Random Article: Stop saying "opposite sex/gender"!

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posted by tamore

Expanded on from a Tumblr post I saw.

Kids, there's no such thing as an opposite gender or sex. That belief is fucking toxic.

The phrases imply there are only two genders and only two sexes. That's very very very very wrong - take it from me, a nonbinary kid who doesn't identify as fully a girl or a boy.

'Cause look, there are boys and there are girls. Most people are like that. But you can also be neither a boy nor a girl. Or you can be a little of both. Or something else entirely. There aren't just two genders and being nonbinary is probably a little more common than you think.

And there aren't just two sexes, either. Biological sex isn't stagnant and people are not always born with strictly a penis or a vagina. Intersex people exist, and so do people with chromosome abnormalities!!!

Beyond that, even if you do just have a penis or just have a vagina, other sex characteristics can differ because of chromosomes or other genetic differences. There are women with more testosterone and men with more estrogen. There are women with testes and men with breasts. Biological sex can be as much a spectrum as gender.

"Opposite gender/sex" ignores that spectrum and instead enforces a binary: "You're a boy or a girl, a male or a female, and those two things are totally opposite." This ignores everything in the middle, completely erasing countless identities. Stop saying it!!!

White we're on the topic, there are other ways to avoid being accidentally cissexist:

-Don't assume gender based on appearance. I have boobs but I ain't a girl. Skirts aren't inherently female either, and baggy pants aren't inherently male. We're socialized to automatically assume gender the moment we meet someone, but sometimes what we assume isn't true. Always keep that in mind.

-If you're not sure how to address someone you can ask for their pronouns. ALWAYS use the pronouns someone tells you. Some people use different pronouns like "they" or "ze." These probably, but not always, mean the person does not identify as cisgender. Don't question their pronoun choices; just go with them.

-Don't assume sex and gender are the same. People with vaginas are not always girls and people with penises are not always men. This is the kind of thing that slips into casual conversation all the time, like "the best thing about boys is their dicks" etc. That kind of language is extremely dangerous because it promotes the idea that gender and sex are the same, which they are not!

This is all stuff I'm v passionate about. I'm not cisgender and neither are many of my friends, neither are countless people worldwide. Please be open minded about sex and gender. Please be mindful of your thoughts, attitudes and words. Pay attention to what you think and say, note and change and cissexism. It'll help make the world just a little more livable for all us queer kids.

In case you're unfamiliar with some of the language, here are some terms I used in this article with definitions in my own words:

Cisgender: identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth

Nonbinary: not identifying as strictly a boy or girl

Intersex: having anatomy that is not strictly male or female

Cissexist: enforcing that the idea that you can ONLY be a boy or a girl, male or female

jinxxxxxxy, jacobmartini and 7 others like this

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Riku114 O.O I just noticed there were so many comments. Im curious now XD Ill be reading when I get the chance

Zeppie Ayayaya that was a fun read over the last 10 minutes xP I understand Tamore's idea and I also totally get where Blind is coming from. There's no use attacking Blind like that as it makes you seem like a misrepresentation of your cause. He was rational with his response, and far from being a jerk. As for the article, the base idea is true but the method of communicating it is poor and hateful. My popcorn bowl is empty, perhaps it needs a refill.

tamore It's ironic how y'all will be okay with his namecalling but not my responses because you side with him. He calls me a moron and I did nothing like that? but whatever; tbh I literally could not care less what any of you think about me as long as you pay attention to what the article says. as long as y'all stop w your casual cissexism. so will y'all please stop focusing on shit that has nothing to do with that I'm trying to say and think about the article....?????????????????????

BlindBandit92 ^Noted I called you a moron after I was insulted and condescended for a time. And people with a brain can see that. I would fully take acknowledgement for calling you a moron.

tamore Okay, I'm again going to ignore that because I'm bored of these personal attacks. Now that you've had some time, do you wanna maybe return to the previous question? "If you want to be an ally, why won't you listen to the people you want to help?"

BlindBandit92 ^Ty I love that you're going to ignore me because virtually that's all you have been doing. Therefore giving me reason to think you're moronic. Also to personally spite you. I will be following my own conduct of how to deal with this issue and not following your article..

tamore ^ Okay, that's your choice and I'm v done w you, but don't you think it's a bit immature that your code of conduct is to use language that indirectly harms countless people just because you don't like one person? I actually do feel bad that you dislike me enough to hurt other people, because that was never my intention. I just wanted to help people like me and I wish you could understand that that's where I've been coming from. *shrugs* But you're a lost cause. I get that and I'm done.

BlindBandit92 ^Okay. Actually I won't hurt other people. You don't know me that well. Nor will you ever know me. And also okay you can feel bad. I really don't care anymore. Yes I understood that but the part that decided our relationship was the fact you kept demeaning me. "All truth is meaningless. In the end, 'meaning' comes from the mind of each individual human. Even when there is a single truth, it can mean different things to different individuals. The truth has no meaning in itself!" There is no absolute truth you are having trouble understanding. Yea IN your opinion Im a lost cause but you know what I don't care anymore. I already told you were admirable to helping people like you. But I do not condone your tactics. Ever think we both might want to help people but we go about it differently? I am sure the thought never crossed your mind. The second you knew I was cis. You decided to have biased assumptions about me. Your morality is not everyone else's. Nor is mine to you.

tamore ^ So if you don't wanna hurt people you'll follow the article? Good, all my dreams have come true.

BlindBandit92 ^No I won't hurt people but in my own way. Not the way you have enforced. I do believe I told you several times. And I do believe I told you I'd respect non-binary BUT I WILL NOT follow this article to a T because I simply dislike your conduct,opinions and multitude of aspects of which I have told you before. if a non-binary asks me nicely I will try my best to comply with using right pronouns but I disagree with a large portion of your article. So ya i am definitely cissexist. Because alot of cissexist believe non-binary is a valid aspect. And alot of cissexists are willing to even bother to think about trans rights or opinions. Yup surely I am a bad person for thinking such things. NO I am not an angel but neither are you.

tamore ^ Sorry, thought maybe you changed your mind and were willing to work with me because you said you didn't want to hurt people.... tbh half of that paragraph is so muddled I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say, but I'm glad you're making an effort even if you won't go the full distance. *shrugs* Better than some, worse than others. Whatever, buddy, whatever.

BlindBandit92 ^It's the same thing I have said for a long damn time. BUT you didn't see it because you felt like arguing with me and insulting me and throwing me under the bus for every single thing I wrote. Stop condescending people and you find they'd cooperate better. There are tons of different ways to do the same thing. It is not just your way or the highway. THAT was my point from the beginning. Also I don't really care if you're glad or whatever emotion you decide to exhibit. It is whatever. Almost your entire opinion is whatever indeed. I will follow my path not yours.

tamore ^ "There are tons of different ways" but to be the best ally you can you have to do all of them. You can't pick and choose how you want to be "tolerant." THAT was my point from the beginning.

zanhar1 @Zeppie [i]My popcorn bowl is empty, perhaps it needs a refill.[/i] :'D That was beautiful. Idk why I'm still here. I guess as a final comment maybe it's best to just agree to disagree? I mean why keep something going for two days?

tamore ^ Aren't we well past the namecalling point in the argument rn what are you trying to accomplish here

zanhar1 I think we are. Hence why I edited the comment because I realized I kind of sounded like a douche. Sorry ya read it before I edited it. >.>

BlindBandit92 @tamore. And thus we have both established that both points are invalid to the other. Haven't we not? To be quite honest I am sure I can be a friend and ally to other non-binaries rather than someone as hateful as yourself.

tamore ^ Anger isn't the same as hate. I don't hate anyone; I'm pissed off that no one listens. But again, you're getting us off topic. I guess Zan was wrong about being past namecalling. Look, I'm not speaking just for myself and to be an ally you can't pick and choose what you want to agree with. Disagreeing with me on this point is disagreeing with tons of other nonbinary kids - note the fact that the idea to write this article stemmed from a tumblr post with thousands of notes, not my own head. There are other nonbinary people who agree that this is something you have to do to fight casual cissexism. I don't want any part of this to be about me; I want it to be about the issues. I want it to be about protecting other people who are tired of a cissexist society that makes it hard for them to exist. And I know you're not going to listen. I know you're going to keep saying what you're saying while calling yourself an ally. But just TRY to think about this article when you say this stuff in casual conversation. Just TRY to think about the implications of your words. That's literally all I'm asking. For the sake of all those nb kids who agree, just TRY.

Riku114 *watching the number of comments rack up* So cant wait to get to read this. Im going to need some popcorn so I should make a stop by the shop for a bit XD

Riku114 Honestly, after reading though this, I have to agree with Blind here as well and I understand Tamore's point as an asexual genderfluid (a type of genderqueer). I understand all of it that you are getting at, but as long as someone can recognize the fact that there ARE more genders than girl and boy and more sexes than male and female as well as use requested pronouns, I find that plenty of enough. Its not like hes planning to go bully and torture some genderqueer person for being genderqueer. I honestly think this is being made into too much of a deal. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and you guys shouldnt really be arguing over something like this. There is a lot of shit that comes to people with odd sexualities, sexes, and genders and yes its irritating, but there isnt really much of a point to trying to make someone bow down and join the army of people fighting against it. As long as he isnt trying to hurt anyone, which he isnt, then its fine. Honestly, shoving ideas like this is actually rather ineffective and while I dont hold anything against you, I think you are being a bit over reactive and irrational. It will end up bringing a bad title with the name 'genderqueer'. People will start associating it with something similar to what the super feminist are like. Besides, its not like his comment was "I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT OTHER GENDERS EXIST". They were in fact middle ground. And may he take the girl/boy/female/male as default or not, I still dont see why it matters...... And to counter the rights, excluding same sex marriage and a few others, its not like we are highly discriminated against. We still have the right to speak, press, arms, vote, etc. I dont really think 'rights' is the proper word to use here. Well thats what I have to say for now. I need to get going to my next class.

BlindBandit92 @tamore. You never tried to look from my viewpoint so I politely refuse to dig further into yours. And oh really? It sure looked like alot of hate was being sent in quite a few directions. I have already thought about said viewpoint and I disagree. And disagreeing with me is also disagreeing with alot of people as well. I hold no ill will against non-binaries but I disagree in how such things should be conducted. Which I have said. I won't lie. I still hold alot of animosity towards you and that came out. My apologies. I should honestly try to refrain myself.

BlindBandit92 @tamore if I wasn't willing to listen to your opinions in the beginning. I wouldn't have even bothered to read this article and I would have been immature about it. Saying stuff like TL:DR. If I did that I would understand the anger. Having a debate means both parties listen to both viewpoints. Not one strongarms the other into their belief system. You have never once tried to understand my thinking. All you saw that it was wrong and nothing more. You can do that but don't be surprised if I don't listen to you.

x-Yumi-x3 I didn't read every comment but from what I've read I also agree with blind. I was gonna compare it to color as well. 👌

poulamikundu just like,Riku114 i read the article just after being surprised by the no. of comments other wise...the title didn't excite me...........nor i'm excited now after reading it but ......i brave step , i must say!

TwilightToStay Cool, where's the non-binary club? Seriously, where???