Hello peasants and uneducated children of the forever dystopian America! My name is Elizabeth Tudor, but some idiots on the world wide web mostly refer to me as "Queen Elizabeth I" but you probably don't know that because you were too busy drawing awful looking sonic porn during world history class and all others. Hell you probably don't even know that Benjamin Franklin was a womanizer, or that Attila The Hun had no connections to Genghis Khan other than the fact he was Asian or even that Genghis was born at least 700 years after Attila died, why do I assume this? Because it's so typical of you. Anyways lets talk about the obviously more important person here, ME! I am too lazy to tell you the already known details of my life life because that would be tedious and I don't have enough time on my hands to copy and paste all of that shit from wikipedia. As you all don't know those of Britain would call me the virgin Queen, but not for the obvious reason. When I had my cousin Mary[Drag queen of Scots] imprisoned for all those years do you think[implying you think] I kept her that long for no reason? No, I, for those 18 years I had kept her, I was continuously cutting an individual slice of her off and devouring it, not at first though at first I just let the tower prisoners rape her for the first 2 years[moar liek Queen of Cocks, amirite?] but then, I had heard of Vlad[The Impaler]'s hip new way of keeping you from aging, devouring human blood. You could say that I had a bloody Mary. Jesus Christ she had a lot of blood, and I swear she wasn't on her period, though with they way she whined like a fucking sonic fanboy whenever she was "raped". I decided after a while that I did not want to be queen anymore and resurrect Joan of Arc[even though she was a disgusting Frenchie] and prove female supremacy over men and pretended to be depressed and sick. Those fuckers didn't even ask what I had they just went along with it because I'm the fucking Queen.
To Be Continued...