~Otaku Grandma~
A character created by both Nik and Ravyn out of sheer boredom, Otaku Grandma is a character that started during a conversation. Otaku Grandma is known as an old woman with all the elderly people cliches, only instead, it is replaced with anime culture. Instead of dusting off her old dolls and knickknacks, she is dusting her anime Nendoroids and Figmas. She always tunes into to Toonami instead of soap operas and attends anime conventions instead of bingo parlors. She also has a body pillow of Levi from Attack on Titan and keeps it in the place on her bed where he husband once was before he died and buried under a cherry blossom tree. Otaku Grandma also manages to back all kinds of Japanese sweets for the children of the neighborhood such as Pocky and is always ready to talk about why Soul Eater is such a classic with her other Otaku friends as they sit around, knitting dolls of Gurren Lagann characters
~Foreskin Face~
A man created in The Sims 3, and due to the game’s awful textures on 3DS, what was once a normal man was only made worse by god (Nik) and his face was deformed to look like that of genitalia. The suffering for Foreskin Face didn’t stop there, as he was forced to live in a crappy house, having to make his way through a maze each and every day just to get to the fridge, the threat of dying of hunger in the hall always hanging over him and having no money to buy new furniture, and unable to get a job with his deformed face. Foreskin Face was eventually able to make friends with the neighborhood, and invited them to his house of stupidity. However, not all was right, as Foreskin Face saw them devour his food in gluttonous glee and began to break his furniture without paying for it. Enraged and betrayed, as Foreskin Face had no real prior knowledge of human emotions, he set fire to his house, blocking the doors and allowing the people to die from the fire. Foreskin Face was among those who died, finally able to enjoy the sweet release of death. No one mourned his loss.
~Bruce-U~
Born in the land of the Rising Dumb, Bruce-U started out his life, trained under Not Pai Mei disappointingly, but under someone just as cool. Bruce-U was his best student and was always treated with respect and care and was known as the hot shit around his classmates, and had even planned on taking Dawn Star to the Two Rivers Prom. Not all was good, however, as Bruce-U was forced to deal with his arch school rival, Gao the Lesser, nicknamed The Saltiest. After Two Rivers was burned down and the prom was cancelled, Bruce-U and Dawn Star got out, but not before killing The Saltiest and left to find Not Pai Mei. Along the way, they were joined with a Mortal Kombat reject, a mercenary, a man with dead children, a little girl with a Stand, a chef, a scientist, an angel merchant, and a princess names Silk Fox. With their help, Bruce-U did many things, like kill cannibals, destroy a pirate base, nearly get killed by a store clerk, entered a deadly arena, overthrow the emperor, and came back from the dead. Bruce-U also tried to get with both Dawn Star and Silk Fox. He failed miserably.
~Ronnie Jeremy and Bombshell~
Named after his mother’s favorite celebrity, Ronnie started his Pokemon journey by taking the Pokemon Chespin, the Pokemon with the strength of a tank, and named him Bombshell. Along the way, Ronnie met with a group of characters, but forgot their names, understandably. His brave actions include beating up children, breaking into a rich man’s house, entering the shittiest ghost house ever, finding the real ghost and nearly pissing himself, and murdering an entire group of Neo-Nazi hipsters. Ronnie was finally able to take the championship as the Pokemon Champion by nearly dying several times, but used cheap tactics to win. After his victory, a parade was thrown in his honor, before an 8-foot-tall dick tried to ruin it, so Ronnie ruined his face. He would continue his journey of beating up kids and killing their Pokemon for money.
~Monster Mash~
When Nik talked with Collin and Ryan about what their Stands would be, the group agreed that Nik would have a horror themed and over-the-top Stand. At the thought of it, Nik created the Stand Monster Mash, a giant blue Frankenstein with bolts coming from it’s back and shoulders. Monster Mash’s signature move (Aside from beating the shit out of its enemies) is known as Graveyard Smash, the ability to bring the strongest of soldiers to the best of superstars back from the dead that will murder Nik’s foes before they eat their flesh. Everyone thought the Stand would be too OP, but it was far too late to convince Nik otherwise.
~Mall Cop Martin~
A comic book villain created by Nik and Ben after a true experience. During a trip to a mall before it faces the final death knell, Nik was on his 3DS, checking the time (Because he still doesn’t have a phone), before he was met with a fat mall cop wearing a helmet and riding around on a segway. The man threatened to both confiscate and hold Nik and Ben in a room for until the mall closed. Nik and Ben were only able to escape after Mall Cop Martin got distracted from a real crime: A child running. After this, Nik and Ben decided to continuously mock the fat man. Mall Cop Martin has been known to hunt down innocent kids and kidnap them and hold them for ransom until Spider-Man comes to save them, making him a shittier villain than Mysterio in Spider-Man 64.
~Spike~
Nik’s fat black and white cat that he allows to come in from time to time and feed lunchmeat that no one else will eat. Despite Nik’s utter hate and eternal war with the cats, he has grown fond of Spike, and trusts him inside the house since he is too fat to jump onto his shelf. Spike has been known to try and steal all the other food from other cats in the neighborhood, resulting in him suffering some bad injuries from scratches. Spike has never learned his lesson and continues to steal food from other cats. He has never once stolen food from Nik, only further showing his trust and loyalty towards Nik.
~Zombie Whale~
Ryan has been known to be very squeamish and has also been known to be easily afraid of horror games and movies, as well as being uneasy around ocean and sea life. Being the good friend that he is, Nik has decided to create a gift for a Ryan, that being the decaying Zombie Whale. Being the world's largest animal, Nik wanted to see if bigger things are scarier. Given Ryan’s reaction, it was indeed true. Since then, Nik has constantly used the Zombie Whale as a way to describe Ryan’s fear, even when people find the idea of an undead ocean mammal stupid and silly. All the more reason to make fun of Ryan.
~The Ku Klux Clam~
Named after the one-off joke in The Simpsons, The Ku Klux Clam is a race of evil clams in Dark Souls. Kane (Nik’s playable character) would always have to deal with the KKC each time he made his way through the Crystal Cave. One horrid act was, when during the fight with Seath the Scaleless, the KKC came in to join the fight and began to fuck up Kane as Seath blew his non-sexual load all over Kane. After defeating Seath this time, the KKC began to try and Zergrush Kane before he could try and escape. Kane wouldn’t run into them again before he met them in Ash Lake, and thought that, if he were to meet the Everlasting Dragon here, that he must face his greatest challenge since Lautrec. He decided to just ignore the KKC and run right past them to meet the Everlasting Dragon. This resulted in his death.
~Mr. Arby~
Named after a school teacher that Nik, Ben, and Ryan both had, and thought it would be right to change his name for reasons. Mr. Arby has been stated to look a lot like the teacher from Life is Strange, as he has the same haircut, fashion style, and almost has the same voice. The year after, Mr. Arby also started a photography club, only further proving it. Mr. Arby, while a cool man, has always criticised the classes work. Nik and Ryan has had Mr. Arby for two years, while Ben only for one. Mr. Arby would always play guitar and talk about why Pearl Jam was the best band and would talk about why Tim Burton’s shittier films can be forgiven because he made Edward Scissorhands. Mr. Arby would also allow Nik to play the movie, Silence of the Lambs, in class, but lost it when a student played The Interview in class due to the language. Mr. Arby also supplied Nik and Ryan with coffee, something Nik desperately needed during his Persona 4 addiction. Nik was the only one in the group to attend Mr. Arby’s movie class. Mr. Arby would also make his students read books with bad endings, saying that bad endings are much more fun, and Nik completely agreed. Ryan didn’t, however.
~Janitor James~
The fictional janitor that works at the high school Nik, Ryan, Ben, and Collin go to. Janitor James was both a vietnam veteran and a WWF wrestler in his prime, before he lost it from getting a busted kidney and now works as the school janitor. Sometimes, he will look at the school’s wrestling club as he mops the hall and weep about the glory days. He has been known to be a modern day Mickey from Rocky, as he would teach only the best kids. He has also seem to have a hatred towards Collin for being a lazy bastard with no true goals. Each time Collin is found digging in the trash for breakfast, James would do his best to drop kick the trashcan and Collin with it.
~The Lawson’s~
Despite Ryan’s weeaboo lifestyle and his want to play crappy videogames, he lives in a completely different setting. On the long road titled ISIS Street, Ryan lives behind a large set of trees in a rundown two-story house. Nik has never met a single member of Ryan’s family aside from his cousin once in school, but he has been told that his family is very southern and moved to this house to get away from the city. They are also known to be huge Christians, which isn’t really important to the story, but Nik finds it funny. Ryan has stated that the house was once an orphanage or something and that there were at least twelve child graves in the backyard. The Lawson’s also live in a very Texas Chainsaw Massacre-esque location, with rusted doors and trucks. Nik and Ben joke that Ryan lives a life of pretty much the Sawyer’s and believe that Ryan could be next in line to be the next Baggie Face.
~Collin~
Named after Nik and Ryan’s shit friend of the same name, Collin has been deemed as the most vile and disgusting creature to ever exist. Collin states that he is a fan of a band followed by saying that he only knows two songs from them, steals all the pudding you have in your fridge, plays the same song over and over, serfs Reddit on a daily basis, says that Diavolo was the best villain, continues to say Griffith did nothing wrong, always uses rare Pokemon in Pokemon battles, hides inside your trashcans like some animal and has even managed to rip through time to powerbomb Abraham Lincoln and create a future where Panty and Stocking doesn’t exist. The only redeeming thing about Collin is that he says that Sword Art Online is shit and says Gyro is the best Zeppeli, so Ryan and Nik believe that there is hope for the mutant, but not much.
A character created by both Nik and Ravyn out of sheer boredom, Otaku Grandma is a character that started during a conversation. Otaku Grandma is known as an old woman with all the elderly people cliches, only instead, it is replaced with anime culture. Instead of dusting off her old dolls and knickknacks, she is dusting her anime Nendoroids and Figmas. She always tunes into to Toonami instead of soap operas and attends anime conventions instead of bingo parlors. She also has a body pillow of Levi from Attack on Titan and keeps it in the place on her bed where he husband once was before he died and buried under a cherry blossom tree. Otaku Grandma also manages to back all kinds of Japanese sweets for the children of the neighborhood such as Pocky and is always ready to talk about why Soul Eater is such a classic with her other Otaku friends as they sit around, knitting dolls of Gurren Lagann characters
~Foreskin Face~
A man created in The Sims 3, and due to the game’s awful textures on 3DS, what was once a normal man was only made worse by god (Nik) and his face was deformed to look like that of genitalia. The suffering for Foreskin Face didn’t stop there, as he was forced to live in a crappy house, having to make his way through a maze each and every day just to get to the fridge, the threat of dying of hunger in the hall always hanging over him and having no money to buy new furniture, and unable to get a job with his deformed face. Foreskin Face was eventually able to make friends with the neighborhood, and invited them to his house of stupidity. However, not all was right, as Foreskin Face saw them devour his food in gluttonous glee and began to break his furniture without paying for it. Enraged and betrayed, as Foreskin Face had no real prior knowledge of human emotions, he set fire to his house, blocking the doors and allowing the people to die from the fire. Foreskin Face was among those who died, finally able to enjoy the sweet release of death. No one mourned his loss.
~Bruce-U~
Born in the land of the Rising Dumb, Bruce-U started out his life, trained under Not Pai Mei disappointingly, but under someone just as cool. Bruce-U was his best student and was always treated with respect and care and was known as the hot shit around his classmates, and had even planned on taking Dawn Star to the Two Rivers Prom. Not all was good, however, as Bruce-U was forced to deal with his arch school rival, Gao the Lesser, nicknamed The Saltiest. After Two Rivers was burned down and the prom was cancelled, Bruce-U and Dawn Star got out, but not before killing The Saltiest and left to find Not Pai Mei. Along the way, they were joined with a Mortal Kombat reject, a mercenary, a man with dead children, a little girl with a Stand, a chef, a scientist, an angel merchant, and a princess names Silk Fox. With their help, Bruce-U did many things, like kill cannibals, destroy a pirate base, nearly get killed by a store clerk, entered a deadly arena, overthrow the emperor, and came back from the dead. Bruce-U also tried to get with both Dawn Star and Silk Fox. He failed miserably.
~Ronnie Jeremy and Bombshell~
Named after his mother’s favorite celebrity, Ronnie started his Pokemon journey by taking the Pokemon Chespin, the Pokemon with the strength of a tank, and named him Bombshell. Along the way, Ronnie met with a group of characters, but forgot their names, understandably. His brave actions include beating up children, breaking into a rich man’s house, entering the shittiest ghost house ever, finding the real ghost and nearly pissing himself, and murdering an entire group of Neo-Nazi hipsters. Ronnie was finally able to take the championship as the Pokemon Champion by nearly dying several times, but used cheap tactics to win. After his victory, a parade was thrown in his honor, before an 8-foot-tall dick tried to ruin it, so Ronnie ruined his face. He would continue his journey of beating up kids and killing their Pokemon for money.
~Monster Mash~
When Nik talked with Collin and Ryan about what their Stands would be, the group agreed that Nik would have a horror themed and over-the-top Stand. At the thought of it, Nik created the Stand Monster Mash, a giant blue Frankenstein with bolts coming from it’s back and shoulders. Monster Mash’s signature move (Aside from beating the shit out of its enemies) is known as Graveyard Smash, the ability to bring the strongest of soldiers to the best of superstars back from the dead that will murder Nik’s foes before they eat their flesh. Everyone thought the Stand would be too OP, but it was far too late to convince Nik otherwise.
~Mall Cop Martin~
A comic book villain created by Nik and Ben after a true experience. During a trip to a mall before it faces the final death knell, Nik was on his 3DS, checking the time (Because he still doesn’t have a phone), before he was met with a fat mall cop wearing a helmet and riding around on a segway. The man threatened to both confiscate and hold Nik and Ben in a room for until the mall closed. Nik and Ben were only able to escape after Mall Cop Martin got distracted from a real crime: A child running. After this, Nik and Ben decided to continuously mock the fat man. Mall Cop Martin has been known to hunt down innocent kids and kidnap them and hold them for ransom until Spider-Man comes to save them, making him a shittier villain than Mysterio in Spider-Man 64.
~Spike~
Nik’s fat black and white cat that he allows to come in from time to time and feed lunchmeat that no one else will eat. Despite Nik’s utter hate and eternal war with the cats, he has grown fond of Spike, and trusts him inside the house since he is too fat to jump onto his shelf. Spike has been known to try and steal all the other food from other cats in the neighborhood, resulting in him suffering some bad injuries from scratches. Spike has never learned his lesson and continues to steal food from other cats. He has never once stolen food from Nik, only further showing his trust and loyalty towards Nik.
~Zombie Whale~
Ryan has been known to be very squeamish and has also been known to be easily afraid of horror games and movies, as well as being uneasy around ocean and sea life. Being the good friend that he is, Nik has decided to create a gift for a Ryan, that being the decaying Zombie Whale. Being the world's largest animal, Nik wanted to see if bigger things are scarier. Given Ryan’s reaction, it was indeed true. Since then, Nik has constantly used the Zombie Whale as a way to describe Ryan’s fear, even when people find the idea of an undead ocean mammal stupid and silly. All the more reason to make fun of Ryan.
~The Ku Klux Clam~
Named after the one-off joke in The Simpsons, The Ku Klux Clam is a race of evil clams in Dark Souls. Kane (Nik’s playable character) would always have to deal with the KKC each time he made his way through the Crystal Cave. One horrid act was, when during the fight with Seath the Scaleless, the KKC came in to join the fight and began to fuck up Kane as Seath blew his non-sexual load all over Kane. After defeating Seath this time, the KKC began to try and Zergrush Kane before he could try and escape. Kane wouldn’t run into them again before he met them in Ash Lake, and thought that, if he were to meet the Everlasting Dragon here, that he must face his greatest challenge since Lautrec. He decided to just ignore the KKC and run right past them to meet the Everlasting Dragon. This resulted in his death.
~Mr. Arby~
Named after a school teacher that Nik, Ben, and Ryan both had, and thought it would be right to change his name for reasons. Mr. Arby has been stated to look a lot like the teacher from Life is Strange, as he has the same haircut, fashion style, and almost has the same voice. The year after, Mr. Arby also started a photography club, only further proving it. Mr. Arby, while a cool man, has always criticised the classes work. Nik and Ryan has had Mr. Arby for two years, while Ben only for one. Mr. Arby would always play guitar and talk about why Pearl Jam was the best band and would talk about why Tim Burton’s shittier films can be forgiven because he made Edward Scissorhands. Mr. Arby would also allow Nik to play the movie, Silence of the Lambs, in class, but lost it when a student played The Interview in class due to the language. Mr. Arby also supplied Nik and Ryan with coffee, something Nik desperately needed during his Persona 4 addiction. Nik was the only one in the group to attend Mr. Arby’s movie class. Mr. Arby would also make his students read books with bad endings, saying that bad endings are much more fun, and Nik completely agreed. Ryan didn’t, however.
~Janitor James~
The fictional janitor that works at the high school Nik, Ryan, Ben, and Collin go to. Janitor James was both a vietnam veteran and a WWF wrestler in his prime, before he lost it from getting a busted kidney and now works as the school janitor. Sometimes, he will look at the school’s wrestling club as he mops the hall and weep about the glory days. He has been known to be a modern day Mickey from Rocky, as he would teach only the best kids. He has also seem to have a hatred towards Collin for being a lazy bastard with no true goals. Each time Collin is found digging in the trash for breakfast, James would do his best to drop kick the trashcan and Collin with it.
~The Lawson’s~
Despite Ryan’s weeaboo lifestyle and his want to play crappy videogames, he lives in a completely different setting. On the long road titled ISIS Street, Ryan lives behind a large set of trees in a rundown two-story house. Nik has never met a single member of Ryan’s family aside from his cousin once in school, but he has been told that his family is very southern and moved to this house to get away from the city. They are also known to be huge Christians, which isn’t really important to the story, but Nik finds it funny. Ryan has stated that the house was once an orphanage or something and that there were at least twelve child graves in the backyard. The Lawson’s also live in a very Texas Chainsaw Massacre-esque location, with rusted doors and trucks. Nik and Ben joke that Ryan lives a life of pretty much the Sawyer’s and believe that Ryan could be next in line to be the next Baggie Face.
~Collin~
Named after Nik and Ryan’s shit friend of the same name, Collin has been deemed as the most vile and disgusting creature to ever exist. Collin states that he is a fan of a band followed by saying that he only knows two songs from them, steals all the pudding you have in your fridge, plays the same song over and over, serfs Reddit on a daily basis, says that Diavolo was the best villain, continues to say Griffith did nothing wrong, always uses rare Pokemon in Pokemon battles, hides inside your trashcans like some animal and has even managed to rip through time to powerbomb Abraham Lincoln and create a future where Panty and Stocking doesn’t exist. The only redeeming thing about Collin is that he says that Sword Art Online is shit and says Gyro is the best Zeppeli, so Ryan and Nik believe that there is hope for the mutant, but not much.
