I found these online, and thought they were kinda funny, :)
Credit: wiki answers, wattpad.com, b l o g s p o t.com
How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?
I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen
What happened when Emmett Cullen stubbed his toe?
He made the whole city collapse!
Rosalie Hale was told to find something just as or more beautiful then herself. She came back with a mirror!
How do you stop Jacob Black from attacking you?
You pick up a stick, throw it and yell "fetch"!
How do you irritate Edward Cullen?
Buy him a dog and call it Jacob!
Why can't Edward read Bella's mind?
There's nothing to read.
Jasper will never be a therapist because he already knows "how you feel about that".
I keep wanting to steal Jasper
but everytime I go to his bedroom window
Alice is waiting with a baseball bat...
how does she kno... oh yeah!!!
Dear Diary,
I would like to La Push Jacob of a cliff.
Love Edward
I went to La Push Washington, and all I got was this stupid imprint.
Jasper Hales first job was as a paperboy, there were no survivors.
Tips for guys trying to find a girlfriend:
1. Read the Twilight Saga.
2. Watch Twilight movies.
3. In every real-life situation, think, "What would Edward do?
Boy: You know Edward Cullen isn't real, right?
Girl: Well fake boobs aren't real, but you still like to look at those!
Dear Edward,
Thanks a lot...
sincerely,
Guys everywhere
Credit: wiki answers, wattpad.com, b l o g s p o t.com
How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?
I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen
What happened when Emmett Cullen stubbed his toe?
He made the whole city collapse!
Rosalie Hale was told to find something just as or more beautiful then herself. She came back with a mirror!
How do you stop Jacob Black from attacking you?
You pick up a stick, throw it and yell "fetch"!
How do you irritate Edward Cullen?
Buy him a dog and call it Jacob!
Why can't Edward read Bella's mind?
There's nothing to read.
Jasper will never be a therapist because he already knows "how you feel about that".
I keep wanting to steal Jasper
but everytime I go to his bedroom window
Alice is waiting with a baseball bat...
how does she kno... oh yeah!!!
Dear Diary,
I would like to La Push Jacob of a cliff.
Love Edward
I went to La Push Washington, and all I got was this stupid imprint.
Jasper Hales first job was as a paperboy, there were no survivors.
Tips for guys trying to find a girlfriend:
1. Read the Twilight Saga.
2. Watch Twilight movies.
3. In every real-life situation, think, "What would Edward do?
Boy: You know Edward Cullen isn't real, right?
Girl: Well fake boobs aren't real, but you still like to look at those!
Dear Edward,
Thanks a lot...
sincerely,
Guys everywhere
-Edward-
As I placed Renesmee's hand in Jacob's, whispered to me, "Thank you."
That took me by surprise. As I took my seat next Bella, she whispered, too low for the surrounding humans to hear, that she was proud of me.
When it was over, I was convinced myself and Bella had had a less melodramatic ceremony than this. Then again, perhaps it had been even more so.
Alice had gone over-the-top with decorations, not that Renesmee minded. She was unlike Bella in that way. When it was my turn to dance with her, she whispered, "You'll still be my dad."
Again with the dramatics.
When it was Bella's turn, she let me see her thoughts. A special gift. I enjoyed hearing her thoughts.
"This bothers you more than you're letting on, Edward. Relax, let it go. She'll be fine," Bella said.
"You know me so well," I grinned at her before Emmett claimed her and I was forced to dance with Rosalie.
As I placed Renesmee's hand in Jacob's, whispered to me, "Thank you."
That took me by surprise. As I took my seat next Bella, she whispered, too low for the surrounding humans to hear, that she was proud of me.
When it was over, I was convinced myself and Bella had had a less melodramatic ceremony than this. Then again, perhaps it had been even more so.
Alice had gone over-the-top with decorations, not that Renesmee minded. She was unlike Bella in that way. When it was my turn to dance with her, she whispered, "You'll still be my dad."
Again with the dramatics.
When it was Bella's turn, she let me see her thoughts. A special gift. I enjoyed hearing her thoughts.
"This bothers you more than you're letting on, Edward. Relax, let it go. She'll be fine," Bella said.
"You know me so well," I grinned at her before Emmett claimed her and I was forced to dance with Rosalie.