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posted by Windwakerguy430
This is a game that me and my two brothers loved back in the day. It was a game we first found in our local dollar store… Yes, it was that obscure. And worse of all, it wasn’t even in the front row. It was hidden behind a copy of Attack of the Movies 3D (And don’t worry, I’ll get to that game another time). We ended up buying three copies of this game. The first from the dollar store, another from the bargain bin at a Wal-Mart, and I bought my copy online for six bucks. Needless to say, this game was cheap as hell, despite that it deserved much more love than that. And that game is known as Brutal Legend.



~Plot~

Brutal Legend is a game made by the one Tim Schafer, who was once very well respected, until the whole sock puppet thing happened. But before that, he was known for making other underrated classics like Psychonauts and Grim Fandango (I may get to those games one day too). So naturally, Brutal Legend would also fall into obscurity despite how good the game truly was. Brutal Legend follows Jack Black- I mean, Eddie Riggs. A metal roadie who happened to look and is voiced by Jack Black. He misses the good old days of metal and, after dying from a fatal stage accident, his blood enters his belt buckle, which turns out to be an amulet to the Metal Beast Ormagoden, a creature that is awoken from Eddie’s blood and transports him to the world of metal. Here, Eddie gets caught up in a massive war between the rebellious humans against many armies, including the glam metal themed army lead by the human minion General Lionwhyte, the goth metal themed undead army, Drowning Doom, and the death metal themed demons lead by the main antagonist of the game, the Tainted Coil. Eddie begins to help in the rebellion, later naming the army Ironheade (And yes, the “e” at the end was intentional), and soon begins to form an army of Headbangers, Healers, Bouncers, Groupies, Fire Barons, fire-breathing jungle cats, and more. It gets pretty crazy, but I love it so much.



~Gameplay~

As I said before, Brutal Legend takes place in a world that is completely metal. From large stone monuments of swords and guitars, to entire jungles filled with skulls and crazy monsters, to some of the best foggy environments I’ve seen in a game, all of the environments, from what I’ve read, are all inspired and based off of metal album covers of famous metal bands. And I believe it. The world has a lot for you to explore… At first, but we’ll get to that soon. There are lots of enemies you can run into. From the glamorous soldiers of Lionwhyte, to the undead Drowning Doom, to the demons of the Tainted Coil, to even the wildlife of the game. You have your typical friendly creatures like the large porcupines to the deer, but then you got giant bear-like creatures with metal faces, woolly mammoths with massive tusks, panthers with laser-eyes, and even giant living guillotines. Those last ones may be my favorite. There’s a lot to find in the open world. You can find and open shops where you will meet eh Guardian of Metal, this games merchant, who will sell you upgrades on your weapons, your car, and new skills. It also helps that he is voiced by Ozzy Osbourne. You can find new songs for the radio, even some by Tenacious D. You can find binoculars that let you get some sight seeing, legends that help you understand the lore of Brutal Legend, bound dragons that you can free for extra points, and jumps that you can make with your car. There’s also some side quests that you can do. But soon, you’ll realize that all of these sidequests are the same. Their fun, but they get old. Having to do the same “Defend this spot” or “Race this guy” or “Point a cannon at this enemy” gets old after a while, and hearing the same recycled dialogue doesn’t help. Thankfully, there are some unique side quests later on that help change things up a little. As I said before, the world is fun to explore… At first. After a while, once you’ve collected everything, there isn’t much left to explore, and not a whole lot to motivate you to continue. It suffers from an environment that isn’t very interactive, and aside from a few allies and random enemy encounters, it’s pretty barren, and all you can do is drive around and listen to the game’s metal playlist. It’s definitely not going to be a game that you will be exploring a lot.



Now, you may have noticed in my previous paragraph that I said that you can upgrade weapons and cars. And yes you can, as fighting is a major part of the game. Your first weapon in the game is the axe, The Separator. The Separator is a powerful axe that can be upgraded to fire electricity, set enemies on fire, drain their blood to heal you, or get stronger as you attack enemies. Another weapon you will use is Eddie’s signature guitar, Clementine. The guitar is powerful enough to send shockwaves and electrocute enemies, but when you play a well-timed guitar solo, you can perform many different things, like melt the faces of the enemies, befriend wildlife of any kind, or send a giant fucking flaming zeppelin to crash into your enemies. But the one you will most likely be using a lot is summoning your car, The Deuce. The Deuce will be the best way for you to get around in this game. It can be upgraded to have better armor, as well as have weapons such as machine guns and lighting, or side flames and mines. It’s easy to say that you have quite an arsenal of weapons. It’s good to have the Deuce on hand when you are fighting enemies by car, and it really does help out a lot in many situations. But you think this game was going to be a hack and slash game? No… You are wrong. When you look at the box, do you really think it’s going to be that? Maybe, but I assure you, you are wrong. This is what the game really is all about.



Brutal Legend is actually a game where you must participate in Stage Battles. Stage Battles is where, when you fight major enemies and armies in the game, your goal is to defend your stage to the best of your abilities while you try to attack the enemies and destroy it… That’s right. Brutal Legend is actually a real time strategy game. Yeah, I was just as shocked as you when I saw it. But, really, it’s actually a lot of fun. Sure, it comes out of nowhere, but it is actually one of the most fun parts of the game. Like I said, you must use your army to defend the stage while attacking the stage. But you also need to collect Fans. Fans are these green spirits that rests within these geysers. To take the fans for yourself, you must use Eddie to perform a guitar solo, where a Merch Booth will surround the geyser and the Fans will head to your stage. The more Fans you have, the more easier it will be to purchase more allies for the battlefield. But be careful, because the enemy can create Merch Booths as well, and not only can they make their own Merch Booths, but they can also destroy your Merch Booth. So, you need to defend your Merch Booths, while you attempt to destroy their Merch Booths and build your own where the enemy’s Merch Booth just was. It gets very tense, especially in later parts of the game, where the stage can really be a problem, and can really be a big problem when the opposing armies leader comes into the fight. He can mess up your team and you, but if you have the right members, you can mess him up. But he can do the same to you. But don’t worry too much, as dying on the battlefield doesn’t give you an automatic game over. It just sends you back to your stage. Losing the stage, however, does result in a game over. So you really need to plan out your attacks, especially on harder difficulties. The stage can add either laser towers, which are bullshit, or fog, that makes things harder to see…. But not by much, really. It gets to be a lot of fun, and is definitely something that I can enjoy. And this is coming from someone who hasn’t played many real time strategy games, the only other one I’ve ever played being…. LEGO Battles (And that is another game I will be reviewing one day).



~Ending~

~SPOILERS AHEAD~

So, after taking out Lionwhyte, killing off most of the Drowning Doom, finding that one of the Ironheade members, Ophelia, was leading the Drowning Doom, and making it to the final battle against the Tainted Coil… This is definitely one of the hardest fights in the game. The Tainted Coil can swarm your teammates in a matter of seconds while you attempt to destroy the living house that the main villain, Doviculus (Voiced by Tim Curry, I might add) has brought to life. You need to weaken the house (TWICE), then use the Deuce to drive up a ramp and smash into the house, before you can go in and fight Doviculus himself. Before the fight, Eddie is told by Doviculus that Ophelia is not the demon witch, Succoria- Okay, history time, Succoria was a demon witch who was even more evil than Doviculus, and had planned on killing the humans. However, she soon noticed that humans, with the help of Eddie’s father, Riggnarok, who also came to this world, had soon overpowered the demons, and she soon fell into a deep depression and hid away from the world. Riggnarok was tasked with killing Succoria, but soon took pity on her and the two fell in love and soon had a child, that child being Eddie, who was sent to the real world to avoid the world such as this. So, Eddie is the true descendent of Succoria that Doviculus was searching for. Did you get all that? Good…. And then Doviculus rips out Ophelia’s heart. Yeah, that should help add an extra layer of “What” to this “What” cake. So, after that information bomb, Eddie and Doviculus engage in the final battle… And boy is it intense. It isn’t going to be on anyone’s greatest final bosses list, but it’s pretty good. You need to use both melee attacks as well as using the guitar to attack Doviculus, while attacking his minions and avoiding the hazards, like the Bleeding Deaths that are right outside the building trying to swat at you. After you defeat Doviculus, Eddie proceeds to decapitate him, finally killing him. He then jumps into the Black Sea, a major plot point in the game- Do I have to fucking explain everything!?- where he finds the real Ophelia… Yeah, I don’t get it either. He saves her, they get together, and everyone ends up happy. However, after all this, Eddie isn’t seen as the hero. My brothers were pretty pissed that he didn’t get the hero status he deserves, but they just didn’t get it. Eddie wants this. He’s a roadie, after all. His job, as he stated, is to make others look good while he stays out of the spotlight, and that’s just what he does. A pretty good ending, if you ask me…. A pretty damn good game, if you ask me.



~Legacy~

Brutal Legend was a game that received incredibly acclaim and had a cult following soon after it released… The problem comes from the fact that the marketing for this game was practically non-existent. Most of the marketing was “Jack Black would be in it” and not much else. There was some gameplay of the game, but then you remember that some people aren’t fans of real time strategy. And to think that an entire sequel was already planned… And then they remembered they were working with EA. They were told by EA that it was okay to make the sequel, but after seeing the sales, and after already having lots of time put into it, EA just kinda told them to stop. From what I was read, the world would have been bigger, had more monsters, a return of Doviculus, and even include the voice of Ronnie James Dio… Well, I guess that last one won’t happen, sadly. This choice nearly destroyed Double Fine, as they had almost went bankrupt due to spending all their time working on the sequel. Of course, this wouldn’t exactly be the first company EA forcefully ran into the ground like Hindenburg. But wait, there is still a glimmer of hope. Double Fine has been crowd-funding a sequel to Psychonauts, and Schafer has stated that, if this funding is successful, then maybe, JUST MAYBE, Brutal Legend may get that well deserved sequel.

~Verdict~

Brutal Legend was a game that had all the potential to be more than what it was. It had style, a unique story and world to interact with, amazing voice talent that you usually expect from a Schafer game, and some of the best real time strategy I’ve seen (Granted, the only real time strategy I’ve seen, but that’s beside the point). Brutal Legend may not be the perfect open world RTS game, but it one of the better ones that I’ve played… I mean, I haven’t played much that mix those two genres together, but hey, Brutal Legend makes me want to look into them. So, with that said, I give Brutal Legend the ranking of Hidden Gem.

Song (Start at 0:51): link

Sean: It's that time of the week again.
Hawkeye: Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories.
Karl: We have no host this time.
Kyle: But we do have something special for you.
Spike: We have featured all of the 12 Gran Turismo episodes this season, and now we will show the four best episodes of the show.
Captain Jefferson: From best to worst. Enjoy.

What to expect in this episode.

Tim: Those two keep getting away from us Captain. We need to expand our jurisdiction to Canterlot.
Captain Jefferson: Do you know how difficult that is?
Tim: I understand, but when the suspects get out...
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Song: link

Kevin: This is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! Who's faster?! Johnny Lightning, or Sean, the Amtrak F40PH?!
Johnny: *Revving his car's engine*
S.B: *Holding a flashlight. He shines it*
Sean: *Takes off with seven Amfleets in tow*
Johnny: *Quickly accelerates to 35 miles an hour*
Sean: Give me more power!! *Uncouples an Amfleet and goes up to 75 miles an hour*
Johnny: WHAT?!?!
Sean: *Crosses the finish line first*
Crowd: *Cheering*
Kevin: There you have it. A talking train can beat a car just by shouting while uncoupling one of his cars. Now let's watch The Legend Of Zelda: I Can't...
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September 9th

Hello. I’m David. My friends call me Dave or Davey. But, since I do not have friends, you may call me David. And I regret to inform that, by next year, I will die. Perhaps it is best if I start back from the beginning, from this morning. I had woken up in a daze, my head feeling funny. I gave it a scratch. It felt very satisfying. I had made my usual cup of coffee, black, no sugar or cream, along with my usual breakfast: Prescribed medication to make my brain all better. I had been taking this medication for a while now. I believe it was to help with my extreme seizures and violent...
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Hey, look, the disturbing stuff is back…… Goodey. Now, the list is the same as the first two. These have to be things that disturb me, and they have to be something that wasn’t on my original list. Now, with that said, lets start the list

#10: Birdo from Super Mario Bros - Now, there have been a few disturbing things in the Mario universe. Mostly in Super Paper Mario. But, lets go back to the first disturbing thing ever in a Mario game. Back in 1988, there was an enemy called Birdo, who would shoot eggs at you. Doesn’t sound too bad, until, you read the games instruction booklet, where...
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So I talked about this game back in my Corner of Horror review (A series I need to get back to since I haven’t review anything since Halloween), and I think I was a little too harsh on this game. So I want to give it another review, another shot, if you will, and let you know that I really do love this horror classic. So let’s stop talking about it and start talking about Condemned: Criminal Origins.
You play as one Ethan Thomas, a not to bright young investigator for the SCU who is tracking down a serial killer when he has a run in with Serial Killer X, a man who goes around murdering...
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posted by Windwakerguy430
So yeah, I guess this is going to be a yearly thing. Boy, 2017 was a great year, wasn’t it. The great Weinstein scandal where many Hollywood celebrities were found out to be big pieces of shit, huge race riots in Charlottesville that resulted in the death of an innocent bystander, nuclear war between America and North Korea more closer than ever before, everyone on Youtube that wasn’t a celebrity or Jake Paul getting utterly fucked by the company, large mass shootings resulting in the highest shootings in U.S. history took place in just one year, and the complete and utter nuterization...
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Song: link

Ian: *Listening to the music* What are we in a Western now?
Kevin: *Dressed as a cowboy, while riding a horse* This is my Halloween Costume.
Ian: Ah. Well at least I'm the host tonight. Here's tonight's lineup.

Con Mane: The Mare With The Golden Gun
Overwatch Parody: Nightmare Before Christmas

Liam: *Dressed as an Indian, running after Kevin* Wait for me Kevin!
Ian: Let's start the show before more cowboys, or Indians arrive.

Let's begin on a tropical island 8 miles from Hong Kong.

Hattan: *sunbathing* Sneak Peak, can you check the main entrance?
S.P: Right away Ms. Scaramanga.
business pony:...
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About a year ago, when I was still new to living in Oxford, I had this bus driver. She was basically the female equivalent to the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket… or basically, my mother, except, instead of some of the time, she was all the time. However, other than the fact that she really liked to yell at kids, she was always absent a lot. Every time she wouldn’t come to work, she would send her substitute, who was this very friendly elderly man. Shame the kids on the bus didn’t respect him though. So, one day, while I was waiting at the bus stop, and this time, I was with my...
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Song: link

Johnny: *Yawning as he stretches his arms* We're starting already? It's not 8 PM.
S.B: I'm going on vacation! *Walking away with two suitcases*
Ian: *Stops next to Johnny*
Johnny: He's not the creator of the show, is he?
Ian: He does have the initials, S.B.
Johnny: Yes, and he also looks exactly like me.
Ian: ...right. Hello everyone, I'm Ian from Trainz, and I'm hosting Sean's Spectacular Saturday of Stories. Good morning, and let's get started. Here's our lineup.

8 AM

Goldhoof

8:30 AM

Gran Turismo - Bak2Bak

This is another story with Con Mane in it. Right now he is planting explosives in a...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


So it is no surprise to anyone that my favorite horror game of all time Silent Hill 2. It’s been that way and it’ll continue to be that way for a long time. But with it’s awkward gameplay and acting, can I really put such a game in my top ten favorite games ever? The answer is yes, and I just did.
Silent Hill 2 follows James Sunderland, an awkward man who arrives to the town of Silent Hill after he receives a letter from his dead wife, Mary. He meets all sorts of other characters there, like Angela, Eddie, and Laura, and a mysterious woman named Maria, and has to get through the...
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Song: link

Two officers were standing next to a fire by the Tie Interceptor.

John: That could give us extra trouble. We'll have to take care of the pilot.
Morris: I'll take care of him. *Walks downstairs, and passes them, heading towards a radio room*

Skip the song to 1:08

When Morris walked in, the room looked empty, but he wasn't so sure.

Morris: *Pulls out his silenced blaster, and looks in front of him*

Out of Morris' view to his right behind a wall, the radio operator was making himself a cup of coffee.

Morris: Hello.
Radio Operator: *Walks in front of Morris*
Morris: *Fires his blaster*...
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Song (Start at 2:38): link

Johnny: *Fighting a guy in a green hoodie* And who are you supposed to be?!
Guy: I am WindWakerGuy430, and I'm jealous! Your success will be mine!
Johnny: Not if I have anything to say about it! *Grabs a remote, and hits the play button* Enjoy Six Shooters 5 everyone!
Guy: No! Now the screen will turn black and I'll fade away!

The screen turns black as the fan fiction begins.

Song: link

Johnny: Whoa. It actually worked. See you next Saturday.

Cape May, 1971

SeanTheHedgehog Presents

A WindWakerGuy430 Fan Fiction

Six Shooters 5

Starring SeanTheHedgehog as Alan Martinez
WindWakerGuy430...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


Hey, did you guys know I like No More Heroes!? Crazy fact, huh?! Anyway, let’s talk about it for the twentieth fucking time why I love No More Heroes!
No More Heroes follows the tale of a young man named Travis Touchdown, a huge nerd with an figure collection, masterbates to porn all day, and spent all his rent money on a Beam Katana in an online auction. So, in need of money and some sex, Travis takes part in the United Assassin’s Association’s ranked fights in the hopes of becoming number one and getting laid. So, off he goes on a killing spree to take out the ten highest ranked...
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Song: link

Sonic: *Enjoying the music*
Dave: Isn't this from one of your games?
Sonic: Yeah.
Dave: It's very catchy.
Mily: I'm just glad no one's fighting for once. Normally that happens when I'm the hostess.
Dave: You must be very popular. This is your 4th time now.
Mily: Yep. *Giggles* We got a Trainz trio on our way for you right now.

Theme Song: link

Welcome to a place called The Island Of Errol. A place that is run by five railroads. It has hundreds of engines, and lots of trains in the four towns, Mossberg, Hunterdon, Zorrin, and Eastwood.

This is the story of trainz.

Episode 31: Highball

Narrator:...
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Song: link

Johnny: Now that the race has been cancelled, we have to wait two weeks.
Mabel: Why so long?
Johnny: The first two Saturdays we're taking off, because of Labor Day.
Mabel: Oh, well in that case, let's wrap up our show so we can go on vacation sooner.

Girls: *Playing Rock & Roll music* Anata No Tenkei-Tekina Anime!! Anata No Tenkei-Tekina Anime!! Which is Japanese for, which is Japanese for... *Drum solo* Your Typical Anime. *Guitar solo* Your Typical Anime. *Guitar solo* Your Typical Anime!

Episode 6: You Smell Like Shit

Alinah was walking through town, eating a burrito.

Alinah: *Farts*...
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Set of hands, who here remembers Road Rash? It was a fun little arcade game where the goal was to race as a motorbike racer against other motorcycle racers to win races and get prize money. You also beat the shit out of your opponents with chains and bats while running over pedestrians and taking out cops. It was insane. Some games have tried to bring that style back, and one of those games was Road Rage. Developed by Team 6 Studios, this little indie game from 2017 was regarded as one of the worst games out there, as recently as 2017. We’re still getting broken trash games that can contend...
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posted by Windwakerguy430


Finally! After ten years, I was finally able to beat this game. It took ten years to get through the entire game, but I did it. So yeah, my personal problems aside, Final Fantasy VII is still a good game.
Final Fantasy VII follows Cloud Strife pre-Advent Children emo phase as he joins the rebellious group known as AVALANCHE to stop Shinra from draining the earth of Mako energy that keeps it alive. But this soon turns into something more as they get involved with mama’s boy Sephiroth who wants to gain the earth’s energy to gain the power of a god and destroy the earth for… raisins....
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added by Seanthehedgehog
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You all thought Sonic 06 was the worst Sonic related thing. People, that is pretty much Ocarina of Time compared to this butchering of video game characters. It's known as What's the Story Morning Glory.
First off, the dumbest name for a fanfic ever. Secondly, this is another sex fanfic. Not just sex, but rape. Fan-fucking-tastic
This... Thing starts with Tails saying how the whole town thinks he's gay. It causes people to mock him, causes him to lose his job, and causes his friends to hate him. What is all of Mobius homophobic or some shit. Anyway, Tails finds out that the one who started the...
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