Today is supposted to be about thinking about the good in your life and looking back at the great times not the pain or hurt but some people are treating this day wrong...
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i just want to get away from food
binge free october was a fail because hi i binged. i do not purge anymore so “cool?” i guess?
i can’t eat food or else i’ll go ham on it all. only my safe foods i can eat aka a banana, an apple, spinach, diet coke, tea, coffee, and oatmeal.
no more wheat bagels
no more cereal
no more pizza
no more nothing.
You know what? I just don’t fucking care anymore. I really don’t. I hate school, I have anxiety, I have trust issues again, I throw all of that into food so I can eat it all fucking up. No fucking more. I want to be skinny and it’s going to fucking happen. I do not fucking care anymore on how I do it. I really don’t. I’m taking laxatives tonight to debloat myself, and stick to my no binging for the rest of october. i will keep working out with weights to get toned and running everyday. fuck being fat. fuck it fuck it fuck it. my one friend lost 40lbs and she’s perfect. I can do the fucking same.
I don’t have a first aid kit. So if I go too far, thats it.
Probably being kicked out of school. I’m so fucking mad, this is the fourth school in a year. I’m going to cut until I fall asleep or pass out. Fuck my life, its over. Bye.
trying to get new blades our of a razor,
sliced my thumb SO badly.
it won’t stop bleeding.
I’m going to cut. I’m done.
Wish I could find a clean razor right now. I wish so badly that I could just slice my fucking wrists open right now. I’m going insane.
Do you know..
How hard it is to pretend everything’s okay?
How difficult it is to smile?
How I force myself to put down the razor because I can’t let anyone find out?
How everyday I hide my thoughts, my ugly thoughts about death or how much I hate myself?
How everyday I wake up, so disappointed I’m still alive. When all you want to do is die, leave this shitty body and float away where I can’t bother anyone anymore.
Do you?..
Holding my blade….
Staring at my blade….
Why would people do that on a day like this...
Tumblr....
i just want to get away from food
binge free october was a fail because hi i binged. i do not purge anymore so “cool?” i guess?
i can’t eat food or else i’ll go ham on it all. only my safe foods i can eat aka a banana, an apple, spinach, diet coke, tea, coffee, and oatmeal.
no more wheat bagels
no more cereal
no more pizza
no more nothing.
You know what? I just don’t fucking care anymore. I really don’t. I hate school, I have anxiety, I have trust issues again, I throw all of that into food so I can eat it all fucking up. No fucking more. I want to be skinny and it’s going to fucking happen. I do not fucking care anymore on how I do it. I really don’t. I’m taking laxatives tonight to debloat myself, and stick to my no binging for the rest of october. i will keep working out with weights to get toned and running everyday. fuck being fat. fuck it fuck it fuck it. my one friend lost 40lbs and she’s perfect. I can do the fucking same.
I don’t have a first aid kit. So if I go too far, thats it.
Probably being kicked out of school. I’m so fucking mad, this is the fourth school in a year. I’m going to cut until I fall asleep or pass out. Fuck my life, its over. Bye.
trying to get new blades our of a razor,
sliced my thumb SO badly.
it won’t stop bleeding.
I’m going to cut. I’m done.
Wish I could find a clean razor right now. I wish so badly that I could just slice my fucking wrists open right now. I’m going insane.
Do you know..
How hard it is to pretend everything’s okay?
How difficult it is to smile?
How I force myself to put down the razor because I can’t let anyone find out?
How everyday I hide my thoughts, my ugly thoughts about death or how much I hate myself?
How everyday I wake up, so disappointed I’m still alive. When all you want to do is die, leave this shitty body and float away where I can’t bother anyone anymore.
Do you?..
Holding my blade….
Staring at my blade….
Why would people do that on a day like this...
It was a little thing
Such a little thing
And it begged me not to tell
So I took it by the hand
And it led me to hell
With almond eyes
Such startled eyes
It said it wouldn't hurt
So I sandalled down the desperate stairs
Slipping on ancient dirt
With coos and yelps
And triumphant smile
It posted me a letter
And here I am as sick as the dead
With no hope of getting better
It was a little thing
Such a little thing
And it begged me not to tell
So I took it by the hand
And it led me to hell...
I don't claim this poem as my own, but I will put up some of my poems I wrote l8er
Such a little thing
And it begged me not to tell
So I took it by the hand
And it led me to hell
With almond eyes
Such startled eyes
It said it wouldn't hurt
So I sandalled down the desperate stairs
Slipping on ancient dirt
With coos and yelps
And triumphant smile
It posted me a letter
And here I am as sick as the dead
With no hope of getting better
It was a little thing
Such a little thing
And it begged me not to tell
So I took it by the hand
And it led me to hell...
I don't claim this poem as my own, but I will put up some of my poems I wrote l8er
