
operator: Inspector 71, you there?
Harry: Yeah. What's up?
operator: We've got a report of a pony trying to commit suicide on the TransEquestria pyramid.
Harry: On our way. *drives*
90 seconds later, Harry arrived at the building.
Cops: *put spotlight on suicidal pony*
Harry: Let me up there.
Harry: *goes up lift*
suicidal pony: What are you doing man?
Harry: Nothing, I just wanted to talk.
suicidal pony: About what?
Harry: What you're doing. Don't jump, it'll just make things worse.
suicidal pony: Why?
Harry: Well think about it. I had a friend who committed suicide over at St. Foalis. It was a terrible mess, he jumped from the gateway arch. There was a lot of blood, and some ponies vomited at the sight.
suicide pony: You bastard *jumps*
Harry: *catches suicidal pony*
Harry: *goes down lift*
Once he reached the bottom, Peter was there waiting for him.
Harry: Now you know why they call me Dirty Harry.
Peter: Oh, I already knew.
Harry: Not you.
suicidal pony: Me?
The next morning, Harry, and Peter went to a crime scene. Another pony was killed by Scorpio during the suicide scene.
Harry: He attacked at a perfect time.
Peter: Yeah. Now what?
Harry: Now we find out about his next move.
Captain: Listen up you two. Scorpio sent us another letter.
Harry: What does it say?
I am glad to tell you that I no longer want $150,000. Instead I want to double it, and have $300,000. Come up with it if you can pussies.
Harry: Well, he definitely likes to call us names.
Peter: Don't remind me.
Harry: I know what we'll do.
Next night, Harry, and his partner were waiting at the docks,
Peter: So we just wait for Scorpio to call us?
Harry: Pretty much. Everything you hear from me, or Scorpio will be coming from this *shows wire* You'll have to listen carefully, but if you go through any tunnels, it'll be hard for you to hear.
The phone rang, and Harry went to it
Scorpio: Is this Harry?
Harry: Yeah, are you Scorpio?
Scorpio: Yes. Now I'm going to have you do a few things for me before I get the money. I don't want to see any other cops then you.
Harry: Sure thing. Where am I going?
Scorpio: First let me tell you one this. I have a little filly trapped in the sewers. If you screw up, I'll have her killed.
Harry: Ok, now where do you want me to go?
Scorpio: Go to the flower shop in hay Ashbury.
Peter: *drives car*
Harry: *gets to flower shop*
The phone there rang, and Harry picked it up.
Scorpio: Good work. Now next, you'll go to the trolley station underground.
Harry: *goes to trolley station*
Harry: *gets to phone booth* I'm here.
Scorpio: Excellent. Now take the train that'll be arriving
engineer: *blows horn*
engineer: *pulls into station*
Harry: *enters trolley*
Peter: I can't hear anything.
engineer: *gets to next station*
Harry: *walks to phone booth*
Scorpio: *calling station*
mustache pony: *picks up phone*
Harry: HEY! Get away from there! *hits other pony*
Scorpio: Who was that?
Harry: A retard. Now what?
Scorpio: Now you're gonna go to the park.
Peter: *slowly follows*
Once Harry arrived at the park he saw another pony waiting by a tower with a cross on the top.
Scorpio: Good, you made it.
Harry: Now what am I doing?
Scorpio: Exactly as I say. Pull out your gun.
Harry: *shows gun*
Scorpio: My, that's a big pistol. Throw it on the ground.
Harry: *drops gun*
Scorpio: Now give me the money
Harry: *hands over bag*
Scorpio: Good work. *hits harry* Now, here's what's going to happen next. If you want that filly to survive the sewer, you let me leave town, without any cops following me. Do we understand each other? *hits Harry* Do we understand each other?
Peter: *slowly enters park*
Scorpio: You know what? Fuck it. I'm gonna let her die!
Peter: NO! *shoots Scorpio's leg*
Harry: Peter, get outta here!
Scorpio: *Shoots Peter*
Harry: *Grabs gun*
Scorpio: *Rolls down a hill, and escapes*
Harry: Hold on. I'm getting you to a hospital.
While Scorpio was walking toward a football stadium, and ambulance, and a cop car arrived where Harry was at.
Harry: Did you call for the ambulance dummy?
Henry: Duh, Peter did.
Harry: Smart pony, unlike you
Henry: *drives a GTO*
Harry: *gets in his car* Good thing I'm not with that guy *drives behind Henry*
At the football stadium.
Harry: *arrives at entrance*
Scorpio: *running down bleachers*
Henry: *turns on lights*
Harry: *shoots Scorpio*
Henry: *turns on other lights*
Scorpio: *lying on ground*
Harry: Where's the filly?
Scorpio: You can't do this!! I HAVE RIGHTS TO LIVE!
Harry: Everypony says that.
Scorpio: It's true though! I HAVE RIGHTS TO LIVE!! I GOT RIGHTS TO LIVE!!!
The next morning, near the sewer system on the Golden Neigh bridge, Harry was watching the medics take the filly out of the sewer. She was dead.
At the police station
Captain: You shouldn't have shot him.
Harry: Why are you saying that?
Captain: The man has rights to live.
Harry: You really believe this guy?
Captain: We don't believe him, we know. It says here Scorpio has rights to live. We need to bring him in alive.
Harry: What for? We're talking about a Serial killer, murdering innocent ponies, and you want him alive?
Captain: It's not my choice. It's the mayor's.
Scorpio: *walking through park* I know how to get outta here. But first, I gotta do something for the police. *continues walking* (I gotta make it look like Harry beat me up) *walks into house*
Black pony: Man what can I do for you?
Scorpio: I have $100, and it's all yours if you beat me up.
Black pony: Beat you up for money?
Scorpio: Every penny of it.
Black pony: *takes money* Your wish is my command *beats up Scorpio*
Scorpio: *bleeding, with skin coming off*
Black pony: You sure about this?
Scorpio: Every penny's worth it. You stupid worthless n***er.
Black pony: *continues beating up Scorpio* This one's on the house *kicks Scorpio through glass*
At the hospital, a pony on a bed was being rolled down a hallway. He was being filmed by news reporters.
News: Can you tell us who did this to you?
Scorpio: It was somepony working for the San Franciscolt Police Department. Some call him Dirty Harry, and he beat me up like this for no reason.
Captain: *turns off tv* Explain this to me.
Harry: I was nowhere near him.
Captain: Then how come he's saying you beat him up?!
Harry: He's framing me.
Captain: If you touch him once more, I'm gonna suspend you of your work.
Harry: Yeah whatever *leaves police station*
Harry was at another hospital where his partner was at.
Peter: Thanks for coming to check on me you guys.
Harry: No problem Pete.
Kayla: You're welcome handsome.
Peter: Tell the kids I'm going to be out in four days.
Kayla: Sure thing baby *kisses Peter*
Nurse: Ok you two, your time is up.
Harry & Kayla: *walk down stairs*
Kayla: How do you know Peter?
Harry: He's my partner in the police force.
Kayla: That's nice. How many crimes did you solve together?
Harry: None. But he helped me prevent a pony from killing himself.
Harry: I went up to where he was about to jump, and when he did jump I caught him.
Kayla: Why did he jump with you up there?
Harry: I forced him to. Do you enjoy being married to a cop?
Kayla: Why? What's your wife like?
Harry: She died three years ago.
Kayla: Oh, that's so sad.
Harry: Yeah. Peter's a good pony I don't want the same stuff happening to him.
That night, in a gunshop.
Cashier: Hi, how are you?
Scorpio: I'm great. Listen, I need a gun, any gun.
Cashier: Well I have a Walther from WW2.
Scorpio: Let me see it.
Cashier: *shows gun
Scorpio: Ok *K.O's cashier*
After knocking out the cashier, Scorpio stole ammo for the gun he had, and took more money. He was now going to make his escape.
It was another bright morning in San Franciscolt. A group of happy colts, and fillies were getting ready to go to school on the bus, when the bus driver stopped at the bus stop. Then that's when Scorpio arrived.
Bus driver: Come on in children.
Scorpio: And stallion! Ok, take me to a phone booth.
Bus Driver: I can't sir. I gotta take these kids to school
Scorpio: Either you do as I say, or I get my gun to have you fired.
Bus Driver: Fuck. *drives*
Scorpio: Hey kids, I'm going along with you. Who wants to sing a song? Old Mcdonald had a farm
Scorpio: And on his farm he had a duck.
At the SFPD Headquarters... Again.
Harry: *parks car*
Russian cop: The captain wants you in his office now.
Harry: Great. *walks to captain's office*
Captain: Oh good, you're hear. I have Scorpio on the phone.
Scorpio: You listen well you sonovaprick. I'm on my way to the airport. I have a busload of colts, and fillies. If any cop tries to interfere. They all die.
Bus driver: I wanna say something.
Bus Driver: It wasn't my fault, he came in with a gun-
Scorpio: Shut up. Now we gotta go *hangs up*
Harry: Well what do we do?
Harry: You mean you're going to let that guy kidnap several little ponies?
Captain: We have to, and if you interfere with him, you're fired!
Harry: Fine. Just gonna go do my patrol
On the Golden Neigh Bridge
Bus Driver: *driving*
Scorpio: Row row row your boat, gently down the stream
kids: Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream.
Bus Driver: (If only they knew what was happening.)
fat colt: Excuse me sir. Can you tell us where you're going?
Scorpio: The airport. Now keep singing! Row row row your boat-
fat colt: Why are we going there?
Scorpio: Quit asking me questions! *hits colt* Now sing! *Sings at an incredible high rate of speed* Row row row your boat gently down the stream!! Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream.
fat colt: I wanna go home.
Scorpio: Be Quiet!! *Sings even faster* Row row row your boat gently down the stream!! *The speed of his voice turns back to normal* And turn right there.
bus driver: *prepares to turn right*
Scorpio: NOT HERE!! The next one
bus driver: *takes next turn*
Harry: *standing on bridge*
Scorpio: How did he get there?
bus driver: *slows down*
Scorpio: Come on you stupid green Americar, move faster.
Harry: *jumps on bus*
Scorpio: AAHHH! After I told him NO COPS!!!! *takes over bus*
Scorpio: *hits the Americar*
driving pony: *honks horn*
Scorpio: *pushes car off road*
Harry: *hanging on*
Scorpio: Get over here, and drive!! *grabs gun*
filly: It's a gun!! AH!!
Scorpio: *shoots four bullets through ceiling*
Harry: *dodges bullets*
bus driver: *spins out through gate*
Scorpio: You idiot!
bus driver: *hits pile of gravel*
Harry: *flies into gravel*
Scorpio: *runs out of bus*
Scorpio: *Fires two bullets, but misses*
Harry: *Fires a bullet, also missing*
Scorpio: *runs upstairs into a building*
Harry: *Shoots at Scorpio, and misses again*
Scorpio: *Jumps on conveyor belt*
Scorpio: *takes cover*
Harry: *Moves towards Scorpio*
Scorpio: *Shoots two bullets, hitting the ceiling*
Harry: *Shields his eyes from the falling dust*
Scorpio: *pushes worker*
Worker: Hey, watch where you're going bitch!
Scorpio: *Slides down the railing to a flight of stairs*
Harry: *Follows, firing two bullets that miss, hitting the ground*
They soon got to a lake, where a little colt was fishing
Scorpio: *kidnaps colt*
Scorpio: Drop that gun, or the colt dies
Harry: *does nothing*
Scorpio: I'm not bluffing you peice of hell! Drop the gun!!
Harry: *shoots Scorpio*
Scorpio: *reaches for gun*
Harry: Uh uh. I know what you're thinking punk. Did he fire six shots or only five? To tell you the truth I lost track myself after all this excitement. Being this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in all of Equestria, and will blow your head clean off. You gotta ask yourself a question. Do I Feel Lucky?
Scorpio: *lays on ground*
Harry: Well do you punk?!
Scorpio: *reaches for gun*
Harry: *kills Scorpio*
Scorpio: *falls into lake*
Harry knew he was going to get fired, so he took his police badge, and threw it far away on the other side of the lake. Then, he walked. Away from the criminal he just killed, but possibly into another story.
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see. *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see.