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1. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
2. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
3. You take photos of yourself from ten feet away without using your camera’s auto-timer.
4. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
5. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
6. You’re elected "Employee of the Month" at Starbucks and you don’t even work there.
7. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
8. Your cats are named "Cream" and "Sugar."
9. You can’t even remember your second cup.
10. You can jump-start your car without cables.


*** I didn't write this. i got it from link
i thought it was funny and wanted to share it***
added by Canada24
video
You are sitting on the couch waiting for your best friend to come and watch the outsiders with you for a college project. "Hey" (Y/N) Johnny says closing the door behind him. "Hey" Johnny you say back. Are you ready to watch the movie you ask? He is silent and he just stares at you. "Are you ok?" You ask Johnny
He takes the remote out of your hands and says (Y/N) You are funny, Caring, smart, Amazing, Loving, and most importantly you are Gold. You hold his chest as you are pushing him was y and say " You watched the outsiders without me"? "Look (Y/N) "what I am trying to say is I love you."...
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added by TimberHumphrey
posted by Zeku
Have you ever heard the story of the Albanian train operator? No?! Well then sit down and get comfy, we're going to be a while here. This is the greatest pun ever shared around a bar top. There once was an Albanian man who only ever dreamed of becoming a train operator. It was his greatest childhood fantasy, and all he worked for in his life. He was overjoyed when the day finally came that he first got into the engine of a train to live out that dream. As Murphy's law would have it, his first day on the job he hit a pedestrian on the tracks.. He was arrested, and come the day for his trial...
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So the Game Awards 2019 was an absolute waste of time to anyone who went there. What a great time to be alive. Can you believe they put a Fast & Furious game as the big announcement of that night above Wolf Among Us 2 or No More Heroes 3? So after being disappointed by Fast & Furious, I can disappoint myself again with a new Fast & Furious title, Fast & Furious: Showdown. I’ve never watched any of the movies, I have no idea what they are about, all I know is they were part of Game Awards 2019, so that’s justifiable reasons to hate it. Created by the lovely team at Activision,...
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added by kingcesar67
added by Blaze1213IsBack
added by Blaze1213IsBack
added by Seanthehedgehog
Give me back my camera!
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random
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funny
added by 4vonlea
added by andy10B
added by Mauserfan1910
Source: boob
posted by Seanthehedgehog
Song: link

Cincinatti Ohio. Four men were in a black Suburban were driving towards a warehouse called M&M Metals International Inc. One of them was Johnny Lightning.

Johnny: *Looks to the man sitting in the back with him*
Narrator: Before joining the CIA, I was a member of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. I didn't like the fact that it was corrupt, and decided to transfer. Some federal boys on the other hand, did not want me to transfer to the CIA. Once a month since my transfer, they've been sending me at least five E-mails, trying to make out deals to get me back.
Driver: *Stops the Suburban*...
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1-It's considered rude to write in red ink in Portugal.
2-Although the bobcat is rarely seen, it is the most common wildcat in North America.
3-The Chinese giant salamander can grow to be 6 feet (1.8 m) long, making it the largest salamander in the world.

4-Because the speed of Earth's rotation changes over time, a day in the age of dinosaurs was just 23 hours long.

5-There are more than 1,200 water parks in North America.


6-It would take 100 Earths, lined up end-to-end, to stretch across the face of the sun.

7-The highest wave ever surfed was as tall as a 10-story building.

8-Some apples can weigh...
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added by EgoMouse
added by DisneyPrince88
added by DisneyPrince88
added by Mollymolata