Queen: Cards, halt! Count off!

Cards: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, Jack.

Alice: The rabbit!

White Rabbit: He...he... her imperial highness, he... her grace, her excellency, her royal majesty, the Queen of Hearts! And the King...

A card (or perhaps Mickey Mouse?): Hurray!

Queen: Hum... Who's been painting my roses red? Who's been painting my roses red? Who dares to taint, with vulgar paint, the royal flower bed? For painting my roses red, someone will loose his head!

Three: Oh, no! Your majesty! Please, it's all his fault!

Two: Not me, your grace! The Ace, the Ace!

Queen: You?

Ace: No, Two!

Queen: The Deuce you say?

Two: Not me, the Three!

Queen: That's enough! Off with their heads!

Cards: They're going to loose their heads, for painting the roses red, it serves them right, they planted white, the roses should be red. Oh, they're going to loose their head...

Queen: Silence!

Alice: Oh, please, please! They were only trying to...

Queen: And who is this?

King: Uh... well, well, well, now, eh... let me see, my dear. It certainly isn't a heart... do you suppose it's a club?

Queen: Why, it's a little girl.

Alice: Yes, and- and I was hoping...

Queen: Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers! Turn out your toes. Curtsey. Open your mouth a little wider, and always say 'yes, your majesty'!

Alice: Yes, your majesty!

Queen: Hmhmhmhm. Now, um, where do you come from, and where are you going?

Alice: Well, um, I'm trying to find my way home...

Queen: Your way? All ways here are my ways!

Alice: Well, yes, I know, but I was just thinking...

Queen: Curtsey while you're thinking, it saves time.

Alice: Yes, your majesty, but I was only going to ask...

Queen: I'll ask the questions! Do you play croquet?

Alice: Why, yes, your majesty.

Queen: Then let the game begin!

King: In your places, in your places, By order of the king! Hurry, hurry, hurry!

Queen: Shuffle deck! Cards cut! Deal cards! Cards, halt! ... Silence! Pfwfwfwfw! ... Off with his head!

King: Off with his head, off with his head! By order of the king. You heard what she said!

Queen: You're next!

Alice: Oh, but...

Queen: Hahaha... my dear.

Alice: Ahhh... Yes, your majesty.

Queen: Hmhmhmhmhm....

Cards: Hahahahaha!

Alice: Oh... hahahahaha! Stop!

Queen: Grrrwl, ??

Alice: Do you want us both to loose our heads?

Flamingo: Uh! Hum!

Alice: Well, I don't!

Cards: Hahahaha... Hurray! ... Hahahaha!

Cheshire Cat: La la la da da dum... la la la hmm... I say, how are you getting on?

Alice: Not at all.

Cheshire Cat: Beg your pardon?

Alice: I said 'not at all'!

Queen: Whom are you talking to?

Alice: Oh, uh... a cat, your majesty!

Queen: Cat? Where?

Alice: There! Oh... Oh there he is again!

Queen: I warn you child, if I loose my temper, you loose your head, understand?

Cheshire Cat: You know, we could make her really angry. Shall we try?

Alice: Oh no no!

Cheshire Cat: Oh, but it's lots of fun!

Alice: No, no, no! Stop! Oh no!

White Rabbit: Oh my fur and whiskers!

King: Oh dear! Save the queen!

Queen: Someone's head will roll for this! Yours! Off with her...

King: But- but consider, my dear. Couldn't she have a trial... uh... first?

Queen: Trial?

King: Well, just a... uh... little trial? Hmm?

Queen: Hmm. Very well then. Let the trial begin!

White Rabbit: Huh... your majesty... members of the jury... loyal subjects...

King: A-hem...

White Rabbit: ...and the king. The prisoner at the bar is charged with enticing her majesty, the Queen of Hearts, into a game of croquet, and thereby willfully...

Alice: But...

White Rabbit: ...and with malice aforethought, teasing, tormenting, and otherwise annoying our beloved...

Queen: Don't mind all that! Get to the part where I loose my temper.

White Rabbit: Bwbwbwl... thereby causing the queen to loose her temper.

Queen: Now, Ha ha... are you ready for your sentence?

Alice: Sentence? Ah, but there must be a verdict first!

Queen: Sentence first! Verdict afterwards.

Alice: But that just isn't the way!

Queen: All ways are...

Alice: Your ways, your majesty.

Queen: Yes, my child. Off with her...

King: Consider, my dear. Uh... we called no witnesses... Uh... couldn't we hear... maybe one or two? Ha? Maybe?

Queen: Oh, very well. But get on with it!

King: First witness! First witness! Ah, we'll call the first witness.

White Rabbit: The March Hare.

King: Oh, oh, what do you know about this uh... unfortunate affair?

March Hare: Nothing.

Queen: Nothing whatever?

March Hare: Nothing whatever!

Queen: That's very important! Jury, write that down!

Alice: Unimportant, uh... your majesty means of course...

Queen: Silence! Next witness.

White Rabbit: The Dormouse!

Queen: Well...

Cards: Shhh!

Queen: What have you to say about this?

Dormouse: Twinkle, twinkle, little bat. How I wonder...

Queen: That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet. Write that down!

Jury: Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...

Alice: Twinkle, twinkle. What next?

White Rabbit: The Mad Hatter!

Mad Hatter: Oh... he he he he!

Queen: Off with your hat!

Mad Hatter: Oh, my! He he he!

King: And eh... where were you when this horrible crime was committed?

Mad Hatter: I was home, drinking tea. Today you know is my unbirthday.

King: Why, my dear! Today is your unbirthday too!

Queen: It is?

March Hare & Mad Hatter: It is?

Cards: It is?

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday!

Queen: To me?

Alice: Oh no!

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: To you! A very merry unbirthday!

Queen: For me?

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: For you!

Mad Hatter: Now blow the candle out, my dear and make your wish come true! He he he.

Mad Hatter, March Hare and Cards: A very merry unbirthday, to you!

Alice: Oh! Your majesty!

Queen: Oh, yes, my dear?

Alice: Look! There he is now!

Queen: He? Where? Who?

Alice: The Cheshire Cat!

Queen: Cat?

Dormouse: Cat! Cat? Cat cat cat cat!

March Hare: Hang on, hang on!

Mad Hatter: This is terrible!

Dormouse: Cat cat cat cat!

Mad Hatter: Help! Help!

King: Catch him! Stand in!

March Hare: Catch him! Catch him! Go for it!

Mad Hatter: Help him! Catch him! Give me the jam, the jam!

King: The jam! The jam! By order of the king!

Mad Hatter: The jam!

Queen: Let me have it! Somebody's head is going to roll for this! A-ha!

Alice: The mushroom!

Queen: Off with her h...hmpf!

Alice: Oh, pooh. I'm not afraid of you! Why, you're nothing but a pack of cards!

Cards: Huh?

King: Rule forty-two: all persons more than a mile high must leave the court immediately.

Alice: I'm not a mile high. And I'm not leaving.

Queen: Hehehe... sorry! Rule forty-two, you know.

Alice: And as for you, your majesty! Your majesty indeed! Why, you're not a queen, but just a fat, pompous, bad tempered old ty- tyrant...

Queen: Hmhmhmhm... and uh... what were you saying, my dear?

Cheshire Cat: Well, she simply said that you're a fat, pompous, bad tempered old tyrant, hahahaha!

Queen: Off with her head!

King: You heard what her majesty said! Off with her head! ...

All: Forward, backward, inward, outward, here we go again! No one ever looses and no one can ever win. Backward, forward, outward, inward, bottom to the top, there's...

Queen: Off with her head! Off with her head!

March Hare: Just a moment! You can't leave a tea party without having a cup of tea, you know!

Alice: But- but I can't stop now!

March Hare: Ah, but we insist! You must join us in a cup of tea!

Queen: Off with her head!

Alice: Mister Caterpillar! What will I do?

Caterpillar: Who are you?

Alice: Cough-cough! Cough-cough!

Queen: There she goes! Don't let her get away! Off with her head!

Doorknob: Awww! Still locked, you know.

Alice: But the Queen! I simply must get out!

Doorknob: Oh, but you are outside.

Alice: What?

Doorknob: See for yourself!

Alice: Why, why that's me! I'm asleep!

Queen: Don't let her get away! Off with her head!

Alice: Alice, wake up! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Please wake up, Alice! Alice! Alice! Alice!