"I'm fine, just help me up," replied Princess Pea. "That damn carpet did that on purpose. It's probably halfway back to Agrabah by now."
"Where?"
"Oh just a land, a faraway place where the caravan cammels roam. Wow, this room sucks. You don't even have a chocolate fountain...I'm Princess Pea, by the way."
"My name's Cinderella."
"Well, nice meeting you whatever-you-just-said-your-name-was-but-it's-too-freaking-weird-for-me-to-remember. I gotta go."
"I'm afraid that's impossible," answered Cinderella sadly. "You see, my stepmother locked me in here. The Grand Duke is going door to door to find the girl the prince wishes to marry...and I'm that girl! My stepmother somehow found out and is keeping me from ending my long life of suffering that I've been living since my father's death!"
"That's rough...do you by any chance have some lip gloss?" answered Pea. "I could use a little pink glimmer."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Listen Cindy, can I call you Cindy?" began Pea. "If you want to reach this Grand Duke guy on time, you've gotta get out of here."
"But what can I do? It's hopeless."
"Oh, yeah why didn't I think of that? Because it's STUPID! You can't just sit on your ass waiting for things to fall into place! Next you're going to expect a fairy to come along and magically solve your problems-"
"Well, actually," Cinderella smiled slightly.
"You've gotta stop being a whiny victim! Do something with ya life, FOOL! Okay, I didn't mean to go all ghetto-fabulous on you with that last part. Here, I'll show you. Does this door look particularly strong to you?"
"I suppose not..."
"Then why not do this?" Princess Pea kicked the door with all her might and it fell out of the doorway. "Now let's go get you your man!"
"Oh, how can I ever thank you? Oh, you darling-"
"Cindy?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up and go."
On the way down the attic steps, Princess Pea noticed two mice working their way up while carrying a key but decided to ignore them.
"Your grace, your grace!" called Cinderella from the top of the main staircase. "Please, wait! May I try it on?"
"Oh, pay no attention to her!" said some grey-haired lady with a stick up her ass.
"It's only Cinderella!" added a fugly redhead in a magenta dress.
"Would you bitches shut up?" Pea rolled her eyes. "Let the girl try on the damn shoe."
"Yes, my orders were to try it on every maiden!" answered the Grand Duke. "Come, my child..."
Just as the royal assistant came scurrying towards Cinderella with the glass slipper on a pillowcase, the bitchy old hag put out her walking stick and tripped him, thus the shoe came smashing to the ground in pieces.
"You bitch!" yelled Pea. "She did that on purpose!"
"Are you gonna let her speak to you that way, Mother?" asked an even fuglier black-haired girl in a lime-green drss.
"How dare you!" replied Lady Tremaine. "I did no such thing! Who are you and what are you doing in my house?"
"She's a friend of mine," Cinderella replied calmly.
"Cindy, why are you so calm? You just lost your one shot at freedom."
"But that's just it, I didn't...you see," Cinderella reached into her apron pocket. "I have the other slipper!"
The Grand Duke was filled with joy and placed the shoe on Cinderella's foot...a perfect fit.
"Oh, how can I ever thank you, Pea?" Cinderella hugged the princess. "Why, if it weren't for you, I'd still be in the attic crying...oh, would you be my bridesmaid?"
"Well...I guess I...why not?" answered Pea. And though she was not usually one to tell people her true feelings, Pea was grateful to have finally made a true friend.
(End Of Part 7)
