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1.Do not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.
2.Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3.Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4.Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5.Do not go out in public.
6.Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.
7.Note expressions.
8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9.Floor is slippery when wet.
10.Lake is slippery when dry.
11.Only talk to strangers you know.
12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.
13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.
14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15.Kill them for security purposes.
16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18.The men in white coats are not your friends.
19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.
20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24.Always remember, um... um... Damn.
25.Train army of flying monkeys.
26.Goldfish don't like milk.
27.Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28.Find out who invented the word "pianist".
29.People are staring at you.
30.So act insane.
31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.
32.Do not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.
33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.
35.You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.
36.Never pet a burning dog.
37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.
38.Naked men dig parkas.
39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40.You know what would look good on you?
41.Immolated cockroaches.
42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43.The size of Danny DeVito.
44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.
45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.
47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"
48.No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
49.That way is rum.
50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t.
52.You cannot kill the snow.
53.The snow can kill you.
54.Grass can also kill you.
55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...
56.Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.
58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.
59.In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
60.You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.
62.Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.
63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.
65.Remember to kill HIM...
66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.
70.Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions.
71.Eat the evidence.
72.But not if it's broken glass.
73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.
74.Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.
75.Disregard last note.
76.Note reactions.
77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.
78.Stock up on ball point pens.
79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
81.Do not stick fingers into blender.
82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.
83.Blood loss is bad.
84.Find way to re-attatch fingers.
85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86.Answer every question with a question.
87.Ask people what gender they are.
88.Note reactions.
89.Refer to people as "mortal".
90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94.Kill them.
95.Brutally.
96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97.Dunk head in boiling water.
98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.
99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!
100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...
1)"Why, do you find me irresistible?"

2)"No, I just dress better than you"

3)"You're a double gay. No returnsies!"

4)"I love the second grade insults, *insert name here*. Honestly, isn't it strange how "gay" has come to replace "stupid"? And so what if I was gay? Insulting my sexual orientation is pointless.

NOW...if a girl says you're gay, and you actually are, I find the best burn is: "At least I can get a boyfriend."

5)Look them in the face with a deadpan expression. Simply say, "Yes. I'm gay," and walk away. Take their thunder away. It's such a juvenile thing to say in the first place.
Or...
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1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them! (oh yeah..you're not "popular" if you've slept with more than 5 guys..you're a HOE)

2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3... Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's...
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posted by OmegaLeader
(Found it on the internet thought it was pretty interesting.)

You call your victim and you want to confuse them. No laughing or anything, just a normal voice like someone would call you. Me and my friends do this a lot.


Script:
You call the person...

Person: Hello?
You: Hello?
Person: Uh, hi. Who is this and what do you want?
You: What? Oh no no no no no! It is YOU who is calling me. Ok, so what did YOU need?
Person: No no I didn't call you. You called me. Wait, who is this??
You: NO! I didn't call you! You are the one who called me! Now i ask one more time who are you and why did you call my at this...
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posted by sakurahanazono
Alpha kenny body

1.)Write down on a piece of paper "Alpha kenny body" and get someone to read it. (it sounds like they're saying I'll fuck anybody xD)

I won a math debate

2.)Write down "I won a math debate" and once again get someone to read it. (It should sound like they're saying I want to masterbate xD)

Eye map ness

3.) Say: Eye
Spell: Map
Say: ness

Write this down on paper and you have to do as instructed on the left. (It sounds like they're saying I'm a penis xD)


Eye Emma rate hard

4.) write down "Eye emma rate hard" down on a piece of paper (it sounds like they're saying I'm a retard)

Eye M egg ay

5.) Say: Eye
Say: M
Say: egg
Say: ay

(It should sound like they're saying I am a gay xD)
1. Walk up to them and ask them for their autographs.
2. Walk up to them, introduce yourself extremely upbeat and friendly-like and end the conversation by saying "It was nice to meet you. It's so cool to talk to people outside of the asylum." Then walk away.
3. While walking down the street, in a mall or any other such place, laugh out loud for no apparent reason. Be as creative with the way you laugh as you wish.
4. Run up to them, excitedly calling them Father, Mother, Aunt or Uncle. If you dare, hug them.
5. While passing a random stranger, stop and exclaim to them, "You have no idea!" in a...
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added by Lovehinagurl44
added by loonybug
Source: tumblr
added by edwardcarlisle
Source: dumage
added by edwardcarlisle
Source: listal
added by ilovekud
Source: ilovekud
added by Shelly_McShelly
posted by karpach_14
Bored? Need something to spice up your day? Why not annoy the living shit out of someone you love? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Go to the library. Every 15 minutes, go up to the same guy and joke, "Working hard or hardly working?"

2. At the dentist, start screaming as soon as you open your mouth.

3. Stand in front of the TV while your dad is watching a big game.

4. Every 30 minutes or so, call your friend who is babysitting and breathe into the phone.

5. Scrape your ring or your nails on the blackboard next time you're asked to do a problem at the board.

6. Next concert you go to, yell out "Mmmbop!"...
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added by DeiJambastion
Source: Dei
Famous Newgrounds content creator, also known as Arin Hanson from the let’s play channel Game Grumps, was once a prolific animator and considered one of the biggest. If you don’t know Arin as an animator, you’d be forgiven for that. Arin Hanson’s old career has been buried and forgotten, but hey, times change right…. Right…. Right?! Hello, boys and girls. Welcome to another episode of Content Cop. Idubbbz here with the new rant article. I ranted before about David Cage and his creeping abilities, but now it’s time to talk about something else. It’s time to hit closer to home....
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added by SilentForce
added by SilentForce
added by BlueDopamine
Source: Manga
added by TheLefteris24
A swift lunge at your soul but it's all in the mind
If you want to stuff me in a suit I'm sure you'll find
That the things that'll creep ya are sure to beat ya
Got to stay alive or they're going to meet ya

10 Rooms 5 vents and no doors at all
Not even a flashlight and no time to stall
Delay for a moment and through the vents they'll crawl
Almost dead, every sound I dread, and I see him in the hall.

YOYOYOYO WHAT'S UP BRO!?
YOU'RE THE NEW GUY, HIGH FIVE, TOO SLOW!
JUST LIVE FIVE NIGHTS, EACH ONE'S DIFFICULTY'S GREATER
YOU GOT THE BASICS DUDE, ALRIGHT SEE YOU LATER!

So night one, here we go,...
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added by KataraLover