Derpy Solves Everything

It was a wonderful day in Canterlot, until some ponies started panicking.

Con: What's going on?
P: Discord is back, and he's murdering more ponies!
Con: I'll stop him!
Discord: Keep it up! Everypony in this town must die!
Korean ponies: Affirmative! *kill each other*
Discord: Don't kill each other! Only kill the ones that live here.
Con: *shoots Discord*
Discord: You really think that pistol of yours will work?
Con: I shot you in the arm! Why aren't you bleeding?
Discord: Because, I'm invincible!
Con: *takes away invincibility* Not anymore.
Discord: That's it, you're screwed! Everypony, drop...

Con Mane has returned.

We begin our story in Beijing, which was violently taken over by the koreans.

Con: *sneaks onto dock*
korean pony55: What was that?
Con: *kills pony* More like who was that?
korean pony21: I'll be right back I just wanna get some cider.
Con: *sneaks toward warehouse*
korean pony21: *shoots at Con*
Con: *dodges bullets*
korean pony21: All units, we have an intruder in the warehouse!
Con: *pulls out gun* Where is that manifest?
korean leader: What do you need the manifest for? Grenades? We made specially designed grenades to blow up an entire building. Now that you know...

This is another story with Con Mane in it. Right now he is planting explosives in a russian military base disguised as a bar.

Con Mane: Ok time to head up. *walks into bar*
Scarlet: Everytime it rains it rains pennies from heaven *eyes Con*
Con: *walks up more stairs heading in the bathroom*
Russian pony: Hey. I saw you enter the explosive room.
Con: Oh did you? *fights russian pony*
Scarlet: What are you doing?!
Con: *throws russian into bathtub*
Russian pony: *pulls out gun*
Con: *throws fan into tub which electrocutes the russian pony* Shocking. Positively shocking.

Mares and stallions,...

Con & Twilight continued to the secret base.

Twilight: Alright were here. We need to sneak in *turns invisible*
Con: *turns invisible*
Russian pony35: *enters base*
Con & Twilight: *follow russian*
Russian pony35: hm?
Twilight: *snaps russian's neck*
Russian pony45: Hold on. *walks toward Twilight*
Con: *puts silencer on gun*
Russian pony45: huh? Там есть плавающая пушка! *there's a floating gun*
Con: *shoots russian pony*
Russian pony36: Там есть плавающая пушка!
Con: *kills that russian* How many are we dealing with here?
Twilight: Man I don't know! Find...

The next day in school, everypony started to stare at Cadence with a nasty look. Cadence turned red of embarresment. "So ya have the guts to cone to school after calling Chrysalis a bully!" said a colt. Cadence got mad. "She is a bully! She is always mean to me!" she shouted out. "Oh yeah? When?!" said another mare. "Ummmmm.." mumbled Cadence, trying to find a lie. "Liar!" said a colt as he walked away. Cadence ran to the Mares' bathroom crying, and she spotted Chrysalis in the bathroom too.

Chrysalis: Why are you crying Cadence?
Cadence: YOU! *stands up* YOU RUINED MY LIFE!
Chrysalis: *confused*...

I am about to parachute out of an airplane with Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash. This could be interesting.

Sean: *looks out window*
Rarity: We're going to jump soon.
Sean: Why don't you three go first?
Rarity: That's nice of you.
Pinkie Pie: Green light go!

Soon the four of us jump out of the plane deploying our parachutes, getting ready to defend Manehattan from the griffons. Back at Canterlot

Twilight: Griffons!
Fluttershy: Oh my *trembling in fear*
Celestia: Theres over a dozen of them! ATTACK!
ponies: *fire guns at griffons*
griffons: *fire back* FOR GILDA!!
soldier: *shoots machine gun*
Two...

Chapter 5: talk about eye candy

it was to weeks after Pop and Cub got to Ponyville, Cub came back, none of the ponies understood the system but they were glad it existed. “i wonder who's coming today.” Flippy thought. “hmm......judging by who has come already............either Cuddles, Giggles or Toothy are next, too many killers have come.”

“hey Flippy, could you help me with something?” Twilight asked.

“what is it, I was thinking of who's coming today.”

“well, someone is coming today and they want a party but Pinkie is sick.” Twilight explained.

“oh my god, with what?”...

So this is my first pony fic! Tell me what you think please?
“Where are we going, Twilight?” Applejack asked. Twilight Sparkle ignored her friend, and plodded onward through the Evergreen Forest, oblivious to the fear emanating from her companions.

“Wh-why are we in here?” Fluttershy stammered nervously, almost forgetting to flap her wings as she hovered above the other ponies. Twilight turned to her, the exasperation clear on her face.
“I told you, I need a special root for my spells, and it only grows in the Evergreen Forest!”
Fluttershy nodded and muttered a quick “yes”, trembling....

Let's start with applejack bucking apples........

AJ: wow, I bet I just got a new high record on bucking apples!
AB: sis, when am I gonna have my cutie mark?
AJ: apple bloom! I've told ya a billion times, I don't know!
AB: UGH!............Hey! Here comes rainbow dash!
AJ: Now go run along ya little pony
AB: ok! (leaves)
RD: 'sup applejack
AJ: howdy rainbow!
RD: So, wanna come over to fluttershy's house today?
AJ: sorry sugarcube, but I got lots of work to do
RD: oh AJ! Can't you just chill for a second?
AJ: I will, but I still need to do some work
RD: who cares about work! C'mon PLLLEEAASSEE!!!!!
AJ: well...

Queen of Changelings: This day is going to be perfect, the kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small, everypony will gather round, say I look lovely in my gown, what they don't know is that I have fooled them all!

Princess Cadence: This day was going to be perfect, the kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small, but instead of having cake, with all my friends to celebrate, my wedding bells, they may not ring for me at all!

Queen of Changelings: I could care less about the dress, I won't partake in any cake! Vows? Well, I'll be lying when I say, that through any kind of weather,...