The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a true classic in the horror movie genre. It challenged it’s viewers with scenes of violence, a very dark sense of humor, and one of the most disturbing horror movie antagonists ever. So naturally, the best way to represent it is to make a remake of it, and give the directing job to Michael Bay….. Oh boy. This is 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Are you excited? Because I’m not.
So, where the first movie followed a brother and sister and their friends heading out to find out why their grandfather's grave was being vandalised, this movie follows pot smoking, beer drinking, sex crazed teens who are all just cliched and stereotypical. I hate them already. When they get to Texas, they are soon met with a hitchhiker, who shoots herself in the head. Why she had to wait for them to come to shoot herself, I don’t know. Anyway, they arrive into town for help from the police, but soon realises that the police are in on it with a family of cannibalistic serial killers, most notoriously, Thomas Hewitt, who happens to be Leatherface (Also screw you movie, I never wanted to be told what Leatherface’s name was.) And so, the stereotypical teenagers must survive (And we all know that “Main Female Lead” is obviously the survivor. Don’t say you don’t know. It’s obvious if you’ve seen cliched slasher movies, and that’s what this movie is. A cliched slasher film.
This movie just feels like a generic Friday the 13th movie, just with Leatherface slapped on it instead of Jason. You’ve got the cliched characters, an isolated place from the rest of society, a crazy killer who can’t seem to hold a gun, so uses other weapons instead. You see what I mean? Not to mention, it feels like a Friday the 13th movie… But not any of the good ones. It’s more of Jason Takes Manhattan if anything. It even tries hard to show lots and lots of gore. And that’s the movies biggest problem. Sure, the first movie was pretty violent with it’s gore, but it was never shown in the intense fashion that the 2003 version has. There is gore EVERYWHERE in this movie. Gore is just as cheap as an attempt for scares as jumpscares. If used right, it may work…. It’s not done right here, I assure you. Even the most squeamish of viewers will be numb by this tactic as the movie goes on, I assure you. And since that’s all this movie seems to have going for it when it comes to fear… It’s pretty sad.
If I had to say one good thing about this movie, it’s that the Hewitt Family in this movie was done kinda well….. Kinda, I said. Are they as good as they were in the original- No. That should be obvious by now. But, I think they were pretty good. However, they were pretty well used in this movie. They were always met at different points as random characters, making them feel more like regular citizens than part of a cannibalistic family. It gets to a point where even the police are in on the side of the Hewitt family, and are doing what they can to torment those they bring before they take them to the family to get eaten. I think they did a pretty good job with recreating the Hewitt family. Not to mention, there were some pretty cool scenes involving Leatherface. Sadly, as great as they were, that’s also a problem. I shouldn’t find a mentally unstable serial killer cool. I should find them scary. A thing the movie fails to do.
So yeah, it’s safe to say that Texas Chainsaw Massacre is just the Diet Drink version of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It just doesn’t have the same flavor to it, and whatever it does have, the original already had it and did it a hundred times better. I’ll give the movie this, I’ve seen worse remakes… More on that next time. But, it’s best you don’t watch this one. It would be better if you just watch the original movie. It’s better, more believable and has a much better story and characters. Take care.
Up next on October Movie Marathon: A MUCH worse remake
So, where the first movie followed a brother and sister and their friends heading out to find out why their grandfather's grave was being vandalised, this movie follows pot smoking, beer drinking, sex crazed teens who are all just cliched and stereotypical. I hate them already. When they get to Texas, they are soon met with a hitchhiker, who shoots herself in the head. Why she had to wait for them to come to shoot herself, I don’t know. Anyway, they arrive into town for help from the police, but soon realises that the police are in on it with a family of cannibalistic serial killers, most notoriously, Thomas Hewitt, who happens to be Leatherface (Also screw you movie, I never wanted to be told what Leatherface’s name was.) And so, the stereotypical teenagers must survive (And we all know that “Main Female Lead” is obviously the survivor. Don’t say you don’t know. It’s obvious if you’ve seen cliched slasher movies, and that’s what this movie is. A cliched slasher film.
This movie just feels like a generic Friday the 13th movie, just with Leatherface slapped on it instead of Jason. You’ve got the cliched characters, an isolated place from the rest of society, a crazy killer who can’t seem to hold a gun, so uses other weapons instead. You see what I mean? Not to mention, it feels like a Friday the 13th movie… But not any of the good ones. It’s more of Jason Takes Manhattan if anything. It even tries hard to show lots and lots of gore. And that’s the movies biggest problem. Sure, the first movie was pretty violent with it’s gore, but it was never shown in the intense fashion that the 2003 version has. There is gore EVERYWHERE in this movie. Gore is just as cheap as an attempt for scares as jumpscares. If used right, it may work…. It’s not done right here, I assure you. Even the most squeamish of viewers will be numb by this tactic as the movie goes on, I assure you. And since that’s all this movie seems to have going for it when it comes to fear… It’s pretty sad.
If I had to say one good thing about this movie, it’s that the Hewitt Family in this movie was done kinda well….. Kinda, I said. Are they as good as they were in the original- No. That should be obvious by now. But, I think they were pretty good. However, they were pretty well used in this movie. They were always met at different points as random characters, making them feel more like regular citizens than part of a cannibalistic family. It gets to a point where even the police are in on the side of the Hewitt family, and are doing what they can to torment those they bring before they take them to the family to get eaten. I think they did a pretty good job with recreating the Hewitt family. Not to mention, there were some pretty cool scenes involving Leatherface. Sadly, as great as they were, that’s also a problem. I shouldn’t find a mentally unstable serial killer cool. I should find them scary. A thing the movie fails to do.
So yeah, it’s safe to say that Texas Chainsaw Massacre is just the Diet Drink version of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It just doesn’t have the same flavor to it, and whatever it does have, the original already had it and did it a hundred times better. I’ll give the movie this, I’ve seen worse remakes… More on that next time. But, it’s best you don’t watch this one. It would be better if you just watch the original movie. It’s better, more believable and has a much better story and characters. Take care.
Up next on October Movie Marathon: A MUCH worse remake
#1: THE RING:
If you seen the trailer.. Your think it's just stupid movie.. But appearently it's actually a very smart movie.. I never seen it, so not certain.
#2: INSIDIOUS:
Jump scares done "right".
#3: THE GIFT:
I can't explain anything without spoiling it.
But basically Jason Bateman are dealing with an old friend, that's basically the standard creepy neighbour, being way too nice.. But the end you would not see coming..
#4: PLAY MISTY FOR ME:
A 1971 film where a guy gets stalked by a emotionally disturbed young woman, who gets way too close than he likes..
#5: ONE HOUR PHOTO:
Everyday we meet helpful strangers at the grocery store, the gas station, and the bank. Most of them are just employees doing a job with a smile on their face, moving from one customer to the next, but sometimes they can take an unhealthy obsession with our personal lives..
If you seen the trailer.. Your think it's just stupid movie.. But appearently it's actually a very smart movie.. I never seen it, so not certain.
#2: INSIDIOUS:
Jump scares done "right".
#3: THE GIFT:
I can't explain anything without spoiling it.
But basically Jason Bateman are dealing with an old friend, that's basically the standard creepy neighbour, being way too nice.. But the end you would not see coming..
#4: PLAY MISTY FOR ME:
A 1971 film where a guy gets stalked by a emotionally disturbed young woman, who gets way too close than he likes..
#5: ONE HOUR PHOTO:
Everyday we meet helpful strangers at the grocery store, the gas station, and the bank. Most of them are just employees doing a job with a smile on their face, moving from one customer to the next, but sometimes they can take an unhealthy obsession with our personal lives..
Wow. I mean wow. I thought it wasn't possible for people to get dumber. There's the Condom Challenge, where you put a condom in your nose and pull it out your mouth and hope you don't suffocate, then there's the Cinnamon Challenge where you eat cinammon and try not to choke. But, people could get dumber. Here it is, the fire challenge, where you set yourself on fire for no goddamn reason. What the hell, what is wrong with this world. Are people really this stupid that they actually set themselves on fire. Apperently they do. Its even been shown on the news, for gods sake.
Well, that's all I got. This is a stupid trend that makes me wonder why the help some people have the internet. But, hey' that's only my opinion. What's Your Take