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posted by penguin098
Congratulations. You’ve worked up the nerve to ask the girl out and she said yes. You’ve convinced her you’re worth a shot. It is the night of your first date and you’re terrified of messing up. You’re not sure how to impress the girl. Well, thankfully you’ve found this guide, written by me, a girl.

Step one: Before
•Clean up before hand, no one wants a guy with greasy hair and an unappealing smell
•Don’t put on too much cologne. A little bit is fine but a lot quickly becomes repulsive. A tip: any amount of “Ax” is too much
•Come up with some ideas for conversations to smooth through awkward silences
•Have some ideas on where to go and what to do, it will make you seem more on top of the situation, but don’t decide of a place, she may not like it.
•Always, always, always have a jacket

Step two: During
•Show up no later than ten minutes late, and never be early. If you told her eight, she plans on having until eight to get ready, and if you’re late it will seem like you don’t care
•Compliment her! She spent a while getting ready and she wants to know it was worth it. Make it something from the heart, not “You look so sexy/hot”
•It never hurts to open up the car door.
•Say you thought you’d go to _______. Choose a place with a wide verity of food, so she can find something she likes
•Expensive is not always better, she will feel guilty if you drop a lot of money
*Don't make it a quiz, with a bunch of questions starting with what, how why, ect. Start a real conversationg, wit ha few questions sprinkled in. YOu will get to know her overtime
•Avoid pick up lines, though the fake-yawn to put your arm around us is tolerated, lines like “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” are not
•If it’s cold, the jacket you brought is around her shoulders. It’s a sweet gesture that will always give you props for the future
•Avoid talk about any “ex” she may feel used, or like a trophy. Both are undesirable

Step three: After
•If you’re planning to kiss her good bye or say something sweat, do so in the car. Her father is most likely waiting for a way to embarrass you and anything more moderate than a hand-shake will not be acceptable
•Make it clear you had a good time but don’t offer a second date unless you are sure she wants one too.
•Don’t kiss unless the mood is right, but make it memorable
•Walk her to the door
•After walking back to your car, take one last look at her house and smile. She’ll be watching and will most likely smile back.

Step four: The future
•Don’t treat her as a trophy, talk to her, be with her, but don’t parade her around
•Kissing/hugging in front of your friends means a lot, but in front of hers could be risky, like everything, test the waters before making big moves
•Stand up for her, ask her for advice, and make sure she never doubts how you feel
•If you cheat on her, you sure as hell will get your ass kicked, by both her, her friends, and the one you cheated with. She will find out eventually
•If you lie to her, you sure as hell will get your ass kicked
•Doing something sweet and romantic will almost always make up for forgotten birthdays/anniversaries
•Sometimes, she just needs a shoulder to cry on

Remember, you may think the work is done after the first date, but really the war has just begun. Girls are not some trophy to be won, sat on a shelf, and admired. You have to work to keep her. Do sappy romantic things, carry her books, and open her doors. Never lose sight that every time a girl says yes to a date, it is the best thing that ever happened to you.
posted by tecna535
Pancakes can be found in many cultures around the world, although they might not use the same ingredients as pancakes, they are generally similar in taste and texture.

Maple syrup, which goes great with pancakes, is actually a tree sap, that comes from the maple tree, which is found mostly in the Canadian region.

The French often make a wish while turning the pancake during the cooking process, while holding a coin in the other hand.

The first recipe for pancakes were listed in the 15th century, in a English cookbook.

The world's largest pancake was cooked in Roch-dale Manchester in the year 1994,...
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NOT SLASH!
Note: I can not freaking write ;3;
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Jaime couldn't believe how much the newest team member, the hyperactive teen speedster from the future, had seemed to enjoy being around him. It seemed whenever they were even in the same room together Bart would rush over to start talking to him. He didn't know why his new friend had liked him so much, he liked everybody on the team, but not near as much as him.

It wasn't anything extremely close, but it was close as two guys could get without being gay. That may sound strange, but it's pretty much the only way one...
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posted by sideshowbobbart
1) You will go slightly out of your way to step on a crunchy looking leaf

2) You will check the Fridge to see if any food has magically appeared

3)You hate it when its all quiet and you are eating something crunchy

4) The guy who discovered milk...what was he doing to the cow?

5) When we were little, why were we so scared of our parents counting to three?

6) You hate it when you run out of hot water in the middle of a shower

7) It sucks when you are in the middle of a huge argument and realize you are wrong

8) You think of the best thing to say to your rival 10 minutes after the right moment

9)...
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previously on the Evil Teddy Bear: Jenni Peter and Tina were thinking of a way to find out who was trying to wreck their house then all of a sudden there was a noise and it was coming from Tina's room. Tina got mad cause she doesnt let ANYONE besides Peter and Jenni and herself in her room. she was about to stomp over to her room but Jenni stepped in front of her and tried to calm Tina down Peter helped out with trying to calm Tina down as well. Tina sighed calming down after that they all went to Tina's room when they opened the door they were all shocked Tina's cd's were all broken her paintings...
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Abounding times in your life you will meet mean or rude people that you dislike, but you'll still have to pretend to like them anyway. This article will teach you all about how to deal with them.

1)Look right at them say their name and ask them politely to stop. Keep repeating until their attitude changes or they stop. Example "Mike, please stop", or you can say, "That's not appreciated, please cut that out." Don't keep increasing aggressiveness until the balance of power is equalized, it just will make things worse.
2)Don't try to be better than them, it will make the situation worse. If they...
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***Lol this was probably a lot funnier to the drunk people who wrote it at three in the morning but.... here you go xD

Or if you'd just rather check it out on youtube:
link

I wanna be a grizzly bear, so beary bad
Stealin' honey from bees just to make them mad
I wanna live in the forest with, Booboo and Yogi
So we can steal picnic baskets as three

Oh every time I close my eyes...
I see the back of my eyelids
And I bet you didn't know this
I swear, the world is unprepared for when I'm a Grizzly bear

Yeah I would climb trees like bears do
And probably attack you, not an every day
Hike in the forest
I'd probably...
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One day a group of girls were having fun and being crazy, laughing and talking to each other in funny voices, careless of what the other kids at school thought of them. A girl walked up to them and told them they were all pathetic losers, giving each of the girls a different insult. She then walked away with her head held high. All the girls looked at each other and burst into laughter. The mean girl turned around and asked
“Why are you laughing? I just insulted all of you losers”
“Well, we just find it hilariously pathetic how you feel you have to take the time to make fun of us. You obviously...
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posted by j-bfan7
My name is Chris ,

I am three,

My eyes are swollen..

I cannot see.



I must be stupid,

I must be bad,

What else could have made,

My daddy so mad?



I wish I were better,

I wish I weren't ugly

, Then maybe my mommy,

Would still want to hug me.



I can't do a wrong,

I can't speak at all,

Or else I'm locked up,

All day long.



When I'm awake,

I'm all alone,

The house is dark,

My folks aren't home.



When my mommy does come home,

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get,

One whipping tonight.



I just heard a car,

My daddy is back,

From Charlie's bar



I hear him curse,

My name is called ,

I press myself,

Against the wall.



I try...
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1. The only bird that can fly backwards is the hummingbird.

2. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

3. A goldfish has a memory span of 3 seconds!

4. A rat survive longer without water than a camel.

5. Toupees for dogs are sold in Tokyo

6. A dolphin sleeps with one eye open

7. A crocodile can't stick it's tounge out

8. A mammal's blood is red, an insect's blood is yellow, and a lobster's blood is blue!

9. Loud, fast music makes termites chew faster

10. A blue whale's tounge weighs more than a elephant

11. Ablutophobia is the fear of bathing

12. Acarophobia is the fear of itching

13. Agyrophobia...
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posted by starwarsfangirl
These are just random ways to eat my favorite cookies: oreos.
A lot of these sound really weird and gross, but they're actually pretty good.

1. without milk
2. with milk
3. with chocoloate milk
4. with strawberry milk
5. frozen
6. frozen with milk
7. frozen with warm milk
8. with honey
9. in ice cream
10. in frozen yogurt
11. in frozen yogurt with honey
12. with 7up
13. with peanut butter
14. frozen with peanut butter
15. frozen with 7up
16. with peanut butter and 7up
17. with cherry 7up
18. frozen with cherry 7up
19. frozen with peanut butter and cherry 7up
20. by itself

If you try any of these and like it, please write a comment and tell me which one(s) you tried. :)
Five easy ways that lemons can kill you. (some of these are ironic, but if you think about it, sometimes they can happen!!!)

1. A lemon is lying on the top step, and you are carrying your laptop in your hands when your about to go down the steps. seconds later you land on your ass, and next you are in the hospital with a severe concussion.

2. A lemon is sweet and fresh, and your mother uses it in her cooking. of course, she doesn't see the bite marks on the back of the lemon that was created by your dog when the basket was too close to the edge a few days ago, so she squeezes the lemon into her...
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I was bored so I wrote this for anyone who doesn't know me...Sort of entertaining.

Ash

Yeah,I'm different, don't think I will be offended if you ever, one day decide to call me that. If you think I'm insane, run away, because you are probably right. Think I need help? Of course I do. Find me stupid?I will not contradict you, and I will not deny it. Want to make me jealous? Not going to happen. Feel like I'm asking too many questions?Yeah, me too You a little annoyed that I keep doing this? Haha, It was meant to makeyou a little annoyed. You think that I'm just babbling here? Click the little X at the right hand corner of the screen/tab. Don't know whereit is? Get the crud out of your eyes.

Um...I am Ash. And I approve this message .
Ok so me and a friend wrote a little play on the school bus. It's about two friends riding the bus together and chatting. It's called Druckies. Not sure why but the two characters are named Z and Awesome

Awesome:Hey

Z:hi!I like pie

Awesome:Ok....

Z:Whats my Z stand for?

Awesome: Zebra. Yup your new name is Zebra

Z:COOL!

Awesome:Don't forget to remeber me...

Z:I see a pony with dolk-a-dots

Awesome: With strawberries.

Z:OOOO and cotton candy!

Awesome: Cotton candy?

Z:I'm going to marry big bird.

Awesome: Good luck with that

Z:Oh look a red fox. AWW! that red fox is eating a kitty! No wait thats not a cat...
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posted by shiriny
-It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

-People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

-It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky

-111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

-All polar bears are left handed.

-Butterflies taste with their feet.

-A snail can sleep for three years.

-Elephants are the only animals that can't jump

-On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

-The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

-Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

-Men can read smaller print than women,...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
Try pants on backwards at GAP. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
At the bottom of an escalator, scream “My SHOELACES! AAAGH!”
Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable.
Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King . . . but save a few...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "BedWetter’s Camp, right?"
Add extra letters to words, ex: pizza becomes pizzzzzzzaaaaaaa
After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Answer their questions with questions.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
Ask for chips/fries with everything!
Ask for extra homo-sapien
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask how many...
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added by Shadowmarioking
Source: Tumblr
added by TimberHumphrey
added by FanboyHater
added by ummmmmmmmmmmmm
Source: boba :3