“So…this is it?” said Marlene, obviously under whelmed. She turned to Kowalski, who was standing next to her, surveying his lair proudly.

“What, you don’t like it?” said Kowalski sadly.

“No, no!” said Marlene quickly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “It’s just…it’s in the sewer…”

“After a bit, you can’t really notice the smell,” said Kowalski, taking a deep breath to prove her wrong. An unbearable smell crashed into his nostrils and he groaned and put a flipper over his beak. “I stand corrected.”

“So, where is this organ?” she said, looking around. “Is that is over there?” She pointed towards a large block of wood standing in the corner.

“Yes, that would be it,” said Kowalski. “I know it’s not much, but it I thought it was pretty good considering what I had to work with.”

“Mmm” said Marlene, nodding without really paying attention. “So, does it work?”

“Yes, but I would appreciate if you didn’t play it…it’s rather loud,” said Kowalski.

“Oh, I get you!” said Marlene. “This is more about your stupid fight with Skipper.”

“Yes, it is. Now please don’t badger me, I would rather not discuss it,” said Kowalski grumpily.

Marlene sighed; she hated being involved in other people’s conflicts. At least Kowalski wasn’t asking her to do anything against Skipper, but she was pretty upset that she couldn’t play the organ; she had always liked the way they sounded but obviously had never been allowed to mess with one before.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to my habitat, Kowalski?” said Marlene, wanting to leave. “I’ve got snacks!”

“Oh, that’s okay. I raided the zoo storage facility the other day and brought back two crates packed full of nice, fresh fish.” Kowalski licked the edges of his beak. “I put them behind the organ. Here, I’ll go get one…”

Marlene sighed. She did not at all want to stay in this smelly sewer, but also did not want to hurt Kowalski’s feelings. She walked over to a cinder block Kowalski used as a chair and sat down on it. It was very uncomfortable, but she did not say anything.

“Here we go!” said Kowalski, dragging a large box towards Marlene. “Dinner is served!”

“Dinner? It’s almost twelve o’clock at night!” said Marlene, who was not one to stand for improper use of words.

“Well, midnight snack then, it doesn’t matter!” said Kowalski bitterly, opening the box. He pulled out about a dozen fish and dumped them on the floor. “Eat up!”

“Kowalski, why are you wearing that on your face?” said Marlene suddenly. Kowalski froze just as he was about to swallow a fish whole.

“Just noticed that did you?” said Kowalski, putting the fish down with some reluctance.

“Not really…I noticed it ever since you started giving your little monologue behind the warehouse. I know you were impersonating the Phantom of the Opera, but seriously, can you take it off now?”

“Um…no” said Kowalski casually. “Now how about those singing tips so you can go off to bed? It’s getting very late…”

“Kowalski, you’re really starting to bug me. You’re not the Phantom, okay. Take it off.”

“Alright” said Kowalski. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Kowalski pulled the cloth off his face and dropped it on the floor. Marlene gasped.

“Oh Kowalski, what did you do to your face?” said Marlene sympathetically.

“Acid. Another long story, which I don’t have time to recount. Now eat something or not, but I would like to get these singing tips over with.”

Marlene felt like running over to Kowalski and giving him a big hug. A wound that deep…that showed the bones in the face…couldn’t have been painless. But Kowalski wasn’t complaining.

“Kowalski, I’m so sorry!” said Marlene pitifully.

“For what? You didn’t do anything,” commented Kowalski as he swallowed a fish. “Gonna eat any of these? No? Okay then!”

Kowalski kicked the crate out of the way and walked over to Marlene.

“Okay. Now these tips aren’t to make you sound better, they’re to cause less stress on your vocal cords and give you a louder singing voice which you will be able to wow the judges with. Of course, you probably won’t even be able to see the effects of them, but they’re fun anyway.” Kowalski said this all very quickly while tying the cloth back over his face.

“Huh?” said Marlene.

“Now Marlene” said Kowalski, “When you are about to start singing stand erect, don’t slouch over, and keep your head tilted forward exactly 65.3 degrees, like this…”

Kowalski grabbed Marlene and manipulated her body into the proper position. “Standing like this and keeping your head in the exact proper position allows your voice to be projected more effectively and causes less stress on the larynx…”


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, the chimps made an announcement.

“For all of you people that were interesting in our ‘musical theater’ presentation, we are officially changing the performance,” said Mason. “It was just too much of a hassle to inform everyone about what the Barber of Seville actually was, and since most of the lyrics aren’t even in English…”

Phil said something in sign language. “No Phil, I’m pretty sure it was your idea to do this play. I wanted to see Macbeth, remember?”

“Anyway,” Mason continued, “We are changing the performance to a play that people will probably be much more familiar with, seeing as it is performed several times every night throughout New York. Yes, I am talking of the Phantom of the Opera!”

Phil said something else in sign language. “I know Phil, that’s why I chose it,” said Mason.

“So there you have it, folks. The remaining auditions will be held tomorrow night at the plaza we did them in the first time. After those, we will contact the people who we think are deserving of roles in the performance, and rehearsal for the play will begin a few days later. Thank you for your time.”

The group of animals began to disperse. “Is it just me, or does anyone else think that ghosts and opera shouldn’t go together?” remarked Burt the elephant.

Marlene had been standing in the back of the group of animals and when everyone began to leave, she tried to get back to her habitat as quickly as possibly without looking conspicuous.

“Kowalski!” said Marlene, sliding into the tunnel that served as the entrance to her den. “I’ve got news…”

“Careful!” said Kowalski, holding up his flipper as she neared the end of the tunnel. “I’m testing the infra-red security system, but there are still a few…bugs in the programming. Observe.”

Kowalski picked up a rock off the floor and carefully dropped it on top of one of the laser beams. For a second, nothing happened, but then the rock simply disintegrated into powder.

“What the heck was that?” said Marlene. “Are you saying that anyone coming through here is going to be turned into dust?”

“Well, the beams are supposed to increase body temperature so rapidly when triggered that the intruder will pass out within seconds due to intensely high body temperature.”

“Isn’t that a little…I dunno…extreme?” said Marlene, staring at one of the lasers.

“Possibly, but the only other thing I could think of off the top of my head was a guillotine blade trap. Give me a little credit!” said Kowalski.

“And no,” said Kowalski, as Marlene opened her mouth. “This will not cause any lasting damage to their brain or vital organs. At least, I don’t think so.”

Marlene gasped. “I’m just playing with you,” said Kowalski. “Just let me adjust the thermal factors on this control panel and then I’ll turn it off for you to pass.”

Marlene simply stepped over the laser beams, none of which were above three inches off the ground, and watched Kowalski press buttons on the control panel.

“It would be much easier if I knew what all of these buttons did!” comment Kowalski in a frustrated tone. “What the heck, I’ll mess with these later. Now just let me turn this off for you and…”

Marlene tapped Kowalski on the shoulder. He jumped slightly and turned around. “How did you…oh,” said Kowalski, looking sadly at the beams.

“Come on Kowalski, take a break. How long have you been working on that again? Like five hours?”

“Actually I’ve only been working on this for fifteen minutes. I was working on that for the other four hours and forty-five minutes.

Kowalski pointed towards the manhole in the middle of the den. Marlene shrugged.

“It’s a manhole,” remarked Marlene.

“Yes, it is” agreed Kowalski. “One which I installed with over seventy-four different types of intruder-deterring features. For example, say someone tries to simply shove the manhole open like my ex-troop always seems to do. If the manhole is fully separated from its little hole in the ground here for more than one and a half seconds, sensors around the hole will be triggered and a spray of various fumes will issue out, none of which are lethal but they are potent enough that a miniscule amount would be enough to knock out a grown human for two hours and fifty three minutes.”

Marlene wasn’t sure she liked Kowalski visitor-proofing her habitat. She had invited Kowalski to spend some time at her habitat, feeling bad about leaving him in his miserable little lair in the sewer, and he had asked her permission to put up some ‘security features’ while she was away listening to the announcement. She had agreed very quickly without thinking, since Kowalski had been delaying her with several last-minute singing tips (even though she reminded him the auditions were not till tomorrow) and she was anxious that she would miss the announcement.

“Of course. Nothing with you penguins is ever easy,” said Marlene. She had been simply thinking it but somehow it had slipped out, one of her bad habits. Kowalski chuckled a little.

“What, by security features you thought I meant a little lock on the manhole and perhaps a door for the tunnel? No, no, no, no, no! A little lock and a door is not going to keep my old team out. When they want in, they get in, if there’s something in the way, they remove it. Rico would easily pick in a lock about a second, and there’s no way they would bother to knock on a door. These security features are very inconspicuous, Marlene. The manhole appears normal from both sides, as you saw yourself, and the laser beams are so minute that no one would be able to see them without careful inspection. Get it now?”

Marlene did not really approve of Kowalski’s methods, but she was getting tired of the penguins always popping in without warning. Still, there was one question that had been bugging her since she had seen Kowalski last night…

“Kowalski,” said Marlene, “Didn’t you…get sick of science or something?”

“Good heavens no!” said Kowalski, as though Marlene had just uttered a disgusting curse word. “Are you mad? I could never, ever tire of science. Science is…”

“Okay, okay, I don’t need to hear a speech. It’s just that, didn’t you claim that you were getting tired of science?”

“Well yes, I said that, but I didn’t actually mean it. Yes, music can be nice at times, but it pales in comparison to the greatness of science. Just understand, Marlene, that this whole plot is far to elaborate for you to likely understand, and…”

“What plot?” said Marlene, becoming stern. “You little liar!”

“Calm down, Marlene” said Kowalski timidly as Marlene began to advance threateningly towards him. “And tell me, just what have I lied about?”

“Well I suppose you never directly stated that you weren’t plotting, but it was heavily implied during our conversation last night,” said Marlene. “I have no idea what you and Skipper got into such a big fight about, but I’m sure not going to let you do anything to hurt him or the others!”

“Wait! I haven’t told you my plan! I certainly don’t mean to hurt anyone, especially Skipper and my old team!” said Kowalski, backing away from Marlene. Unfortunantly for him, Marlene wasn’t buying it.

“Come here you!” said Marlene, darting towards Kowalski. Kowalski dodged and made a break for the tunnel.

“All I wanted was to help you with your singing, Marlene…AARGH!”

Kowalski stopped in his tracks and slumped over onto the ground the moment he ran into the tunnel.

“Kowalski?” said Marlene. She walked over and poked him. He lay completely still, his eyes closed and his face frozen into a pained expression.

“The security system!” said Marlene, slapping herself. “Oh, Kowalski…”

Kowalski’s foot had indeed gently brushed a laser beam. “At least he didn’t turn into powder,” said Marlene. She felt his forehead and sure enough, it was intensely hot to the touch.

“Well, I guess I’d better take you to Skipper. He might be able to help, and most importantly, maybe you two can settle this silly fight of yours when you come round.”

She picked up Kowalski and, carefully stepping around the lasers, made her way out of her habitat.