When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how the heck you did it.

That's just the way the cookie crumbles... All over my clean new shirt.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy everything.

An apple a day can keep any doctor away if you throw it hard enough.

Don't worry if Plan A fails, there's 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Weird? Nah, I prefer the term, "Avant-Garde"

Who says nothing's impossible? I've been doing it for years.

My mother texted me: “What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?” I answered: “I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.” Mother: “OK, I’ll ask your sister.”

I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

I'm not clumsy, it's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way.

That annoying moment when you finally get comfortable in bed, but then BAM, you need to use the restroom.

You don't notice the air, at least until someone spoils it.

Aim for the moon! Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars! But either way, you'll run out of oxygen eventually.

Hmm.... I could kill this person and nobody would notice.... Wait a minute. WHAT THE HELL BRAIN!?

Don't follow my footsteps, I run into walls.

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God's playing Angry Birds with you?

"Just five more minutes!" Always means the person will never get ready. :D

Whenever you're feeling sad, just remember that somewhere in the world there’s an idiot pulling a door that says “PUSH”.

Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

That moment when you see a YouTube channel with the usual blue anonymous person on it, but with a spider, and you think it's real.

Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.

Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

Be nice to nerds, chances are you’ll end up working for one.

I didn't fall, the floor just needed a hug.

Me talking to anyone else: "Hey, what's up? :D" Me talking to a girl I like: "uH HelO hOWZ yU dNGoi toDAY? @__@"

It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, what matters is if I win or lose.

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, fires, screaming, my work here is done. :D

Don't steal, lie, cheat, or sell drugs. The government hates competition!

Keep talking, maybe someday I'll finally listen.

I was wondering why the Black Knight's shovel was getting bigger, then it hit me!

Pac-Man: "I see dead people..."

(Hope you enjoyed! If we can get 5 fans, I'll add more! ^___^)