I've heard people say that letting go is hard to do. And it's true. But the more I wandered, the more I felt like I had to close something back there. Damn. There was always something. Oh well. Time to end it. I headed back, passing her grave again. I'll see you later sis. And I'll bring some decoration for you. I went back. Damn it all. I had never wanted to come back when I left. You just have to close one door to open another I guess. When I got there, it was broad daylight. So I hung around until it was well into the next morning. 3:00 a.m. No one would be up. I entered, heading down the hall.
I passed my old room, kicking the door open. It was empty. Good. I walked to her room, opened the door, and closed it once I was inside. I eased onto the bed, sitting there. My eyes changed from their natural blue to a faint gold. Nightmares wake people up. And I was looking forward to this. Why? She was dreaming of him. Again. I often slipped into her dreams, chasing the sweet things away. Call me a creeper, but it was more habit than payback. Except for tonight. This was intentional. And, just I expected, she woke up with fear in her eyes.
“Stay still Blade.”
“Terror?!”
“Hush. You'll only make the fear worse. Now be quiet. Give it a minute to wear off.”
She stayed still for a minute and I turned the desk light on. I stared at her, nodding when my little spell had worn off.
“You did that to me?!”
“I had to talk to you.”
“How long have you been here?”
“In Happy Harbor? All day. Here in your room? Five minutes.”
“Well...what do you want?”
“Did you really have to play me like that?”
“What?”
“Were you on some sort of high that someone liked you? Did you just play around with me because it was easy to do?”
“Terror, you're not making any sense!”
“Really? Well let me put it this way! You played with me. I loved you Blade and you played with me. What I want to know is why?”
“Terror, I....I never played you.”
“So telling me you loved me was a game? Were you trying to make him jealous or something? Was I just some toy you could dispose of when you got what you wanted?”
“No! Terror-”
“Save it Blade. The way I see it, you used me. You used me to get to him. But the worst part is...I let you. Because I wanted you happy. Because I thought it would go away.”
We sat there, staring at each other. I know my words sounded harsh. But I wasn't angry. I was broken and there's a difference.
“Terror...I'm sorry...”
“No matter what Blade, I will love you. Just don't expect me to be here when you two fall apart. Cause I know it will happen. Going with someone like him, it's just like you going with Gage. Look what happened to Gage. That same thing will repeat itself. But just so you know, it won't be your fault. Can't help who you fall in love with. So thanks. For everything. And about this entire thing, don't go accusing yourself. It's my fault. I let you down. Night kid.”
I go off the bed and shut off the light. I walked out of the mountain. I felt more at ease now that it was over. I leaned against the rocks, looking down at the city. I wasn't expecting her to come and run after me. I didn't want her to. I was done waiting for that to happen. I took the flower out of my pocket. A blue rose. The stem was a dark green and thorn-less, the petals a soft electric blue. I held it and the flower opened. The center of the rose was bathed in soft light. Fire was on the inside of each petal, but it didn't burn the flower or smell like fire. The whole flower smelled like an ocean breeze, crisp and clean. I remember Sylver talking about these flowers.
She had told me that they are some sort of magic. She was right. This little flower helps to clear your heart and see whats inside. I found it in the one place it grows. But if I told you, you'd want it. So the place where it blooms is my secret. I had wanted to give it to Blade. Now I just wanted it gone. I dropped it over the edge and watched it fall. Sorry blossom. All that for nothing. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, walking away. No one would care for it. Only someone who has a broken heart can open it anyways. But if you want to know, I looked in the flower. And it showed what was in my heart; something I kept telling everyone. The reason I had to stay away from others. Why I couldn't let my walls down any more. What exactly did I see in my heart? A monster.
I passed my old room, kicking the door open. It was empty. Good. I walked to her room, opened the door, and closed it once I was inside. I eased onto the bed, sitting there. My eyes changed from their natural blue to a faint gold. Nightmares wake people up. And I was looking forward to this. Why? She was dreaming of him. Again. I often slipped into her dreams, chasing the sweet things away. Call me a creeper, but it was more habit than payback. Except for tonight. This was intentional. And, just I expected, she woke up with fear in her eyes.
“Stay still Blade.”
“Terror?!”
“Hush. You'll only make the fear worse. Now be quiet. Give it a minute to wear off.”
She stayed still for a minute and I turned the desk light on. I stared at her, nodding when my little spell had worn off.
“You did that to me?!”
“I had to talk to you.”
“How long have you been here?”
“In Happy Harbor? All day. Here in your room? Five minutes.”
“Well...what do you want?”
“Did you really have to play me like that?”
“What?”
“Were you on some sort of high that someone liked you? Did you just play around with me because it was easy to do?”
“Terror, you're not making any sense!”
“Really? Well let me put it this way! You played with me. I loved you Blade and you played with me. What I want to know is why?”
“Terror, I....I never played you.”
“So telling me you loved me was a game? Were you trying to make him jealous or something? Was I just some toy you could dispose of when you got what you wanted?”
“No! Terror-”
“Save it Blade. The way I see it, you used me. You used me to get to him. But the worst part is...I let you. Because I wanted you happy. Because I thought it would go away.”
We sat there, staring at each other. I know my words sounded harsh. But I wasn't angry. I was broken and there's a difference.
“Terror...I'm sorry...”
“No matter what Blade, I will love you. Just don't expect me to be here when you two fall apart. Cause I know it will happen. Going with someone like him, it's just like you going with Gage. Look what happened to Gage. That same thing will repeat itself. But just so you know, it won't be your fault. Can't help who you fall in love with. So thanks. For everything. And about this entire thing, don't go accusing yourself. It's my fault. I let you down. Night kid.”
I go off the bed and shut off the light. I walked out of the mountain. I felt more at ease now that it was over. I leaned against the rocks, looking down at the city. I wasn't expecting her to come and run after me. I didn't want her to. I was done waiting for that to happen. I took the flower out of my pocket. A blue rose. The stem was a dark green and thorn-less, the petals a soft electric blue. I held it and the flower opened. The center of the rose was bathed in soft light. Fire was on the inside of each petal, but it didn't burn the flower or smell like fire. The whole flower smelled like an ocean breeze, crisp and clean. I remember Sylver talking about these flowers.
She had told me that they are some sort of magic. She was right. This little flower helps to clear your heart and see whats inside. I found it in the one place it grows. But if I told you, you'd want it. So the place where it blooms is my secret. I had wanted to give it to Blade. Now I just wanted it gone. I dropped it over the edge and watched it fall. Sorry blossom. All that for nothing. I stuffed my hands in my pocket, walking away. No one would care for it. Only someone who has a broken heart can open it anyways. But if you want to know, I looked in the flower. And it showed what was in my heart; something I kept telling everyone. The reason I had to stay away from others. Why I couldn't let my walls down any more. What exactly did I see in my heart? A monster.
