Those damn Princesses get all the attention!
“Which part of Princess Kida do they not understand?” she frowned, watching the children gather around the nine figures in the centre of the street.
“Well, technically, you’re a Queen,” Jane sighed. “But our films aren’t successful enough to ever be called Princess movies. Mulan isn’t a Princess but she’s bringing in the riches. That’s how it works.”
“But Tarzan did rather well!” Meg lifted an eyebrow. “Which is more than can be said for my ‘blockbuster’.”
“Consider yourselves lucky!” Eilonwy cried out. “I was attacked by a skeleton in a cloak, chased, kidnapped… One of my friends almost died! And what recognition do I get?”
“Who’s she?” Kida whispered.
“Not a clue,” Jane whispered back.
“All because I didn’t sing,” she carried on. “All because my film was a little dark. All because I was against an army of the freakin’ dead!”
“Hah!” Esmeralda laughed from the corner. “I was lusted after by a disgusting man, trapped in a cathedral and almost burned at the stake.”
“Well…” Eilonwy pouted. “Well at least people have your Barbie doll. At least you have fans. At least there’s always someone going ‘Esmeralda’s pretty!’ or ‘I love Esmeralda!’ or ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame is my favourite Disney movie!’”
“Look, I get your point,” Esmeralda sighed. “But there’s only one way we’re going to get what we deserve. We do what I did - if something’s not right, you put it right.”
“Whatever do you mean?” Jane frowned.
“The only way we’re going to get justice is if we go out there and make sure the Princesses aren’t making the money!”
“How will we do that, ruin their musical numbers?” Meg laughed.
“If you want,” Esme shrugged. “All we have to do is disguise ourselves, sneak in as extras and Disney is our’s for the taking!”
“Won’t someone miss us?” Alice asked. “I do get asked for my autograph on occasion you know… When that bastard Tim Burton isn’t beseeching my name!”
“Sister, that’s for another day,” Meg grabbed her hand. “Have you ever wondered what you’d look like in a big pink ball gown?”
“No, not really,” Alice shook her head.
“Well too bad, shorty,” she followed Esmeralda as she walked off, pulling Alice along. “Ever wanted to meet Ariel?”
“Oh yes!” Alice smiled. “But she’s over there. Where are we going?”
“Clopin has tons of costumes,” Esmeralda called back. “His fan base is persistent, but rather small. He has way too much spare time on his hands.”
“Clopin?” Jane ran after them, pulling Kida along too. “He is rather dashing, isn’t he?” Esmeralda looked back, raising an eyebrow. “Erm, or not.” Kida giggled at her.
It wasn’t long until they reached a less busy section of the park scattered with caravans and tents belonging to the dozens of gypsies that were receiving little attention. Esmeralda headed off to the large one in the centre and walked in, the other heroines tagging along. Clopin was sat in a chair near the middle of the room, drinking from a bottle and laughing with a group of gypsies surrounding him.
“Esme, ma fille!” he called, smiling as he saw her enter. His face fell when he saw the crowd. “Did you have to bring the whole park with you?”
“Clopin, this is important,” she frowned. “Stop drinking your life away.”
“It depends how important it is,” he shrugged, taking another swig from his bottle.
“How would you like some more fans?”
“Oh, non!” he cried, his face turning pale. “Those girls yesterday were ravenous.” The heroines giggled and Clopin blushed. “How are you going to get fans, anyway? We’ve been sitting here for over 10 years now.”
“I have a plan,” Esme smirked. “We’ll need your old costume trunk.”
“Fine,” Clopin sighed, handing his drink to a gypsy next to him and jumping to his feet. “Are they coming too?”
“Oui, monsieur,” Meg winked and the other heroines burst out laughing as Clopin blushed.
“Yes, well,” he started to walk off. “It’s over here.”
They all followed him through a back exit of the tent over to a caravan not far away. They all bundled inside although it was a tight squeeze and the heroines perched themselves on the few seats and other surfaces as Clopin lifted up a large trunk and carried it over to them.
“What exactly do you want?” he asked.
“We’re sneaking into the Princess films and sabotaging them in the hope of making our own films more successful,” Esmeralda smiled innocently. “We’ll need to describe ourselves as extras and sneak in thanks to the upped security after Giselle thought it would be funny to send that stampede of animals through all the indoor sets.”
“Whatever happened to Giselle?” Kida asked.
“Who knows?” Jane asked.
“Who cares?” Meg laughed. “She was just as irritating as those princesses.”
“Fine, Clopin sighed. “Where are you going first?”
“The Little Mermaid!” Alice smiled. “You promised I could meet Ariel.”
“I don’t do mermaids,” he glared. “Not since that run in during Peter Pan’s lagoon.”
“What run in?” Esme frowned.
“I was drunk!” he shrugged. Esmeralda rolled her eyes.
“Well, there is the bit after Ursula turns Ariel human,” Jane said. “She goes to live in his palace for three days.”
“How do you know that?” Eilonwy asked.
“I do rather love that film,” she blushed.
“We’ll just put you all in pretty pink ball gowns then,” Clopin grabbed a handful of dresses from the trunk and walked outside again. All the heroines jumped up and followed him to another tent around the corner. It had cornered-off sections with curtains and dressing tables.
“If you’d paid more attention during my film,” Esme scowled at all the heroines in shock. “Then you’d know that I dressed in such a tent for the Festival of Fools.”
“Yes, Clopin’s in that bit!” Jane beamed. Clopin turned around to look at her and she blushed.
“Erm, you should all go change into these then,” he handed out the dresses and pushed them into separate cubicles. When they were all out of sight, he sat down in front of one of the dressing tables, leaned back and rested his feet on the table. After a few minutes, they began to come out, all looking just like any other The Little Mermaid extra.
“Clopin, it’s perfect!” Esmeralda smiled. “I’ll be back later.”
“You’re not bringing them again, are you?” he gulped.
“Of course,” she laughed. “There are eight other Princess films!” The heroines followed Esmeralda outside and Meg gave Clopin a crafty wink, making him turn even redder than before.
“Off to Eric’s kingdom then!” Meg smiled. “He is very hot in those tight trousers.”
“We’re not there to-” Jane began.
“Oh, but yes!” Esmeralda laughed. “If Ursula can do it, why can’t we?”
“But we might completely ruin my favourite-” Jane started again.
“That’s the point,” Meg interrupted. “Unless you want to be sat with short stuff here drinking tea all day.”
“Fine,” Jane sighed. “Ariel’s section is over here.”
They all walked towards the sea-themed archway and wandered through the masses of fans running away smiling and laughing. No-one paid any attention to them.
“So this is what it’s like to be near them,” Eilonwy clasped her hands to her mouth. “This is what fans look like!”
They walked amongst the bustling crowd until they came to the backstage area. It was full of exhausted staff looking exceedingly grumpy and snappy.
“Excuse me,” Alice squeaked. “Where is The Little Mermaid set?”
“Down there,” a man in a crab suit frowned. “You’re late.” They all went quickly along to the entrance, a small door guarded by a man holding a list.
“Extras!” Esmeralda smiled, giving the guard her most seductive look.
“Go right in,” he stared at her as she walked past, almost in a trance.
“How do you do that?” Kida hissed.
“Gypsy charm,” she winked.
Before long, they found themselves on a beach near a large rock. It was night and they could see a ship in the distance surrounded by fireworks.
“We’re early,” Jane said. “That’s the bit where Ariel first sees Eric, and rescues him from a shipwreck caused by a great storm.”
“What great storm?” Meg asked. Just then, there was a clap of thunder and rain began to fall on the ocean. The beach remained completely dry.
“We have to go!” Jane cried, running towards the buildings. “This is the beach Ariel brings Eric to!” They all followed her towards the town, waiting for their big moment to arrive.
