- I decided to cancel my Twitter account. I dont want to sound paranoid, but Im pretty sure people are following me.

- I feel like getting something done today, so Im just going to sit here until that feeling passes.

- Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

- I was complimented on my driving today. Someone left a note on my windshield that said, 'Parking Fine'

- I just dropped my laptop off the boat....It's a Dell, rolling in the deep.

- To men, women are just city buses. There's another one every five minutes.

- When I was a kid, I used to sing, 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P'

- 'Are you as bored as I am?' Makes sense even when you read it backwards...

- Deleting your Facebook is like running away from home. You're only doing it for attention and you'll be back in a day.

- I really like ceilings...I guess you could call me a Ceiling fan.

- Admit it, at least once in our life we have all tried to balance the light switch between the on and off position.

- Grammar is important. For instance, commas save lives: Let's eat grandpa. Lets eat, grandpa.

- That awkward moment when an ugly person says "I need my beauty sleep" when they really need to hibernate...

- That awkward moment When you're having a conversation telling a really awesome story and then u realize no one's listening to u so u kinda stop mid-sentence

- That awkward moment when people constaly say "You know?" Its like, why are you telling me stuff I know? You know?

- When looking something up on Google, if its not on the first page of search results then it doesn't exist and my journey ends there.