Already, everyone, I’m gonna level with you. I haven’t been out of my house in three weeks. I haven’t seen the son, I only leave my room to eat or use the bathroom, and I’ve been glued to my chair for so long that it has left a permanent mark of my ass. And why is it that I have been in such a horrid state? Because I’ve been playing nothing but Slime Rancher.



Where do I even begin to talk about a game such as this. This is a game that feels so well crafted and so perfectly made that you can feel the developers love and care in it. They make updates frequently for the game and are always doing what they can to improve it and the game shines thanks to their dedication. The story follows a new rancher by the name of Beatrix, who gains a ranch of her own to start her adventure as well as to receive emails from her friend and maybe find out what happened to the original owner of the ranch. From the start, you have a single plot of line and some spots to open up, be it a ranch for Slimes, a garden for fruits and vegetables, a coop for chickens, or a pond or furnace. But before that, you gotta get Slimes. And these are just the cutest things around. From the average Pink Slimes to the socially awkward yet adorable Pond Slimes to the cute raccoon Hunter Slimes to the neat but dangerous Rad Slimes. Slime Rancher manages to take the basic design of a ball with dot eyes and a mouth and make a bunch of charming creatures that I want to own. Kirby did that and now Kirby has a huge fandom. It even has bible length lore that is darker than Dark Souls, but we’re getting off topic. It’s not all cute adventures, though. There’s also the Tarrs, evil Slimes that are ravenous and will try to eat your Slimes and ruin your ranch. So you also gotta be on protective mode and protect your little goo balls from these bastards.
So you collect Slimes for the ranch, that’s neat. But what do you do? What’s the goal. Well, as you collect and feed Slimes, they start to grant you Plorts, which is, in fact, Slime shit, which is apparently super valuable in the world of Slime Rancher. Depending on what plort you get, how much you have, and on what the market is interested in at the moment, you will soon find yourself with a ton of cash and a lot to spend it on. You can buy new land to expand your ever growing Ranch to get more Slimes, which gives you more Plorts, which gives you more money to spend. You can use it to buy upgrades to your Slime Gun or your home or your character. You can buy worker robots which are incredibly useless and have never helped me out in the slightest and I hate them. Of course, that’s not all there is to do. There’s also a mass open world to explore. You start off in a mountain like quarry, before you move to a mass of rocks near the lack, and later, a cave system, and then a jungle. But as you explore the world of Slime Rancher, you soon find a strange obelisc in the center of the jungle with a door to open. Suddenly, you aren’t just caring for your Slimes and trying to make money, you are solving a mystery. A mystery that leads you to a strange hologram building with Quantum Slimes and a whole vast desert where you discover the truth about the old ranch owner. I was not expecting to get gripped by the games silent story-telling only told to you in logs from the old rancher and emails from Beatrix’s friends. And I was also not expecting to get hit with them feels. I just wanted to collect new Slimes, open locked doors, and explore the expanding world. And instead, I got a crazy mystery that lead me to a new world and feels for my main character’s friend. And I am glad that the game did that.
Sadly, the game does have some issues. There are a few glitches I noticed from Slimes just not eating and a really cruel one that locked me in between two walls that I was unable to get out of and as a result, had to sacrifice a Quantum Slime just to get out. But like I said before, the game is always getting updates with new additions and fixes, so I can see them working these out in time. Slime Rancher is one of my favorite indie games out there and I’ve only been playing it for a couple of weeks. It’s such an addictive game to play and gives you so much to do and a lot of rewards for completing it. If you happen to come across this game, and are a fan of the more relaxing titles like Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon, then Slime Rancher is the game for you. Now if you’ll excuse me, the mark of my ass is starting to get cold.

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