"I don't feel like going anywhere at the moment Juaney."
The day after everything had happened with Joel was when the fact that he really was gone set in.I began my grieving I guess you could say.I was now really hungry for anything I could find and very moody.I could tell my mood swings were definitely getting on Juan's nerves;but Juan wouldn't leave.Juan thought I was going to do something crazy as soon as he left my side so no matter what I did or what I said,Juan wasn't leaving.
I enjoyed having his company but at the same time,I just wanted to cry and be heart broken just for today,but with Juaney here,there was no chance of that.Juan would just ask what was wrong or how could he help.But the truth was that I didn't want any help,I just wanted to be depressed about the fact that my one true love lied to me about being with my best friend for eight months!
Another reason why I couldn't cry was because I knew Juaney hated seeing me cry or "Seeing me hurt in general" were his words.I mean I couldn't blame him for being so over protective,Juan was like my big brother and I loved him as if he were exactly that.
"Come on Jas,a movie wouldn't hurt."
Juan's plans sounded nice to my brain but not to my heart.I knew for a fact that there wasn't not one movie that wasn't about some time of romance.But I hated hurting Juan just as much as he hated seeing me hurt.So I agreed that I would see a movie,but see a movie in the comfort of my own home.Juan agreed to our arrangement but under condition.According to Juan,"You have to get out of this damn tissue bed you have going on here and watch the movie in the living room."
As much as I didn't want to get out of bed I knew it would make Juan happy;and after all he done for me just over the past 24 hours,letting him have his way was the least I could do.
I told Juan to pick the movie but being the stubborn boy that he is,he insisted that I pick the movie.I didn't know what to pick though.Juan's family had the biggest collection of didn't genres of movies I had ever seen in my whole life.
I finally came down to two movies that I really wanted to see.I asked Juan witch one he thought I should see but Juan came up with an answer that didn't help once so ever,"Whatever is good with you."
I just rolled my eyes at him and I guess he saw my remark so he replaced his words with a glimmering smile and a giggle that made me wonder.Why would he be smiling at him for after I just rolled my eyes at him?"My best friend is a complete weirdo of emotions."I mumbled to myself.
"Well why don't you just see both if you can't decide miss attitude."
"That's Mrs.Attitude to you buddy boy.Besides I don't want to keep you in all day anyway.I already did that yesterday.Sorry about that again."A sorry smile came to my face and I saw Juan stare at me the way he was before with the exact smile too.I figured Juan was overly happy about something that I was apparently missing.
"I didn't mind staying in on a Friday night Jas.And I told you to stop apologizing for that.Besides knowing you you'll probably fall asleep during the first movie anyway considering how late you stayed up Missy."
Juaney was referring to the fact that a quick basketball game turned into five hours worth of competition that didn't end until about three in the morning.I t was the most fun I have had in forever though.It was hilarious because Juan and I kept fighting for the restroom in the gym because of much water we were drinking and how we would purposely take forever in the restroom just so the other person wouldn't be able to go.
The games we would were sort of retarded but we didn't care because that's what made it fun.Juan and I's favorite thing to do is to act like a total seven-year-old "loser".Like playing hide in seek in a two story gym in the dark or playing thumb wars until your hands turned purple;or punching each other in the stomach until one of us says "ow".(That was our version of the game "mercy".)And don't even get me started on our version of the game "tennis".Trust me,if you aren't Juan or Me you won't survive that game.
"Why would we act this way you ask?"
We would act this way because Juan and I hate being lazy.We don't find it intersecting to sit there on a uncomfortable couch and stare at a box with moving pictures on it;(unless something really intersecting is on,and that rarely happens with me and Juan.)
When Juan started the movie I felt this kind of frustration come over m.This frustration was from the fact that Juan was right...AGAIN!I could feel myself drifting in and out as the first thirty of the movie passed.Sooner than I knew it I was out.
I could feel my heart racing as I dreamed.Then I saw myself finally,in what looked to be a castle of some sort.
"Oh God,please don't tell me I'm dreaming of being a stupid girlie princess right now."
I said to my self.And as I started to the sounds around me,I heard my voice echo.But in the back ground of my echo I heard laughter and not just any laughter but the laughter of heard to be Isabella's laughs.Of course I followed the sound and it lead me to a huge dinning room where the Sanchez's sat.All of them were totally dressed up too formally for just any old dinner even if this was to be their castle.But what surprised me the most was that Juan was more dressed up than all of them.I had to admit that he looked amazing in what looked to be a 1500's tux.With all the ruffles in the front and everything and I was holding back myself back from completely bursting out laughing in the middle of their dinner.
I caught Felipe's eyes with mine and saw a huge smile rise from his face.The rest of the family turned around too and gave the the same smile to me.Not only were they looking at my face but at mt dress."Wait what?A dress?"
I looked down quickly and started at the white silk,gorgeous dress.I had barely noticed the damn thing.But what bothered me was the fact that the wedding was so ravishing that it seemed to look like a wedding dress and I noticed that Juan was the only guy out of his family that was wearing a tux.
Goosebumps started taking control of my body as Juan motioned me to move towards the family.I walked fast to him.But the words that he spoke next left me speechless.
"Aww my family,now we can dine with my new bride.My one and only love."
I turned to him in disbelief.I wasn't marrying Juan was I?My mind was racing faster than my heart was and it got worst as the family reacted to Juan's statement.
"Hu-zahhhhhh!!"For thou sir and maiden shall live long."
Im guessing that meant in our time-zone"Yayy!Hope you guys stay together forever."
This whole dream was making my mind feel like it was going crazy.
With that instant I ran.I had no idea what had come over me but all I knew was that if I didn't get out of there then I was going to literally scream right thin and there.So I took,in my opinion, the better road and just completely ran away from it.I wasn't ready to get married once so ever,especially not to my best friend.As I ran I didn't dare to look back at all.The fear of Juan's face would have forced to me to stop if I would have seen his face.Juan's angel face would have made me feel more guilt than I already had running through my veins,I don't think I need anymore.
As I ran I could feel hot tears flooding my eyes then finally pouring down my face.With the running and the crying,I was starting to run out of stamina to go on.I figured that maybe I was far enough from the castle for Juan to stop running after me.but I doubted it,Juan had twice the stamina I did and he was way faster than I was.but I hoped that maybe Juan's heart would have been broken so maybe that would take most of his energy but I scarred that very reason might keep me going instead of falling apart.
I walked my now weak body to a rock near a river, still having my head in my hands,while the tears just didn't stop.
Once I had the courage to look up I saw the beautiful part of my dream.the skies weren't our boring old blue.this sky was every color you could imagine mixed into one.The flowers were like little suns,oh how they shined brighter than anything else.As I looked down at the ground,it looked so magical,not dirty but full of wonder and I could vibrations coming from this fascinating ground so I turned around to see if anyone was looking then laid down on the ground to hear the vibrations.It wasn't the ground it was something or someone coming fast.I knew it had to be Juan.I knew it had to be Juan by the way the sun in the colorful orange sky shined right on me,I could tell it was Juan because the wind picked up and the flowers began to fade.I knew this wasn't going to end good.I randomly heard a huge clock go off.But I figured that it wasn't random at all,the clock sung because it was my time to face this.I had to take whatever Juan was going yo do to me or yell to me or whatever he had planned.
And with that instant,Juan was behind me.His eyes red and puffy,easily noticing that he had been crying.
I had to be up for this.I had to take all the yells and screams coming my way because I deserved them.I knew I was ready now.And when Juan tried to speak ,he couldn't,he was at a lost for words.
Suddenly Juan had me in his tight embrace,feeling his hot tears on my shoulders.My eyes were open as we hugged me but when I finally closed them and let the tears roll down my face,I awoke.
I really was crying from my dream.but yet I still felt Juan's tight embrace,and as I scrummed around,I saw Juaney's arm across my stomach.He was a asleep.I guess that he fell asleep as well.But that explained why I dreamed of Juaney hugging me.Because in reality,he really was hugging me.But that didn't explain the marriage part of it.I was going to try to get out of his hold but I figured I was comfortable here.
So I would just stay here and wait for my Juaney to wake up.
The day after everything had happened with Joel was when the fact that he really was gone set in.I began my grieving I guess you could say.I was now really hungry for anything I could find and very moody.I could tell my mood swings were definitely getting on Juan's nerves;but Juan wouldn't leave.Juan thought I was going to do something crazy as soon as he left my side so no matter what I did or what I said,Juan wasn't leaving.
I enjoyed having his company but at the same time,I just wanted to cry and be heart broken just for today,but with Juaney here,there was no chance of that.Juan would just ask what was wrong or how could he help.But the truth was that I didn't want any help,I just wanted to be depressed about the fact that my one true love lied to me about being with my best friend for eight months!
Another reason why I couldn't cry was because I knew Juaney hated seeing me cry or "Seeing me hurt in general" were his words.I mean I couldn't blame him for being so over protective,Juan was like my big brother and I loved him as if he were exactly that.
"Come on Jas,a movie wouldn't hurt."
Juan's plans sounded nice to my brain but not to my heart.I knew for a fact that there wasn't not one movie that wasn't about some time of romance.But I hated hurting Juan just as much as he hated seeing me hurt.So I agreed that I would see a movie,but see a movie in the comfort of my own home.Juan agreed to our arrangement but under condition.According to Juan,"You have to get out of this damn tissue bed you have going on here and watch the movie in the living room."
As much as I didn't want to get out of bed I knew it would make Juan happy;and after all he done for me just over the past 24 hours,letting him have his way was the least I could do.
I told Juan to pick the movie but being the stubborn boy that he is,he insisted that I pick the movie.I didn't know what to pick though.Juan's family had the biggest collection of didn't genres of movies I had ever seen in my whole life.
I finally came down to two movies that I really wanted to see.I asked Juan witch one he thought I should see but Juan came up with an answer that didn't help once so ever,"Whatever is good with you."
I just rolled my eyes at him and I guess he saw my remark so he replaced his words with a glimmering smile and a giggle that made me wonder.Why would he be smiling at him for after I just rolled my eyes at him?"My best friend is a complete weirdo of emotions."I mumbled to myself.
"Well why don't you just see both if you can't decide miss attitude."
"That's Mrs.Attitude to you buddy boy.Besides I don't want to keep you in all day anyway.I already did that yesterday.Sorry about that again."A sorry smile came to my face and I saw Juan stare at me the way he was before with the exact smile too.I figured Juan was overly happy about something that I was apparently missing.
"I didn't mind staying in on a Friday night Jas.And I told you to stop apologizing for that.Besides knowing you you'll probably fall asleep during the first movie anyway considering how late you stayed up Missy."
Juaney was referring to the fact that a quick basketball game turned into five hours worth of competition that didn't end until about three in the morning.I t was the most fun I have had in forever though.It was hilarious because Juan and I kept fighting for the restroom in the gym because of much water we were drinking and how we would purposely take forever in the restroom just so the other person wouldn't be able to go.
The games we would were sort of retarded but we didn't care because that's what made it fun.Juan and I's favorite thing to do is to act like a total seven-year-old "loser".Like playing hide in seek in a two story gym in the dark or playing thumb wars until your hands turned purple;or punching each other in the stomach until one of us says "ow".(That was our version of the game "mercy".)And don't even get me started on our version of the game "tennis".Trust me,if you aren't Juan or Me you won't survive that game.
"Why would we act this way you ask?"
We would act this way because Juan and I hate being lazy.We don't find it intersecting to sit there on a uncomfortable couch and stare at a box with moving pictures on it;(unless something really intersecting is on,and that rarely happens with me and Juan.)
When Juan started the movie I felt this kind of frustration come over m.This frustration was from the fact that Juan was right...AGAIN!I could feel myself drifting in and out as the first thirty of the movie passed.Sooner than I knew it I was out.
I could feel my heart racing as I dreamed.Then I saw myself finally,in what looked to be a castle of some sort.
"Oh God,please don't tell me I'm dreaming of being a stupid girlie princess right now."
I said to my self.And as I started to the sounds around me,I heard my voice echo.But in the back ground of my echo I heard laughter and not just any laughter but the laughter of heard to be Isabella's laughs.Of course I followed the sound and it lead me to a huge dinning room where the Sanchez's sat.All of them were totally dressed up too formally for just any old dinner even if this was to be their castle.But what surprised me the most was that Juan was more dressed up than all of them.I had to admit that he looked amazing in what looked to be a 1500's tux.With all the ruffles in the front and everything and I was holding back myself back from completely bursting out laughing in the middle of their dinner.
I caught Felipe's eyes with mine and saw a huge smile rise from his face.The rest of the family turned around too and gave the the same smile to me.Not only were they looking at my face but at mt dress."Wait what?A dress?"
I looked down quickly and started at the white silk,gorgeous dress.I had barely noticed the damn thing.But what bothered me was the fact that the wedding was so ravishing that it seemed to look like a wedding dress and I noticed that Juan was the only guy out of his family that was wearing a tux.
Goosebumps started taking control of my body as Juan motioned me to move towards the family.I walked fast to him.But the words that he spoke next left me speechless.
"Aww my family,now we can dine with my new bride.My one and only love."
I turned to him in disbelief.I wasn't marrying Juan was I?My mind was racing faster than my heart was and it got worst as the family reacted to Juan's statement.
"Hu-zahhhhhh!!"For thou sir and maiden shall live long."
Im guessing that meant in our time-zone"Yayy!Hope you guys stay together forever."
This whole dream was making my mind feel like it was going crazy.
With that instant I ran.I had no idea what had come over me but all I knew was that if I didn't get out of there then I was going to literally scream right thin and there.So I took,in my opinion, the better road and just completely ran away from it.I wasn't ready to get married once so ever,especially not to my best friend.As I ran I didn't dare to look back at all.The fear of Juan's face would have forced to me to stop if I would have seen his face.Juan's angel face would have made me feel more guilt than I already had running through my veins,I don't think I need anymore.
As I ran I could feel hot tears flooding my eyes then finally pouring down my face.With the running and the crying,I was starting to run out of stamina to go on.I figured that maybe I was far enough from the castle for Juan to stop running after me.but I doubted it,Juan had twice the stamina I did and he was way faster than I was.but I hoped that maybe Juan's heart would have been broken so maybe that would take most of his energy but I scarred that very reason might keep me going instead of falling apart.
I walked my now weak body to a rock near a river, still having my head in my hands,while the tears just didn't stop.
Once I had the courage to look up I saw the beautiful part of my dream.the skies weren't our boring old blue.this sky was every color you could imagine mixed into one.The flowers were like little suns,oh how they shined brighter than anything else.As I looked down at the ground,it looked so magical,not dirty but full of wonder and I could vibrations coming from this fascinating ground so I turned around to see if anyone was looking then laid down on the ground to hear the vibrations.It wasn't the ground it was something or someone coming fast.I knew it had to be Juan.I knew it had to be Juan by the way the sun in the colorful orange sky shined right on me,I could tell it was Juan because the wind picked up and the flowers began to fade.I knew this wasn't going to end good.I randomly heard a huge clock go off.But I figured that it wasn't random at all,the clock sung because it was my time to face this.I had to take whatever Juan was going yo do to me or yell to me or whatever he had planned.
And with that instant,Juan was behind me.His eyes red and puffy,easily noticing that he had been crying.
I had to be up for this.I had to take all the yells and screams coming my way because I deserved them.I knew I was ready now.And when Juan tried to speak ,he couldn't,he was at a lost for words.
Suddenly Juan had me in his tight embrace,feeling his hot tears on my shoulders.My eyes were open as we hugged me but when I finally closed them and let the tears roll down my face,I awoke.
I really was crying from my dream.but yet I still felt Juan's tight embrace,and as I scrummed around,I saw Juaney's arm across my stomach.He was a asleep.I guess that he fell asleep as well.But that explained why I dreamed of Juaney hugging me.Because in reality,he really was hugging me.But that didn't explain the marriage part of it.I was going to try to get out of his hold but I figured I was comfortable here.
So I would just stay here and wait for my Juaney to wake up.
have you noticed when you fall in love it feels like your flying? I have. It the most wonderful feeling in the world. But when do you feel it? Do you feel it when you fall in love, or when you just are overfilled with joy?
Have you ever felt it? Or have you felt anything close to it? What does it mean? Does it mean that you have to fly away from it before your love hurts you? Or does it mean that your body enjoys the joy filling your body?
Tell me what you think...
Have you ever felt it? Or have you felt anything close to it? What does it mean? Does it mean that you have to fly away from it before your love hurts you? Or does it mean that your body enjoys the joy filling your body?
Tell me what you think...
Give away to the morning
Light is here
Look away from the mourning
Is she gone, is she still...?
And let the day go ahead
Without you
Find a place, a dark space
To hide you
What’s a day, a sunny day
To you?
Fade away, let the your rainclouds
Guide you
There goes the downpour
Long gone your hello...
Find it in you
To make that last stand
It’s a silent drive
It’s her very last one.
Here come the clear skies
There goes your fare well...
Light is here
Look away from the mourning
Is she gone, is she still...?
And let the day go ahead
Without you
Find a place, a dark space
To hide you
What’s a day, a sunny day
To you?
Fade away, let the your rainclouds
Guide you
There goes the downpour
Long gone your hello...
Find it in you
To make that last stand
It’s a silent drive
It’s her very last one.
Here come the clear skies
There goes your fare well...