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(I never got around to finishing this and I doubt I ever would've. It's a shame that my laziness got to me because this was actually pretty good in my eyes. Oh well, hope you enjoy what's in here right now. XD)

(This is a parody of the famous Dr. Seuss book named "The Butter Battle Book" that I worked on around 2 months ago.)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away…..

Whoops, wrong series. GODDAMNIT!

Anyways, it was a peaceful and sunny day in the town of Cityville, (I’m serious. XD) When all of a sudden….

……

When all of a sudden……

…..

I SAID, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN!

FINALLY! :D

I mean, it was Marvin The Martian! Right the f**k out of nowhere!

BECAUSE WHY NOT!? :D

He was a beeline for Cityville! Quick, somebody do something!

…..

ANYONE ALIVE ON THIS PLANET DO ANYTHING OR WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE! >.<

…..

God I hate being the narrator.

Marvin: Greetings earthlings! It is I, Marvin Th-

Marvin: Where is everyone? @___@

Actually, that’s a good question.

♫On the other side of the wall!♫

Marvin: What in the name of Melmacian culture was that!?

Oh no, I sense a song coming…..

♫On the other side of the wall!♫

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. :D

Marvin: Where AM I!? @__@

We’re kinda sorta… Sorta kinda…..

In a Dr. Seuss story called The Butter Battle Book.

Marvin: ……… (Too many dots in this fan-fiction!)

Marvin: Well, we’re screwed.

♫On the other side of the wall!♫

At least now I realize why nobody’s even here, we’re the ONLY ones in this area, the others are over there.

Me: ♫On the other side of the wall!♫ XD

Marvin: Well, at least have the courtesy to tell me what’s going to happen! Or else I’ll get out every weapon I have….

♫Butter side down! :D♫

Those red-dressed people over there like putting butter side down when they eat toast, and we like butter side up. We’re also dressed in blue.

Marvin: SERIOUSLY!? We’re starting a war over BREAD!?

Not just any bread war Marvin, this is the battle…..

Me: ♫FOR THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL!♫ ^___^

Marvin: Whatever, I’ll annihilate them in two seconds! What could possibly go wrong?

Kyros: ♫Butter side down!♫ >:D

Are you freaking KIDDING ME!?

Next time somebody says that I’ll go Mortal Kombat on them. >.<

Kyros: ♫The idiots on that side… They give me a frown. I mean, they don’t eat with the butter side down!♫

Marvin: ♫Au Contraire, you don’t even care! You’re just morons who don’t eat right, living in despair!♫

Oh this is gonna be good. :D

Kyros: Let’s skip the singing, we’re starting a war. Each of us has one day to make a weapon and at exactly 5:00 P.M, we’ll fight with them and see who wins. There’s going to be three fights total, and the winner with the most fights won gets……

Kyros: ♫The other side of the wall!♫

Kyros: So, deal? >:)

Marvin: What if we refuse?

Kyros: Then I’ll have a good dinner….. Haha, HAHAHAH!!!!!

Marvin: Accursed earthlings! Well, now what Jared?

Who, me? I’m not even a character, I’m the narrator! >:D

Marvin: THAT’S IT! I’M NOT FIGHTING ALONE, GET OVER HERE! *Drags me into the book*

Jared: Well, that’s what happens when you push your luck. Also, I’m surprised you didn’t make a Scorpion reference there! :D

Marvin: Really Jared? -___- Also, wasn’t there armies for BOTH sides in the book?

Jared: I didn’t even know you DID read the book. And yes, there was. But they, uh….

Jared: I have no idea what happened to them. Maybe they died, who knows. I mean, it’s not like they’re having a party.

The Entire Blue Population: YEAH! WHOO! PASS ME THE WHISKEY! ^____^

Jared: Well this is great, NOW who’s going to narrate the story? Hmm…..

Jared: How about Kirby? He’s a good narrator!

Marvin: Uh, sure I guess. :P

Kirby: Bio bio! ^___^

Jared: Hey Kirby, use this mike to speak clearer!

Kirby: *Transforms into Mike Kirby*

Kirby: *Blows everything up*

Jared: OH GOD!!!! QUICK, GET HIM OUT OF HERE!

Marvin: *Shoots teleportation cannon at Kirby* There we go, he shouldn’t bother us anymore.

Jared: Great! I wonder where he went….

Entire Blue Population: OH GOD MY EARS!!!! NOOOOOO!!!! WE’RE ALL GONNA DDIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >.<

Marvin: One last thing before we start building the weapon, my teleportation cannon is only in an alpha state, so there might be a few….. Glitches with it.

Jared: Alrighty! :D Besides, who needs narrators anyways?

Marvin: Well, we better get to work if we want to win. So, you have any ideas for weapons?

Jared: NAPALM FLAMETHROWER! AN602 HYDROGEN TSAR BOMB! TESLA CANNON! :D

Marvin: Alright then, let’s get to work!

*One Eternity Later*

Marvin: We’ve finally finished the Tesla Cannon, and it looks absolutely extravagant! What do you think Jared?

Jared: OW MY FINGEEERRRRR!!!! >.<

Marvin: This’ll make a great weapon for round one, we can’t lose!

Marvin: So, we have plenty of time left, what do you want to talk about?

Jared: How about why the heck anybody would want to eat butter-side DOWN!? SERIOUSLY, WHO DOES THAT!? IT’S LIKE PUTTING THE PEPPER ON THE SIDES OF EGGS, IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! THE BUTTER WILL FALL ALL OVER YOUR LEGS, AND IT’S AS STUPID AS YOU CAN GET!

Marvin: Wasn’t aware you’d go Nostalgia Critic on me there. Well, let’s take the weapon to the battlefield! FOR CITYVILLE!

Nonexistent Narrator: Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall…..

Red Person: HOW THE HECK ARE WE GOING TO BEAT A TESLA CANNON!?

Other Red Person: We should call Kyros!

Yet Another Red Person: We should make an even better weapon!

Patrick: WE SHOULD TAKE BIKINI BOTTOM, AND PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!

*Silence*

Yet ANOTHER Red Person: How the heck did PATRICK get in here?

YET ANOTHER FREAKING RED PERSON: It’s a Dr. Seuss story, why are we even questioning this?

*I hope you enjoyed that pointless advance in the story*

*Now back to the other side of the wall*

Marvin: It’s 4:45, I wonder what they’re doing? Well, all we can do is wait and hope we win.

Jared: *Makes a grilled cheese with the Tesla cannon* YUMMY! ^___^

Marvin: Hmm….. I hear something approaching us.

Kyros: Guess who? >:)

Jared: Dinkleberg….

Jared: I mean, uh, Kyros…..

Marvin: So, where’s your weapon? I don’t really see it.

Kyros: Look beyond what you see….. (Really? I’m ripping off The Lion King now? XD)

*Ground shakes*

*We’re screwed*

*Give my regards to Broadway*

*Brace for impact*

*Stop it Jared*

Marvin: Oh no! It’s UNDER us!?

Jared: WHAT DO WE DO!?

Jared: WAIT, I HAVE AN IDEA!

Marvin: WHAT IS IT!?

(And I stopped here. I didn't finish this because I got lazy, sorry. If I get enough positive feedback maybe I will continue this, but for now, that's not happening. Hope you enjoyed regardless of that. XD)

(Seriously though, I really had something going here. I was planning a bunch of cool twists, funny jokes, and even an epic rap battle at the end! I even finished it as well, so if you want to see that, let me know.)

(Again, I'm really sorry I didn't finish this. Oh well, lazyitis gets the best of all of us every now and then. :P)
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Damon couched. “You’re right. It’s not”
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Damon lifted Elena in his arms and walked out of the kitchen.
“I didn’t mean to” Katherine hastily said, but Damon ignored her. Just like he ignored the headache and the corrosive pain on his back. He carried Elena upstairs to his bedroom and lay her on the bed.
“Give her some of your blood” Katherine said, standing in the doorway. Damon shook his head. “I can’t do that” he said. “She will hate me”
Katherine rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and how many times has she tried to? Trust me, Damon, she will not hate you” she said as she walked towards the bed. She lay her hand on his...
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“What’s the rush?” Amber asked surprised by Kelsey’s speed.
“We need to get you somewhere safe” Kelsey said agitated, not slowing down.
“Why? Okay, I know I have to be careful for the sheriff and vampire hunters, but I’m not going to get myself caught” Amber said.
“Trust me, the sheriff’s the least of your worries right now” Kelsey said. She ran even faster. “What...
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Damon carried Elena over the doorstep, like a bride and kicked the door with his foot, in an attempt to shut Bonnie outside. However, she just in time stopped the door from locking and she entered the Gilbert house.
“I’ll take her to bed” Bonnie said authoritative. But Elena groaned sleepy and clung on Damon’s neck. Damon ignored Bonnie and carried Elena upstairs to her bedroom. He opened her door, walked her to her bed and gently lay her down.
Bonnie stood in the doorway, looking sharp at the bed. Damon sat at the end, taking off Elena’s shoes. He felt Bonnies stare piercing on him...
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Katherine stared at him like it was the first time she saw him. Damon walked passed her and entered the Boarding House. “Nice to see you too, by the way” he said to a speechless Katherine. “I heard Bonnie brought my stuff back here” Katherine nodded, then realized Damon didn’t see her since he was standing with his back to her and mumbled: “Yeah, she did” She gathered herself together and walked towards Damon and stopped right in front of him. “Why are you here?” she asked suspicious. “I mean, not that you can’t, this is your house, but are you allowed to be here? Does...
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The next morning Stefan woke up on the ground next to Elena’s bed of which he’d apparently had fallen off. He scribbled up and looked at Elena. She looked so peaceful, her arms wrapped around her teddy bear. It was almost a shame to wake her up. But he did anyway. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Psst, Elena? Wake up, sweetheart. The sun’s already up” Elena stayed asleep. Stefan carefully tapped her arm. “Elena?” Elena made a violent move with her arm and nearly slapped Stefan, if he hadn’t stepped backwards. She groaned and turned on her other side. Stefan grabbed the...
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Amber looked outside her window. The house was surrounded by police cars and a police officer held a loudhailer in his hand. She automatically covered her hands when he shouted: “Amber Lindy! You’re surrounded, there’s no way you can escape! Walk outside with your hands behind your head!”
Yeah, sure, I’ll surrender for something I didn’t do, Amber thought while she put her finger in her ears. They ringed. She would’ve heard him perfectly fine without the speaker, but of course they couldn’t know that.
Amber took out her phone and dialed a number. It took a while before she reached...
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He didn’t have to say anything. She could read it on his face. He walked passed her to the stairs. “I’m sorry, Damon” Katherine said soft. If he wouldn’t hurt so much he might have been surprised how sincere she sounded. “I tried to stop him” she continued. Damon nodded, but refused to look at her. “She’s not in her right mind, Damon, it’s because of what Bonnie did” Katherine said desperate. Damon walked upstairs, pretending not to hear what Katherine was saying. He walked into his room and let him fall on his bed. He felt something underneath his back. He touched with...
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Katherine and Stefan were sitting in the living room while they were waiting for Amber to get downstairs. Stefan stared at her and tried to read her, which he couldn’t. Katherine was in dilemma. Stefan was here, sitting with her. Wasn’t that exactly what she had hoped for? The only obstacle were Amber and Elena, though Katherine believed Elena would be much easier to get rid of. Two words: Damon Salvatore. Speaking of which, the witch said she let him go. If that was true, where was he? And why hadn’t he told Katherine, when he knew how worried she’d been.
“I’m going to call him”...
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“You should go see a doctor”
Elena and Damon were sitting at the kitchen table with the first aid kit in the center. Elena had tried to bandage Damon’s finger, but the bandage didn’t want to cooperate.
“I can’t go to a doctor, I’m a vampire” Damon said. “And it’s broken, a first aid kit is not going to help”
“But doesn’t it hurt?” Elena asked compassionate.
“It’s okay” Damon said. Bonnie had made the pain lighter, just like she did with the whole jinx, but of course she couldn’t take it away completely. For that she had to die and since he couldn’t kill...
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Bonnie was in the guest room of her house. A suitcase was lying open on her bed and she threw clothes in it. Damon’s clothes. She had unpacked them, because she believed she could keep him longer in prison. But that vampire bitch Katherine had ruined her malicious plan. Damon was as good as free, he would drink human blood again, so he’d be stronger again. It would be just a matter of time before he came back for her to kill her.
When she was done she put her hand above the suitcase and let it float out of the room, downstairs. She opened the front door and unlocked her car. She opened...
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Katherine stared at him, not able to move. She didn’t know what to say, so she focused on the girl behind Stefan. Stefan followed her eyes and pushed Amber in front.
“This is Amber” he introduced the girl. “Amber, this is Katherine” he pointed at Katherine.
“Katherine” Amber said. “So, she’s not Elena”
Due to that retarded conclusion Katherine came back to senses. “Yeah, he just said that, dumbass” Her eyes fell on Amber’s wrists. “Hey, that’s my bracelet! What are you doing with my bracelet? Give it back, bitch!”
Ambers eyes turned red and she growled, showing...
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It was ruined. It was completely and totally ruined. Katherine had realized that she blew all chances on a reunion with the Salvatore brother she really loved. What was she thinking, pretending to be Elena? Bonnie was annoying, but not stupid. Katherine was lucky to be still alive. And so was Bonnie. She had Damon to thank for that. Katherine hoped, with every fibre in her body, that he would take her down.
She had tried to pass Damon’s message to Elena, but it seemed to be a lost case.
“Elena, Damon needs to tell you something” she said looking Elena sharp in the eye. “He wanted to...
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Stefan and Amber were standing in a corner, whispering, when they were interrupted by a woman. “What are you two chatting about?” she asked suspicious. Stefan rotated his head to the woman. “I can’t remember Klaus put you in charge, so until he does I’m not going to explain myself to you” he said calm, but sharp. The women straightened her back. “Klaus told me to get you. He’s gathering all vampires, well, not the hostages of course. They’re not reliable enough yet. They would try to escape. So, are you coming?” Stefan and Amber traded glances. “Sure” They followed the...
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Damon raised his fist to knock the door, but before he could, it was already opened. Bonnie greeted him with a big smile. “Damon” she said breathless. “Come in” and she step aside to let him pass. He walked straight ahead and entered the living room. His glance fell on the numerous amount of tea lights and he whistled. “Are you trying to save energy?” he asked. Bonnie went standing in front of him and stroke his chest with her finger. “I thought I should create some… sphere” She brought her lips to his, but before they came in contact with each other Bonnie pulled away. “Not...
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Bonnie was still wide awake when she heard someone banging on the door. “Jeremy” she growled as if he was the last person she wanted to see right now. The scene earlier that day made her realize he would come inside anyway and she may as well save him the trouble of breaking in. “What are you doing here?” she asked short. She didn’t see her boyfriend was scared to death or that he was soaked and if she did, she definitely didn’t care. “I know you said you were going to fix this, but can you please hurry up a bit” Jeremy said agitated. He showed the holes in his arms. “They...
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A few hours later.
Jeremy lied in his bed, his eyes squeezed. He would force himself to sleep. He had been running for hours, helped Alaric with some chores, cleaned up his room, and now he was really tired. Sleeping shouldn’t be a problem. He would give in to the night.
The windows swung open, the glass shattered and rained down on the floor. Jeremy raised up and crawled backwards against the head of his bed. He saw a pencil floating in the air, but knew either Vicky or Anna was holding it. “What, you’re going to write ‘Don’t sleep’ on my wall? I have to sleep, I can’t fight...
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