This a little something I wrote for my English class after we read The Modest Proposal. We had to write our own modest proposals on modern day issues, and mine is on gay rights. It's short and to the point, so I won't be wasting too much of your time.
WARNING: some of the content may be offensive. Please realize that this is a satire (though I really do mean to offend people). Love or hate me for it, I don't care. Enjoy.
A Modest Proposal
Discrimination has always been a problem in this country. Only 50 years ago were blacks given the same rights as white people. Now, a big issue is discrimination against gays, because there is a lack of separation between government and the church. In most states, gays aren’t allowed to get married or adopt, because according to The Bible, homosexuality is a sin (The Bible also states that it’s okay to stone children, but people seem to overlook that). If people believe this, that’s acceptable. However, their beliefs shouldn’t mix with government laws. The government should stay out of citizens’ private lives, and let them do what they want without harming anyone, such as have a gay marriage.
One solution I propose is that marriage should be altogether banned. No one in America will be allowed to be wedded. There will be no long-term commitments, and couples aren’t allowed to live with each other. This way, no one will be complaining about gay marriage because all marriage will be outlawed.
This is a great solution, because there will be no arguments on who can marry. Also, divorce rates will drop significantly and we won’t always have to hear about celebrity weddings and divorces on the boob tube or in gossip magazines. Another positive outcome is that people won’t have to waste so much money on weddings. People spend thousands, or in some cases, millions (Kardashian wedding) on those ceremonies. It is all a waste, because many people are too drunk to remember any of it and most of those marriages end in divorces these days anyway. So prohibiting marriage would save a lot of time and money.
You may argue that this is wrong and that two people in love should be able to form this special bond, but banning it is the only logical option, because just allowing gays to get married is too obvious and simple for us Americans. We must go to extreme measures to get the point across.
In conclusion, this proposal is reasonable and beneficial for everyone. There will be no more discrimination on who is allowed to marry, divorce rates will decrease, and it allows us to save thousands of dollars. In the end, it is the most rational solution.
If there are any grammar errors in there, please tell me. English/grammar have never been my strong subjects, and any sort of advice is welcome, as long as you aren't telling me to jump off a cliff or anything for offending your sensitive self. I don't think it was that offensive.