Hello, everyone, and happy Halloween. And tonight, we have a very special movie. Or a really bad one. I usually write these intros before I start the film, but that’s not the point. I know that The Fly wasn’t even up for a while, but I just couldn’t wait to talk about this film. So consider this a double feature, to celebrate the Halloween season. A friend of mine told me about this movie, and that the best way to describe it was “The Goonies for horror fans”. And I love The Goonies, so, for the final movie of Cultober, let’s take a look at 1987’s Monster Squad.



Not even passed the opening credits, and this movie establishes itself as a humorous film as well as a love letter to old horror films. The gothic setting, the hard red font of old Hammer films, the terrible looking bat puppets, it really gives off a classic Hammer film vibe and I love it. But what’s the plot? It starts with Van Helsing attempting to seal Dracula away, but fails, only stopping him temporarily. Then, fast forward to the 80s, where a group of five friends that form a club all about monsters. Little do they know that Dracula is searching for an amulet that keeps all monsters at bay, and plans to destroy it to throw the world into darkness, and gets the help of Wolf Man, Gill-Man, The Mummy, and Frankenstein’s Monster. So the kids from the Monster Squad and do what they can to fight the monsters back. And while this is a PG-13 film, let’s be honest, that didn’t stop kids back then. And this was a movie I’d never get to watch back in the day.
These kids are the hardcore ones. Shouting all sorts of bad language like shit and bitch, and even the F word. And not fuck. The OTHER F word. You know the one. And you got Dracula calling a five year old a bitch as he’s ready to kill her. And that doesn’t even talk about all the gore in this film, like how a the wolfman is blown up by a stick of dynamite and his body is thrown all over the place in a gory mess or how the Gillman is shot in the chest. There’s some hardcore scenes in this movie. The Goonies may have had a couple of swear words and a skeleton, but nothing like this. And if you are a fan of the real classic horror, getting a real understanding of the monsters, then this is really amazing.
This film isn’t based on horror films, but rather, horror literature. And if your a true horror fan, you’ll be able to get every reference to classic monster literature. They call the Frankenstein’s Monster the Frankenstein’s Monster, not Frankenstein. Okay, that’s obvious, but there are other ones. Like how Dracula is able to float without the need to turn into a bat, or my favorite one, how the Wolf Man is able to regenerate wounds that aren’t caused by a silver bullet. Everyone fails to remember that and it’s something that always bothers me. There are some unnecessary scenes, I will say, like telling us the old man character was in a concentration camp. I mean, that’s sad, but it doesn’t really do anything else for the movie, but it doesn’t drag it out into being a main focus of his character. And the older sister character is really there to just… exist. Kind of pointless, really. He’s just a friendly German guy that the kids misunderstand at first, and helps the kids out in the fight at the end.
Speaking of which, the duel between the monsters and the kids is a lot of fun. No punches are held, no violence is held back, these kids go far to fight these monsters. Stabbing, shooting them with a shotgun, blowing them up with explosives, these monsters get fucked. I think the monsters only kill a few people in the movie, but barely touch these kids. Even the Frankenstein’s Monster impales Dracula on a fence. Oh, and three innocent school girls that Dracula possessed. Do they get turned back to normal? No. They die just like the rest of the monsters. It’s pretty brutal. This film really doesn’t pull any punches with it’s violence. Did no one think of the children. I mean, it’s a PG-13 movie, so no.
Finally, let’s talk about the horror of this film, and there is a surprising amount of it. The setting of the old church Dracula uses as a hideout, the Wolf Man begging the police to lock him up, the Mummy hiding in the kids closet, being dead quiet as it watches him, and just a even a throwback to the scene of The Frankenstein Monster talking to the little girl from the novel, thankfully not ending with a dead child this time. It’s not exactly the scariest film out there, but man, this film knows how to be subtle and work with it. And it’s a movie about a bunch of 80s kids fighting monsters. It’s no Lost Boys, but it’s really good…. Actually, this film is a lot like Lost Boys. Except, instead of a group of vampires, it’s one vampire and a werewolf and a sea monster and a mummy and a walking mass of corpses.
The Monster Squad is awesome. It’s got the right amount of 80s cheese, the right amount of horror and the perfect use of classic horror literature to please classic horror fans, new horror fans, and even some kids, if you don’t mind the occasional swearing and dismemberment. This is a classic film for any Halloween marathon. If you plan on watching one film, let it be this… Or any of the good films I’ve reviewed. This has been an enjoyable Cultober. We had some good films… Some bad ones too, but mostly good ones. Will I do this again next year…. Maybe. With that all said, I wish you all a Happy Halloween and a good night