When it comes to horror movies, you all know that the one thing that makes a movie for me is jumpscares. There’s nothing I love more than jumpscares. There is also nothing I love more than seeing characters go out into the killer’s path even though they could have lived if they stayed put. I love it. But I also love monsters just as much. And there are lots of great Hollywood monsters like the Leprechaun, the gorilla with the helmet from Robot Monster, the Gingerdead Man, the Goblins from Troll 2, and who can forget the classic Shitweasles from Dreamcatcher? But, I think I know one horror movie monster that bests them all. You all thought that the Xenomorph was the most terrifying thing ever? No, man. I got something that screams true terror. Something that cannot be fathomed by just normal human comprehension. And that is Marcus and Kevin Copeland from the classic 2004 horror film, White Chicks



I mean just look at these things. They’re horrifying! You all thought movies like Saw and Shaun of the Dead were the true horror movies of 2004? No! White Chicks manages to prove something even more. What does Saw have? People going to their extreme limits in order to see if they truly have what it takes to survive as a killer who shows how cruel but fair he can be? Boring. Shaun of the Dead? All that was was a zombie comedy that showed the funnier side of the apocalypse while also showing the more stressful sides with some good camera work. Fucking snore! White Chicks manages to put it’s monster in plane sight, and the Copeland Brother’s are the perfect ones for it.



First off, just look at them. Look at those faces. The Copeland Brothers are so terrifying, they rival that of the birds from Birdemic in how scary they are. They have these pale white faces that could scare just about anyone, yet, for whatever reason, they manage to blend into society. They manage to blend in with humanity. They are able to be unnoticed as they walk around in society, despite their appearance. Also, the Copeland take the appearance of women in this movie. You know who else dressed as a woman in horror movies? Norman Bates from Psycho, and since I’m hipster trash and consider old movies better, Psycho is clearly the best movie ever, and anything that follows Psycho is clearly doing the right thing, even if it could be a rip off. The Copeland Brother’s are the black version of Norman Bates, only they manage to be even more terrifying than Norman Bates, as proven by the fact that this film managed to be make over a hundred million fucking dollars. (Sorry this review ever happened. For your patience, the Resident Evil 4 review will be up tomorrow. Happy April Fools Day)