Mare: *Pushing a shopping cart through a supermarket* Excuse me sir.
Store Worker: Yes ma'am?
Mare: What's the saltiest salt in your lineup of salt?
Store Worker: Salt Lake salt from Salt Lake City. May I make a suggestion?
Mare: Yes.
Store Worker: Have you ever been to Salt Lake City?
Mare: No.
Store Worker: Well you better get going now, because Tom Foolery's performing at the Horseshoe, the city's newest comedy club.
Mare: How do you know Tom Foolery's going to be there?
Store Worker: Because. *Rips off his disguise, revealing himself to be Tom Foolery* He's me. *Gives the mare a ticket* Enjoy the show. *Runs through the back of the supermarket, and gets on a round stage*

The blue unicorn was surrounded by crowds of ponies cheering, awaiting a comedy routine.

Tom: *Looks around, seeing the thousands of ponies cheering for him* Good morning, and thank you for joining me!
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Look at this, we all left our house to get somewhere. Could you imagine if we got every single pony on the planet to leave their house, then make it here all at the same time?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It would be very easy if nopony got vaccinated.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: What do you think would happen if all of us were dead? Would we reappear 300 years later, and start over from the stone age?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: We could definitely improve on a few things that several ponies despise. Like the presidential election.
Crowd: *Clapping while laughing*
Tom: During my 1st show in St. Foalis, I said I don't vote because I don't trust anyone. Two months later, the capitol building in Washington DC was raided by angry protestors who were not happy with the Democrats fucking over the Republicans, and miscounting the votes.
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Instead of just standing there and shouting, they should have at least tried to kill Joe Biden. They missed a perfect opportunity.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: In my last show I also thought of a good way to improve the fairness of the presidential election. Instead of relying on misguided idiots to make the selection on who our leader should be, we take all the candidates into a special room.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And in that special room you let the candidates duke it out in....Sudden death!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Whoever kills the other candidates gets to become president, but it doesn't end there. In another special room, you have an obstacle course!
Crowd: *Cheering while clapping*
Tom: With spikes, dynamite, holes filled with crocodiles, balancing boards that move by themselves, and dozens of other challenging obstacles that would make even the toughest drill sergeant cry to their mom in horror!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: All surrounded by fire.
Crowd: *Laughing, cheering, and clapping*
Tom: And only then, you will become president of the United States of Equestria. But after going through all that crap, I don't think you would want to be president anymore.
Crowd: *Clapping, whistling, and cheering*

Tom waited for the crowd to stop laughing. Once they did, he proceeded with his next joke.

Tom: Does the time bother you?
Crowd: *Chuckles*
Tom: I get bothered by the time. Not so much the time itself, but other ponies bother me. For the time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You get this old mare that asks what time is it? What time is it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: As if, you yourself were responsible for keeping time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I mean I feel honored that they think I'm the one in charge, but you must understand you don't see official time keeper here, do you?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Here's another way they'll ask you. *Speaks in a British accent* Do you have the time?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well no. I don't believe I do. I certainly didn't have it on me this morning.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You know, I think the Navy has it.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Yeah, they keep it right up there in observatory. They let a little of it out here and there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Not too much though. They don't want us using it too much. Just enough.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Time. They'll also ask do you know what time it is? Then I say, yes.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I wouldn't want to disappoint them. There's no time, we made it up. You don't see any numbers in the sky, do you?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: When the hell is it? We often know where we are, but we really don't know when we are. All the time zones are different. Every calendar is different. These calendars tell you what day of the year it is, but a few countries have different types of calendars. Chinese celebrate the New Year in February while we celebrate ours in January.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Chinese are also up in the 7000's along with the Hebrews, and we're stuck 5000 years in the past.
Crowd: *Clapping, and cheering*
Tom: How did they do that?!
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: We don't know when it is, it could be the middle of last month for all we know. Yet we have it down so perfect, that every 4 years we have to stick in an extra day. They call it February 29.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Bullshit it's March 1st and I know it.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It just feels like March 1st. What's the sense of keeping track of time? I'll give you an example. There's a moment coming. It's not there yet.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's almost there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And it's gone!
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: There's no now. There's no now. Everything is the near future, or the recent past. There is no present, welcome to the present. *Whistles while looking to his left* Gone again.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's so imprecise. We don't even care to use the minutes, and seconds we've been given. What time you got?
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: I got uh. *Looks at his right wrist* I got just after.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Just after? Shit I must be slow, I had going on.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where did that imprecision come from? I remember they taught it to me in school when they were helping me tell time, but of course you can't tell time, time tells you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But they were trying. Now the big hoof, but I don't have a big hoof.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Never mind. Look at the clock! And the clock is wonderful, there's so much emotion to a clock. I hate digital clocks!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Digital clocks rob me of the emotion attached to the spatial relation of the clock face. Don't you feel that the 1st half hour goes by quicker when it goes down all the way to 30?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where as the 2nd half hour, you're fighting against gravity trying to get back to 0!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Holy christ, it's a long climb! I'll tell you, if I had a half hour to live, I want it to be this one. *Raising his left leg impersonating the clock* Instead of the one where it goes. *Lowers his arm back towards the ground*
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: It can be very vague with the way we say certain things, like now. Now is an interesting one. You want that now?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Yes. Well, would you like to try again?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Or sometimes, just now. Did you hear that? What?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Just now. You must have meant just then.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Yeah, just then, but there it is now.
Crowd: *Whistling, and clapping*
Tom: Pardon me, do you have the time? When, now, or when you asked me?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: This shit is moving Flitter.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's a few others, right away, immediately, just like that, lickety split, at the tip of a hat, and no time at all. As quick as you can say Big Macintosh! I'm sure some of you have said that.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Or, I'll be back before you can say Big Macintosh. Big Macintosh, haha, you're not back.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: How about a jiffy? *Jumps around the stage* A jiffy! *Looks at the crowd behind him* Or a flash.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: Which one is faster, a jiffy or a flash? I think there are two flashes in a jiffy myself.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But nopony knows how many jiffy's there are in two shakes of a lamb's tale. But why are there two shakes of a lamb's tale? What happened to the basic unit of measurement? One shake of a lamb's tale!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: We can all do our own arithmetic thank you.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Belched a little there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then we have words like soon. That's a very emotional one, a lot of potential for drama. *Frowning* Soon!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Soon?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Looks down at the ground* Is your mother coming home? *Looks up at the lights on the ceiling* Uh-huh.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: *Looks down at the ground* When? *Looks up at the lights on the ceiling* Soon. Real soon.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Looks at the audience* As soon as she can. Sooner than you think.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That sounds a little scary. Sooner than I think? That's almost like before you know it. I'll be back before you know it!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He did it, holy christ!
Crowd: *Cheering, whistling, and clapping*
Tom: Then there's a few others like one of these days. Before long. Any time now. Well that's true. Everything will happen any time now.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: As well as any day now. That one sounds kind of arrogant. Hey Ben I'll give you back those 5 bucks you gave me. Yeah, any day now.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Sooner or later, now and then, once in a while, from time to time. In a little while. I think that one's cheerful don't you?
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: It'll be just a little while. Or it will take....a short time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That sounds almost terminal doesn't it? You only have, a short time. Where as you have, a little while.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Boy I would love to have a little while instead of a short time.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: Then we have long ways of measuring time, like Kingdom Come. *Talks in a Southern accent* I'm gonna stand here til' Kingdom Come.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well I don't have that on my watch. *Looks at his wrist* Doomsday you say? Until the cows come home. That's an easy one to remember, it's around Dusk. If you leave them out overnight they burst. Pop!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Here's a long period of time, forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Impatient ponies will frequently say, I've been standing in this line FOREVER!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Look at this Albert. This stallion has been standing in this line. Forever.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: He seems fairly fresh to me.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Almost like an eternity. I've had a few ponies say that to me. It's almost like it's been an eternity. As if they had experience.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then other ponies use real measurements of time, such as 5 minutes. Give me 5 minutes please. Oh are you kidding me? I can fix that shit in 5 minutes.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: You can do anything in 5 minutes, even things you hate. Hey let's go talk to Dan. Are you kidding, Dan's an asshole!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Look, only 5 minutes. Okay, let's get it over with. It is after all for 5 minutes. But not 10. Now we're entering double digits.
Crowd: *Whistling*
Tom: 10 minutes. Now 15 is popular. Almost everypony in Equestria uses that one. It's got a regulatory tone to it. It sounds like something you have to do when you're at work. Especially when you're on brake.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Man, I like 20 minutes. Doesn't that sound more free than 15?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 20 minutes. I'll be back in 20 minutes. Shit, what's he going to do?
Crowd: *Laughing*

Tom went to a nearby stool to grab a zip of water.

Crowd: Turn around!
Tom: *Looks at the ponies behind him*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Tom: Have I been ignoring your section?
Crowd: Yeah!
Tom: Well I'm sorry. I'll make a note of that in my rulebook of comedy. I usually don't care for following rules by the way.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Many of them just seem pointless, and vague. Like the social distance craze that didn't last very long last year. For a good reason.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: First off, what the fuck is so social about it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Hi Jerry. Stay 6 feet away or I'll punch you in the eye!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And there's thousands of ponies that agree with me on this one. Speed limits.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: The Germans know this. That's why on one of their highways called the Autobahn, there is no speed limit.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: A lot of rules in Monopoly piss me off as well.
Crowd: *Clapping, and cheering*
Tom: One of my friends got accused of cheating by robbing the bank, but he said he wanted to make it feel more like real life.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But there were many rules that didn't make sense when I was growing up as a little colt.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: We all had to go through this, unless you're that one naughty 9 year old who stole this program from your parents, or older sibling without their knowledge and are therefore watching this even though you shouldn't.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Have to keep everyone alert from time to time.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But all of us adults had to go through this procedure during our childhood.

Tom took another quick zip of water, then continued his joke.

Tom: Now not all of these rules were bad, like running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: That was one I always obeyed. What are you doing?! I'm not running with the scissors.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Mom didn't want me poking my eye out. My dad always said don't stick your head out of the window. He didn't want me getting decapitated while we drove around town in the Jeep.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But many of the rules my parents came up with I thought were bad. The first one was, no singing at the table.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Why? Because I said so.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was the first sign of a bad rule. Because I said so. So what happened? One pilgrim hundreds of years ago ruined it for everyone because his voice constantly cracked?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You can still sing while standing near the table. You just can't sit there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Sings* I'm standing by the table. Singing by the table. I'm not sitting, because I can't sing.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: *Impersonates the dad* Sit down you!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was your middle name, you.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Tom You Foolery. Kinda has a nice ring to it. It would make more sense though if my last name was shortened to fool.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Then whenever I did something that angered my parents they would shout Tom you fool!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Sometimes if I did something they considered dangerous they always said the same thing over and over again. You could have broken your neck!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That was always the anticipated outcome, a broken neck. What if I jumped down the stairs, or out of a window?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They never said, you could have broken your legs!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It was always a broken neck. What if I was playing with the electrical outlets?
Crowd: *Laughing, and cheering*
Tom: That was another stupid rule because your hooves are not small enough to fit inside the outlets. Therefore you don't need to worry about getting electrocuted.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But those parents. They always say, don't plug anything into the outlet!
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: Of course if you do break one of their rules, they'll also say go to your room! They make that sound like a bad thing, but that's where all your stuff is.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Go to your room! Thanks mom. I'm gonna play some Nintendo.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: That's the one thing that sucks about being a child, you have many rules you need to follow, and nobody takes you seriously since you're smaller than them.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But as you get older, and taller, you have more freedom, a couple of responsibilities, and the only downside to this is the higher risk of being thrown in jail if you do anything illegal.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: But it gets even better when your age continues to increase, because you can start doing things that you weren't able to do after you passed the age of 5.
Crowd: Oh boy.
Tom: Ahhh.... I can finally shit my pants again.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Most of us don't even wear pants, which makes it even more fun for the others you encounter out in public.
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping*
Tom: And for those of you that complain about sleep, you'll be able to take more naps.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You'll get a solid 10 hours of pure bliss. Maybe even longer. Another thing you can start doing again is forgetting stuff.
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: You won't have to remember a god damn thing ever again!
Crowd: *Cheering*

Tom talked about the advantages of getting old, but there was one disadvantage he was going to point out.

Tom: There's only one downside to getting old. I guess you know by now, you're all going to die. I didn't mean to remind you but it is on your schedule.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It might even happen before you get old. It usually happens when you don't expect it. Generally you have your stamp collection out.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: *Looks at the ceiling* Now? *Looks at the floor* Now.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's a time to die, and that's okay. Nopony wants to die. No one! Well, you know. Most ponies.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Don't want to die. Nopony wants to die. Boy if you think being sick is no fun.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Dying is really a pain in the ass!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Nopony wants to die. Nopony minds being dead. Being dead is great.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But getting dead.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Nopony wants that. *Walks across the stage* I hope I don't die. I wonder how often ponies think that. It's just under the surface. You go out for the day. Going out of your house then say. Boy I hope I don't die.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It would really spoil the circus. If I were to die. Jeez I hope I don't die. Comedians don't want to die. It's only a metaphor but it's so true.
Crowd: *Chuckling*
Tom: The comics out there say I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die. Jeez I was dying out there. It was like a morgue!
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: But if the comedian does succeed in making the audience laugh, then they will say.....I killed them!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I killed them! So it's either me or you.
Crowd: *Laughing, and whistling*
Tom: Just like on the interstate. You know dying shouldn't be bad, it shouldn't be! We're all gonna do it. It's one of the few fair things in life. Everypony catches it once.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And dying should be fun, after you die you're gonna find out where you go.
Crowd: *Laughing with few claps*
Tom: Isn't that the big thing we wonder about all the time? Where the hell do you go? I don't know! Joe knows where he's going. I know Joe thinks he knows but Joe don't know. Where do we go? Nopony knows. Well sometimes I think, you know where you think you're gonna go. Whatever you think you'll do that's where you're gonna go. Chances are you'll go there if you keep thinking it. Don't you here some of them say, I'm going to hell. Don't worry about me.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Don't worry about me I'm going to hell. He is!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I think when you die your soul goes to a garage in Buffalo.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: When Regis Philbin dies he'll have four choices.
Crowd: *Laughing, clapping, and whistling*
Tom: That's the idea, you'll go wherever you wanna go.
Crowd: *Whistling*
Tom: Now nopony wants to die, and it's mostly because you don't want others going to your funeral. We've seen it, we know how bad it is. We know the funeral is no fun! If I don't like funerals for others I KNOW I'm not gonna like my own!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: There's no way I can get behind my own funeral. I'm gonna be lying there in the casket. They're gonna put me in the box. They're gonna put me in the convertible with the top down.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You know that's embarrassing, just lying there.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And other ponies are looking at you. You're dead!
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: And you're dead. You're just lying there still, and everyone comes looking. *Makes his eyes wider while looking at the floor*
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: It's embarrassing! And then sometimes they'll kneel by your casket doing the cross thing on their chest. Then they're silent for a moment. And what they're doing during that silence is, subtracting. Their age from your age.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: So they get a rough estimate on what they have left.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Then they ask don't he look good?

Tom then made a creeped out face, making the audience laugh more.

Tom: Are you crazy? HE's DEAD!!!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I know but he never looked that good.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh they say the nicest things about you. Your popularity goes up when you die.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They'll say the nicest things about you, even if they're making it up.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well he was a real asshole, but he meant well.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: The well meaning asshole.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You get real popular when you die. All the flowers you can ever ask for. Think of the flowers you get when you die. You get more flowers during your death than you ever got in your whole life. All your flowers arrive at once, too late.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Well, Ben is dead now. Poor Ben. Pat is gone too. Poor Pat is dead too. Albert is still alive, isn't he?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I wish he would die so I could like him.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Reincarnation is another thing ponies believe in after death. Reincarnation, they're coming back. Lots of ponies are sure of it. What they come back as, no one knows. To be honest though, mathematically it doesn't seem to work. Let's say we had 6 ponies. I know it was 2, but that number is controversial.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: So we'll say, about 6 ponies. 6 souls. Those 6 ponies die, and then the 6 souls go back to the staging area.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: New ponies are born, and then the 6 souls are back, but we still only have 6 souls. Now we have 4 billion ponies, claiming to have souls.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Where are all these extra souls coming from?!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Someone is printing up souls!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And it lowers their value!
Crowd: *Clapping, and laughing*
Tom: The more souls there are, the less they're worth.
Crowd: *Clapping*
Tom: Well somepony has to think about this stuff. That's my job, thinking about goofy shit, and informing you about what it means.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I often think of the perfect murder. You know what the perfect murder is. You pick up a pony by it's legs, and you beat another pony to death by striking him with the pony you have obtained.
Crowd: *Laughing while cheering*
Tom: And they both die, and there's no murder weapon!
Crowd: *Laughing, whistling and clapping*
Tom: What happened here Sargent? Looks like a pedestrian accident to me.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They must have been walking at a high rate of speed.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Of course if you should be caught committing the perfect murder in progress, the police could send you....to death row. Death row. ahhhh..You got that one meal, but that doesn't really give you much, does it?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I mean what a big deal. Why don't you leave me alone? I'm not hungry man!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: They give me that last meal. You gotta have fun with it if you have the opportunity. It can be anything you want. They have to give it to you. But first you tell them. You can't decide.
Crowd: *Laughing while clapping*
Tom: Well damn! I can't decide!
Crowd: *Whistling while clapping*
Tom: I could choose a pizza, or a lobster, but I honestly can't decide. They would have to wait for you to make up your mind. They can't kill you if you can't decide.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: This could go on for 6 months. Stallion can't decide what he wants for last meal during death sentence!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: 3 years, 8 years! Then finally, tell them you've decided. I think I'll have. Pizza. Okay, what kind of toppings?
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Awww... I can't decide.
Crowd: *Clapping, whistling, and cheering*
Tom: Hey my feeling is if you're gonna die, die big! Make something out of it. Nopony wants to just....pass away.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You don't want to be a euphemism, do you? Nopony wants to pass away. You know, Arnold passed away. Oh did he? Yes. Well I didn't know that. Well that's the idea.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: On the other hand, Dan died!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Oh yes I heard about Dan dying. That's true. I say die big! Give it a shot man! Go out big! I say die big. Give 'em a show before you go!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Entertain, and inform those you leave behind. If you have the potential, make something out of it. Practice a few reflexes when you get electrocuted or run over by a truck.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Roll off the autopsy table.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: Cross your legs, scratch your balls, do something!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: Now the reason I am giving you these suggestions is because of part of the death process called. The two minute warning.
Crowd: *Quietly laughing*
Tom: Not many ponies are aware of this. The two minute warning, just like in football. Two minutes before you die, you receive an audible warning. Two minutes, get your shit togetha!
Crowd: *Laughing, and clapping*
Tom: The only reason we don't know about it is because the only ponies that do know about it die.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And we probably wouldn't believe anypony if they told us anyway. You hear that one old stallion on the bus, and he says, hey! I just got my 2 minute warning.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: You'd think he was a football coach, from out of town. But know when the 2 minute warning does arrive.
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: I say use that time to entertain. Do something with the time to make something. If anything, give a speech. We can all make up a 2 minute speech. Pick a category you really like, and talk non-stop for 2 minutes! I mean it's your last chance to tell them!
Crowd: *Laughing*
Tom: And at the end leave a big pause and say if this is not the truth, may god strike me dead!!
Crowd: *Clapping while laughing, cheering, and whistling*
Tom: Thanks for joining me on this nice day. Have fun out there with your lake of salt.
Crowd: *Cheering, and clapping as Tom waves goodbye, and runs off the stage*

The End

SeanTheHedgehog Productions. Copyright, 2021