Link: *At the castle* Gee. It sure is boring around here.
King: Mah boi. This peace is what all true warriors strive for.
Link: I just wonder what Ganon is up to.
Gwonam: *Arrives on a flying carpet* Your majesty, Ganon, and his minions have ceased the island of Koridai.
King: Hmm. How can we help?
Gwonam: It is written, only Link can defeat Ganon.
Link: Great. I'll grab my stuff.
Gwonam: There is no time. Your sword is all your need.
Link: Great. I'll grab my stuff.
Gwonam: *Face palm* Please tell me that someone can defeat Ganon besides this retard.
Link: *Using a sword to pick his nose* I think I got something.
King: What about Zelda?
Gwonam: Yes. Let's get her immediately.

Zelda was in a different part of the castle watching a TV show called The Traitor.

Guard: Here's the traitor your majesty.
Mario: You know what they say. All toasters, toast toast.
King: Take him away.
Gwonam: *Arrives* Zelda, the king wants you to go to Koridai to defeat Ganon.
Zelda: I'm on it. *Leaves the castle with Gwonam*
Gwonam: Squadala! We're off!
Zelda: Where is Ganon hiding in this island?
Gwonam: You must check one of the mountains that have evil faces on it.
Zelda: Okay.

They lower the carpet to a mountain, and Zelda goes into the mountain with a lantern.

Ganon: *Sees the lantern, and gets angry* You dare bring light to my lair?! You must die!!! *Attacks Zelda with lightning*
Zelda: *Knocked out, and lays on the ground*
Ganon: Hahahahahahhahaha!!!!
Gwonam: *Waiting on the carpet* Any moment now, she will return.

But she wasn't returning. Ganon locked her in a cage.

Zelda: Is there a bathroom I can use?
Ganon: I do not trust you to go to any bathrooms in this area.
Zelda: But I really have to go badly!
Ganon: You should have done that before coming here to fight me.
Zelda: *Poops her pants*
Ganon: *Smells Zelda* Damn girl, what's the matter with you?
Gwonam: *Checks his clock, and leaves* I must get the king. He must save Zelda.

Meanwhile, in the castle

Link: *At the castle* Gee. It sure is boring around here.
King: Mah boi. This peace is what all true warriors strive for.
Link: I just wonder what Ganon is up to.
Gwonam: *Arrives on a flying carpet* Your majesty, Ganon, and his minions have ceased the island of Koridai.
King: Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Didn't we already do this?
Gwonam: Oh, right. *Goes backwards*
King: What the hell is he doing?
Gwonam: *Returns on his carpet looking terrified* Your majesty, Princess Zelda was kidnapped by Ganon!
King: Hmmm. *Thinking about Burger King* I wonder what's for dinner.
Link: Oh boy. I'm so hungry, I could eat a-
Robotnik: Pingas!
Link: Who said that?
Robotnik: *Appears from nowhere* Pingas!
Gwonam: How can you think about that at a time like this? We must save Zelda.
King: I'm sure she'll be fine.

But she wasn't.

Zelda: *Chained to a bed*
Ganon: You will be in a never ending sleep. Once I ring this gong, you will stay asleep forever. The only thing that will wake you up is if the gong is rung again. *Rings the gong*
Zelda: *Falls asleep*
Ganon: Now this way, we won't have to worry about her shitting in her pants again.
Zelda: *Poops her pants*
Ganon: OH COME ON!!!!!!!!!!

Back at the castle.

Gwonam: Link, after seeing that the others do not care for Zelda, you must come with me to Koridai to rescue her.

They leave on Gwonam's flying carpet.

Gwonam: Squadala. We're off!
Link: Wow. What are all those heads?
Gwonam: These are the faces of evil. You must search them in order to save Zelda. Do you understand your task?
Link: Nope. All I care about is getting Zelda to kiss me.
Gwonam: You've got to be kidding.
Link: That's exactly what she said.
Gwonam: Go find her!
Link: Guess I better get going.
Gwonam: You think?

Link idiotically entered a shop, thinking it was one of the faces of evil.

Shop Keeper: Lamp oil. Rope. Bombs. You want it? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Link: *Terrified*
Shop Keeper: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Link: Why are you making that noise?
Shop Keeper: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Link: *Runs out of the shop, and goes into a face of evil*
Ganon: Join me Link, and I will make your face the greatest in Koridai. Or else you will die.
Link: *Finds a book* Oh boy.

Apparently, books are powerful. Well, that actually makes sense since some people write in them with pens. You know what they say-

Mario: All toasters toast toast.

No, I was going to say, the pen is mightier then the sword. You ruined a perfectly good joke.

Link: *Raises the book*
Ganon: No! Not into the pit! It buuurns!!!
Link: *Throws the book into Ganon's face* Oh boy! *Takes a picture of Ganon in the book, and posts it on facebook*

Zelda was still sleeping when...

Link: *Rings the gong*
Zelda: *Wakes up* Why'd you do that?
Link: I just saved you from Ganon.
Zelda: You did not.
Link: *Sniffs the air* What's that horrible smell?
Zelda: *Nervous*
Gwonam: *Arrives* Well done Link. You have saved the day.

They all get on the carpet, and fly away from Koridai.

Gwonam: Everything is peaceful again. The birds are singing, oh wait, they've always been doing that. Anyway, Ganon is defeated.
Link: I guess that's worth a kiss.
Zelda: Ha!
Link: I won!

The End