To my wonderful, kind, sweet, dear friend Ashley,
                         I just wanted to say that I am so, so, so damn sorry for what I did to you. I really am sorry, baby. The reason I did what I did was because I was under tremendous amounts of stress. All of mine and Phil’s failed attempts to make a baby, plus the way I was rudely misinformed about Red losing his virginity to Lilly just got to my head and made me do things I had no control over. If there was a way to take back what I did to you, I would. I never meant to cause you so much pain to your sweet, tasty little love region. You know how much I love playing with that spot, hehe!
                        Anyway you should know what I’m saying by now. I love you and again, I am really sorry for putting you through that pain and suffering. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me but if you won’t, then I’m fine with it. I just needed you to hear my apologies.
                        Additional to this apology, I also present to you a gift. One of my most prized possessions; my, well now yours, Marcel and Paddy squeaky toys. Surely you hate those ugly bastards as much as I do. Hehe! Hope you enjoy them 
                        Well thanks for hearing my apology. I love you, baby. Never forget that. *kisses*
        PS: I destroyed the taser. Threw it in the bathtub, let the damn thing short itself out.