Mr. Walman: Now listen, lady. We’ve bought the land, and we are going to do what we please
Teacher: So you’re going to tear down our school
Mr. Walman: (Reads the school sign) Eastwood School for the Deaf. Oh, I see now. Well, we can’t let the children go without something. Here you kids are (Hands them all coupons) These are all coupons for our sales on CDs. Okay, let’s get started
Teacher: Wait, how can they-
(A wrecking ball destroys the building)
Cody: (Walking with Wind and James) And then I spilled the burning grease on my arm and had to be taken to the hospital
Wind: That’s probably the funniest thing you’ve ever said, Cody (Looks at a lard store)
What the hell is this?
James: Looks like a new Mal-Mart
Wind: They’ve built another one?! They’ve already built fifteen in this county alone. How much do they need?
James: You want to check it out
Wind: Yeah right. Like I’d want to support the capitalistic market. No thank you
Cody: Whatever
James: Let’s just try not to buy too much stuff
(10 Minutes Later)
James and Cody: (Comes out of the Mal-Mart with a shopping cart of stuff) Wow… okay… that was awesome. Can’t believe we got all this shit
Cody: And at affordable prices
Mr. Walma: Perfect, everything is going according to plan
Assistant: Sir, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean
Mr. Walma: Don’t you see? Everyone is buying these simple products without thinking. Soon, the entire town will be consumed in Mal-Mart’s marketing
Assistant: But why? Why do this, sir?
Mr. Walman: The only thing a rich white man like me lives for anymore… Money.
Wind: I can’t believe this shit. (As he’s walking down the street, he sees “Out of Business” signs on every small shop around) What’s going on
Worker: Didn’t you hear? Ever since that Mal-Mart opened up, it’s been putting every small shop in town out of business. No one’s coming here anymore because they are getting literally everything from Mal-Mart
Wind: What!? But you guys sell such quality used goods at cheap prices
Worker: Exactly. But Mal-Mart has everything. Our shops only have such different things
Wind: Well, in the sake of myself and every mom and pop shop in this town, I will personally stop this madness
Wind: (Walks into the Mal-Mart)
Worker: Excuse me, you can’t walk into the CEO’s of- (Wind throws the worker into a shopping cart and kicks the door open) YOU!
Mr. Walman: (Counting his money) ……. May I help you
Wind: Yes. I want you to tie yourself up and point me to where the gasoline and matches are. It will make destroying this place a lot easier.
Mr. Walman: Oh, now why would you want to destroy such a wonderful place (Starts rapidly pushing the SECURITY button underneath his desk)
Wind: I’ll tell you why! Ever since your shitty little supermarket decided to come into Eastwood, small shops have been going out of business because your such a greedy fucker. I’m doing good for the people by destroying the place
Mr. Walman: Oh, is that so?
Wind: Exactly, and no one is going to stop me
Mr Walman: Well, what about them (Points at two security guards)
Wind: Oh…. well, that might do it
(The security guards taz Wind until he is unconscious)
Security Guard: (Shakes Wind) Wake up
Wind: What do you want?
Security Guard: Get to work (Throws Wind into a small underground factory) What is this place
Mr. Walman: Your new prison. Get used to it, because you’re never leaving (Shoves Wind near a conveyor belt) Now work
Wind: What if I don’t want to (Suddenly gets shocked with a taser) AHH! Okay, fine (Starts building Mal-Mart manufactured goods) (Whispers to child worker) What is this place
Child worker: (Shushes him) We can’t talk. If we do, he’ll shock us again
Wind: What’s going on?
Child worker: Mr. Brown adopted us all from all over the world to produce his Mal-Mart products
Wind: Oh my god, I get it now. He saves money by buying orphans to make his own goods instead of buying them! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! (Gets zapped again) AH, MOTHERFUCKER (Grabs the security guard and flings him onto the conveyor belt, where he gets stabbed by robotic arms)
Wind: If you want to get out of here, follow me (Runs out of the factory as the orphaned workers follow)
Cody: (Still shopping with James) Man, this place is amazing. Can’t imagine why Wind would hate this place
James: Wind hates everything
Cody; Yeah, you’re right. I’m sure he’s thinking of some way to destroy this place (Hears many footsteps coming from behind a door) Do you hear that?
(The group of orphaned workers run out of the factory, causing many people to look in shock)
Wind: (Gets on top of a shopping cart) Listen everyone. You have been cheated
Woman: I knew my husband was lying to me
Wind: Mal-Mart is a corrupt slave operation that traps orphans in their factories and make them work so Mr. Walman can save a few dollars.
(The crowd begins to disagree with Wind)
Wind: He’s putting small stores out of business and leaving them all without jobs
(The crowd still disagrees with Wind)
Wind: (Sighs) He also supports socialism
Crowd: THAT FILTHY FUCKING COMMIE (They begin to riot in the store)
News Anchor: A shocking story occurred a the local Mal-Mart in Eastwood. A riot ensued when the founder of Mal-Mart, Samuel Walman was found to be the cause of unemployment, child slavery, and worst of all, wanting a social system without democracy. The Mal-Mart founder was dealt with perfectly in this video shown here.
(Police brutally beat Mr. Waldman with their nightsticks)
Officer: Now, come with us or we will use force….. (Kicks him once)
News Anchor: We should also warn you that the video you just watch was extremely graphic and disturbing for some viewers. Stay tuned to learn how video games are the cause of AIDS, when we return.
Wind: There, I did plenty of good today
Cody: Yeah, I guess stopping unemployment, saving enslaved orphans, and bringing a corrupt businessman to justice makes up for inciting a riot that injured twenty two people.
Wind: Glad you see it my way. I should stop more companies. Like Bee Pee, and Gloogle, and Phillip Dorris, and Mestle, and every pharmaceutical company
James: Ha, your doing the hippies justice
Wind: ….. Hippie?
James: Yeah. Hippies would love to stop big businesses
Wind: ……….. Fuck that. I’m going to do something worth my time
James: I should have guess
Teacher: So you’re going to tear down our school
Mr. Walman: (Reads the school sign) Eastwood School for the Deaf. Oh, I see now. Well, we can’t let the children go without something. Here you kids are (Hands them all coupons) These are all coupons for our sales on CDs. Okay, let’s get started
Teacher: Wait, how can they-
(A wrecking ball destroys the building)
Cody: (Walking with Wind and James) And then I spilled the burning grease on my arm and had to be taken to the hospital
Wind: That’s probably the funniest thing you’ve ever said, Cody (Looks at a lard store)
What the hell is this?
James: Looks like a new Mal-Mart
Wind: They’ve built another one?! They’ve already built fifteen in this county alone. How much do they need?
James: You want to check it out
Wind: Yeah right. Like I’d want to support the capitalistic market. No thank you
Cody: Whatever
James: Let’s just try not to buy too much stuff
(10 Minutes Later)
James and Cody: (Comes out of the Mal-Mart with a shopping cart of stuff) Wow… okay… that was awesome. Can’t believe we got all this shit
Cody: And at affordable prices
Mr. Walma: Perfect, everything is going according to plan
Assistant: Sir, if you don’t mind me asking, what do you mean
Mr. Walma: Don’t you see? Everyone is buying these simple products without thinking. Soon, the entire town will be consumed in Mal-Mart’s marketing
Assistant: But why? Why do this, sir?
Mr. Walman: The only thing a rich white man like me lives for anymore… Money.
Wind: I can’t believe this shit. (As he’s walking down the street, he sees “Out of Business” signs on every small shop around) What’s going on
Worker: Didn’t you hear? Ever since that Mal-Mart opened up, it’s been putting every small shop in town out of business. No one’s coming here anymore because they are getting literally everything from Mal-Mart
Wind: What!? But you guys sell such quality used goods at cheap prices
Worker: Exactly. But Mal-Mart has everything. Our shops only have such different things
Wind: Well, in the sake of myself and every mom and pop shop in this town, I will personally stop this madness
Wind: (Walks into the Mal-Mart)
Worker: Excuse me, you can’t walk into the CEO’s of- (Wind throws the worker into a shopping cart and kicks the door open) YOU!
Mr. Walman: (Counting his money) ……. May I help you
Wind: Yes. I want you to tie yourself up and point me to where the gasoline and matches are. It will make destroying this place a lot easier.
Mr. Walman: Oh, now why would you want to destroy such a wonderful place (Starts rapidly pushing the SECURITY button underneath his desk)
Wind: I’ll tell you why! Ever since your shitty little supermarket decided to come into Eastwood, small shops have been going out of business because your such a greedy fucker. I’m doing good for the people by destroying the place
Mr. Walman: Oh, is that so?
Wind: Exactly, and no one is going to stop me
Mr Walman: Well, what about them (Points at two security guards)
Wind: Oh…. well, that might do it
(The security guards taz Wind until he is unconscious)
Security Guard: (Shakes Wind) Wake up
Wind: What do you want?
Security Guard: Get to work (Throws Wind into a small underground factory) What is this place
Mr. Walman: Your new prison. Get used to it, because you’re never leaving (Shoves Wind near a conveyor belt) Now work
Wind: What if I don’t want to (Suddenly gets shocked with a taser) AHH! Okay, fine (Starts building Mal-Mart manufactured goods) (Whispers to child worker) What is this place
Child worker: (Shushes him) We can’t talk. If we do, he’ll shock us again
Wind: What’s going on?
Child worker: Mr. Brown adopted us all from all over the world to produce his Mal-Mart products
Wind: Oh my god, I get it now. He saves money by buying orphans to make his own goods instead of buying them! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! (Gets zapped again) AH, MOTHERFUCKER (Grabs the security guard and flings him onto the conveyor belt, where he gets stabbed by robotic arms)
Wind: If you want to get out of here, follow me (Runs out of the factory as the orphaned workers follow)
Cody: (Still shopping with James) Man, this place is amazing. Can’t imagine why Wind would hate this place
James: Wind hates everything
Cody; Yeah, you’re right. I’m sure he’s thinking of some way to destroy this place (Hears many footsteps coming from behind a door) Do you hear that?
(The group of orphaned workers run out of the factory, causing many people to look in shock)
Wind: (Gets on top of a shopping cart) Listen everyone. You have been cheated
Woman: I knew my husband was lying to me
Wind: Mal-Mart is a corrupt slave operation that traps orphans in their factories and make them work so Mr. Walman can save a few dollars.
(The crowd begins to disagree with Wind)
Wind: He’s putting small stores out of business and leaving them all without jobs
(The crowd still disagrees with Wind)
Wind: (Sighs) He also supports socialism
Crowd: THAT FILTHY FUCKING COMMIE (They begin to riot in the store)
News Anchor: A shocking story occurred a the local Mal-Mart in Eastwood. A riot ensued when the founder of Mal-Mart, Samuel Walman was found to be the cause of unemployment, child slavery, and worst of all, wanting a social system without democracy. The Mal-Mart founder was dealt with perfectly in this video shown here.
(Police brutally beat Mr. Waldman with their nightsticks)
Officer: Now, come with us or we will use force….. (Kicks him once)
News Anchor: We should also warn you that the video you just watch was extremely graphic and disturbing for some viewers. Stay tuned to learn how video games are the cause of AIDS, when we return.
Wind: There, I did plenty of good today
Cody: Yeah, I guess stopping unemployment, saving enslaved orphans, and bringing a corrupt businessman to justice makes up for inciting a riot that injured twenty two people.
Wind: Glad you see it my way. I should stop more companies. Like Bee Pee, and Gloogle, and Phillip Dorris, and Mestle, and every pharmaceutical company
James: Ha, your doing the hippies justice
Wind: ….. Hippie?
James: Yeah. Hippies would love to stop big businesses
Wind: ……….. Fuck that. I’m going to do something worth my time
James: I should have guess
You know what trend I’m getting kinda tired of? The whole “Princess has been kidnapped, go save her”. I’m not an extremist feminist, but the whole princess thing is kinda getting old. So, naturally, I felt the best thing to do was to make a list of the top ten best. So, the rules for this list are as followed. Only from games that I have played, and only one game per franchise. So, with all of that said and done, let us start the list
#10: Princess Daphne from Dragon’s Lair
Okay…….. This is a bit hard to get behind. What, in the name of god, is this princess wearing. I mean…...
continue reading...
#10: Princess Daphne from Dragon’s Lair
Okay…….. This is a bit hard to get behind. What, in the name of god, is this princess wearing. I mean…...
Scrappy Doo
Alright, everyone, after getting a feel for the game and after being able to experience it at my own friends home, and after hundreds of Youtubers have played it, and after many old fans are still angry over it despite them wanting the franchise to go back to their horror roots, I will be talking about Capcom’s new horror game. It may have taken a long time to get to it, and it may have made people saltier than the Pacific Ocean, but it’s finally time I talk about this game. Let us all take a look at the return to horror game, Resident Evil 7: Biohazard
So as you can see, this game...
continue reading...
So as you can see, this game...
I remember when I was a kid, my older brother had the original Animal Crossing on the Gamecube, and I thought it looked like a babies toy. What is this? This ain’t Smash Melee. Get this outta my face. But now, as someone who got to experience the joy through Animal Crossing: New Leaf, I now understand perfectly. Oh, and also, yes, I did search up Animal Crossing porn for that joke. And it sure as shit wasn’t worth it.
Animal Crossing New Leaf follows the villager, you, as he goes to whatever town you want to call it. Call it Bonerland, call it Fortnite, call it Yabba-Dab, whatever....
So I played the original NieR some time ago. I liked what I did play, but never got to experience it enough to form a definitive opinion, but man, was that combat not the best. If it was just a little refined, I could like it more… And then Platinum Games came along. And that’s the transition to start talking about NieR: Automata.
So, when it came to the top ten, I thought it would be hard for any game to just break the top ten so easily. Most of my top ten favorite games are games I have cherished memories with. But NieR: Automata, I have no nostalgia for, and yet it managed to break...
Another Tim Schaffer game on the list and only so long after I just talked about Brutal Legend. I am aware that Schaffer games have a really weird style of creativity and humor to them and are always meant for a more niche demographic. And I am in that demographic. That said, this is Psychonauts, a game to kinda break the mold of the niche… maybe. Probably. Not really.
Psychonauts follows the character Rasputin, or Raz for short, who is a Psychonaut in training, special agents who use the power of their mind to do incredible powers. With these powers, Raz has to stop a conspiracy in...
So a friend of mine got me thinking the other day, who would win in a battle? An immortal demon who can stop the fabric of time itself, or a blue little bitch who's got some burners on him?
...Needless to say, the victor wasn't Sonic. But then I started thinking to myself. I came up with an idea. An awful idea. An awful, awful, awful idea!
*Insert Obligatory Grinch Image Here*
But in all seriousness, I'm here to end the debate once and for all. To see who would TRULY win in a DEATH BA-
BE QUIET! You wanna get sued, kid?
Uhhh. in a....BATTLE OF DEATH! Yeah, that's it. Thanks man!
continue reading...
...Needless to say, the victor wasn't Sonic. But then I started thinking to myself. I came up with an idea. An awful idea. An awful, awful, awful idea!
*Insert Obligatory Grinch Image Here*
But in all seriousness, I'm here to end the debate once and for all. To see who would TRULY win in a DEATH BA-
BE QUIET! You wanna get sued, kid?
Uhhh. in a....BATTLE OF DEATH! Yeah, that's it. Thanks man!
Anytime, mate....
Now, guess what........... There is a creepypasta about Lil Wayne..... Just fuck it.
So, this story starts with Lil Wayne freaking out because people keep asking about his secret, which he won't tell anyone. So, the main character asks and thinks he has better luck...... He doesn't. But, for some stupid reason, Lil Wayne's agent decides to tell him, but at a different place. So, he takes the main character to a recording studio and tells him the..... First, off, I must prepare you all for the stupidest thing you will ever hear. Okay, so, the reason why Lil Wayne is so talented is because he made a deal with the devil to be a good rapper. And if he tells anyone this secret, he will lose his soul......... WHAT!? Thats the fucking plot twist? That's the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. You know what, screw it, thats all I got. Honestly, nothing really happens in the fucking story anyway, so, fuck it, I'm done. But, hey, that's only my opinion. What's Your Take
So, this story starts with Lil Wayne freaking out because people keep asking about his secret, which he won't tell anyone. So, the main character asks and thinks he has better luck...... He doesn't. But, for some stupid reason, Lil Wayne's agent decides to tell him, but at a different place. So, he takes the main character to a recording studio and tells him the..... First, off, I must prepare you all for the stupidest thing you will ever hear. Okay, so, the reason why Lil Wayne is so talented is because he made a deal with the devil to be a good rapper. And if he tells anyone this secret, he will lose his soul......... WHAT!? Thats the fucking plot twist? That's the dumbest fucking thing I have ever heard. You know what, screw it, thats all I got. Honestly, nothing really happens in the fucking story anyway, so, fuck it, I'm done. But, hey, that's only my opinion. What's Your Take
So let’s just get this out of the way. Tekken is my favorite fighting game franchise ever. I love playing 3 in the arcades, I had a real fun time looking at the tournaments for Tekken 7, and I can safely say that my favorite so far, the one that really got me invested in the franchise, was Tekken Tag Tournament 2 (That’s some good alliteration)
Tekken follows a simple plot in pretty much every game. The Iron First tournament, or the Tekken tournament, hosted by the president of the Zaibatsu Mishima Organization, Heihachi Mishima, in order to gather the best fighters so Heihachi can...
