#1: TITANIC:
Jon: What sorrow, I feel for these characters.. Red haired lady.. Old ladies.. Currently DROWNING human.. And 101 don-..
One hundred and what!?.. One hundred and what now!?…. (camera zooms in on the dog) BONGO!? IS THAT YOU!?
#2: ARE YOU AFRIED OF THE DARK:
Man in movie: (two the little kids he locked in his house) Just answer this riddle. Than I'll let you go free.
Jon:TWO KIDS ARE GONNA DIE TONIGHT!!
#3: GOOSEBUMPS:
Jerry: Oh man, you and your dumb hobbies!
JonTron: Yeah, fuck you for being interested in things, you stupid bitch!
#4: TITANIC:
Jon: Wait, it's just a legend? It's just a silly old legend? I thought it was a real thing, like a real boat with people on it that sank and they died. I s'pose that means my girlfriend's not real then. I guess there were some signs along the way. [flashback starts] When we were at that restaurant, the waiter, he said, "Why did you order two meals and not eat one of them? You just left it there to get cold." and I said, "Curb your tongue! That's my lady, and soon she will be departing on the great steam liner known as the Titanic that is definitely a real ship in the real world." and he said, "...Wait, what?"
#5: TITANIC:
Old Man: Here you are. Let's hope it's a smooth crossing. (Gives a sinister smile and wiggles his eyebrows)
Jon: Excuse me, uh, the fuck did you just say!? Do you know something we don't? You got something to say? Why so devious? Wait a second... I recognize that voice. You're not really an old man! (He goes up and pulls the guy's head off) I knew it! He was the iceberg all along!
#6: TITANIC:
Jon: There's a where are they now sagment!? I'll tell you where they are now, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING OCEAN, ARE YOU CRAZY?!?
#7: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Jon: Boy, pikachu dose that leg thing from Sonic 2.. Now Pikachu is turned into a ball, like.. Sonic, the, hedgehog.. Man, that's just Sonic, it's soni- (screaming) IT'S SONIC!!
#8: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: Cars?.. Cars!?.. CAAAAARS!?
Jon: (scream singing) AND IIIIIIIII!!
Jon: (normal) HOLLY SHIT!!
Jon: (scream singing) WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOUU!!
Jon: (normal) CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME!? GODDAMMIT!, HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!?
#9: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: I mean, what if after Super Mario World, Nintendo released a teaser trailer for Super Mario 64, and upon release day you are greeted with Mario CITY SIMULATOR!.. And than you put in the game, and Shigeru Miyamoto's ghost comes out, and goes "AH FUCKING, WHO LIKE'S THE MARIO GAMES, AM I RIGHT!?".. BYB!.. MAKING LEGEND OF ZELDA, INTO ZELDA MODERN WARFARE!!
#10: GOOSEBUMPS:
Larry: She's really cool.. You know, for a girl.
Jon: Wait, THAT'S not in the book.. In the book he describes her as kinda cute.. Oh Larry, your just. Your just a fucking asshole!
#11: GOOSEBUMPS:
JonTron: This fucking humming! That's like the joke voice people do when they're trying to pretend to act natural.
Police Officer: [knocking on door] NYPD! Open up!
[cut to Jon in the bathroom with a giant knife, both him and the knife covered in blood, and Jon looking paranoid].
JonTron: Can't a guy get some privacy? (begins to stab away, humming the same song).
#12: BARBIE:
Jon: Hi Barbie. I miss you. It's so quiet after you die. There's nothing. But the voices...they never stop. (beat) See you in an hour!
#13: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
JonTron: Now this next one is actually one of my favorite ones. It's called Pokémon Vietnamese Crystal. Yeah, that's actually what it's called.
Jacques (his pet parrot): That's racist.
JonTron: [turns around to Jacques]
JonTron: Now you listen here, pip-pip. A racist mind is a racist kind. You, you take that to sleep with you tonight cause I know, it's not gonna change hearts and minds in a day. You don't give a man a peanut, expect him to have a farm the next day. But it's aright. It's alright. One day, we will all be equal on this earth. Until then, I'm gonna give you a kiss, muffin.
[Jon kisses Jacques on the head]
#14: POOKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Camera man: Where you going?
Jon: I'm not doing this, I'm not playing this! You only live once!
#15: FOOD FIGHT:
JonTron: Is this like Toy Story rules or is this like, like The Fountain rules, where there's no rules?
JonTron: [backing away] Oh God, help us. I think this is Fountain rules.
#16: FOOD FIGHT:
JonTron: Let's celebrate. Yeah! Ugly people never win! That's the moral of the story, guys!
#17: FOOD FIGHT:
Jon: Am I dead yet!?
#18: TITANIC:
Jon: (the film is so bad he's pointing a gun at his head) Come on baby, I just want out!
#19: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
JonTron: Oh geez. Oh darn it. They got fat.
#20: THE LOST WORLD:
JonTron: Jurasstic Park 2 had it all.. Dinosours.. Adventure.. (screaming, and camera shakes) AND JEFF GOLDBLUM!!.. CAN'T FAIL!!
#21:
Jontron: (kills Nostaglia Critc) That's for reviewing Food Battle!
Jon: What sorrow, I feel for these characters.. Red haired lady.. Old ladies.. Currently DROWNING human.. And 101 don-..
One hundred and what!?.. One hundred and what now!?…. (camera zooms in on the dog) BONGO!? IS THAT YOU!?
#2: ARE YOU AFRIED OF THE DARK:
Man in movie: (two the little kids he locked in his house) Just answer this riddle. Than I'll let you go free.
Jon:TWO KIDS ARE GONNA DIE TONIGHT!!
#3: GOOSEBUMPS:
Jerry: Oh man, you and your dumb hobbies!
JonTron: Yeah, fuck you for being interested in things, you stupid bitch!
#4: TITANIC:
Jon: Wait, it's just a legend? It's just a silly old legend? I thought it was a real thing, like a real boat with people on it that sank and they died. I s'pose that means my girlfriend's not real then. I guess there were some signs along the way. [flashback starts] When we were at that restaurant, the waiter, he said, "Why did you order two meals and not eat one of them? You just left it there to get cold." and I said, "Curb your tongue! That's my lady, and soon she will be departing on the great steam liner known as the Titanic that is definitely a real ship in the real world." and he said, "...Wait, what?"
#5: TITANIC:
Old Man: Here you are. Let's hope it's a smooth crossing. (Gives a sinister smile and wiggles his eyebrows)
Jon: Excuse me, uh, the fuck did you just say!? Do you know something we don't? You got something to say? Why so devious? Wait a second... I recognize that voice. You're not really an old man! (He goes up and pulls the guy's head off) I knew it! He was the iceberg all along!
#6: TITANIC:
Jon: There's a where are they now sagment!? I'll tell you where they are now, AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FUCKING OCEAN, ARE YOU CRAZY?!?
#7: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Jon: Boy, pikachu dose that leg thing from Sonic 2.. Now Pikachu is turned into a ball, like.. Sonic, the, hedgehog.. Man, that's just Sonic, it's soni- (screaming) IT'S SONIC!!
#8: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: Cars?.. Cars!?.. CAAAAARS!?
Jon: (scream singing) AND IIIIIIIII!!
Jon: (normal) HOLLY SHIT!!
Jon: (scream singing) WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOUU!!
Jon: (normal) CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME!? GODDAMMIT!, HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!?
#9: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
Jon: I mean, what if after Super Mario World, Nintendo released a teaser trailer for Super Mario 64, and upon release day you are greeted with Mario CITY SIMULATOR!.. And than you put in the game, and Shigeru Miyamoto's ghost comes out, and goes "AH FUCKING, WHO LIKE'S THE MARIO GAMES, AM I RIGHT!?".. BYB!.. MAKING LEGEND OF ZELDA, INTO ZELDA MODERN WARFARE!!
#10: GOOSEBUMPS:
Larry: She's really cool.. You know, for a girl.
Jon: Wait, THAT'S not in the book.. In the book he describes her as kinda cute.. Oh Larry, your just. Your just a fucking asshole!
#11: GOOSEBUMPS:
JonTron: This fucking humming! That's like the joke voice people do when they're trying to pretend to act natural.
Police Officer: [knocking on door] NYPD! Open up!
[cut to Jon in the bathroom with a giant knife, both him and the knife covered in blood, and Jon looking paranoid].
JonTron: Can't a guy get some privacy? (begins to stab away, humming the same song).
#12: BARBIE:
Jon: Hi Barbie. I miss you. It's so quiet after you die. There's nothing. But the voices...they never stop. (beat) See you in an hour!
#13: POKEYMON BOOTLEG:
JonTron: Now this next one is actually one of my favorite ones. It's called Pokémon Vietnamese Crystal. Yeah, that's actually what it's called.
Jacques (his pet parrot): That's racist.
JonTron: [turns around to Jacques]
JonTron: Now you listen here, pip-pip. A racist mind is a racist kind. You, you take that to sleep with you tonight cause I know, it's not gonna change hearts and minds in a day. You don't give a man a peanut, expect him to have a farm the next day. But it's aright. It's alright. One day, we will all be equal on this earth. Until then, I'm gonna give you a kiss, muffin.
[Jon kisses Jacques on the head]
#14: POOKEYMON BOOTLEG:
Camera man: Where you going?
Jon: I'm not doing this, I'm not playing this! You only live once!
#15: FOOD FIGHT:
JonTron: Is this like Toy Story rules or is this like, like The Fountain rules, where there's no rules?
JonTron: [backing away] Oh God, help us. I think this is Fountain rules.
#16: FOOD FIGHT:
JonTron: Let's celebrate. Yeah! Ugly people never win! That's the moral of the story, guys!
#17: FOOD FIGHT:
Jon: Am I dead yet!?
#18: TITANIC:
Jon: (the film is so bad he's pointing a gun at his head) Come on baby, I just want out!
#19: BANJO KAZOOHI/NUTS AND BOLTS:
JonTron: Oh geez. Oh darn it. They got fat.
#20: THE LOST WORLD:
JonTron: Jurasstic Park 2 had it all.. Dinosours.. Adventure.. (screaming, and camera shakes) AND JEFF GOLDBLUM!!.. CAN'T FAIL!!
#21:
Jontron: (kills Nostaglia Critc) That's for reviewing Food Battle!
